“More than you know.”
Mrs Jennings’ beautiful brown eyes were
gleaming. “So at my darkest hour, when I couldn’t muster up the discipline to
go on, I went to my mailbox on a cold and blustery winter day, and what do you
know? There was an acceptance letter from a small publishing house that I had
sent my work to many months before. I had completely forgotten about it.”
“Get out,” she exclaimed in astonishment.
“I’m telling you, that’s how it happened.
That was the beginning of everything. From that wonderful moment on, my novels
just took off and I never looked back.”
She felt chills wind up her spine. “Oh,
my God, how did you feel?”
Mrs Jennings’ eyes filled up with tears
once again. “All I remember was standing in that dismal hallway with that
letter in my hand. The happiness I felt was indescribable… I can’t remember
getting back to my apartment. I do remember calling my father and screaming, ‘I
did it!’ at least a hundred times.” She chuckled at the memory.
Penny laughed, feeling giddy herself.
“That’s such a fantastic story. I can’t tell you how honored and happy I am to
have met you. You give hope to all of us common people.”
Mrs Jennings looked at her searchingly. “Somehow,
common is not the word I would think of to describe you.”
She felt warmed by the compliment.
“Thank-you. You have made me believe that good does come your way once in a
while.”
“I feel good just thinking of that time
in my life. It was soon after that I met my new husband. I may not be well now
but I had received what I wanted in my life. You just have to believe that you
will and don’t give up. More importantly, believe in
you
and what you
are trying to achieve, the rest will come in its own time.”
Tears stung the back of Penny’s eyes, and
she tried with all her might to quell them. “Somehow, coming from you, I believe
it’s possible.”
She ran into Alyssa in the hallway corridor. Alyssa informed
Penny that a couple of nurses and techs were going out for dinner Saturday
night, and can she join them. She accepted with a grin and a heartfelt thanks.
“Penny, you have the nicest manners of
anybody,” she laughed, giving her a quick hug.
“Is that a good thing?” she asked
jokingly.
Alyssa assured her that it was. “You’re
one classy dame.”
As Penny finished up her rounds, she
realized that hope still resided in her heart after all. No matter how hard
things got, she had to keep going, one foot in front of the other until she
found herself where she wanted to be.
When the local radio station put on the occasional
Beach
Boys
song, she couldn’t help but sing along. Driving to work, she bopped in
time and tapped the steering wheel in an effervescent mood. She was tempted to
drive around the block again to catch the next upbeat song, but instead pulled
smoothly into her parking space. The moment she stepped out, her cell phone
rang.
With a sigh, she saw her brother Louis’
number flashing.
“Oh shit,” she muttered. “Now he wants to
tell me off.” She was growing jaded with all the calls from her family: each
call an unhappygram, always an attack against her, as if they naturally vented
their negative feelings by dialing her number. The only one who had ever
supported her was Aunt Bess.
“Hello,” Penny said curtly.
“Hey Penny. I thought this was a good
time to get you. You being so busy and all.”
“I guess you’re not used to that.”
“What does that mean?” Louis replied
sharply. “Hey look, I’m just calling to see what the hell is going on. Mom and
Dad are upset and hey, I haven’t seen you. Don’t you miss Alex, Paul and Carrie
at all?”
She stopped walking and snapped, “Oh, so
now it’s the guilt trip. I’m sure they’re not pining over me, so don’t give me
that crap Louis. I’ve been invisible to all of you since, like forever. You’re
so used to me living on the fringes of your life, when I’m not around you think
I’m the one that’s selfish. And guess what? I think it’s the other way around.”
“What? That’s, just, crazy.”
Her briefcase fell onto the pavement and
as she bent down to pick it up, her voice rose. “I’m no longer content being
the Auntie that visits and baby-sits when you want to go out and have a good
time. I want my own good time. Admit it Louis, you’ve always secretly pitied me
and you never once thought I could have a life as good as yours.”
“Penny, that’s not true! God, I just
called to see how you’re doing.”
She stood up with her briefcase, rubbing
the small of her back. “Look, I’m sorry if I bit your head off. I’m just
getting sick and tired of hearing how bad I am.”
“We just want to see you. I’m not on the
attack.”
“Look,” she offered in a softer tone, “I
told Dad I’ll be over for Thanksgiving.” She gave a short laugh, “I can just
see already how Turkey Day will unfold.”
“Gobble, gobble,” he quipped. Penny knew
he was trying to make light of the situation.
“You better warn Dolores—if she tries to
gobble me up, I’m out of there.”
Stepping onto the oncology floor, Penny felt grumpy and
on edge. Nurse Reins was in a foul mood and everyone was doing their best to
avoid her. Penny walked round the corner to see Reins standing furiously over
Alyssa. Penny quickly gathered that Alyssa didn’t respond quickly enough to a
patient’s buzzer. Her hotly proclaimed excuses were batted away by the
grim-faced head nurse. Reins had a mini breakdown, and told anyone within
earshot that she was overloaded with responsibilities and needed her team’s
full support at all times, not just when they felt like it.
“There are people suffering on this
floor,” she warbled. “We cannot afford to have any of our patients wait. That
is, if we can help it.”
Penny knew she was right, and Alyssa
could certainly flake out from time to time; but she couldn’t figure out why
Reins appeared unhappy for so much of the time. Penny had learned from
piecemeal gossip that she was unmarried and childless. She kept to herself and
was very private, but for some reason Penny was drawn to her. She sensed that
Nurse Reins had a good heart, strong and sturdy, and if anyone had a good sense
of who they were, she did. Reins didn’t give a hoot what anyone thought of her.
Alyssa would always tease her that she was Reins’ pet, but Penny secretly
wished she could have the opportunity to know her better.
*
That evening, after a gruelling day at work, she and her
friends decided it was time for a visit to Pig Out. Entering the restaurant
with Alyssa, Josephine and Mike, she saw a few of the technicians from their
floor already gathered by the bar. They yelled out greetings at the arriving
entourage.
Looking around, all she could see was
pigs. There were pig pictures, pig posters, ceramic pigs, glass pigs, wooden
pigs, and pig statues as tall as she was. “Now I know why they call this place
Pig Out,” she said to no-one in particular.
Snorting like a pig, Mike said, “They
have a three pound pulled pork sandwich to die for. Very few people can finish
it and if you do you get a pig prize.”
“Wow, that’s something to strive for,”
she answered dryly.
Smacking Penny on the back, Alyssa said,
“You are just too funny.”
But Mike wouldn’t be stopped. He cried
out in excitement, “Oh my God, it’s crazy. The whole staff comes over and takes
your picture with a huge pig hat and they sing the famous pig song.” He broke
into a worring
falsetto
, “You are a pig, a big fat pig, ’cause you just
ate something really, really big.” He clapped his hands together. “It’s so much
fun, really. Then you’re picture and name go on the pig hall of fame plaque.”
Pointing to the far wall on the right, he added, “See? Right over there, and
they give you a pink pig statue, and they even put your name on it.”
Looking at the enormous plaque that hung
on the wall, Penny said dryly, “Remind me to never order the three pound pulled
pork sandwich.”
He cackled merrily and helped Penny off
with her coat. She followed Josephine and Alyssa toward the growing cluster of
Wayside employees around an imposing blue wooden pig at the end of the bar. She
placed her drink on the porcine dais in the center of the table. She could not
believe how hokey the place was but she decided there was something about Pig
Out that made you want to have fun. Picking up her drink, she took a huge
slurp.
Alyssa and Mike began to joke and flirt
with two of the x-ray technicians. She wanted to join in but found it difficult:
she wasn’t exactly the flirting type. Her friends evidently had a real flair
for it, and Mike was even more of a natural than Alyssa. He was going all-out
to charm Joe Fester—and everyone knew he was straight and had a girlfriend.
“That shirt suits you, the color is just
fantastic with your eyes,” Mike blathered away. Joe actually blushed at the
compliment. Smiling, Penny felt happy she was here. Before she knew it, her
drink was finished and Josephine quickly ordered her another.
Loosening up, she joined in the banter
with Joe and Rich Mahoney. She tried to mimic Alyssa and Mike’s social interaction:
she had noticed that they both laughed at anything Joe or Rich said.
“So, are you in for strip poker next
Thursday Penny?” Rich asked with a sneaky grin.
Tilting her head back, Penny said, “It
depends on how high the stakes are.” Alyssa looked at her and laughed even
harder.
Josephine shrugged and rolled her eyes.
“Okay, who is doing a shot with me?”
Everyone put their hand up and shouted
“Me!” in unison. Penny followed their lead, even though she knew that drinking
a shot of vodka after downing two drinks would not be a very good idea.
When Joe arrived with the shots, she took
a deep breath and did hers in one gulp. The liquid blazed down her throat and
warmed her belly. Everything in her focus turned blurry, and she leaned against
the blue pig with a decadent sigh.
“I really like this pig, it’s growing on
me,” she announced fuzzily.
Josephine deadpanned, “I’ll try to find
you one just like it for Christmas.”
Penny smacked her knees with a guffaw.
“You’re a riot, Josephine!” She felt as if all was good with the world. She
gazed at Joe and Rich, and tried to decide which one she would like to kiss. To
her great disappointment, she didn’t feel any great desire to kiss either one
of them. Having a good time talking to them seemed like enough.
“Here we go,” Mike announced, bringing
yet another tray of vodka shots.
Penny hadn’t even noticed he’d been gone.
Everyone took a drink off the tray and then looked at her. Tentatively, she
picked hers up. She said sheepishly, “But we all have to work tomorrow.”
Joe shrugged. “Yeah, so? We’ll be sober
by then.”
She grabbed her shot and downed it before
anyone else had a chance to finish. The group yelled out their approval.
Through her waving vision she noticed Dr
Bruck sitting at the end of the bar with some other doctors from Wayside. “Look
over there,” she whispered to Alyssa. She was too far gone to care that she was
slurring her words.
Alyssa gave her That Look. “What did I
tell you about him?” Her wagging finger was making her dizzy.
“Alyssa,” she began with indignation as
she draped herself over the pig, “be a little deeper than that. Maybe the
gossip about him isn’t true. Maybe… he has a wonderful soul.”
“Hmm. I think we should cut off your
liquor intake for the rest of the night. You’re already getting wasted.”
Penny started to laugh uncontrollably,
like a hedge trimmer that can’t be switched off. She felt crazy and out of control
and all of a sudden the dizziness took hold. “I think I need to get a drink of
water,” she declared, “And maybe some fresh air.”
But Alyssa had already stopped paying
attention: she’d fixated instead on Joe. Penny decided now was the time to get
her act together. Joey had already headed to the bar on another vodka run, and
she’d rather not be in the vicinity when they arrived. If she had another
drink, she would have to be carried out of Pig Out—and in her estimation that
would be rather a low point in her life.
Watching her new friends plow down yet
another shot, she thought, I’m not a teenager anymore. I’m pushing forty for
God’s sake. How do they all drink like that and survive the next day? As she
asked herself this question, she headed over to the bar to get a glass of
water.
Out in the cool night air, she took in
big gulps of the clean stuff, and felt her head clearing just a bit. After drinking
some of the water, she breathed in more lungfuls of fresh air. Look at me, she
thought, I am out in the world having a good time with my friends. She’s never
felt happier. Sure, the alcohol was helping to infuse her with this propitious
feeling, but she was still enjoying every moment of it. She had wanted to have
this slice of life on her plate for a very long time.
“Look at what I’ve been missing,” she
said out loud. “I love all of you.”