A Love Made New (2 page)

And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 C
ORINTHIANS 13
:
13

I
'm getting married.

Abigail Schrock could hardly stop herself from whispering the words out loud as she made her way to Joel Zook's house. She even skipped a few steps, which was immature for a twenty-two-year-old, but she couldn't help it. After dealing with months of pain and tragedy, grieving the loss of her mother and father, and helping her younger sister, Joanna, heal from the accident that took their parents' lives, Abigail's heart was wide open to receive happiness.

She had been a bit disappointed Joel hadn't contacted her while she was in Middlefield with Joanna for the past six weeks. Now that she was back in Birch Creek, however, and Joanna was preparing for her own wedding, Abigail knew her time had come. When Joel approached her after church this morning and invited her over, weeks of worry and insecurity disappeared. Joel was going to propose.

She felt that truth deep in her soul as she arrived at his house,
ran up the steps, and knocked on the door. Maybe she should just go inside. After all, Joel's parents would be her in-laws soon. Might as well start treating them like family.

She waited, tapping her foot when the door didn't open immediately. Until church this morning, she and Joel hadn't seen each other since the middle of August, at her parents' funeral almost two months ago. But she understood why. He had been busy, working extra hard at his job at Barton Plastics, probably saving every cent for their future together. Impatient, she knocked on the door again, a little annoyed that he hadn't thrown open the door and grabbed her into his arms like she had imagined he would.

Finally she heard footsteps on the other side of the door. It opened, and her heart leaped. Joel. Lean, tall, and so handsome she could stare at him all day. She'd known him her whole life, and he had finally shown interest in her seven months ago after she asked him on a date. Unconventional, for sure, but she couldn't wait forever until he came around. He'd needed a little nudge and she had been happy to give it to him.

“Hi, Abigail.”

The screen door still separated them. All right, so he was going to be a little standoffish. That made sense, considering his parents were probably a few feet away in the living room, spending the Sabbath relaxing or napping. Whatever, she wasn't here to think about his parents. She grinned. “Hello, Joel.”

He opened the screen door and stepped onto the porch. Then he closed both doors behind him before he faced her.

Now he would hold her. She'd ached for him ever since she had snuck out of the house to meet him near the Yoders' cornfield the night before the accident. They had gone into the field, hidden from sight, the silvery moonlight illuminating Joel's face
enough that she could see in his eyes that he cared for her. Then he proceeded to show her how much.

He coughed, bringing her out of her thoughts. Which was a good idea, because she wanted to focus on the present, on the proposal she knew was coming.

“Abigail, it's over.”

She blinked, unsure that she heard him correctly. “What?”

“I'm breaking up with you.”

She staggered back. This couldn't be right. He wouldn't leave her, not now. Not when she needed him the most, when she was still reeling from the deaths of her mother and father. Not when she had spent weeks caring for her injured sister.

“It's for the best, Abigail.”

The sentence hit her like a blast to the chest, churning up familiar, brittle feelings.
There's nothing special about you.

For most of her life, she had felt that way. Insignificant. Ordinary. She was the middle sister, sandwiched between her older, smarter sister, Sadie, and her younger, sweeter sister, Joanna. Dating Joel, one of the most eligible and most sought-after men in Birch Creek, had made her feel special.
He
had made her feel special. Now he was dumping her.

He looked down at her, remorse in his slate blue eyes.

She should probably give him credit for showing a little regret, but she couldn't bring herself to give him anything. Her hands went to her chest. Her
ample
chest. The sleeves of her dress tightened around her arms as she tried to catch her breath. She'd gained weight since her parents' and Joanna's accident, at least twenty pounds, if not more. At five four, every pound was noticeable. “I thought you were asking me to spend the afternoon with you,” she said, still shocked.
I thought you were going to ask me to marry you.
“Now you're saying our relationship is over?”

Joel nodded and stepped away, putting more space between them.

“But it can't be.” She wanted to see the warmth in his eyes that had been there before she left. Instead he seemed more distant than he'd been before they started dating. She couldn't accept this. She refused to. “I love you,” she blurted out of desperation.

His face pinched as he looked away. “I never said I loved you.”

Another slam in the chest. No, he'd never spoken the words. But he had showed her, hadn't he? They had shown each other, as the cornstalks rustled around them. “I gave you everything, Joel.” Well, almost everything. That night he had wanted more. She had wanted more. But she had told him no. She wanted to wait until after a wedding. He'd been disappointed, but he had agreed that waiting until after marriage would be the right thing to do and what God would want them to do. She had assumed they were talking about
their
marriage.

He kept his gaze down.

Coward
. Or maybe not. Maybe it wasn't that he was afraid to look at her, but that he didn't
want
to look at her. She wasn't the thin woman he'd dated before the accident. He'd seen that at church this morning. But was he so shallow he would break up with her over a few pounds? Okay, more than a few . . . but still. This didn't make any sense. Unless . . . she gulped, fearing she knew the answer to her question before she asked it. “Is there someone else?”

Silence.

Despite everything, she went to him, still desperate and detesting herself for it. She put her hands on his chest and looked up at him, her pride shattering into pieces. “Please, Joel. I can't lose you too. Not now.”

When he finally looked at her, his eyes weren't filled with love or longing or attraction or even remote affection. He took her hands and put them at her sides. “I'm sorry, Abigail. I'm really sorry. But Rebecca and I—”

“Rebecca Chupp?” Cute, petite Rebecca, with hair the color of apple cider, perfect teeth, and hips half the size of Abigail's.

“
Ya
, Rebecca.” He sighed. “Things between us just . . . happened.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means . . . we're over.” He turned from her and went inside, the screen door bouncing shut behind him. Then he closed the front door, shutting her out of his life for good.

Every nerve ending in her body went numb. “Joel,” she whispered, hoping he'd somehow hear her, come outside, hold her tight, and tell her this was a bad joke. Or that he'd lost his mind for a moment, but realized he couldn't live without her. That she
was
something special. She waited . . . and waited. Stared at the door and prayed it would open again. It didn't.

Somehow she managed to turn and walk down the porch steps, leaving tattered pieces of her heart in her wake. How could she have been so wrong about her and Joel? Wasn't it her turn for happiness? Sadie had married Aden Troyer soon after the buggy accident, and Joanna was marrying Andrew Beiler in a week. Beauty and love had risen from the ashes of her sisters' grief.

Why hadn't it for her?

She glanced over her shoulder at the empty front porch, then hugged her chest, more aware of the roundness of her body than ever before as she walked toward her house. The aching pressure of rejection made her struggle for air. What had she done wrong? What was wrong with her? Had he turned to Rebecca because she had refused to have sex with him? Had Rebecca
given him what she wouldn't? Or was he simply not attracted to her anymore?

“Abigail?”

Hope rose within her. Joel. He'd come back for her after all. She whirled around, but that hope disintegrated when she saw the man who had spoken her name. His voice was deep like Joel's but carried a different timbre. In her desperation she'd confused Asa Bontrager with Joel, even though the men looked and acted nothing alike. She started to panic. Had Asa seen her and Joel? Worse yet, had he heard Joel break up with her?

Stuffing down her panic, she uncrossed her arms and lifted her chin, forcing herself to smile. As she had since her return from Middlefield, she made sure to keep her inner pain to herself. She refused to let anyone see her breaking inside, not when Joanna was so fragile and Sadie was trying to piece together the family's grocery and tool business. “Asa. I didn't realize you were there.”

He strode toward her, coming close enough that she could smell the peppery scent of the wintergreen gum he was chewing. “I was out for a walk.” Thick black brows straightened over pale gray eyes. “Are you okay?”

She regarded him for a moment. Joel was handsome, but when it came to looks, Asa was in a class of his own. She was two years older than he was and had paid little attention to him in the past, not only due to his age but because guys like Asa didn't give second glances to girls like her. Every girl in Birch Creek had a crush on him at one time or another before he'd moved to Indiana at age fifteen. Those boyish good looks had changed to manly handsomeness, but Asa wasn't the one she wanted. Joel was.

“I'm fine,” she said, maintaining a light tone. It was becoming
easier to outwardly fake her true emotions. She'd had plenty of practice lately. “I was just . . . visiting Joel.” He'd find out soon enough what happened. News traveled fast in Birch Creek. But Asa wasn't going to hear about it from her. “I'm headed home.”

“Would you like some company?”

Why would he want to walk with her? Not that it mattered. She wanted—no, she needed—to be alone.
“Nee.”
She couldn't keep her arms from crossing again, and she didn't have the strength to fake another smile.

He dropped his gaze and kicked at a chunk of gravel on the side of the road. “Okay. Just thought I'd ask.”

His kind tone reached inside her, bringing her close to tears. So much for hiding her feelings. Without saying good-bye, she turned and hurried away.

But after a few moments she discovered he was still behind her. He'd hung back a decent distance, but that didn't matter. All she could think about was how she looked from behind. She hadn't altered this particular dress and it was tight in all the wrong places. Heat crept up her cheeks.

After several minutes she couldn't stand it anymore. She spun around. “Quit following me!” She cringed. Where was her carefully crafted composure now?

Asa held up his hands. “I'm not,” he said. “Okay, technically I am, but we're going in the same direction. You didn't want me to walk with you, so . . .” He shrugged. “Not sure what else I'm supposed to do, except walk on the other side of the street. I can do that, if you want me to.” He looked at her, his gray gaze intense. “I don't want to upset you.”

She blew out a long breath. “I'm not upset.”

He tilted his head but gave a noncommittal shrug. “Whatever you say.”

She sighed. She was being ridiculous. Of course he wasn't staring at her or even following her. “You don't have to walk on the other side of the street.”

But he didn't answer her. Instead he kept his eyes locked on hers, pinning her in place.

Then she saw something in the intensity of his gaze that made her forget all about Joel Zook.

She shook her head, hard. Not only was she upset, she was also seeing things. “I . . . I've got to
geh
.” She spun around and rushed off. He didn't call after her. By the time she reached her house she was in a full run. Out of breath, out of shape, she was losing the battle with her tears. The reality of her breakup with Joel hit her again.
How could I have been so stupid to think he would want to marry me?

For the next few minutes she stayed hunched over, her face in her hands, forcing the tears to subside. When they did she stood, wiped her cheeks, and tried to figure out how to tell her sisters that Joel had dumped her. Somehow she'd have to be happy for Joanna's upcoming wedding at the same time. She wouldn't spoil her sister's happiness. But how could she do that when Joel had discarded her like week-old trash?