Authors: Lucy Appadoo
Chapter 4
Doubts
One week later, Valeria started English classes. She attended her first class at a centre in Brunswick and learned the alphabet and some conversational phrases. She took home basic English fictional texts to read whilst listening to the book's cassette with a tape recorder. Roberto, Marco, and Angela had started English classes a year ago and were in a more advanced class. They'd lived in Melbourne for two years and had some level of fluency.
After they came back from class, Roberto suggested taking a drive to Little Italy's Lygon Street for an espresso coffee and dessert. The breeze was noticeably cool on that autumn evening in April as Valeria strolled along the strips of restaurants and bars with Roberto, Angelo and Marco. The streets were crowded with Italians muttering in their native tongue. Valeria heard some whistling. She saw three men standing outside a restaurant staring at her. She cringed when she realised she was the object of their attention. Roberto, who was walking alongside her, quickly put his arm around her shoulder. His lingering glare at the men made them turn away rapidly. Roberto smiled at Valeria. She suddenly felt a flutter in her chest, returning the smile. She appreciated that Roberto was protective of her.
They entered the Lygon Street cafe and got a seat close to the window. A waiter approached and Valeria ordered a baked cheesecake and a cappuccino, while the others ordered espresso coffee and the same dessert. Roberto looked at Valeria with some curiosity.
“So, how was your first class?”
She was suddenly aware of Roberto's closeness. “Not too bad. I learned some phrases and the alphabet. I plan to listen to some tapes so I can learn the language really fast.”
Roberto nodded. “I really want to do an apprenticeship in carpentry. I've always loved working with my hands—making things out of wood. It's a passion of mine.”
Valeria nodded too.
“He made quite a few little knick-knacks back in Italy. Didn't you, Roberto?” Angela said.
Roberto's eyes seemed to be looking far off into the distance. When he returned, he said, “Well, it's time to get back to it. I just hate my job.”
Marco changed the subject “So, what are your plans, Valeria?”
She turned to Marco. “I love sewing, so I was thinking I might get into dressmaking.”
“I can help,” Angela said. “I'm not particularly fond of my job at the factory, so maybe we can do something together.”
Valeria nodded. “Well I'd like to get a start on setting up my own business.”This would be her dream come true.
“I can get you in touch with the Italian women's community. Spread the word, you know.”
Valeria's heart warmed. “I'd like to look at doing casual wear first, and then work towards custom-made designs when I have more experience.”
“Okay,” Angela said. “I'll talk to my friends.”
As the baked cheesecakes were brought to their table, Valeria stopped dead in her tracks. She saw a menacing figure. It was Luca.
“Well hello there, guys. Fancy meeting you here.”
Valeria felt herself shake and had suddenly lost her appetite, unable to start on her dessert.
“Luca, man, what are you doing here?” Marco asked.
“Just here out on the town with my mates— in good old Little Italy.”
Valeria noticed Luca staring at her. He stood close to Roberto with two other men who were shabbily dressed.
“Anyway, thanks for your help at the wedding. You were a lifesaver,” Angela said.
“No worries, man.” He smiled at Angela. “So, what are you guys doing here anyway? You don't usually go out on a weeknight.”
“We just had our English class. Thought we'd come out and show Valeria a bit of Melbourne,” Angela said.
Valeria noticed Roberto continuing to eat his dessert, and had only looked at Luca when he first entered. She realised how quiet Roberto was, not addressing Luca in any way. Was he beginning to wonder about Luca? Was Roberto finally seeing her side?
Luca nodded, his constant stares unnerving Valeria. “Why not? Anyway, I'll catch you guys later.”
Luca seated himself and his friends at a table at the other end of the cafe. She turned away and felt sick to her stomach. She needed some quiet time. She excused herself to the ladies room and discovered it was in the upstairs part of the cafe. She noticed how quiet it was upstairs with empty tables that could seat a large number of customers. After leaving the cubicle, she washed her hands and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her face looked flushed and her eyes were droopy from lack of sleep. She didn't know what to do about her situation with Roberto as eventually he would have expectations of her as a wife, but she wasn't ready for that. God forbid, if she did have a relationship back home, her father would have killed her. There were boys she liked but nothing came of it. She was also too busy working on the farm and tending to the home with her mother and sisters. Her life was full. It pained her to think that she'd never had fun as a child. She'd always been too burdened by responsibilities. It was always a strain just to keep up with the constant, endless streams of work around the farm and house.
Valeria brought herself back to the present and was about to leave when she saw a figure she recognised behind her in the mirror. She gasped, and was about to flee when two hands pressed tightly against her breasts. She turned around and noticed Luca pulling her roughly towards the cubicle. Valeria kicked him in the leg but he didn't flinch from the kick. When she tried to scream, he held his hand tightly over her mouth. She was breathless as he held her arms over her head, pinning her against the cubicle wall. His mouth pressed hard on her own as she struggled to turn her head away. She felt like she would vomit as his hands explored her breasts and buttocks with one hand while covering her mouth with the other. He pulled down her underwear and unzipped his jeans, but was struggling to undo the button of his jeans with one hand. He let go of her mouth and Valeria immediately started to scream. His eyes widened. “That scream's gonna cost you, Valeria. Mark my words, this is not over.” He quickly stormed out of the cubicle.
Valeria sat and regained her breath, shaking all over. She could feel her heart beating rapidly as she touched her chest with her head bowed. She pulled up her underwear and fixed her dress. The tears fell, and she was unable to stop crying. Her hands shook as she closed her eyes, trying to regroup. It was happening all over again. Her control was being taken away. She was trapped in the same way she’d been trapped by her father. How could she gain her freedom now? She couldn't take any more of Luca's abuse. What had she ever done to deserve it? Would Luca always have his way with her whenever he got the chance? Was he destined to be in her life forever? She'd always have to be on her guard now. Pressing hard on her temple, she rubbed her eyes, taking a deep breath. No, she refused to be a victim. She was a survivor, and always would be.
Valeria didn't know how long she remained in the cubicle until she was alerted to her surroundings by a familiar voice.
“Valeria. Valeria, are you in there?” She heard Angela's voice, sounding frantic. Valeria was silent. “Valeria, I know you're in there. Are you okay?” Valeria managed to rise from the seat and opened the door. She noticed Angela frowning with wondering eyes. “What happened? You've been gone a while so Roberto asked me to check on you.”
Valeria was shaking, and her lips trembled. She slowly explained what happened with Luca. Angela turned her head. “But he's not here. He left the cafe so how could he have been in here?”
Valeria shook her head. “When—when did—you see him leave?”
“I didn't, but when I came up, he wasn't at his table.”
Valeria walked out of the cubicle, then went downstairs, and noticed that Luca had indeed left, when Roberto approached. He lay a hand on her shoulder, looking concerned.
“Is everything okay? You were gone a while.” Angela came back and motioned for Roberto to sit.
“I—I—have to go,” Valeria whispered. Roberto ignored her comment and pulled her back towards the table.
“What happened in there?” Roberto asked. Angela intervened and spoke on behalf of Valeria. Roberto's face paled and his body went stock-still. “Is that true? Did Luca attack you?”Valeria nodded.
Marco joined them as they stood close to their table. “Why would he do that? He's our friend and he'd never hurt Roberto's wife. There's a sign of respect among us Italians,” Marco said.
Valeria shook her head. “He—he only left because I screamed. He didn't want to be noticed, don't you see?”
Roberto's eyes darkened. “Look, Valeria. We don't know what's happening here. You look pretty shaken up, but I still find it hard to believe that about Luca.”
Valeria was shaking. “I know you haven't known me for long, but why would you think his words are better than mine? I have no reason to lie.” Valeria turned away and couldn't stop the tears.
“Maybe we should just talk to him,” Angela said.
“Why don't we ask the staff here if they saw Luca go upstairs. We were too busy talking to notice whether he did or not.”
Roberto nodded and left with Marco to meet with staff members at the bar.
Valeria was at a loss for words and felt disoriented. She took deep breaths and stared at nothing in particular. Angela tried to comfort her but she couldn't be comforted. When Roberto and Marco returned, they both shook their heads. “I'm sorry Valeria, but none of the staff members at the bar noticed anything.”
Roberto grabbed her hand. “Look, if you want out of this marriage then just be honest.”
Valeria cleared her throat. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Did he think she was manipulative enough to make up such a story? He really didn't know her at all. She asserted herself. “So now you think I'm manipulating you— by making up this story? What, to get you to hate me so much that you'll end the marriage? That's rich. You really don't know me, do you? You really have such a low opinion of me?”
Valeria moved away from the table and ran out of the cafe. She passed people staring as they ate outside on round tables alongside tall, heated lamps. She heard gentle whispers, passed staff lingering outside their restaurants, watching and asking her to enter, but she ignored them. The blended smells of coffee, smoky pizza, and stale cigarettes made her nauseous. She didn't know where she was going, but she no longer had faith in Roberto or the others.
Valeria suddenly heard footsteps behind her, and arms gently grabbing her from behind. She almost tripped but somehow felt comforted by those arms. She sobbed, knowing it was Roberto. When she turned around to face him, she fell into his arms. He stroked her hair and moved her to the side of the footpath. “Come on, let's go home and we'll talk about this.”
Valeria nodded, unable to fight him as she was physically and mentally depleted.
When they arrived home, Valeria noticed that the lights were off at Luca's house. She trembled at the images stuck in her mind. As Angela and Marco said goodnight to her, they gave her a reassuring smile. Did they suddenly believe she was telling the truth? She had no reason to lie twice.
Valeria and Roberto were seated on their double bed and he took her hand gently. Valeria's spine tingled and she was touched by his kindness. He spoke up first.
“Now I want to know exactly what happened tonight. No edits. Just the whole truth.”
Valeria sighed, avoiding his eyes. She closed her eyes momentarily whilst recounting the terrorising incident. Roberto sat in silence as if processing the information. When she opened her eyes, she noticed his pale face and trembling hands. He let go of her hand, rose from the bed and walked towards the window. He drew the curtain aside and peered into the darkness. His back was towards her and she didn't know what to make of his silence. He drew a hand through his hair and then turned towards her.
“I've experienced a lot of pain and suffering in my life, but I—”
Valeria was surprised by that comment. “You what?”
“I never meant for you to come here under these circumstances. I never wanted to see you suffer as I had suffered. I know your life in Italy wasn't a picnic, but I don't want this kind of life for you. A life where you're constantly looking over your shoulder, not feeling safe.”
Valeria nodded. “So we'll face him tomorrow, first thing?”
Roberto stood by the bed, and then moved to sit beside her. He gently held her hand.
“Yes, first thing tomorrow, but I will face him alone.”
Valeria was silent for a few minutes. “Why do you believe me now and not the first time he attacked me?”