A Mother's Story (27 page)

Never Alone is a campaign by the Luke Batty Foundation.

We will stand with the women and children affected by family violence so that they are supported in the community and have a powerful voice in the corridors of power.

Never Alone will build a groundswell of support for victims that will make it impossible for family violence to be ignored any longer.

We will not tip toe around the issue of family violence. We will say the things that make people feel uncomfortable.

Never Alone will bring people together. We have a vision that change is driven through the eyes of the victims, with a force of supportive people behind it.

We understand that family violence can happen to anybody and that we all have a responsibility to help end this epidemic.

Recently, we handed over a weighty petition with over 13,000 signatures from Never Alone supporters to every state and territory leader, calling for compulsory respectful relationships programs in schools.

They were receptive but we have to keep the pressure up to make sure it happens. Let's make sure the funding and further development of state-wide roll out models are top of the agenda for every state and territory education minister too.

To stand with us, visit
www.neveralone.com.au

2001:
Rosie falls pregnant to Greg.

20 June 2002:
Luke is born.

July 2002:
Greg becomes angry with Rosie, picks up a wooden chest and threatens to throw it at her. Rosie is advised by Victorian Legal Aid that she cannot return to England with Luke to live without Greg's permission.

January 2003:
Greg threatens Rosie with a large urn and aims kicks at her head.

March 2004:
Rosie is advised by Victorian Legal Aid that Greg has a right to see his son.

June 2004:
During an access visit, Greg pulls Rosie's hair and threatens to kill her. The following day, Rosie seeks and is granted an intervention order forbidding Greg from seeing or speaking to Rosie, but not restricting his access to Luke.

June 2005:
Intervention order expires.

December 2005:
Rosie relieves Greg of duty to pay child support, hoping that by relaxing financial pressure on him, his attitude towards her may soften.

April 2006:
Family Court orders Greg can have continued access to Luke, including overnight on weekends.

June 2006:
Greg attacks Rosie, pushing her into a wall and telling her, ‘I would like to knock you into next week.' Rosie calls police. No charges are laid.

May 2012:
Greg threatens to hit Rosie with a glass vase at her home. Luke witnesses the attack. Greg is arrested and taken to Frankston Hospital for psychiatric assessment. A new intervention order names Rosie and Luke as protected persons. Police refer case to Child Protection.

June 2012:
After assessing the case, Child Protection advises Rosie that Luke is not at significant risk of harm and no further action is warranted.

November 2012:
Greg downloads child porn to a USB key at a public library. He is later charged for the offence. Privacy laws mean Rosie is not informed.

January 2013:
Greg still has court-ordered access to Luke on weekends. During one handover, Greg tells Rosie, ‘I would really like to kill you' and ‘I can make you suffer.' Rosie reports the threat to police, who arrest Greg the following day. Greg is remanded in custody and charged. The following day, Greg is released on bail.

February 2013:
Courts issue another intervention order against Greg.

April 2013:
Greg fails to show at court to face threat-to-kill charges. Rosie testifies to court that during a recent access visit, Greg showed Luke a knife and said, ‘It could all end with this.' Warrants are issued for Greg's arrest. All access to Luke is suspended. Greg living in his car.

7 May 2013:
After police have trouble locating Greg, Rosie informs police that Greg is likely to show up at Luke's footy training. Police tell Rosie to call triple zero if Greg appears. Greg appears the following night. Terrified, Rosie calls triple
zero – only to be told by local police that warrants for Greg's arrest have not been received. Rosie is hysterical.

10 May 2013:
Rosie attends Frankston Magistrates Court to seek a variation of the intervention order. Greg is not present. Rosie says she has lost faith in the system. Court officers report her as being a ‘complete mess'.

21 May 2013:
Rosie informs police that Greg will be coming to footy training again the following night. Greg shows up briefly but police are busy with other matters and unable to attend.

29 May 2013:
Greg arrested by police at Tyabb oval. In custody, he responds aggressively to police, saying God will ‘get' them.

11 June 2013:
Greg faces court and is granted bail. Matter adjourned until 3 July. Rosie says she is scared for her and Luke's safety.

3 July 2013:
Greg applies for a variation of the intervention order.

22 July 2013:
Magistrate orders Greg to have access to Luke on weekends at football, cricket or Little Athletics – only when others are present. Rosie breaks down at court.

25 July 2013:
During counselling, Luke says he is not afraid of his father, but worried about the safety of his mother.

September 2013:
After another court hearing to tighten the intervention order, Rosie breaks down and tells Child Protection she is at the end of her tether, requests they take out a protective order for Luke.

16 October 2013:
Child Protection close file on Luke Batty.

10 December 2013:
Rosie takes Luke on five-week holiday to UK to visit family.

17 January 2014:
Greg fails to appear at court to face child porn charges.

24 January 2014:
Greg's housemate applies for an intervention order against Greg.

28 January 2014:
Warrant issued for Greg's arrest – for breach of bail conditions.

5 February 2014:
Police contact Rosie asking if she knows Greg's current address or whereabouts. She doesn't. That same day, by coincidence, Greg calls Rosie, in breach of IVO. She elicits his address and passes the information immediately to police.

8 February 2014:
Greg attends Luke's cricket match. Later that week, Greg phones to tell Luke he was living with people he does not like and was upset that Luke had not contacted him on his return from the UK.

12 February 2014:
Greg attends Luke's cricket training at Tyabb oval and kills him. Greg is shot by police while confronting them with a knife and dies early the next morning in hospital. At the time of his death, Greg was facing eleven criminal charges and had four warrants out for his arrest.

The journey of grief is not easy. Not for me and not for those sharing my journey. I thank everyone who has been able to weather the storms and stick by me no matter what.

To my brothers, who share my pain and understand my loss like no one else. To my dad, who would do anything to help me and take away the pain.

To Michelle, Sam and the wonderful Richardson family for their open door, home-cooked meals and for being true friends in every sense. To Mel for her big heart. To Ben the obnoxious painter who has always known what to say and how to make me laugh. To Lee for being able to stick around when the going was so very tough. To Flinders Christian College for helping me with Luke's funeral and for making sure it was such a very special day. To the Tyabb Cricket Club for their support and helping me with all the arrangements for Luke's funeral. To the Salvation Army, friends and everyone in the community for the home-cooked meals, toilet rolls and never-ending compassion that helped me in those very early days. To everyone for the cards, poems, flowers and letters. Knowing how much you all cared and were there to support me through those first few months of intense grief was overwhelming, but showed me that humanity knows no limits.
To Lisa for helping me when I've been at my most vulnerable, for sharing some amazing experiences and helping me gain my confidence.

To Charandev for being such a wonderful person and being there through Luke's inquest. You are such a gentle caring soul and I feel so very privileged to have been able to get to know you. To Justin for being my right hand and my confidante – I could never have achieved what I have without you. To my new friends in the family violence sector – I have learnt so much, and without your professional insights and support I would not be where I am now.

To Sue, Mike and David for believing in me and joining me in Canberra to share that very special evening when I became Australian of the Year. It was an evening we will never forget.

And to Bryce, whose friendship I treasure and sense of humour I value. I am so very pleased you chose to help me write my book.

The pernicious thing about family violence is that victims of abuse accept the behaviour that they have been conditioned to believe they deserve. Their self-esteem is so completely worn down over years and years of abuse – be it physical, psychological, financial – that they sometimes barely even recognise they are in an abusive relationship.

The bottom line is that violence is never okay. You don't deserve it, and whatever your partner might tell you, you are not the cause of it.

What is family violence?

Too many Australian women and children experience violence every day. Domestic or family violence is one of the most common forms of violence against women and their children in Australia, and can take a number of forms, including:

•  physical – for example, slapping, hitting, choking, stabbing

•  sexual – for example, rape, harassment, being forced to watch pornography

•  emotional or psychological – for example, isolating the person from friends, family or culture, threats against children, threats to commit suicide or self-harm

•  economic – for example, withholding money, controlling family finances, taking out loans in a partner's name without consent

•   stalking – for example, repeated following, watching or harassing.

The cost of violence against women and their children to the Australian economy in 2009 was $13.6 billion. It's calculated to rise to $15.6 billion by 2021–22 without the right preventative action.

Getting help on domestic violence for yourself and others

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 000 in Australia or 111 in New Zealand immediately. Help is available from many services in Australia and New Zealand. The following family violence services are gateways that can put you in touch with the best service for your needs, or can provide a listening ear.

Australia – National

1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)

Available twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

www.1800respect.org.au

The National Sexual Assault, Domestic Family Violence Counselling Service is a free and confidential telephone and online service for any Australian who is experiencing or has experienced domestic or family violence and/or sexual assault. Translating and Interpreting Service: call 13 14 50 and ask them to contact 1800 RESPECT.

National Relay Service: for callers who are deaf or have a hearing or speech impairment: visit www.relayservice.com.au and ask them to contact 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).
TTY/voice calls: phone 133 677 and ask them to contact 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).

Speak and Listen users: phone 1300 555 727 and ask them to contact 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).

Luke Batty Foundation

www.lukebattyfoundation.com.au

Helping women and children affected by the trauma of family violence.

Our Watch

www.ourwatch.org.au

Our Watch has been established to drive nationwide change in the culture, behaviours and attitudes that lead to violence against women and children.

Women's Legal Services Australia

www.wlsa.org.au

This is a national network of community legal centres that specialise in women's legal issues. They provide advice, information, casework and education to women on family law and family violence matters as well as provide advice on more general legal issues.

The Men's Referral Service

1300 766 491

mrs.org.au

The Men's Referral Service provides anonymous and confidential telephone counselling, information and referrals to men to help them to stop using violent and controlling behaviour.

What Men Can Do

whatmencando.net

This site provides information on how men can respond to and prevent men's violence against women.

Kid's Helpline

1800 55 1800

www.kidshelp.com.au

Australia's only free, private and confidential, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged between five and twenty-five.

ANROWS

www.anrows.org.au

Australia's National Research Organisation for Women's Safety Limited (ANROWS) is an independent, not-for-profit company established as an initiative under Australia's National Plan to Reduce Violence against Women and their Children 2010–2022.

Lifeline

13 11 44

www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Facts---Information/Domestic-Abuse-and-Family-Violence

Among its crisis support services, Lifeline deals with domestic and family violence.

APPS

Daisy

Daisy connects women who are experiencing or have experienced sexual assault, domestic and family violence to services in their state and local area.

iMatter

An app to help young women understand the warning signs of abusive and controlling behaviour in relationships as well as promote healthy self-esteem.

Australia – States and Territories

AUSTRALIAN CAPITAL TERRITORY

Domestic Violence Crisis Service ACT

02 6280 0900

www.dvcs.org.au

NEW SOUTH WALES

Domestic Violence Line

1800 65 64 63

www.domesticviolence.nsw.gov.au

NORTHERN TERRITORY

Dawn House

08 8945 1388

www.dawnhouse.org.au

QUEENSLAND

DV Connect Womensline

1800 811 811

www.dvconnect.org/womensline

SOUTH AUSTRALIA

Domestic Violence Crisis Service

1300 782 200

Domestic Violence and Aboriginal Family Violence

Gateway Service

1800 800 098

TASMANIA

Family Violence Response and Referral line

1800 633 937

www.safeathome.tas.gov.au/services

VICTORIA

Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria

03 9486 9866

www.dvrcv.org.au

The Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria (DVRCV) provides training, publications, research and other resources to those experiencing (or who have experienced) family violence, and to practitioners and service organisations who work with family violence survivors. The website is an excellent resource for anyone seeking information or help.

Safe Steps

1800 015 188

www.safesteps.org.au

Safe Steps is the 24/7 Family Violence Response Centre that offers a comprehensive range of intervention, support and advocacy services for women and children experiencing violence and abuse from a partner or ex-partner, another family member or someone close to them.

WESTERN AUSTRALIA

Women's Domestic Violence Helpline

08 9223 1188 or 1800 007 339

New Zealand

Women's Refuge National Crisisline

0800 REFUGE (0800 733 843)

Available twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week; call toll free from anywhere in NZ. (If you're in Auckland you can also call 09 378 1893.)

www.womensrefuge.org.nz

Provides information, advice and support about domestic violence as well as help in a crisis.

Shine

0508 744 633

9 am to 11 pm, seven days a week.

www.2shine.org.nz

Domestic Abuse Helpline for anyone living with abuse. The website includes information on how to stop someone knowing you have been seeking information online about domestic violence.

Family Violence Information Line

0800 456 450

9 am to 11 pm, seven days a week, with an after-hours message redirecting callers in an emergency.

www.areyouok.org.nz

Provides self-help information and connection to appropriate services.

OTHER RECOMMENDED WEBSITES

www.familyservices.govt.nz

The Family and Community Services site has a directory of social services in each community.

www.justice.govt.nz

The Ministry of Justice site has information about protection orders.

www.nnsvs.org.nz

The National Network of Stopping Violence site has a directory of local services.