Authors: Lucy Appadoo
Angela flinched. “Now, now Valeria. Let's not get dramatic. Luca's been our friend for a few years now— and we've only known you for a couple of days. Who did you think we'd believe?”
Valeria drew back, fighting tears. “But why would I lie about such a thing?”
Roberto patted Valeria's hand across the table. “We're not saying you lied. It's just that Luca was probably being friendly and you mistook that for something else.”
“Are you serious?” Valeria asked. She realised that in all fairness they didn't really know her, but they had known Luca for years. He must've had a way of charming himself out of this one, but eventually she would catch him.
“Do you know how many things Luca has done for us?” She shrugged. “He helped us paint the house when we first arrived here, bought us some furniture, lent us some money, and he's now helping us with the wedding. He's been a god-send.”
Valeria turned away in response, thinking that Luca was indeed a complex character.
The rest of dinner time was spent on small talk and then Valeria helped Angela with the washing up. The men smoked their cigarettes and cigars in the living room with the television switched to the Italian news channel.
Chapter 3
Matrimony
Over the next three days, Valeria kept herself securely in the house. She wouldn't risk Luca dropping in when she was on her own again. Rather, she kept herself busy by cooking, cleaning, and literally locking herself in. Luca had made her housebound. She had shopped with Angela for the post-wedding food. Her wedding dress fit perfectly, and she was happy with the adjustments. The incident with Luca was never spoken about, and Valeria was thankful he hadn't bothered her again. She couldn't blame the others completely for not believing her, given their long friendship with Luca, but it still hurt not to have their full support.
The day of the wedding was nerve-racking for Valeria. Luca had driven Roberto and Marco to the church whilst another friend of theirs had driven Valeria and Angela to the church. Originally, it was Luca who was allocated her driver, but without discussing it with her, Roberto had obviously asked someone else to do it. Perhaps he was thinking how awkward it would be for her, and she was mildly touched by the gesture.
Other close family members, including Roberto's two brothers and their wives, as well as a few friends, met at St Monica's Church in Moonee Ponds. It was a classically beautiful church with many steps leading up towards the entrance. Valeria felt numb as she took small steps outside the church, waiting for the wedding march to start playing. It was a beautiful autumn morning, and looking around her, she could smell pine-scented air and see flocks of birds overhead. Her breathing became rapid. As Valeria waited for Marco to walk her down the aisle, she felt frazzled and wanted to turn back. She wondered what she was doing marrying a man she didn't love. What was she thinking? Was her life in Italy that bad that she needed to escape so desperately? Valeria ignored her thoughts. She noticed the family members and friends sitting on only one side of the church. She cringed when she spotted Luca who winked at her from the middle pew of the church. She wondered why they had still invited him after what he did to her, but then again, they all felt it was a colossal misunderstanding. He had obviously charmed his way back into their good graces.
After the vows and signing of the documents, Roberto and Valeria strolled out of the church. They stood outside and were greeted by family and friends. She felt completely alone without her family present. Not that they could afford to come, but then again, it wasn't like it was a real marriage. It was a marriage of convenience. Yet, Valeria couldn't help but feel a strong sense of abandonment by her parents. Valeria briefly recalled a memory when she had felt neglected by her father back in Italy. Images flashed through her mind that were best left buried but always surfaced under stressful circumstances such as this one. She was fourteen, only 4 years ago when her father was having a house built as contractors were laying tiles on the roof. Valeria was watching the workers and running through the field. Little did she realise there was a plank of wood with a protruding nail on the ground. As she ran, the nail penetrated her foot and she cried out in pain. No-one noticed so she refused to tell her father about the incident. Sometime later, Valeria winced with pain at the lunch table. Her mother was absent for the day. She struggled to eat lunch with her family as her foot swelled up, aggravating the pain. When Valeria could no longer tolerate the pain, she told her father about the nail. He was angry she hadn't told him sooner and sent her to the doctor by donkey on her own. After an hour's travel, she ended up at her older sister's house; the pain felt like a razor in her foot. Her sister found her and called the doctor nearby who quickly visited the house. He gave Valeria a tetanus shot and said, “You were so close to dying, Valeria. It's lucky you came to see me right now—we need to fight this infection in your foot. You're a very lucky girl."
Valeria thought that if her father had genuinely cared about her safety that day, he would've taken her to the doctor himself. Instead, she fended for herself. If it wasn't for her sister, she could've easily died.
Breaking out of her thoughts, Roberto introduced her to some of his friends and she kissed them on both cheeks, as was customary. When Luca came up to them, she noticed that Roberto greeted him with some reservation, but when he wanted to greet Valeria, Roberto stopped him. He seemed to look at Luca suspiciously, and drew closer to Valeria by putting his arm around her shoulder. She felt subtly protected by him.
“Why don't you bring the car around, Luca. We'll meet you there in a few minutes.”
Valeria noticed Luca's eyes darken and his lips pursed. He nodded, turning towards Valeria with a brief sinister look in his eyes, then headed for the car park at the rear of the church.
Roberto and Valeria eventually left in Roberto's white Valiant with Luca driving them back home. Valeria sat awkwardly in the car, lifting her dress which had filled up part of Roberto's space. She noticed Luca staring at her in the rear view mirror so she shifted her gaze and watched the traffic. She was in awe of the shifting crowds and the wide open spaces and roads, quite different to her own village. She had also never viewed such a spectacular church with all those stained glass windows, that wide-open space, and such an array of candles. She'd only ever visited a much smaller church in her village. She realised how poor and lonely she felt. Everyone here seemed wealthier, more educated, and lived in an open and natural, but populated space. She'd need to adapt to the city with its dense population and vast roads.
Roberto turned to her. “So how are you feeling?”
Valeria shrugged. “It all seems so unreal.” She shifted awkwardly in the seat.
“That's natural.”He paused. “So I guess tonight—aah— we'll be together.” Roberto watched her curiously as if he could see right through her.
Valeria froze. How could she manage that? She looked away and didn't respond. Valeria wasn't ready for anything sexual to happen.
When she turned back towards him, she couldn't decide exactly what she felt for him. She liked him and realised there were many layers to his personality.
She noticed Luca staring at her in the mirror again. He held an expression of contained anger and composure while driving. Valeria felt chilled and hugged her body tight.
When they finally reached the house, Luca went to his house next door to grab some chairs for the prospective guests. Valeria and Roberto entered the house. She walked to her bedroom while Roberto fixed himself a drink in the kitchen. She changed into a black lace sleeveless dress that she had bought especially for the post-wedding party, and took one last look in the mirror. She put on long, white silk gloves adorned with cream beading that went up to her elbows. She breathed a sigh of relief that part of the day was over, but she was still nervous about later tonight. She left the room and greeted the guests who had just arrived, and then helped Angela serve an early dinner on a buffet table. The table was filled with tortellini bolognaise, baked garlic-seasoned chicken, arancini balls, salad with feta cheese, prosciutto with assorted cheeses and homemade Italian sausages with ciabatta bread.
Valeria stepped into the kitchen to grab some glasses from an overhead buffet and hutch, and placed them on a silver tray. Suddenly, she felt a touch on her shoulder and jumped. Turning to the side, she saw Luca grinning. She gasped and felt her hands shaking. She tried to compose herself, not wanting to appear out of control.
“What are you doing here?” Valeria asked. She watched Luca look around him. He turned back to her and gently touched her face. She thought she noticed a softening of his features, and he stared at her as if mesmerised. She felt unsettled.
“You are beautiful, you know. Stunning really," he whispered. As she turned to glare at him, Valeria noticed his features hardening. She quickly picked up the silver tray and walked out of the kitchen, facing straight ahead. “Nice butt too,” she heard him say behind her. Valeria felt nauseous and ignored him.
Valeria eventually ate, and was having a conversation with her sisters-in-law who were talking about professional dressmakers. They stumbled upon that conversation by admiring Valeria's wedding dress, and the post-wedding dress she was wearing. They believed there weren't enough dressmakers to go around, and quite a few women were starting up their own businesses. She knew she had the professional skills to do seamstress work. Luca was facing her while talking to others. He winked at her and licked his lips. Valeria ignored him, and was startled by the turn of conversation.
One of her sisters-in -law, Carmela, who had a warm smile, said, “My dad was so cruel. He hated it when I just looked at a guy—thinking I was about to marry him. He once slapped me so hard just because I spoke to this guy. He was only delivering the groceries to our home. When he slapped me, I fell back and almost hit my head on the cupboard behind me. Luckily for me, my mum came just in time to calm him down. He was so angry, and all I did was talk to this guy about his work.” Carmela, who was petite and slim, drew back her dark fringe. She looked at Valeria whose heart raced. “What's your dad like, Valeria? Was he strict like mine?”
Valeria nodded, and felt her face flush. She thought of the times he had used his belt and how she could never really talk to him. He was always angry and controlling. She couldn't shake the feeling that Luca was similar to her father.“I guess that's all they know. My dad had a hard life, but—it's still no excuse to treat us that way.”
“Too right Valeria. I know some women who attract men just like their fathers, then they're stuck in that cycle of abuse for years. They have no self-confidence, and believe they deserve what they're getting. It's madness.”
Valeria thought of her mother who was stuck in that cycle of abuse. He had treated her badly, abusing her emotionally, and she took it all. Her mother had no self-confidence when it came to her father. She was taken aback when Carmela spoke about Luca who was watching her from the sofa, pretending to be engaged in conversation with Roberto's brothers.
“You know, Valeria,” she whispered. “You look a lot like Luca's ex-girlfriend. He seems to go for the red-head types.”
Valeria winced, drawing a trembling hand through her hair. “Do I?”
Making excuses, she rushed off into the kitchen and sipped a glass of tap water. She noticed goose-bumps line her skin and her heart racing. She bowed her head and closed her eyes, wondering what she'd got herself into. She felt a lot more scared knowing that she resembled Luca's ex-girlfriend. Is that why he went after her? Or was it because she resembled his mother? Perhaps both. How could she even be doing this at the tender age of 18? How could she cope with these kinds of pressures? A new husband, a strange neighbour, city life, her lack of English skills, a lack of job, and her feeling of inadequacy when it came to relationships. What did she get herself into?
Valeria's mind changed direction as she wondered if Roberto would show signs of being like her father. Roberto wanted to believe that Luca was his friend and wouldn't lie to him, but he had. She wondered if Roberto was controlling like her father and Luca. They were friends, after all, so maybe they were alike. She already knew that Luca was such a man who craved power and control, and obviously showed no respect for women. She would sympathise with any woman who had Luca as a husband because of his aggressive tendencies.
That evening, Marco and Angela went to bed after the guests had left. Roberto and Valeria followed suit. Valeria entered their small bedroom with its mahogany double bed, dresser, and two matching bedside cabinets. She closed the cream lace curtains and could barely breathe. She walked to the bathroom and locked the door while Roberto started changing near the bed. Valeria noticed Roberto frown as he watched her rush towards the bathroom. She put on a full nightgown with long sleeves, covering her entire body to below the knees. Her hands were shaking as she unlocked the bathroom door, sighed and lifted the bed covers. Roberto was tucked under the covers on his side and stared. Valeria stayed close to her side, lying flat on her back. She turned off her lamp and said goodnight to Roberto. Her heart was racing when she heard Roberto's voice.
“Are you okay?”
Pausing, she said, “Fine. Just tired.”
“So you—aah—you don't—want to—you know—.”
Valeria froze again, unsure of what to say. “I'm tired. Sorry.” The silence was tense for Valeria and she wondered what Roberto was thinking. She remembered a friend of hers back in Italy had spoken to her about sex, but her parents had never spoken to her about it at all. To them, sex was a dirty word and not a natural turn of events.
Valeria's body felt stiff and she felt short of breath. Unable to sleep, she felt tears sting her eyes while thinking about her mother. Was this what her mother had really wanted for her? To sleep with a strange man? Or was it more her father's doing? She missed her mother terribly and wished she could share her life with her in Australia. Valeria cried herself to sleep, uncertain about her new marriage. Could she ever fulfil Roberto's expectations?