Authors: Linda Schmalz
“How can you say that?” He shook his head. “We’ve been friends forever and dated for two years. You
said
you loved me. I would do anything for you.”
“John, when we were dating, I thought I loved you the way love should be, but I didn’t understand what love is exactly.” She paused, hating what she needed to say next. “But then I met Sam.”
John’s face became red and his breathing grew heavy as he turned onto a side street and parked near playground.
“What are we doing here? Why did you stop?”
“We’re going to talk this out.” John put the car in neutral, released his seatbelt and turned towards her. “If sex is what you want, geez! Do you know how many times I held back thinking you weren’t ready?”
Julia covered her face with her hands, unable to look at him. “Stop! It’s not about sex.”
“The hell it isn’t!”
“Stop yelling at me!”
John rested his forehead on the steering wheel. After a moment, he said, “I’m sorry.”
Julia removed her hands from her face and stared out the front window. “Look. Obviously I’ve been more… intimate… with Sam than you, and I’m sorry if it hurts. But Sam and I have this connection.”
Or was it my imagination?
“Yippee, I’m thrilled about your connection.”
Julia ignored his sarcasm as she tried to help him understand. “Sam and I have a lot in common, like our love for theater and history and our goals for the future.”
A future we were supposed to share together.
“Which is why he got married yesterday.” John shot her an angry look.
Julia fell quiet. Tears threatened.
“I’m sorry.” John’s voice softened. “That was mean.”
Julia still didn’t answer. Her throat felt tight and she wanted to go home.
John looked up at the roof and sighed. “I’m just so
angry
, Jules. And I think I have a right to be. I hate this Sam guy for making you so unhappy. I’m scared because you’re pregnant and alone.”
“I’m not alone,” Julia lied. Without Sam she would always feel alone. “I have friends and my dad.”
“You won’t have your dad after he finds out what you did in Europe,” John said, genuinely concerned. “Think about that. What if he makes you give the baby up?”
“I don’t think he will,” Julia said, not certain at all. It hadn’t occurred to her that her father might force her to give up the baby.
“It could happen. He’s dead set on you going to college, which is why you should really think about marrying me. Your dad likes me and I love you. Always have, always will. I can provide a good home for you and the baby. And we could afford for you to do night school or something. And your dad seemed happy that I’m the father of your baby.
Julia stared at him with wide- eyed disbelief. “But
you’re not
!”
“Well, considering that the real father just married someone else, and you can’t support yourself, let alone a child, just how are you going to raise this baby?” John paused. “I mean I assume you’re having the baby?”
“Jesus, John! I can’t believe you’re even asking me that.” She looked out the window to the playground and a quick image of her mother pushing her on those swings caught in her heart. She wanted this baby. She couldn’t ever destroy or give up what she and Sam created. “I am having the baby. What I need is time to sort things out. Could you please drive me home?”
John sighed, but started the car. “Okay. I’ll take you home.” He reached over and placed his hand over hers. “Please, Julia. Please think about my offer. You’d make me the happiest guy on earth.”
She didn’t answer. An entire new world of worry settled on her. John made his point. What if her dad freaked out about Sam and demanded she put the baby up for adoption? She’d have to run away to keep it. But where? Sam wouldn’t help her. Kim was leaving leave for college soon. No one could help her except…
Julia looked at John. She recalled the little boy with the big eyes and freckles who calmed her fears with a cookie. Now, here he sat, her grown-up hero, offering to save her.
Again.
Sam knew the minute he said, “I do”, that he didn’t.
He didn’t love Deirdre, he didn’t want to be man and wife until death parted them, and he certainly did not to wish to live the rest of his life with her. What he did want was his rightful inheritance, and this marriage was the only way to get it.
“Over here! Over here!” As Sam and Deirdre descended the church steps, throngs of reporters vied for the newly married couple’s attention. Sam squinted into the blinding sunlight, unable to distinguish the paparazzi from invited well-wishers.
“You promised me this would be a quiet affair.” He spoke between clenched teeth and a fake smile.
“Just keep smiling, darling.” Deirdre tightened her grip on his arm, her other hand clasping a huge bouquet of snow-white roses.
Sam heard the clatter of paparazzi cameras. “You told me no press!” His mind reeled. The last thing he needed was the wedding in every tabloid and newspaper on earth. He hadn’t been able to reach Julia yet to explain his sudden nuptials. What would she think?
“Just a few photographer friends of Mother’s, dear, that’s all.” Deirdre smiled graciously towards them. “She
insisted
.”
“Let’s just get to the limousine and the reception, all right?” He led Deirdre quickly down the steps, and past curious on-lookers and guests. Once inside the car, he breathed a sigh of relief and loosened his tie. “Bloody thing is too damn tight.”
Deirdre looked out the window and offered a well-practiced princess wave to the crowd. “You act as if it’s a noose, dear.”
Sam took out a cigarette and lighter.
Deirdre turned from her adoring fans. “Oh no, not in here. I will not reek of cigarette smoke on my wedding day.”
Sam glared at her, but put the cigarette away.
They rode in silence. As they pulled in front of the Hilton in Park Lane Hotel, Sam noticed a marked van in front of them and scowled. “A television crew? Deirdre!”
“Not my fault, honestly, dear,” she said, with a coy smile. “Really, darling. Mother and the press have been waiting for years for me to wed. We can’t disappoint the public, now can we?”
She attempted to stroke his cheek, but he pulled away. “Oh come now, Sammy. You can’t expect me to wed one of England’s most eligible bachelors and the press not fuss? Society has been ripe with speculation since I was born as to who I’d marry and share my fortune with.”
“Well, I hope the first thing you plan to do with your fortune is to pay off Polly’s debts.”
“Of course, darling. You’ve kept your promise to me, and I intend to keep mine to you.”
“Just like you promised to keep this a small affair?” Sam readied to depart from the limousine and spotted an all too familiar celebrity persona. “Bloody hell. Don’t tell me that’s that American reporter, Patty Zac, from that entertainment show?”
“I couldn’t help that, darling, I really couldn’t.” Deirdre placed one long, white-gloved hand on his arm. She looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes. “And besides, what harm could sharing our love with the world cause?”
“You have no idea,” Sam said his thoughts back to Julia.
Deirdre locked her arm into his as they exited the car amidst a flash of bulbs and rolling cameras. “Believe me, Sam. I do.”
Julia slammed the receiver down and cursed the phone. For the third day in a row, her calls to Polly’s estate would not connect. Kim had taken the initiative and contacted the phone company while Julia lay hospitalized. A helpful operator located the number of the McTeel estate, but the number had been disconnected. Kim also asked the operator for the telephone number for Deirdre Lamont. That number, the operator added politely, was unlisted.
Julia sat on the hallway steps and fought back tears. She knew she must contact Sam and speak to him. She needed to know what happened and why he married. Had he used her? Had she simply been a foolish, love struck girl chasing after a handsome player? She wasn’t even sure she would mention the baby, but she couldn’t marry John without one last attempt to find Sam. Her heart said he loved her, but her head and his marriage spoke louder volumes.
The doorbell rang and Julia noticed Kim peering in through the porch window. She tucked the list of phone numbers into her pocket and hurried to the door. Kim would leave for Southern Illinois University in less than a week so anytime they had together lately was precious.
“Thank God, you’re here,” Julia said, as she opened the front door and hurried Kim in. “I’m going crazy here by myself.”
“Did you make the calls?” Kim entered the house and plopped herself on the couch in the living room. “I’ve been dying to know what’s going on. I’m sorry I’ve been so busy these past few days, but I have to get ready to leave.”
“I know,” Julia said, with a wistful sigh. She should be packing as well, either for college, or preferably, London. She joined Kim on the couch.
“Your dad’s not here, I take it?”
“No.”
“Good.” Kim smiled, her eyes full of curiosity. “Well?”
“Mrs. McTeel’s line is disconnected, I think. And Deirdre’s is unlisted.”
“I hope Sam calls you anyhow.”
“Yeah.” Julia looked down at the floor. “My dad keeps asking me what I’m going to do. He can’t understand why I’m not jumping at the chance to marry John.”
“I’m sorry I ever pushed you go to England, Jules.”
“This so isn’t your fault!” Julia reached for Kim’s hand. “I didn’t have to go. And I didn’t have to sleep with Sam.” She pushed away surfacing thoughts of those few precious nights spent his arms. “But I wanted to. I wanted it all. I was stupid.”
“No, you weren’t,” Kim said. “But what will you do if you don’t hear from Sam, even though I’m sure you will.”
Julia smiled, grateful for her friend’s optimistic lie. “All I know for certain is that I want this baby, and I don’t want my father to hate me.”
“You have to do what’s right for you, Julia.”
“Well, there’s the problem, see? When I did what I felt was right for me, going to England, being with Sam, I ended up with more problems than if I never did those things. I don’t think I make right decisions. I can’t base my decisions anymore on what I want. I need to think of what my baby needs.”
“Don’t tell me-,” Kim began, but Julia cut her off.
“I’ve been thinking about doing the sensible thing this time. I can’t go away to college, that’s a given. If I marry John, he’ll work at the construction site, and I can take a course at the technical school here in the Nurse’s Assistant program. And when I’m not in school, I’ll work part-time at the nursing home until the baby comes.”
“Then it’s all settled and that is that, all tied up in a nice neat package?” Kim seemed annoyed.
“Yes, I guess so. Unless Sam calls, of course.”
“So, let me get this straight. My friend who wanted to be an actress her entire life is going to throw away her dream and marry someone she doesn’t love.” She crossed her arms, leaning back against the cushions. “I don’t like it.”
Julia sighed. “This is the best thing for my baby. I can’t tell my father the baby isn’t John’s. I have no money except the little saved for college and the trip refund, part of which I owe to Sam for the plane ticket. I have no choice.”
“Have the baby, but don’t get married, that’s your choice. You don’t love John.”
“I do-” She couldn’t believe she said that. “-in a way.” Julia forced herself to believe her lie. John wanted to help her. He loved her. Perhaps she would grow to feel for him what she felt with Sam.
“No you don’t.” Kim persisted. “You’re only getting married because you think your dad will hate you if you don’t. Can’t you tell your father that you don’t love John? What’s so hard about that? Just say ‘Oops, Dad. I slept with John, but I really don’t want to marry him, that sort of thing?”
Julia remained silent. If her best friend couldn’t understand her choices, no one would, certainly not her father.
“You’re marrying John because it’s the easy way out.”
Julia’s eyes flashed with anger. “This isn’t easy!”
Kim seemed undeterred by Julia’s snap. “It would be if you loved John, but you love Sam.”
Julia played with a loose strand on the cushions. She spoke quietly, as if talking to herself. “I want to love John. He loves me.”
“Maybe Sam still loves you. Are you just giving up on him?”
Julia kept her eyes fixed on the sofa. She paused for a minute and then answered. “I don’t know. I’ll give him another day or two to call.”
“And if he doesn’t? Are you really going through with this crazy plan to marry John?”
Julia glanced out the window and began to cry. “I have to. I’m going to marry John and give my baby a good future and a stable home. I’ll be the happy little wife and no one except you, me and John will be ever the wiser!”
“Julia.” Kim moved closer to her and slipped an arm around her shoulder. “You don’t have to do this. There’s got to be another way.”