A Life Less Broken (15 page)

Not living?

I lift my
head and see her staring hopefully at me. She’s made her very valid point and it’s
forced me to re-evaluate myself.

“You want me
to forget what
they
did?  To pretend it didn’t happen? To act as if it
won’t happen again?” I ask her. But she’s quiet. “I can’t forget. I’ll never be
able to.” I look out the window and see the blue jay sitting on the window sill.

“No, don’t forget.
Don’t pretend. Just start living. For you, for me, and for all those who love
you,” she whispers quietly.

At that very
moment, the blue jay spreads his wings and takes a leap of faith, confident his
wings will carry him.

“Allyn,”
Dominic gently calls to me.

I stand and
turn to look at him. For the first time in three years, I feel almost free.

“Are you
alright? You’ve been in here for over an hour.”

Without
concern, I run into his arms and snuggle against his chest as he holds me close
in his warmth.

“I’m better
than alright,” I say as I smile against his chest.

I open my
mind, and resolve that I too will take a leap of faith and let my wings carry
me to freedom.

Dominic and
I sit on the sofa as he flicks through the channels looking for a movie that we
both want to watch.

He stops on
a wrestling tournament and I roll my eyes. What is with men and wrestling?

Looking away,
I try to hide my scorn, but when Dominic turns his head I fake a yawn and look
away.

“Is this
boring you?” he asks.

“Hmmm, looks
like you may be the new Sherlock Holmes,” I tease with a smile.

“Did you
just huff at me?” He moves a little closer to me on the lounge.

“Not
entirely, what I did was roll my eyes at you and yawn, not huff. Two entirely
different things, Dr. Shriver.”

I chance a
look at him and he’s gaping at me with an eyebrow lifted, though he definitely
sees the humor because the corners of his lips are lifted.

“And you
just called me Dr. Shriver, I thought I told you that it makes me sound like a
pompous old ass.”

“Well you
are
turning thirty-nine in three days’ time. All I’m saying is that if the title
fits...” I look away trying my hardest to conceal the giggle that’s bursting to
escape.

Dominic
scoots over so he’s now sitting way too close to me. There’s a menacing twinkle
in his eyes. I have a feeling tumbling around deep inside of me that he’s about
to tickle me.

With snake-like
speed his hand darts out, wraps it around my upper arm and pulls me to him.
There’s only one spot I’m ticklish, and that’s the soles of my feet. If I can
keep them firmly planted on the ground, there’s no way he’ll be able to figure
it out.

He digs his
fingers into my waist and tries to tickle me.

“Really? You
think I’m ticklish?” I try to deny the truth, praying that he doesn’t go for my
feet.

“Aren’t you?
You’ve gotta be ticklish under your arms.”

I lift my
arms over my head and give him a daring look.

“Huh, under
your chin?” he asks as he tries tickling me there.

I giggle to
try and throw him off track, but his eyes narrow and a huge grin lights up his
face.

Oh no, I
think I’m in trouble.

He grabs my
calf and lifts my foot in one smooth action and starts tickling the sole of my
foot with feather-light touches.

I’m
wriggling maniacally on the sofa, trying my hardest to get away from him, but
at the same time I’m laughing so hard that I can’t catch my breath.

“St…” I try
and tell him to stop but he’s now got both my feet in his one big hand and is
concentrating on tickling them.

“St…” I
breathe between gales of laughter.

Dominic’s
kneeling on the floor in front of me and leans down. He bites the edge of my
foot, not hard, but with enough pressure to cause me to gulp and instantly stop
laughing.

Dominic
looks up at me and his fun, carefree nature is now gone, replaced by a heated
blaze deep within his eyes.

He brings my
foot to his face and kisses the arch, then does the same with my other foot.

A warm
turbulence starts building within me, a need that I’ve not felt for three
years.

Dominic
slides his hands up my calves with pleasing pressure. He tightens his grip like
he’s giving me a massage. His mouth skims up my left leg, just giving me small,
arousing nips from my ankle to my knee.

He stops at
the knee and nibbles softly, laving me with his wet, raspy tongue before taking
skin in his mouth and gently pulling it between his teeth.

I close my
eyes, rest my head on the giant, fluffy pillow behind me, and allow myself to
feel how beautiful this moment is.

Dominic
moves his mouth and his hands to mid-thigh and slowly inches a little further
up.

My body
stiffens beneath his touch and Dominic moves his mouth away from me but keeps
his hands on my thighs.

“Nothing has
to happen,” he reassures me with his words.

I sit up so
I can see him, and give him a small, wan smile. “I want to try, but I’m not
sure how far I’ll be able to take this. I don’t want to disappoint you again.”

“We’ll only
go as far as you’re comfortable. Tell me to stop, and I will,” he says as he
continues to stare into my eyes and stroke my thighs.

I’m
captivated by his stunning face, his square jawline, his slightly crooked nose,
and his deep, dark brown eyes, I want this. I want to accept his body and
complete our union.

But I can’t
push myself to a point where I’ll revert to the recluse I was a few short
months ago.

Still, I
want to try.

Dominic’s
relentless mouth slowly lowers to my thigh. I watch him lay kiss upon kiss on
me as he slowly moves up my leg. My legs spread wider to accommodate his body
and he pushes my skirt to the top of my thighs.

“Is this
okay, sweetheart?” There’s an ardent undertone in his voice, and scorching heat
is emanating from his hands as they gently creep toward my covered sex.

“Yes,” I sigh,
struggling to breathe through a salacious need.

His fingers gently
stroke me through my panties. My body tightens, then relaxes as I continue to
stare in Dominic’s eyes. He slides his hand under the material and carefully
inserts a finger into me, testing me to make sure I’m alright with this, giving
me time to adjust.

Not once
does he look away from my eyes, and his searing gaze holds me connected to him.
He twirls the finger inside me and slowly adds a second, stretching me as he
moves them in and out slowly, then more quickly. He scissors his fingers and
the action causes me to wince, but the pain lasts for no more than a few seconds
before it morphs into pleasure, overtaking my entire body.

Hunger rises
from deep within me, and my hips start rolling as Dominic continues to move his
fingers in and out, up then down, deep inside then right to the edge of my sex. 
His thumb moves to circle over my clit, and suddenly, I’m right on the edge.

My breath
becomes labored and my eyes close so I can concentrate on this exquisite,
bubbling feeling that’s taking my body hostage.

Without
warning, Dominic speeds up and my body flings off the sofa as a harsh cry of
pleasure rips from my throat.

My heart’s
racing as unparalleled satisfaction soaks into of every part of my body.

Dominic’s
mouth silences my gasping breath as he sits beside me and pulls me to lean
against him.

“Thank you,”
I whisper as I move to straddle his legs.  I reach down and pull his t-shirt
over his head, not able to keep my hands from stroking his tight chest.

His arousal
is pressing against my sex and I move my hips a little to get more of him near
me.  Despite having just climaxed, the friction is tantalizing. I move my hands
to the button on his trousers.

“You don’t
have to,” he says as he covers my hands with his, stilling my movement.

“I want to. 
I want to try and give you pleasure.”

He exhales a
huge breath and nods just slightly as he removes his hand. I move off him, and
he takes his trousers and boxers off in one movement.

Wow, he’s
beautiful to look at.
Everywhere.

I tenderly wrap
my hand around his shaft, but my fingers don’t close around his girth. I slide
my hand up to the tip of his cock and just trace the slit with my index finger.

An
unrecognizable groan bursts past Dominic’s mouth. “Grip me a little harder,” he
says as he tightens his fingers around mine to show me the pressure that he
likes.

Moving up
and down the length of him, I maintain the grip he showed me. “Am I doing okay?
I’ve only ever done this once before. I’m sorry if I’m doing it wrong.”

“Sweetheart,
your touch is so wonderful. Grab my balls with your other hand and squeeze them
gently as you pull.”

I watch his
face to make sure I’m not hurting him, but he doesn’t look like he’s in pain.
Well,
not any sort of bad pain.

“A little
quicker on the strokes, and a little harder as you pull my balls,” he rasps
breathing heavily.

I follow his
commands and watch as his face is overtaken with pleasure. I know that feeling.
He gave it to me only a little while ago.

“I need you
to kiss me, but don’t stop what you’re doing with your hands.” His jaw is tense
and tight and he slightly bucks up into my hand. Leaning over, I kiss him.

And kiss
him.

And damn
well keep kissing him.

His touch is
fevered. His fingers are laced tightly in my hair, holding my lips to his. His
hips buck strongly in my hands.

With my
mouth dancing over his and our hearts beating wildly we find the perfect rhythm
to continue our ballet.

“Infinity,”
Dominic mumbles against my lips, his breathing heavy. “That’s how much I love
you.”

Dominic lets
out a low moan and I feel warm, sticky fluid hit my hand.

“I’m so
sorry,” he says as I pull away from his kiss to look down between us at the
milky white substance covering my hand and his stomach.

I suppress a
smile so he doesn’t feel bad. “It’s alright.”

He jumps up and
gives me his t-shirt, “Here, wipe it off with this,” he says, looking quite
embarrassed.

“Don’t be
silly.” I get up off the sofa and go to the bathroom to wash my hands.

When I get
back, Dominic’s dressed and sitting in the family room with the TV turned off,
looking quite contrite.

“Did I do
something wrong?” I ask. “Because I can do better; you just have to teach me.”

He takes my
hands in his, lifts them and kisses all my fingers. “No, you were wonderful. I
just hope I didn’t push you too far.”

“I
wanted
to try that, to give you pleasure. But I don’t think I’m ready to do more yet.”

Damn it, why
do I feel like I’m denying his most basic need? I frown, feeling like a
failure.

“Hey, why are
you sad?” he asks as he runs his hand through my hair, separating the strands
between his fingers.

“Because I
can’t give you what you need yet. I’m so sorry. I mean I’ll understand if you
want to…” I trail off because even though I can’t bear the thought of him turning
to another woman, even if I do understand that as a man, he has certain
desires.

He lifts my
chin with a crooked finger and stares into my eyes. “What do you take me for?
There’s only one woman I want and she’s sitting here beside me. I’ve never
given you any reason to doubt me, or my feelings for you, have I? Please dismiss
those negative thoughts from your beautiful mind. I only want you.” He kisses
me. “Just.”
Kiss
. “You.”
Kiss, kiss.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop
apologizing. What we just did was love in its most absolute form. So please,
never say you’re sorry for anything we share together. Regardless of whether it’s
inside or outside the bedroom.”

I smile when
I hear his words.

We mold our
bodies together as he turns the TV on and we watch a re-run of Hogan’s Heroes.

My mind
begins to drift, as I look around my beige family room. My feet are curled up
on my beige sofa, and Dominic’s arm is resting on a beige pillow.

“Dominic.”

“Hmmm.” He
chuckles at the episode on TV.

“I think I’d
like a purple family room.” I look around and imagine the exact hue I want, splattered
artfully on my walls.

“I’ll hire a
female painter,” he says as he kisses the top of my head.

I smile and
close my eyes.

This blue
jay has spread her wings.