Authors: Dee Winter
When I wake up, I am in Rob’s bed which usually would
be fine, but I am horrored to look over and see Etienne lying there next to me,
quietly asleep. My whole body feels like it’s been microwaved on full power
and I have a headache that must’ve have been caused by an elephant treading on
my head.
Oh God
. There is a gorgeous man sleeping next to me and I’m
in my brother’s bed. This is bad. I can barely move. I check the time on
Rob’s alarm clock. It’s early. 6:35am. Rob could be on his way back right
now, or worse, he could already be home. No choice! We have to move. When I touch
his arm he doesn’t respond. Only shaking his shoulder quite hard makes him
open his eyes. He looks lovely, like he’s waking up from a beautiful dream. “Come
on!” I say. “We have to move!” He makes a low murmuring sound but doesn’t say
anything.
When I start to physically pull him off the bed, which
is no mean feat hungover, as he is after all, a fully grown sleeping man, he
says, “Why do we have to move?” Then I realise he has no idea of the possible
impending doom.
“We have to. This is my brother’s bed,” I say
swiftly. “If we don’t move, we both get killed.” He struggles to get up. We
stagger through the door and into the front room and thankfully there is no one
there. I quickly hurl cushions and throws in a vague bed-like way on the bigger
sofa. He quickly falls into the couch, barely adjusting himself and looks like
he will be asleep again soon. I go and lay next to him, awake, until he is
definitely asleep. I feel rough as the stony beach at Brighton. I get up and take
some Ibuprofen to hopefully help the headache and then, maybe somewhat coldly, I
go back to try and sleep off my hangover in my brother’s bed. Maximum comfort
and I know if Rob is coming back now, he’s not killing me at least. My head is
too fried to think clearly but I pick up my bag with my wallet and phone. I
will have to trust Etienne in the rest of the house for now. I’ll let him
sleep. To kick him out now would be heartless. As soon as Rob’s back he’ll be
out so I will give him some reprieve for now. We don’t know how long he’s got.
I don’t know how much time passes but I am being woken
up, and learning fast how Etienne must’ve felt earlier as I’m being shaken
awake. It takes me a second to focus. Rob, Ruby, Who? “There’s someone at
the door,” says a French voice. My head feels only slightly better, muzzy
still and I have a continental headache, maybe like a horse now has kicked me
in the head. I’m going to need some more painkillers.
“What?” I say, still half asleep, sounding like I’ve
swallowed a wasp.
“There’s someone outside.” He says.
I feel like answering back, “
AND
?!” But I
don’t. I hold my tongue and struggle out of bed. As I shuffle into the
lounge, I notice Rob’s still not back yet. There’s no sign of him at all. My
head hurts more standing up but at least I don’t feel quite so sick anymore. I
can hear a loud car engine and bass heavy music before I even get to the front
door. I hope Heather’s not in. It’s a horrible feeling as I realise who it
is. The devil’s at my door and I’m not about to invite him in.
Before I do anything I scuttle back to Rob’s room to
check my phone in my bag which only now I see, the battery is dead. I don’t
know how many missed calls or messages are going to spring up when I switch it
back on. I take it back into the living room with me, still not wanting to
open the door. I see Rob’s charger plugged in at the wall so I use it. I turn
the switch on at the socket and my phone lights up. I don’t switch it on yet.
I don’t think I have time to find out now. It stays off. I place it upon the
coffee table.
I contemplate the imminent catastrophe waiting at the
doorstep and wonder if it will ever one day be possible to turn back time. I’m
tempted to just not go outside at all and just wait for him to go away but I
could be waiting a long time. Plus he is making just too much noise. I have
to go out. I sweetly say to Etienne, please wait in the bedroom. He gestures
to the bathroom instead. “Ok,” I say. “Don’t come out, for now.” He doesn’t
smell too fresh, a bit like something long forgotten at the bottom of a washing
basket. I tell him don’t forget to lock the door as I shut it behind him and I
wait to hear the lock click.
I peer through the front door I have now opened a
crack. Outside on the pavement I see him, circling around like a wingless vulture.
My crazy ex-boyfriend. His car must be fixed now as I can see his blue Fiesta
parked badly, two wheels up on the kerb. The horrid music is blasting. I can virtually
hear my eardrums cry. He’s on the phone and he doesn’t look happy. I go
outside and pull the door closed behind me. He sees me suddenly and runs at me
like he might hit me. I don’t flinch. He doesn’t touch me but gets right up close
to my face. I can feel his hot breath and smell smoke. His nose is touching
mine. I try not to show it but I am a tiny bit scared. More scared though
that Etienne is going to hear and will come outside to look see, make things even
worse. “Why the fuck have you turned your phone off. I’ve been trying to
phone you all fucking night! Don’t you think I give a shit?!”
Well actually no...
I think. I don’t say
anything and just look at him, with most intent Evil Eye I can manage. “Just
go away Benny! I can’t talk to you now. I’ve got a massive headache and
you’re not helping. Look, I’m sorry about my phone, the battery went dead.” I
start to turn and walk back inside, but he comes behind me and tugs me hard on
my shoulder, pinching me.
“Look... I’m sorry.” He says. My mouth wants to fall
open but I don’t let it. I just stare at him and wait, intrigued what he might
say next. “Ella. Look... I’m really sorry. I was worried about you... after
leaving like that on Saturday. I felt bad. I tried calling you last night and
thought something had happened when your phone was off. I even drove round
here but...” He tails off. I know he’s going to say, “…
but
Rob was
here
.” Why does it happen now? Benny says sorry, like he actually does
care. Just at the exact moment I have found another man and now I wouldn’t
mind at all it if I was single forever.
“Look Benny, my head kills... I’m really not feeling
well. Can we talk later?” I plead trying to sound as rough as possible. I
hope he’s going to buy this. Maybe it’ll come as part of this quite likeable, being
nice Benny. I wait many seconds. He just looks at the ground, scuffing his
feet about.
He eventually says, “Ok... I’ll come round later. When
you’re feeling better, yeah? Ok...Laters.”
“Bye then.” I say and I edge closer still towards the
door.
“I’ll phone you.” He says before walking off bowling
his shoulders and getting back in his car. I wait until he drives off before I
pull the key from the letterbox that he doesn’t know about. I’ll deal with
Benny later. Postpone the fallout. I go back in. Etienne is still in the
bathroom. My head is throbbing again now so I go back to the sofa and sit. I do
feel a bit bad about going with Etienne within days of breaking up with Benny.
I thought I did not have a boyfriend. Maybe Benny thought otherwise. But he
finished with me! Maybe he wants to sort things out. This makes me feel better,
that he came round, after he dumped me. But I have something much better
waiting for me behind closed doors. If only he knew.
As I lay back down on the sofa I feel my shoulders
loosen up a little and then my head throbs again and my heart beats a little
faster. I feel like I still might be sick, but then I’m not sure if it’s the
hangover that’s making my heart race. Etienne emerges in a steamy haze. He’s
wearing just boxers. His body is smooth and trim. His hip bones jut out
beautifully, a vision of perfect symmetry. I would laugh were Rob to come in and
see this now. Me half naked in a t-shirt and this beautiful nearly naked man.
He might go crazy, although he may just laugh. He’d be happy I think at least
it wasn’t Benny.
Feeling rough, I smile at Etienne and say, “It’s
cool. Just my crazy ex-boyfriend. Sorry about that.” The sight of him now is
stirring other feelings above and beyond my hangover. I want him. I get up to
take his hand, I smile some more and flutter my eyelashes a little. Putting on
my best ever flirt, I say, “Don’t worry, come here.” Holding his hand I take
him back to my brother’s bedroom. I lock the door behind us.
I slip under the covers and gesture for him to follow
me. He smells fresh and clean, like soap. His hair feels soft and springy. His
almost naked body touches mine and I feel electric. He is cuddling me, his
torso soft. He then gently pulls my face towards his and kisses me. I close
my eyes enjoying his gentle dreamlike lips touching mine and I wrap my arms
around him, pulling him as close as I can. My headache still aches away but I
think I may have found a cure. His hands slide up and down my body, then up
and under my t-shirt. He strokes me so gently sending the strongest feelings
of desire I have ever felt through my whole body. I let my hands slide down
his firm, toned muscles. Our hands don’t stop moving all over each other. I
kiss him more urgently. He kisses back, softly. I do fear a little for the
state of my breath but Etienne doesn’t seem to mind. I certainly don’t think
about it for long. Eventually, finally, Etienne pulls my t-shirt up and over
my head, and then slowly, kissing my whole body all the way down, he gently
tugs my shorts over my thighs and onto the floor. Etienne whispers in my ear,
asking me if I’m sure. I say, never surer. He stands up briefly to pull down
his boxers. I miss his body touching mine so I pull him quickly back on top of
me, his whole bodyweight on mine. The time is now, the scene is set, and we
start making sweet love. He pushes deep inside me, over and over and it has
never felt so amazing. Never before. Words cannot describe. I’m shaking more
than I ever have before in my life and I want to just hold on to him and this
feeling and never let go. We fall asleep again in each others’ arms. A hangover
has never felt so good.
I wake naked and alone to the sounds of Etienne
hurriedly getting dressed next to me. My head now only hurts a tiny bit, like
maybe I’ve been smacked hard with a newspaper. I look at him dreamily. He’s
not smiling, he says, “Your brother, I think I heard him, I should go.” I look
at the time. It is still morning which makes a change from my usual lie-ins.
Then I realise its Monday, a college day. I could still make it to afternoon
classes. I never usually get in early on Monday, so today is no exception,
except for Etienne. And now his face, a picture of worry is amusing me. I
think if Rob had heard us, he would have banged on the door and threatened to
kill me by now. I listen hard for about a minute but can’t actually hear
anything. I’m not convinced he’s here at all.
“Hey,” I whisper and he looks, “Don’t worry about
Rob. He won’t come in now. Trust me.” Etienne smiles but still doesn’t look
too sure and carries on getting ready to leave. “You don’t have to go. Do you
wanna stay and have something to eat? Coffee at least?”
“No, thank you.” He says, “I have to go to work.”
“You have to work? That sucks.” Then I vaguely
remember about his job. Hopefully I’ll get another chance to find out more
sometime. The lush is about to leave and I don’t want him to. I’m thinking
what to say about me calling him, or him calling me. I want him to call me. I
just don’t want to sound too keen. I don’t know what to say at all. As he unlocks
the bedroom door all I end up saying is, “Thank you.” I kiss him on both cheeks
awkwardly. I hold my tongue and say no more, just a silent wishing prayer over
and over in my head, and pray that our paths meet again and hopefully soon. So
be it. Prayer said and a sudden bad thought leaps into my mind. Benny! What
if he’s waiting outside still or coming back just at this moment. “Wait!” I
say quickly to stop the possibility becoming a reality. “Let me see you out.” I
grab my t-shirt from the floor and pull it on over my head. I open the front
door slowly. I check outside as far as I dare to in no pants and see nothing
to get worried about. I turn round and beckon Etienne to come. “Go on, the
coast is clear.”
I smile wide as can be and open the door fully to the
grey day outside. There’s a little dancing rain and I’m cold already. I want
to go back inside as I start shivering. Etienne walks on through the door,
kissing me quickly again on just one cheek before he goes. I forgot to ask him
if he knows where he is going. He seems to. I watch him walk right to the end
of the street as far as I can see. Just before he’s out of sight he turns and
looks back. His eye contact jolts me even from that distance and takes me
unawares. He blows me a kiss and waves, turns and starts to walk again. I’m
too shocked to respond in time. As I start waving back, he is out of sight. I’m
sad to see him go. I definitely hope to see him again. It’s a powerful thing,
hope, and sometimes dangerous. Pin your dreams on something to have them
disappointed can be one of the most painful things. But to live a life without
a hope of anything is no life at all.
The chill runs right through me and I’m shivering cold.
I turn quickly and run back inside. I jump on the sofa and curl up under the
covers with the most beautiful thoughts and feelings of joy going round in my
head. Memories so fresh now I hope they stay imprinted like this. I switch on
the TV using the remote to see what’s on but find just daytime nothingness. I
turn it off. From feeling almost dead earlier I now feel partly revived. I
should go to college. Classes don’t start until 2pm. No rush yet.