Before the conversation could get
interesting, Charlene walked toward them.
“Hello my family, and thanks a bunch for
coming,” she greeted them in her nasal singsong voice. Her blond bob was shining
as much as her peach lip gloss. She hugged Dolores, looked over at Penny and
exclaimed, “Penny, why I haven’t seen you in ages, so glad you could make it. I
hope you’ve been keeping yourself busy.”
It was Penny’s turn to feel her face get
red. “Yes, as a matter of fact I have.”
Dolores huffed and interjected, “She
keeps busy with those animals of hers, like they’re children they are.”
It was now time for Amber to seek
revenge, “Well, Mom, you know they’re just like her little babies, right Penny?
That’s what animals become to people who don’t have little ones running
throughout the house.”
Penny felt trapped. She was suffocating.
She leaned against the wall behind her to
gain composure. If she retaliated, Amber would know how well her words had
stung. She would never give her the satisfaction, but she had a strong urge to
yank Amber’s hair very hard.
Putting an arm around Charlene, Dolores
said, “None of us are animal lovers in the family but our Penny here. Leave it
to her to go against the grain.”
Charlene joined Dolores in laughter and
Penny felt as if she had shrunk down to the size of a pebble. She didn’t know
if she had it in her to stay for the duration of the day.
Smiling as if she was in on the joke, she
abruptly excused herself. Pushing past the throngs of people, she hoped no-one
would stop her to talk. Finally, she made it to the bathroom and closed the
door. Locking it, she heaved a huge sigh of relief.
Overheating, she splashed cold water on
her face. Once again, staring at her reflection in the mirror, she wondered how
many other normal-looking people were walking around on the earth as broken up
inside as she was. She held on to the belief that there had to be a whole
bunch, but they managed to hide their pain just as well as she did. Penny had
respect for others like her, who bravely faced each day able to successfully
conceal the physic limbs that were missing. She felt barely able to limp along
at all.
She re-emerged into the party feeling numb.
She laughed at the appropriate times and acted interested in everyone’s
stories. All along, she prayed that the day would soon end.
As Penny looked up at the ceiling in her
bedroom and revisited the day, she knew in her heart that she could no longer live
this life of hers.
It was time for a change.
She pulled the towel off her forehead and
wondered out loud, “How the hell do I go about doing that?”
Driving to work the next day, Penny was still thinking
about how she could change her life. Many years ago, Dolores had talked her
daughter into taking the nurse position at the same elementary school that
Penny had attended as a young girl. “If you don’t take this job, you’ll live to
regret it Penny.” Her mother’s famous words rang in her head. Words she had
used often to immobilize Penny with fear. She had always succeeded.
“But Mom,” Penny had protested when she
finished nursing school. “I thought maybe I would look for work in the city.
They really need nurses. “It could be…”
“Oh, please Penny, what are you a
bleeding heart liberal now? Do you think a job like this comes along every day?
Don’t be crazy or foolish, just take the job at Fernfair.”
She took the job, and lamentably was
still there. The mantra that Dolores had drummed in her head was: don’t be,
don’t go, don’t do. Penny’s brothers never had boundaries put before them and
that pissed Penny off something awful.
She saw children she had cared for over
the years grow up, get married, have kids, and buy vacation homes and she still
standing in the same spot she had stood in since grade school.
Penny tried to stay optimistic, but
Dolores always slapped her down swiftly. “Don’t always look at the bright side
Penny,” she’d say. “Life is not bright, and it’s certainly not cheery. You’re
setting yourself up for disappointment.”
Deep into her thoughts, she didn’t notice
a red jeep cutting her off at the intersection. She swerved toward the curb
just in time to avoid hitting the car in front.
“You big stupid idiot,” Penny screamed
out of her window. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I’m an idiot?” a burly man with dark
hair bellowed back, “Stop sleep-walking behind the wheel, lady.”
At yet another injustice in her life, her
pent-up frustrations boiled over, and she lost control. “Me sleep walking?
You’re delusional,” she screamed even louder. Almost half of her body was
hanging out the window ready to pounce, “You’re the one who almost caused a
three car accident, so don’t you dare blame me. Get some glasses mister.”
“Another woman driver,” the man said
shaking his head.
“You’re an asshole,” Penny yelled. Out of
the corner of her eye she saw that people who were walking on the sidewalk had
stopped to stare. She was too close to her school and didn’t need to have any
mothers see her like this. She fixed an awkward smile at the onlookers, pulled
her body back in and drove off.
Driving the rest of the way to work,
Penny felt shame washing over her. Panic took hold. Taking in big gulps of air,
she realized she had begun to lose control. She could see herself in a few
years, a mean and nasty old lady, all alone, buying canned soups at the grocery
store in an old tattered sweater. She shuddered at the image.
She parked carefully, hit her fists on
the steering wheel, and wiped tears out of her eyes with the tip of her sleeve.
Putting her head in her hands she breathed deeply. Gain control… gain control…
She pictured Cousin Charlene in her
beautiful silk pinstriped wrap dress and fancy pink shoes. She remembered
watching Charlene put her head back and laugh with as much happiness as she
could muster. If someone as shallow and mean as Cousin Charlene can have all
the good that life has to offer, then of course, without a doubt, Penny could
make it happen too.
She was startled back to reality to find
a mother standing by her passenger window staring in at her. She opened the window
and looked up at the woman, knowing she looked a fright.
Without introducing herself, the lady
said in an officious manner, “Listen, you’re the nurse right? Could you do me a
favor and take this?” The woman shoved something through the half opened
window. “My Johnny is still having accidents.” She leaned in and whispered,
“You know the type of accidents I’m talking about right? Anyway, here’s four
sets of sweatpants and underwear, you know, just in case.” She looked at her
watch, waved, and ran off.
Once again Penny was caught holding the
bag.
Every morning, promptly at seven thirty, Penny waited
for her neighbor Sarah in the front of her apartment building. Pulling at his
leash, Penny’s Beagle Winston darted back and forth as he tried in vain to
dodge the wind.
She smiled down at Winston. “Who loves
you little guy?”
Sarah Bentley trudged toward Penny. Sarah
was a strange agent, and she always looked as if she had just tumbled out of
bed. Each morning, her black and white mutt Brutus tried to force her,
unsuccessfully, to quicken her pace. Penny would rather walk Winston alone, but
since they both came out at the same time before work, she had long since made
peace with the fact she was stuck with Sarah for the rest of her life.
Each day she mentally braced
herself when
she spotted Sarah. The woman was insanely obsessed with reality TV. She had to
endure Sarah’s never ending descriptions about what people on various shows did,
or said, as if she were on intimate terms with all of them.
Standing before her, Sarah looked with
wide eyes and exclaimed, “Okay, we gotta talk about this. Did you see what went
on last night between Heather and Matt?”
“No,” Penny replied slowly. “I have no
idea who Heather and Matt are.”
“What? How could you not know? Don’t you
watch TV at all? You know why she did it don’t you? Heather slept with Matt so
she could get an edge on the competition because, you know, all the other girls
want him too. Every lady on that show wants to marry Matt, the competition is
fierce.“
She felt the sarcasm seep out. “I didn’t
know that, so thanks for filling me in.” Penny looked down just in time to
watch Brutus take a huge dump. She didn’t think she could get through another
day of her neighbor’s ramblings. Perhaps this was one piece of her life she
could change… if she had the nerve.
Strolling down the street next to her,
Sarah was already out of breath. She had on her usual black pants, black boots,
black coat, and black scarf—all covered in back and white dog hair.
“Only two more bachelorettes left,” Sarah
said between breaths. “That’s it, Mindy and Becky. What do think of that? I
could have sworn Mindy was going to get kicked off two weeks ago,” she snapped
her fingers, “and she’s still going strong. The one booted off last week was so
much prettier and—”
“Can you do me a favor?” Penny asked with
more of an edge to her voice then intended.
Sarah looked at her in surprise. “Depends
on what it is.”
She lowered her voice. “Look Sarah, could
you stop talking about TV shows? It’s just that, well, to tell you the truth, I
don’t much care about those people. I only care about what I’m doing, which
granted isn’t much, but still, I have no desire to hear about the trials and
tribulations of people I don’t know and will never know. Let’s talk about
something else, or at least, let’s shoot the breeze about people we do know.”
She realized they didn’t have one person in common to talk about.
Looking at Penny with a hurt expression,
Sarah said in a sharp tone, “Okay, so give me some people, or topics, why don’t
you start the conversation for once.”
She thought for a moment, but knew she
was stumped. She looked down at Winston and shrugged. “I don’t know, there’s
got to be something.” She snapped her fingers. “I know, let’s talk about, let’s
see,” she scratched her head. “Okay, what are your plans for the holidays?” She
smiled brightly for she did find a good topic and had triumphed. “Where are you
going for Thanksgiving?”
Sarah replied curtly, “We just finished
with summer so I don’t know, and I don’t care. My mother lives far away and I
don’t feel like driving to her house. Plus my old room doesn’t have a TV and
most importantly, my parents won’t let me bring Brutus. Next subject.”
“What kind of music do you like?”
Sarah glanced down at her watch. “I can’t
think offhand.” She clasped her hand to her forehead. “I almost forgot, I must
go to work early today, pretty much every day this week as a matter of fact. Do
you mind if we cut this short?”
“Not at all,” Penny replied truthfully.
“I’ll catch up with you later then. Have
a great day. Come on Brutus.” Sarah turned abruptly, almost snapping Brutus’
poor neck as she dragged him along with her.
Winston whined softly as he watched his
friend depart. Penny could swear Winston knew the visit with his buddy had been
cut short and he sensed he would never see him again. “I’m sorry baby,” she
whispered softly, “If Brutus doesn’t show up tomorrow we’ll find some new
friends. I promise.”
After her walk, Penny found Bob waiting
for her at the front foyer. “Missed me baby?” She leaned down to stroke him behind
his left ear. It was then she spotted the huge pile of cat crap that was piled
on her recently washed kitchen floor. She sighed again and straightened up.
“When are you going to get this?” she pointed to the poop as she scolded Bob.
“You’re supposed to do that in the kitty litter box. You’re not a dog you know,
cats aren’t supposed to have accidents.”
Blinking slowly, Bob turned around. With
his orange tail up in the air he walked into the bedroom. Penny knew this was
Bob’s revenge for not being brought along on the walk.
“You’re spiteful,” she yelled out crossly
as she grabbed paper towels from the kitchen cabinet. “I’ll clean up your cat
crap, but shit,” she said to no one in particular. “My life seems to be full of
it lately.”
Penny cleaned up the mess. She fed
Winston. Then, suddenly, she felt exhausted. She plopped down heavily onto the
couch. It was Tuesday morning and she had the day off for superintendent’s day.
Taking in the pokey apartment as if with
new eyes, she wished more sun filtered in there.
The doorbell rang, startling Penny out of
her misery. Jumping up, she called, “Who is it?”
“You know who it is.”
Running to the door, she flung it open.
Standing there was Dolores’ sister Bess. “Aunt Bess,” Penny cried. “I thought
you were still in Florida.”
Stepping inside, Aunt Bess shook her head
sadly. “I had to come in for yet another funeral. Another one kicked the bucket.
No-one you know, but they’re dropping like flies now.”
“I’m sorry.” She wrapped her arms around
her beloved aunt. “How did you know I was home?”