A Matter of Forever (30 page)

It takes too long for us to reach Annar. Cicely comes with; her parents will be contacted when we reach the hospital. She needs to be checked out, anyway. I’m worried about her. She’s gone through so much for somebody so little.

Life isn’t fair far too often.

Kate Blackthorn meets us the moment we get to the hospital; Astrid is with her. Did Karl call her in the helicopter? The journey back to Annar is a blur. The only thing that mattered was Kellan’s heart beating, his lungs moving up and down. I finally let go of him when Kellan’s mother begs me to let the Shamans help him, and then I let her hold me tight as he’s hurried off to a room. Because of me, her sons have gone through, risked too much; both paid the ultimate price for their loyalty and feelings toward me.

At least Kellan’s heart is beating. I don’t have to tell Astrid that both of her sons are gone because of me.

Karl squeezes my shoulder; I have yet to thank him. But before I can, he presses a quick kiss against my head and tells me he needs to go and make sure Raul is okay.

“Oh, sweetling,” Astrid says to me, “I am so, so glad you are okay. We have all been greatly worried for your safety.”

Her kindness is painful, like razor slices against skin that refuses to heal. I swallow hard, but the ever-present lump in my throat goes nowhere. “Kellan—”

“Shh, darling.” Her hand rubs my back. “He will be fine. Kate has him. But we need to get you checked out, too. I know that you probably want to go right to Jonah’s room, but you’ll be no good to anyone if you are in pain.”

Wait. Wait.

She’s nudging me forward, toward the Shaman waiting a few feet away, but I dig my heels in, skidding silently to a halt.

Her slim fingers curve around my arm in gentle reminder of foot in front of foot. “Cameron and the kids are with him right now. We’ll go see all of them when you’re done.”

Him
.

Astrid is still talking, still pulling me toward the Shaman, and I’m pretty sure I’m dreaming because how could she be saying such things? My chest hurts. His pain is now mine.

The Shaman sticks out a hand, introducing herself. I leave it hanging and turn instead to my mother-in-law. Shaky hands wrap around her arms to steady myself. “Wh-what did you say?”

Confusion reflects in her purple eyes. “Cameron is upstairs alongside William and Callie in Jonah’s room.”

My heart leaps to my throat. Kellan wasn’t lying to me? “What room?”

She smiles gently. “Darling, let’s get you check out first. None of them would forgive me if we didn’t—”

Light bulbs around me pop. I choke out, “What room?”

She side skirts thin, broken glass like it’s nothing, like my shock and fears and hopes haven’t manifested themselves in destruction yet again. “Two twenty-two. First, let’s—”

I don’t wait for the rest. I’m already running to find the stairs.

Will and Callie are standing out in the hall, talking quietly. Callie’s got a hand on his chest, and he’s ... it looks like he’s got one curving the arc of her waist. In any other circumstance, this might delight me, but ...

But I need to see what’s behind door number two hundred and twenty-two.

They’re startled when I jog up, and I get it, I do. I’m covered in dirt, ash, blood, sweat, and tears. One of my arms is hosting a tourniquet. I’m a hot mess if there ever was one to wear the label. Will’s saying my name, asking me how I am, and I hear all the love and concern in his voice, but I ignore him, ignore Callie, too when she asks where Kellan is.

I yank the door open and find Cameron sitting by a bed, reading a newspaper. He also says my name, but ... but ...

My husband’s lying in the bed next to him.

My good hand covers my mouth; some godsawful choking noises sound in the room and I’m pretty sure they’re mine.

Jonah’s here. In a hospital. With Cameron.

Pictures rattle on the walls, a plastic cup topples off a table, spilling water across the floor. Hope all too recently buried springs forth in a glorious blaze of color.

“Hen! I thought Astrid was getting you checked out.” Cameron rises to meet me, but I brush past him and head straight to the bed. I hope he’ll forgive me for my rudeness, hope he’ll understand.

My hands are shaking. I’m flat-out shaking and so ecstatic I don’t know what to do with myself. Jonah’s alive. Jonah’s here. Kellan wasn’t lying—his brother is here.

He’s asleep, head titled slightly to the side as his chest softly rises and falls. He looks okay, though. Not a scratch on his face. I can’t see his chest beneath the blankets, but ... his face looks so good, like nothing ever happened.

If only I could pretend none of this happened.

“I’m here.” I crawl up on the mattress next to him, grabbing the hand closest to me and kissing it before I lean over and press my mouth to his. His lips are ... cold. Is the air conditioning on too high in the room? I’ll have to fix that. “I’m here. I’m back. I’m so sorry that it took me so long. Gods, you cannot imagine how glad I am to see you. I thought,”—I lay a cheek against the back of his hand—“it doesn’t matter what I thought. We’re together again. That’s what counts.”

“Hen ...”

He must be so tired. He isn’t even stirring, even though I’m practically bouncing on his bed. “Jonah?” I curve my good hand around his face. Huh. His skin is cold, too.

Cameron runs a hand across his face and takes a deep breath. “Chloe—”

My husband isn’t waking up. Other than breathing,
he’s not moving
. “Jonah?”

Will and Callie are back in the room, I think; their hushed, uneasy voices blur in the background. Why do they all seem so sad?

“Jonah?” I shake his shoulders a little; it’s selfish of me to wake him up when I’m sure the Shamans have told him he needs to be resting, but I just need to know he’s okay. Even if it’s just a sleepy hi and smile. I kiss his mouth again, the force of all my love for him radiating out of me. He’s so still, though, so ... cold. He’s never felt so cold to me before.

Anxiety finds its way back to my belly. He needs to wake up. I ... I will not accept anything other than Jonah being okay right now. Nothing else is acceptable. Not now. Not after everything we’ve been though, gone through.

I do the unthinkable. I haul my hand back and smack the face of the person I love more than any other being in the entire universe, leaving behind a red mark. “Wake up!” My voice is so hoarse from the day’s events, but I’m loud enough to shake the room. Shake the bed. “Jonah Whitecomb, you need to wake up right now! Do you hear me?”

Nothing. Not a single twitch, flinch, or change of breath.

No. This is not happening, not again. Oh gods,
not again.
I rip the blankets back, tug up his the top of his pale blue scrubs. My fingers trace across the smooth skin there; no lines, no holes, no anything but paling golden skin. My ear drops down; his heartbeat is slow and steady, matching his soft breathing.

Why isn’t he waking up? Is this ... is he in a coma?

Cameron is saying my name, so is his son. But me, I’m considering my options. Jonah’s heart ... it sounds good. The memory of the Elders stabbing him in it lingers, though. I felt those attacks, saw them. How did he survive? Could it be possible they missed his heart, even if by millimeters? If so ... why is he still asleep? He’s Kate Blackthorn’s best friend’s son. There is no way she wouldn’t have worked her ass off to heal him. Why is he asleep?

I need to fix him, fix whatever is still wrong. I ... I brought Kellan back. He didn’t even have a heart, and now he’s breathing. I can fix Jonah, too. I just ... I just need to figure out what’s wrong. Find what’s wrong and make it better.

Lightbulbs are popping around us, Fourth of July sparklers set ablaze as I draw every last atom and molecule toward me. I thought I put all of Enlilkian’s life force into Kellan, but ... maybe there’s something left. Something extraordinary enough to fix this man I don’t know if I can live without. If not, I will happily give him all that I have. I have the power of reanimation, right? I will just ... reanimate him. That’s all. So easy. I grab his face between my hands, ignoring the sharp spikes of pain ripping through my broken arm; I take the worlds’ largest breath, let it out slowly.

Here goes everything ...

A hand comes to rest on my shoulder just as I begin shoving every single piece of life force I have inside me into Jonah. “Hen, please, let’s get you taken care of before—”

I jerk out of Cameron’s grasp, collapsing onto the bed. I’m woozy, stars dance in front on my eyes for the second time in one day. I’m not done, though. Not by a long shot. “Let ... me ... finish.”

“I don’t know what is going on right now,” he says, and I marvel at how he can sound both curt and worried all at once, “but it cannot be good. Hen, you’ve just lost all your coloring, even more than you had when you first came in here. Please. Let me help you get out of this bed so we can get you healed and in the right form on mind.”

Laughter, wonderful, bitter laughter forces its way out. Doesn’t he see? Doesn’t he get it? Why does everybody keep worrying about me? I am not that important. I’m just a girl who keeps screwing everything up.

Will’s hand stretches out toward mine. “I cannot imagine what you’ve gone through, but you need to—”

“I don’t need to do anything other than what I’m doing!” I don’t like the look on their faces. They’re all so bloody sad. So worried. No. I can’t accept this.
NO.
Please let them be only worried for me. Not for him. Not now, not when I’m holding him, not when I know I can fix him. I just have to find what’s wrong. Did the Elders take something from him, too?

“Chloe, you are not in control of yourself,” Will barks. “Do you even see what you’re doing to the room? Hospital? You are scaring people!”

Oh gods. Oh gods. I force my eyes closed, count to ten. It’s not working. Twenty. Thirty. He’s talking, he’s telling me it will be okay, Cameron too, but nothing is okay, not if Jonah has to pay for all my sins.

It’s my turn to be slapped. Shock stuns my eyes back open. Callie is standing there, shaking. The room is a broken mess. “If you think for one moment that, if J were awake, he would ever put up with you ignoring your health, you can think again, Chloe Whitecomb. You are going to get your ass up and to a Shaman, do you hear me?”

She’s not the only one shaking. My fingers curl into fists. I force more breaths in and out. Say, as calmly as I can when all I want to do is to give myself over to the rage once more, “What is going on? Why isn’t he waking up? What did those things do to him?”

All Callie’s heat leaves as her mouth falls open, wordless. Will looks over at his father, helplessness darkening his brown eyes.

“Did Kellan not talk to you when he found you?” Cameron asks me slowly at the same time Astrid bursts through what’s left of the doorway, out of breath. She takes in the room with wide eyes before sagging against the wall.

“There was fear the Elders had somehow gotten into Annar again,” she murmurs shakily. And then, straightening up. “Chloe, I know things are hard right now, but you need to take a breath.”

I’ve taken a breath. I’ve taken a hundred of them. None of them are working.

“I just talked to Karl, he told me ...” She approaches me warily. “He told me how he found you and Kellan. Sweetling, nobody can blame you for being on edge. But ... you must calm down. You must—”

“I obliterated them.” I grab Jonah’s hand again. “I obliterated them all. They won’t be coming to Annar again. You don’t have to worry about that. And I will go and obliterate all the rest of them below the city as soon as my husband is okay.”

Her lips press together. “Darling—”

“Now. I would like somebody to tell me what is wrong with Jonah.”

A full count of forty happens before she says, “I wish we could.”

Everything just kind of goes hazy. I focus on the person below me, on his still face. “Where is Kate? Shouldn’t she be in here helping him?”

Astrid comes closer, twisting the ends of her sweater. “She’s with Kellan, sweetling. You know this.”

I close my eyes. Force air into my lungs and then back out again. This is ... it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. It’s got to be okay. One breath. One heartbeat. Jonah tells me I can survive anything if I just take it one moment at a time. His fingers in mine remind me ... it’s cold in here. Here is something we can fix immediately. “Will? Can you turn down the AC? It’s ... he’s too cold. It needs to be warmer in here.”

Will doesn’t move an inch. He just stands there, staring at me like I’m a stranger. Or, worse yet, I’ve lost my mind.

“Callie, go and get a Shaman,” Astrid says firmly.

“You’re bleeding, hen.” Cameron grabs a box of tissues off the floor. “Your nose. It’s bleeding.” He hands me the box, but I simply set it on top of Jonah’s legs.

I wipe the back of my hand across my nose, blood smears across my skin. It isn’t the first time I’ve bled today, not by a long shot.

I think I’m laughing. And then screaming, “WHAT ARE YOU NOT TELLING ME?”

Cameron grabs hold of me now, forces me to look at him. “Of course we will tell you everything, but you need to—”

“I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE, DO ANYTHING UNTIL YOU TELL ME.”

Will says, “Dad. She deserves to know.”

Oh gods. Oh gods.

My head lolls toward Jonah, toward his beautiful face, as Cameron says quietly, “The Shamans have been doing their very best to keep Jonah alive, hen. But he was hurt very badly the day you were kidnapped. It’s a miracle he’s alive. A bloody miracle. And only because a Shaman found him in Karnach moments before it was destroyed.”

All of the hope and joy in my chest fizzles right out.

“How many days?” My lips taste like blood.

Will says flatly, “Eight.”

“Jonah is very strong.” Cameron presses a tissue to my nose; I don’t fight him. Not when I need to save my fight for something far more important. “Despite everything his body has gone through, he is still here.”

The room spins. “Has he ... has he woken up?”

“No, darling,” Astrid says softly. “Not yet.”

It’s déjà vu, I think as I slide down in the bed next to him. Our positions are now reversed; just a few months ago, Jonah sat by my bedside, hoping against hope that my eyes would open.