Authors: Joel Coen
Larry isn’t sure where this is leading:
LARRY
… Living arrangements.
SY
Absolutely. I think we all agree, the children not being contaminated by the tension – the most impawtant.
JUDITH
We shouldn’t put the kids in the middle of this, Larry.
LARRY
The kids aren’t –
JUDITH
I’m saying “we”. I’m not pointing fingers.
SY
No one is playing the “blame game”, Larry.
LARRY
I didn’t say anyone was!
JUDITH
Well, let’s not play “he said, she said”, either.
LARRY
I wasn’t! I –
SY
All right, well let’s just step back, and defuse the situation, Larry.
Larry glares at Sy
.
Sy smiles at him, sadly. He reaches over and rests a hand on Larry’s.
… I find, sometimes, if I count to ten.
A beat.
… One … two … three … faw … Or silently …
Long beat
.
JUDITH
Really, to keep things on an even keel, especially now, leading up to Danny’s bar mitzvah –
SY
A child’s bar mitzvah, Larry!
JUDITH
Sy and I think it’s best if you move out of the house.
LARRY
… Move
out
?!
SY
It makes eminent sense.
JUDITH
Things can’t continue as they –
LARRY
Move out! Where would I go?!
SY
Well, for instance, the Jolly Roger is quite livable. Not expensive, and the rooms are eminently habitable.
JUDITH
This would allow you to visit the kids.
SY
There’s convenience in its fava. There’s a pool –
LARRY
Wouldn’t it make more sense for you to move in with Sy?
Judith and Sy gape
.
After a beat:
JUDITH
Larry!
SY
Larry, you’re jesting!
JUDITH
Larry, there is much to accomplish before that can happen.
Sy sadly shakes his head
.
SY
Larry, Larry, Larry. I think, really, the Jolly Roger is the appropriate coss of action.
He shrugs
.
… It has a pool.
It sits in in a large fishbowl, bathed in clear fluid
.
The brain pulses, alive. Leads connect it to various pieces of gear
outside the fishbowl. Brain and appurtenances are on a dais of sorts,
dressed out with bunting.
Oddly, the picture is scored with cantorial singing.
The brain seems to be giving orders to people who wear imperfectly
form-fitting 1950s uniforms of the future. After receiving their
instructions the minions of the brain bow to it and leave. They are
succeeded by two leather-helmeted thugs, big and heavy though lacking
muscle definition, who escort a resisting handsome man before the
brain. The handsome man, hands tied behind his back, gazes defiantly
up at the brain which in some fashion addresses him.
We hear blows and voices over the cantorial music:
DANNY
Stop it!
SARAH
Creep fucker!
DANNY
Stop it! I’m getting it! I’m gonna get it!
Wider shows that the brain is on television, which Danny has muted
while he plays the Cantor Youssele Rosenblatt record and drills his
Torah portion. He and Sarah are in a stand-off, hands tensed either
to deliver or ward off blows
.
SARAH
Brat!
Larry enters
.
LARRY
What’s going on?
SARAH
(
leaving
)
Nothing.
LARRY
What was that?
DANNY
Nothing.
LARRY
How’s the haftorah coming? Can you maybe use the hi-fi?
DANNY
What?
We hear the doorbell off. Larry indicates the portable record player
.
LARRY
Can I borrow this? I’m taking some stuff. To, you know, the Jolly Roger.
DANNY
Sure, Dad.
On TV the handsome man shouts defiance at the brain
.
From off, Sarah projects:
SARAH
Dad. Chinese guy.
A middle-aged Korean man, well groomed, wearing a nicely cut suit
and and a jewelled tie pin
.
MAN
Culcha clash.
He bangs the knuckles of two fists, illustrating.
… Culcha clash
He faces Larry in the driveway. Larry’s car is half-loaded with open
boxes that are haphazardly stuffed with clothing and effects
.
Larry is leaning against the hood, arms folded, gazing at the man,
unimpressed. A beat
.
Finally he bestirs himself
.
LARRY
With all respect, Mr. Park, I don’t think it’s that.
MR. PARK
Yes.
LARRY
No. It would be a culture clash if it were the custom in your land to bribe people for grades.
MR. PARK
Yes.
LARRY
So – you’re saying it is the custom?
MR. PARK
No. This is defamation. Grounds for lawsuit.
LARRY
You – let me get this straight – you’re threatening to sue me for defaming your son?
MR. PARK
Yes.
LARRY
But it would –
MR. BRANDT
Is this man bothering you?
Mr. Brandt is on the strip of lawn separating the two neighbors’
driveways. He is giving Mr. Park a hard stare
.
LARRY
Is he bothering
me
? No. We’re fine. Thank you, Mr. Brandt.
Mr. Brandt, not entirely convinced, withdraws, glaring at the Korean
.
Larry turns back to Mr. Park
.
… I, uh … See, if it were defamation there would have to be someone I was defaming him to, or I … All right, I … let’s keep it simple. I could pretend the money never appeared. That’s not defaming anyone.
MR. PARK
Yes. And passing grade.
LARRY
Passing grade.
MR. PARK
Yes.
LARRY
Or you’ll sue me.
MR. PARK
For taking money.
LARRY
So … he did leave the money.
MR. PARK
This is defamation.
LARRY
Look. It doesn’t make sense. Either he left the money or he didn’t –
MR. PARK
Please. Accept mystery.
LARRY
You can’t have it both ways! If –
MR. PARK
Why not?
Larry stares
.
We hear Sidor Belarsky music
.
Sidor Belarsky’s singing crosses the cut. The tone arm of Danny’s
portable record player rides on a spinning LP
.
Wider shows Larry grading blue books at a small formica table
crowded into a corner of his motel room. It is a depressingly generic
budget motel room of the mid-sixties with cheaply panelled walls, thin
carpet, formica night tables, plastic lamps and twin beds with stained
nubby bedspreads
.
The phone rings
.
LARRY
Hello …
He brightens
.
… Fine, Mimi, how are you? … Uh-huh … No, it’s not that bad …
Arthur emerges from an alcove in the dim depths of the room that has
a dressing-room mirror and apparently connects to the bathroom. He
has a hand towel pressed to the back of his neck
.
… It’s not that bad … There’s a pool … Oh sure, that sounds great … Oh, great, then I’ll bring Danny …
A crowded beach – children cavorting, adults lounging, much sun, few
umbrellas. Red floats strung with red nylon rope define a swimming
area; beyond it people dive from an anchored raft
.
Splashing and children’s laughter slap off the surface of the lake
.
Above the lake. The beach noise has some distance and a faintly
bizarre canyon echo. Very present, in contrast, is the rustle of breeze in
trees. It is dark here with intense hot spots where the sun sifts through
the leaf cover
.
We are close on Danny, who sits leaning back against a tree. After a
very long beat he slowly exhales, a small amount of smoke feathering
out with his breath
.
VOICE
Gimme that fucker.
Danny passes the joint to Ronnie Nudell, who sits opposite
.
Scattered on a woodless rise above the lake are several redwood picnic
tables with, next to each, a firepit
.
Here in the sun Larry glistens with sweat, as does Mel Nudell, a man
of Larry’s age who is bouncing a bag of charcoal briquettes to spill
some into the firepit in the background. Larry sits at the table in the
foreground with Mimi Nudell, who alone seems unaffected by the heat –
or by anything else in the physical environment. Her pale, gravely
composed Giacometti face is shaded by a large-brimmed hat
.
LARRY
No. Almost a year and a half since Touche Ross let him go. He’s very good with numbers. I think his, his social skills have held him back.
MIMI
Such a sweet man though.
LARRY
Arthur has a good heart. And he never complains, unlike me. Sometimes I don’t give him enough credit.
MIMI
He tried to tell me about this thing he’s working on, this …
LARRY
The Mentaculus? He says it’s a, uh … a probability map. Of the universe. He asked if I could help him publish it. Um, it was a little hard for me to evaluate.
A beat
.
MIMI
Does he go out socially at all?
LARRY
He tries. He’s been going to the singles mixers at Hillel House. – Well, I should talk, I’m not doing any better.
MIMI
How is Judith?
LARRY
Fine.
She’s
fine. I’m the odd man out.
Mimi smiles
.
MIMI
Sometimes these things just aren’t meant to be. And it can take a while before you feel what was always there, for better or worse.
LARRY
I never felt it! It was a bolt from the blue! What does that mean?! Everything that I thought was one way turns out to be another!
MIMI
Then – it’s an opportunity to learn how things really are.
Larry broods. Mimi softens
.
… I’m sorry – I don’t mean to sound glib. It’s not always easy, deciphering what God is trying to tell you. But it’s not something you have to figure out all by yourself. We’re Jews, we have that well of tradition to draw on, to help us understand. When we’re puzzled we have all the stories that have been handed down from people who had the same problems.
LARRY
I guess.
MIMI
Have you talked to Rabbi Nachtner?
Silence
.
Arthur is climbing the hill from the lake, dripping wet. He projects:
ARTHUR
Boy! The air out here is magnificent!
Mimi, looking at Larry, responds to his dark silence:
MIMI
Why not see him?
LARRY
What’s the rabbi gonna tell me?
MIMI
If I knew, I’d be the rabbi.
He looks at her glumly. She laughs
.
… Life is beautiful, Larry. Nobody’s sick. Nobody died. You just need help remembering how to enjoy.
Mel Nudell has finished spreading and lighting the coals. He now
comes and sits next to Mimi, draping an arm over her shoulder. She
strokes his hand.
… Where are the kids?
MEL
Woods. Exploring.
Uncle Arthur approaches, swim trunks plastered to his thighs, hair
dripping, one hand pressing his towel to the back of his neck
.
ARTHUR
If somebody could bottle this air they’d make a million bucks!
A white title:
THE FIRST RABBI
Larry sits waiting. A door opens and he rises
.
LARRY
Oh – Rabbi Scott.
Rabbi Scott Ginzler is the shockingly young junior rabbi
.
RABBI SCOTT
Hello, Larry.
LARRY
I thought I was going to see Rabbi Nachtner.
RABBI SCOTT
He was called away on an
etz monim
: Ruth Brynn’s mother is in the hospital and she isn’t doing well. Rabbi Nachtner asked me to cover for him – come on in.