A Marine for Christmas (Hearts Ablaze: Men in Uniform) (10 page)

Amy felt the tears welling in her eyes as she hastily shoved her keys in the front lock.  She jiggled them around while balancing the groceries in her arms, and the
n nudged the door open with her knee when the doorknob finally turned.  She’d been expecting to run into Jason at some point but hadn’t considered she’d be forced to get out of the car and unload her things while he and his son stood there and watched.  It was humiliating, really.  He had a life already, filled with plenty of people and plans for the future, and there was certainly no room for her in it.

Carrying her groceries into the kitchen,
Amy thought back to the summer, when she and Ben had just begun dating.  God, she had noticed Ben for years, always wanting to be around him with his charisma, good looks, and charm.  After just watching from the sidelines as he dated girl after girl, he’d taken notice in her when he returned to town last spring.  When they’d finally gotten together it had been like a dream come true.  Then out of nowhere, she’d discovered she was pregnant.  She and Ben both had been nervously excited.  She was on birth control pills but there’d been that one time she’d forgotten to bring them on a weekend away, and they hadn’t been able to stop themselves.  That was all it had taken, and in an instant she’d been planning a life revolving around her child.

When she’d lost the baby
a month later and found out she could never have children, it had been devastating.  They hadn’t told anyone that she was pregnant, and just like that they’d kept the loss a secret as well.  She’d broken up with Ben shortly after that, unable to deal with the heartache.  Ben moved on with his new girlfriend, perhaps trying to heal in his own way.

That Jason had a son didn’t bother her as much as that he’d kept it a secret.  And then when he’d said she wouldn’t understand until she had a child of her own was like a dagger straight through the heart.
  She sighed, tossing some of the pre-packaged cookies she’d bought onto the counter.  She hadn’t meant to blurt out that particular piece of knowledge to Jason.  Hell, even her best friends didn’t know.  But there had been such a raw anger rushing through her at the moment, she’d wanted to say something, anything, to make him understand the hurt.

And now i
t looked like Jason had won whatever custody battle he’d been fighting with his ex-wife since his son was visiting.  It’s not like she was about to move away, so she’d just have to get used to it.

In the meantime, she only had a couple of hours to get ready for her friends to arrive.
  She was throwing a tree-trimming party this afternoon, and she still hadn’t even gotten her tree up yet.  Although picking out a fresh tree sounded appealing, she had an artificial one in the basement that would just have to do for this year.  On second thought, maybe she could turn her tree-trimming party into a tree-
assembling
party as well.  Since the guys would be here with her friends, she figured Nick and Aaron could help her lug it upstairs to the living room.  She still needed to shower and change and then get snacks and drinks ready for her friends. 
Maybe putting on a little Christmas music would get me more in the mood
, she thought.

She walked over to her
iPod and turned it on, hearing the strains of a Christmas tune just ending.  She’d had her playlist set to holiday music all week, attempting to cheer herself up.  It wasn’t the same though without Christmas decorations filling her home.  This afternoon with friends was just what she needed.  A few decorations, some music, drinks, and the scent of spiced cider filling her home might be just what she needed to get back in the holiday spirit.

***

“Hey!” A male voice called out as Melissa got out of her car later that afternoon.  The wind nipped at her, and she wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to stay warm.  “Hey, Red!”

Puzzled,
she turned in the direction of the voice.  She’d been called “Red” a few times over the years by friends thanks to her flaming locks, but it wasn’t often by strangers on the street.  Or ever, really.  Her eyes narrowed and she put both hands on her hips as she saw Amy’s neighbor Jason jogging across the street toward her.  His front door was open, and standing on the other side of the glass storm door was a little boy. 
Well, that was new,
she thought.  She knew some of what had happened between Amy and Jason, but Amy had seemed determined not to delve into all the details.

“Red?” she asked accusingly as he got closer.  He was tall, much taller than she’d thought when he’d jogged by her that day over a month ago.  His dark hair was cropped short, his blue eyes intense, and his muscular frame clad in a
Henley shirt and khaki cargo pants that hung perfectly from his hips.  He was probably cold standing out here like that in this weather, but she wasn’t about to rush this along.

“Yeah, sorry,” he said as he came to a stop in front of her.  “I don’t know your name; that’s just how I think of you.”

“So you think about me and not…say…Amy?”

Jason smiled, shaking his head.  Obviously Amy had told her friends what had happened, and they weren’t going to make it easy for him.  “Not in the way you’re thinking of, Honey.”

She laughed, caught up for a moment by his charm, and then remembered that she was angry with him.  “So why are you running across the street to see me?  Amy lives right there.”

“I need your help,” he admitted.

“And I would help you because…?”

“Because I hurt Amy.
  I didn’t mean to, and I just need to talk to her to apologize and explain myself.  Even if she doesn’t want to see me again, don’t I at least owe her that?”

Melissa tilted her head to the side as she appraised him, trying to decide what to do.  Yes, her friend had been hurt by him.  But would helping Jason talk to her really make any difference?  What’s done was done.
  “Look, I don’t know if it would make any difference.  As far as I know, she thinks you’re a total jack-ass.”

Jason winced at that, knowing that Amy had every right to be angry with him.  Melissa seemed to take pleasure in passing on that
particular bit of news to him, but he realized she was upset for her friend’s sake.

“Look, just put in a good word for me if you can.  Please tell her that I would love a chance to explain myself.  Yes, Brian is here for two weeks, as you can see,” he said, gesturing toward his front door.
  “But if you could at least ask her to answer the phone when I call….I don’t want to keep bothering her, but I can’t stand knowing I’ve upset her this much.”

Melissa considered him, trying to decide what to do.  He did seem to be going through an awful lot of trouble just to speak with her.
  I mean, it’s not like he could expect Amy to swing by for another rousing night in the sack with his son staying with him.  Maybe he really did just want to smooth things over.  “All right—I’ll try,” she said shortly.  “I can’t promise anything though.”

“Thank you,” Jason said, nodding toward her, his voice smooth and deep.  “And please, just tell her that I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean for any of it to happen the way that it did.”

“Okay,” she said with a shrug.  “I’ll see what I can do.”

She turned back to her car and retrieved her purse and a bag teeming with garland, ornaments, and tinsel.  As she closed the door she saw Jason
was still standing there, eyeing the bag questioningly.  “Tree-trimming party,” she explained. “Amy loves Christmas.”

He nodded, and
a flash of some emotion she couldn’t quite detect filled his eyes.  “Have fun,” he said, turning away.  In a moment he’d jogged back across the street and was pulling open the door and scooping up Brian into his arms.  As she watched him go, she couldn’t help but think this wasn’t a guy that had purposefully hidden the fact that he had a child from her friend.  He seemed to love his son so much—they were obviously comfortable and happy together.  And didn’t the guy fly cross-country several times a month just to see the kid?  She wasn’t entirely sure that Amy would see things the same way though.

“Like this?” Nick asked an hour later, trying to arrange the lights according to Amy and Beth’s direction.

“No, you’re missing that whole section,” Beth protested with a laugh.  She good-naturedly tossed a strand of garland at him that was waiting to be hung next, and he easily snatched it out of the air.

“Hey!  You’re teaching the girls how to misbehave!” Kara chided.  She and Aaron were sitting side-by-side on Amy’s sofa, feeding each baby a bottle.

“I don’t know that they’ll remember
this,” Amy said with a laugh.

The tree was standing in her living room, the boxes of ornaments were scattered about, and her friends filled the room with easy banter and laughs.  She hadn’t had this much fun in a while.  Actually, the last time she’d enjoyed herself so much was that Saturday with Jason—before all hell had broken loose the next morning.
  As mad as she was, she actually missed him, she realized.  It’s too bad he’d turned out to be such a jerk.  She was a distraction from the rest of his life?  Whatever.

“What are you smiling about?” Melissa asked, nudging her as she appeared with two mugs of spiked eggnog.

“Truth be told?  I was wishing Jason hadn’t turned out to be such a jerk.”

“He
came over to see me on my way in here.”

“What?” Amy asked, practically spitting her eggnog back out.

“Don’t care, huh?” Melissa asked with a laugh.  “Now
Michael
was the real jack-ass this year.  We were engaged to be married, and he completely broke my heart.  Jason may have bumbled around in the way he did things, and he should have told you about his son.  But he cares about you.  And apparently he’s been trying to talk to you?” she asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Yes, before he left,” Amy said, clarifying the matter.  “But I haven’t heard from him since.  He’s moved on, and that’s all that matters now.”

“I did it!” Nick called out from across the room.  “Now
this
is definitely better.  Amy?  Please tell Beth that I can climb down from this step-ladder now.”  He was balancing atop her short step-ladder, the end of the lights wound right to the top of the tree, ready for the star.  If she could find it.

“Yes, it looks great!” she called back.  “Let the man down,
Bethie!”

“Not you
, too,” Beth said, jokingly rolling her eyes in reference to Amy’s use of Nick’s nickname for her.

Melissa leaned over, and Amy met her gaze.  “He hasn’t moved on,” she said quietly.  “If anything, I think he’s quite smitten with you. 
And quite desperate to get you to speak to him again.”

Amy looked at her, puzzled, as Melissa
set her eggnog down walked away, grabbing the silver garland she’d brought.  “I know this is for the tree, but it looks so much better this way, doesn’t it?” she joked, wrapping it around her shoulders and doing a little shimmy as she crossed the room.

“Maybe you should give up real estate and become a Vegas show girl,” Beth said with a laugh.

Amy smiled too but glanced past the tree, out her front window.  Jason and his son were in the front yard, and she watched as Brian happily shrieked while Jason chased him around.  Her heart ached, and she realized she wished she were right out there with them.

***

Jason’s car was in the driveway every morning when she left for work, and Amy wondered how long he was taking off and for how long his son was staying.  Through Christmas?  That seemed unlikely since his mom was supposed to retain primary custody.  Or so she thought.  Maybe he was here for the week.  When she arrived home that evening Jason’s car was gone but there was a small, wrapped present sitting on her doorstep.  Puzzled, she picked it up.  There was no card attached, and she carried it inside to unwrap it.  As she tore off the paper, she noticed some writing on the small cardboard box.  In black marker, it simply said:

This made me think of you.

Jason

She opened the box to see a Christmas ornament nestled inside.  Pulling it out, she saw that it was a
small snowglobe, and as she looked closer she was shocked to see the art gallery she and Jason had visited.  The whole row of shops was there—the coffee shop, bakery, bookstore, and art gallery, each with tiny details painted on and their names in small letters.  When had Jason found this? 
Where
had he found it?  He didn’t seem like the type to go shopping for sentimental gifts.  He knew she loved the gallery, and it had been their first and only “date” that really wasn’t.

She swallowed, feeling moved that he’d found this for her.
  Melissa had talked to Jason the day of her tree-trimming party.  Had she told him that each of her friends had brought over a special ornament?  Or was it just a coincidence?  She was amazed he’d taken the time to pick out something that she’d really love.  Walking into her living room, she hung it on the tree.  The glass reflected the lights, and the snowglobe shook, the snow softly falling to the ground as it settled back into place.  She heard a car door slam a moment later and saw Jason helping his son out of the car.  Suddenly feeling brave, she decided it was now or never, and she marched out the door and across the street.

Jason looked startled to see her.  He helped his son out of the car and introduced them, and Amy couldn’t help but smile as the little boy shook her hand.
  “We’re just getting back from the park,” Jason explained, his voice deep.  “It was a little cold, but we had a fun time.”

“And we saw a deer!” Brian shouted. 
“A real one!”

“Wow, that is very special,” Amy said.  “I wonder if it was a reindeer.”

“A reindeer?!  Daddy!  She said it was a reindeer!” Brian shrieked happily, jumping up and down.

“Maybe so, buddy,” Jason said with a chuckle.  He looked back to Amy, his blue eyes bright and alert.

“I just wanted to say thank you for the ornament,” she said softly.  “I love it.”

“I knew when I saw it that it was perfect for you,” Jason said with a warm smile.

“Thanks again. I should get going,” Amy said, turning around.

“Wait, Amy.  Can I come by later on?  I really need to talk to you.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” she said hesitantly, glancing back at him.

“Can I at least call you? 
Tonight?”

Her heart fluttered in her chest as she looked up at him.  This could only end badly, and although logic and reason were telling her
no
, do not agree to talk with him, her heart was screaming
yes. 
“Yeah, I guess so,” she said hastily, turning again to go.  “Bye,” she called back over her shoulder as she walked down his driveway.

Jason grinned and looked down at his son.  “Come on—I’ll race you to the front door!”

***

That evening Amy nervously paced back and forth in her living room.  Waiting for Jason to call was
unnerving
.  Besides, what if he didn’t even bother?  He was wrapped up taking care of his son this week—she got that.  She wondered what time four-year-olds went to bed and then realized the little boy was still probably on west coast time.  It would be a while before she heard from Jason.  Amy showered and changed into her pajamas, deciding to settle in with a movie for the evening.  If she heard from Jason—great.  And if she didn’t, then she’d just gotten her hopes up for nothing.

She walked over to her Christmas tree, admiring the
snowglobe ornament that he’d given to her.  It was perfect, and she was touched that he’d thought of something to give her that he knew she would love.  She curled up on her sofa, pulling a warm blanket over her.  Flipping through the TV channels, she finally found a Christmas movie to watch.  The only thing better would be a hot cup of cocoa—
that, and someone to drink it with
, she thought with a wry smile.

When the phone finally rang half an hour later, she actually jumped in surprise.  She’d been so into watching her movie that she’d actually forgotten about Jason’s call—was that a good or a bad thing?  Now she was a bundle of nerves all over again, and her heart raced as she picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Amy.  Hi.  It’s Jason.”  He seemed nervous as well.  She didn’t recall him ever sounding so disjointed before.

“Hi,” she said softly.

“Sorry I wasn’t able to call sooner.  I just got Brian off to bed.”

“I figured you’d be busy with that.”

“Yeah, the poor kid hasn’t adjusted to the time change.  He’s here visiting for two weeks though, so as soon as he gets used to Eastern Standard Time, I’ll have to send him back to his mom,” he said with a low chuckle.

“So I guess you worked out a custody arrangement?”

“Yes, we did,” Jason said, sounding more and more like
himself.  “He’ll be able to come visit me every month—at least for now while he’s young.  We’ll have to work out a whole new arrangement when he starts elementary school in a couple of years, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“Well
, I’m glad it worked out for you,” she hedged.

“Thank you.”  He paused for a moment, and she knew he was about to bring up their fight and the weekend they spent together.  Their conversation up to this point was just pleasantries.  “Amy, listen, I feel terrible that things happened the way that they did.  I mean, I never expected that weekend to unfold like it did at all.  I wanted to take you out to dinner, talk
, get to know you—I’d been hoping to ask you out that night at the art gallery, but I got called back to base.  And I never meant to keep the fact that I had a son from you.  I honestly just hadn’t had a good chance to sit down with you and talk.”

“I know,” she said with a sigh.
  “I just—I just felt like you intentionally kept it from me.  And then you told me how I couldn’t understand—” her voice broke off and she fought back the tears that once again threatened to fall.  No matter what Jason had or hadn’t said, it didn’t change the stark truth—in a way she couldn’t,
wouldn’t
, ever understand, because she’d never be able to have a child.

“Amy,” Jason
said, his voice thick with emotion.  “I’m so sorry.”

She sniffed but didn’t answer as fat tears rolled
down her cheeks.

“Please don’t cry.”

“I should go,” she sniffled, wanting to end this call as quickly as possible.

“No—wait.  I’m coming over,” he decided.

“Now?  I’m in my pajamas.  And what about Brian?”

“I’ll be right over.”

The line clicked as he hung up the phone and Amy stared at it, dumbfounded.  Did they really need to talk about this right now and in person?  She’d agreed to talk over the phone, and that seemed like a nice way to ease back into things.  She wasn’t sure if she was ready to forgive him yet even though a part of her desperately wanted to.  Just like Melissa had also noticed, Amy saw how amazing he was with his son.  It was impossible to find fault with that—if anything, it was just the timing of the situation that had gone all wrong.  And as for the comment about having children—who hadn’t asked her that?  She was a preschool teacher—everyone assumed she wanted and would have kids.

A moment later a knock came at the door, and she hesitantly went down the hall.  She’d changed earlier into her red flannel pajamas.  They were warm, cute, and Christmassy, but not exactly what you’d wear to have a man over for the evening.
  She cracked the door and saw Jason standing there in the cold, wearing cargo pants and black winter coat.  “Jason, look, this really isn’t a good time.  I’m in my pajamas!”

“I don’t care,” he said firmly.  “I’m so sorry that I hurt you.  Can I please just come in?”

The pleading look in his eyes made her hesitate, and a moment later she opened the door further.  Jason stepped inside, the cold radiating off him as he entered.  “Whew—it’s freezing out there tonight.  Can I take this off?” he asked, gesturing to his jacket.

“Fine,” she said crossing her arms across her chest.  She felt a little ridiculous standing there like that, but he was the one who’d insisted on coming.

He shrugged out of his jacket and hung it from the front doorknob.  Glancing into her living room, he saw the Christmas tree in the front window.  “Your tree looks good there,” he said, his voice deep.  One beat passed, and then two.  Finally he turned back toward Amy.  She nervously licked her lips as he gazed at her, and he cleared his throat.  “Please tell me how to fix this,” he said quietly.  “I’d give anything to take back what I said.”

Tears filled her eyes, and although she’d sworn to herself she wouldn’t cry when he came over, they slowly spilled down her cheeks.  “Please don’t cry,” he said huskily, taking a step closer to her.  They were still in the front hallway, and Amy took a step back, finding herself with no place to go as
she backed against the wall.  She wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Please don’t cry.”  He was right in front of her now, cupping her face in his hands and wiping her tears away with his thumbs.  “Amy,” he breathed, leaning down so that she felt his breath on her cheek, “I’m so sorry.”