A Serious Man (6 page)

Read A Serious Man Online

Authors: Joel Coen

She is attractive. Not young, not old: Larry’s age. Peaceful
.

After a still beat one of her hands gropes blindly to the side. It finds an
ashtray on the table next to her and takes from it a pluming cigarette.
She puffs, and replaces it
.

MITCH

(
off
)

Ow.

F Troop. Cantorial singing.

Blue sky and white puffy clouds
.

The sound of a pencil scratching paper
.

NOTEBOOK

A pencil writes equations into a lamplit spiral notebook
.

Sidor Belarsky comes in at the cut. So does the spluttering suck-sound
of Uncle Arthur’s evacuator
.

Wider on Uncle Arthur, in his pyjamas, propped up on the narrow
fold-out sofa, writing with one hand as he holds the evacuator hose to
his neck with the other
.

Squeezed into the living room next to the fold-out sofa is a camp cot
of plaid-patterned nylon stretched over a folding frame. On the camp
cot is Larry, lying half-in, half-out of a rumpled sleeping bag. He
stares at the ceiling, a damp washcloth pressed to his forehead. His face
is flaming red
.

Arthur speaks absently as he scribbles:

ARTHUR

Will you read this? Tell me what you think?

Larry continues to stare at the ceiling
.

LARRY

Okay.

Uncle Arthur glances up, focuses on Larry
.

ARTHUR

Boy. You should’ve worn a hat.

LATER

The lights are out. Very quiet. Uncle Arthur lightly snores
.

Larry still stares at the ceiling. He shifts his weight. The cot frame
squeaks. He shifts again. Another creak
.

Larry fishes his watch from the jumble of clothes on the floor: 4:50
.

KITCHEN

Larry, in his underwear, spoons ground coffee into the percolator.
Uncle Arthur snores on in the other room
.

From outside, a dull thunk
.

Larry pulls back a curtain
.

Next door, Mr. Brandt goes down the walk, wearing camouflage togs
and a billed camo cap, a rifle bag slung over his shoulder. He is
carrying an ice chest, its contents clicking and sloshing
.

The boy Mitch, also wearing camo clothes and cap and also with a
rifle bag, has just closed the front door. He now lets the screen door
swing shut behind him and follows his father down the walkway to the
car in the drive
.

The twitter of early morning birds. Mr. Brandt’s voice, though not
projected, stands out in the pre-dawn quiet:

MR. BRANDT

Let’s see some hustle, Mitch.

CLOSE ON THE NOTEBOOK

Its top sheet, densely covered by equations, has a heading:

The Mentaculus
Compiled by Arthur Gopnik

After a beat Larry’s hand enters to turn the page. The second page is
also densely covered with equations
.

VOICE

Larry?

Larry’s look comes up from the Mentaculus. We are in Larry’s office.
Standing in the office doorway is Arlen Finkle
.

LARRY

Hi Arlen.

ARLEN FINKLE

Larry, I feel that, as head of the tenure committee, I should tell you this, though it should be no cause for concern. You should not be at all worried.

Larry waits for more. Arlen, though, seems to think it is Larry’s turn
to speak, and so, after a beat, he does:

LARRY

Okay.

ARLEN FINKLE

I feel I should mention it even though we won’t give this any weight at all in considering whether to grant you tenure, so, I repeat – no cause for concern.

LARRY

Okay, Arlen. Give
what
any weight?

ARLEN FINKLE

We have received some letters, uh …
denigrating
you, and, well, urging that we not grant you tenure.

LARRY

From who?

ARLEN FINKLE

They’re anonymous. And so of course we dismiss them completely.

LARRY

Well … well … what do they say?

ARLEN FINKLE

They make allegations, not even allegations,
assertions
, but I’m not really … While we give them no credence, Larry, I’m not supposed to deal in any specifics about the committee’s deliberations.

LARRY

But … I think you’re saying, these won’t play any part in your deliberations.

ARLEN FINKLE

None at all.

LARRY

Um, so what are they …

ARLEN FINKLE

Moral turpitude. You could say.

LARRY

Uh-huh. Can I ask, are they, are they – idiomatic?

ARLEN FINKLE

I, uh …

LARRY

The reason I ask, I have a Korean student, South Korean, disgruntled South Korean, and I meant to talk to you about this, actually, he –

ARLEN FINKLE

No. No, the letters are competently – even eloquently – written. A native English-speaker. No question about that.

LARRY

Uh-huh.

ARLEN FINKLE

But I reiterate this, Larry: no cause for concern. I only speak because I would have felt odd concealing it.

LARRY

Yes, okay, thank you, Arlen.

ARLEN FINKLE

Best to Judith.

Larry answers with a wan smile. He looks down at the Mentaculus
.

HEBREW SCHOOL EXTERIOR

Somewhere inside the school a bell rings. Its doors swing open and
children emerge
.

Our angle is down a line of school buses waiting to ferry the children
home, each bus stencilled with the same Hebrew lettering
.

We track toward the buses to steepen the rake. As children sort
themselves and climb into their respective vehicles, the track brings the
nearest bus into the fore ground. It noisily idles with its signature
squeaks and stress sounds, its low engine rumbling. Children start
climbing on
.

MINUTES LATER

Inside the bus, now moving. Engine noise bangs in louder and air
roars in through open windows. Somewhere on the bus, Jefferson
Airplane plays
.

We are on the driver, a sallow man in a short-sleeved white shirt with
earlocks and a yarmulka. He pitches about, stoically wrestling with the
wheel and gear shift as the vehicle bucks
.

The pitching children
.

DANNY

I gotta get my radio back.

MARK SALLERSON

Maybe the fucker lodged it up his fucking asshole.

DANNY

I gotta get it back. Or Mike Fagle’s gonna pound the crap out of me.

MARK SALLERSON

Way up his asshole.

DANNY

And I’ll still have to get my sister the money back or she’s gonna break four of my records. Twenty bucks, four records.

HOWARD ALTAR

How do you buy all those records? Where do you get your funds?

CLOSE ON LARRY

Standing in his yard. His eyes are darkly pouched. He is staring at
something, it seems in dismay. We hear a fluttering sound
.

His point-
of-
view: stakes are set out in the Brandts’ yard. Red ribbon
connecting them outlines a projection from the side of the house. The
loose ends of the ribbon flutter in the breeze
.

Engine noise brings Larry’s look around. A car is arriving
.

It is the Brandts’ car, oddly burdened. As it pulls into their driveway
we see that there is a four-point stag strapped to the hood, its head
lolling over the grille
.

Mr. Brandt and Mitch get out of the car in their hunting fatigues.
Blood is smeared on Mr. Brandt’s shirt
.

MR. BRANDT

Go scrub up, Mitch.

LARRY

Uh, good afternoon.

This brings Mr. Brandt’s look around. Apparently he is unused to
talking with his neighbor. A short beat
.

MR. BRANDT

Afternoon.

Behind him is the dead buck, staring off through sightless eyes
.

LARRY

(
lamely
)

… Been hunting?

MR. BRANDT

Yep.

LARRY

Is that a, uh …

He is indicating the staked area. Mr. Brandt looks at it, looks back at
Larry
.

MR. BRANDT

Gonna be a den.

LARRY

Uh-huh, that’s great. Uh, Mr. Brandt –

Mr. Brandt barks at Mitch, who has lingered to listen to the grown-ups:

MR. BRANDT

I said scrub up, Mitch!

The child quickly goes. Larry frowns
.

 

LARRY

Isn’t this a school day?

MR. BRANDT

Took him out of school today. So he could hunt with his dad.

LARRY

Oh!

He nods
.

… That’s … nice.

Mr. Brandt stares at him with button eyes. Small talk is not his thing
.
Larry clears his throat.

… Um, Mr. Brandt, that’s just about at the property line, there. I don’t think we’re supposed to get within, what, ten feet –

MR. BRANDT

Property line’s the poplar.

LARRY

… the …?

MR. BRANDT

Poplar!

LARRY

… Well … even if it is, you’re just about over it –

MR. BRANDT

Measure.

We hear two pairs of pounding footsteps coming up the street
.

LARRY

I don’t have to measure, you can tell it’s –

MR. BRANDT

Line’s the poplar.

He indicates
.

… It’s all angles.

Mr. Brandt turns and goes
.

Larry turns, reacting to the pounding footsteps. One of the two pairs
belongs to Danny, who arrives, slowing to a walk, panting, a bookbag
over his shoulder
.

A half-block back the pursuing boy also stops running. Husky, shaggy-
haired, he watches, scowling, as Danny goes up the walk to his house
.

Larry addresses Danny’s retreating back:

LARRY

What’s going on?

DANNY

Nothing.

IN THE HOUSE

Larry enters
.

JUDITH

(
off
)

Larry?

LARRY

(
projecting
)

Yeah?

JUDITH

(
off
)

Did you go to Sieglestein, Schlutz?

LARRY

No, I – not yet.

JUDITH

(
off
)

Larry.

LARRY

Appointment Monday.

The thud of a car door outside
.

Sarah emerges from the hall and heads for the front door, pulling on a
jacket. Larry is surprised.

… Where are you going?

SARAH

I’m going to The Hole.

LARRY

At five o’clock?

He looks out the front-door window. Four girls have emerged from a
car and are coming up the walk. They are Sarah’s age and all have
dark hair and big noses
.

SARAH

We’re stopping at Laurie Kipperstein’s house so I can wash my hair.

Larry pulls open the door. From the four dark girls:

VOICES

Hi, Mr. Gopnik.

LARRY

You can’t wash it here?

From somewhere in the house, Jefferson Airplane starts
.

As she brushes past Larry:

SARAH

Uncle Arthur’s in the bathroom.

VOICE

Out in a minute!

Judith enters
.

JUDITH

Are you ready?

LARRY

Huh?

JUDITH

We’re meeting Sy at Embers.

LARRY

I
am?

JUDITH

Both of us. I
told
you.

EMBERS

Larry has his arms pinned at his sides by hugging Sy Ableman
.

SY

Larry. How are you?

LARRY

Sy.

SY

Hello, Judith.

JUDITH

Hello, Sy.

Sy releases Larry and all seat themselves at Sy’s booth – Judith next
to Sy, Larry facing
.

SY

Thank you for coming, Larry. It’s so impawtant that we be able to discuss these things.

LARRY

I’m happy to come to Embers, Sy, but, I’m thinking, really, maybe it’s best to leave these discussions to the lawyers.

SY

Of coss! Legal matters, let the lawyers discuss! Don’t mix apples and oranges!

JUDITH

I’ve
begged
you to see the lawyer.

LARRY

(
teeth grit
)

I told you, I’m going Monday.

SY

Monday is timely! This isn’t – please! – Embers isn’t the forum for legalities, you are so right!

JUDITH

Hmph.

SY

No, Judith and I thought merely we should discuss the practicalities, the living arrangements, a situation that will conduce to the comfit of all the parties. This is an issue where no one is at odds.

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