Authors: Joel Coen
SECRETARY
Sy Ableman just called. Said he got disconnected.
A hand enters to knock
.
MAN’S VOICE
Out in a minute!
Sarah, the sixteen-
year-
old girl who has just knocked, rolls her eyes
.
SARAH
I gotta wash my hair! I’m going out tonight!
VOICE
Out in a minute!
SARAH
Jesus Christ!
She stomps down the hall
.
Judith, a woman of early middle age, is at the stove. Sarah enters
.
SARAH
Why
is Uncle Arthur
always
in the bathroom?
JUDITH
He has to drain his sebaceous cyst. You know that. Will you set the table?
SARAH
Why can’t he do it in the basement? Or go out in the garage!
We are raking the exterior of an orange school bus as it rattles along.
Hebrew characters on the side identify it – to some, anyway
.
We are locked down on Danny as the bus rattles like an old crate,
squeaking, grinding gears, belching exhaust. Danny and the children
around him vibrate and pitch about without reaction, accustomed to it
.
They raise their voices over the engine and the various stress noises in
the chassis as well as a transistor radio somewhere that plays Jefferson
Airplane
.
DANNY
I had twenty bucks in it too. Inside the case.
RONNIE NUDELL
Twenty bucks! How come?
DANNY
I bought a lid from Mike Fagle. Couple weeks ago. I still owed him twenty.
RONNIE NUDELL
He already gave you the pot?
DANNY
Yeah, but a couple weeks ago my funding got cut off. Fagle said he’d pound the crap out of me if I didn’t pay up.
HOWARD ALTAR
What funding got cut off? Where do you get your money?
MARK SALLERSON
What happened?
RONNIE NUDELL
Rabbi Turchik took his radio. Had money in it.
MARK SALLERSON
That fucker!
DANNY
Yeah. I think he said he was confiscating it.
MARK SALLERSON
He’s a fucker! Where do you get your money?
RONNIE NUDELL
Mike Fagle’s gonna kick his ass. Last week he pounded the crap out of Seth Seddlemeyer.
MARK SALLERSON
He’s a fucker!
RONNIE NUDELL
Fagle? Or Seth Seddlemeyer?
MARK SALLERSON
They’re both fuckers!
A hand enters to knock
.
UNCLE ARTHUR’S VOICE
Out in a minute!
SARAH
Are you still in there?!
ARTHUR
I, uh … Just a minute!
SARAH
I’ve gotta wash my hair! I’m going out tonight, to The Hole!
ARTHUR
Okay! Out in a minute!
Larry pulls into the driveway and gets out of his car. The purr of a
lawnmower. He looks
.
His point-
of-
view: Mr. Brandt, the next-door neighbor, is mowing his
lawn. He has a buzz cut and wears a white T-shirt
.
Another noise competes with the lawnmower: rattling, squeaking, gear-grinding.
The orange school bus with Hebrew lettering pulls up across
the street. Danny emerges
.
Larry sits in. His wife and two children are already seated. There is
one empty place. Larry projects:
LARRY
Arthur!
A muffled voice:
ARTHUR
Yeah!
LARRY
Dinner!
ARTHUR
Okay! Out in a minute!
LARRY
We should wait.
SARAH
Are you kidding!
They start eating
.
LARRY
Mr. Brandt keeps mowing part of our lawn.
JUDITH
Does that matter?
LARRY
What?
JUDITH
Is it important?
Larry shrugs
.
LARRY
It’s just odd.
JUDITH
Any news on your tenure?
LARRY
I think they’ll give me tenure.
JUDITH
You
think
.
LARRY
(
equably
)
Well, I don’t
know
. These things aren’t, you know …
JUDITH
No, I
don’t
know. Which is why I ask.
LARRY
Well –
SARAH
Mom, how long is Uncle Arthur staying with us?
JUDITH
Ask your father.
Twilight
.
Larry is stepping onto a hose as he unwheels it from the drum of a
travelling sprinkler, laying out an arc to cover the back yard.
Intermittent thwacks from next door
.
Mr. Brandt and his son, who also has a buzz cut and wears a white
T-shirt, throw a baseball back and forth. Mr. Brandt throws hard. The
ball pops in the boy’s mitt
.
MITCH
Ow.
Larry walks over to the boundary defined by the fresh mowing.
He sights down it
.
Mr. Brandt looks over his shoulder at Larry, looking. Mr. Brandt is
expressionless. He goes back to throwing
.
MITCH
Ow.
Evening. Lights on. Larry sits at the kitchen table, a briefcase open on
the chair next to him. Blue books – examination booklets – are spread
on the table in front of him. He reads, occasionally making marginal
scribbles, grading
.
From off, faint and dulled by intervening walls, rock music: somewhere
in the house Danny is listening to Jefferson Airplane
.
The clink of teaspoon against china as Larry stirs his tea
.
Judith enters
.
JUDITH
Honey.
LARRY
(
absent
)
Honey.
JUDITH
Did you talk to Sy?
LARRY
(
still absent
)
Sy? – Sy Ableman! – That’s right, he called, but I –
JUDITH
You didn’t talk to him.
LARRY
No, I –
JUDITH
You know the problems you and I have been having.
Sympathetic, but still absent:
LARRY
Mm.
JUDITH
Well, Sy and I have become very close.
This brings Larry’s head up. He focuses on Judith, puzzled. She
elaborates:
… In short: I think it’s time to start talking about a divorce.
Larry stares at her. A long beat
.
At length, trying to digest:
LARRY
… Sy Ableman!
JUDITH
This is not about Sy.
LARRY
You mentioned Sy!
JUDITH
Don’t twist my words. We –
LARRY
A divorce – what have I done! I haven’t done anything – What have I done!
JUDITH
Larry, don’t be a child. You haven’t “done” anything. I haven’t “done” anything.
LARRY
Yes! Yes! We haven’t done anything! And I – I’m probably about to get tenure!
JUDITH
Nevertheless, there have been problems. As you know.
LARRY
Well –
JUDITH
And things have changed. And then – Sy Ableman. Sy has come into my life. And now –
LARRY
Come into your – what does that mean?! You, you, you, you barely know him!
JUDITH
We’ve known the Ablemans for fifteen years.
LARRY
Yes, but you – you said we hadn’t done anything!
Judith suddenly is stony:
JUDITH
I
haven’t
done anything. This is not some flashy fling. This is not about woopsy-doopsy.
Larry stares at her
.
LARRY
… Sy
Able
man!
From down the hall, a knock on a door. A muffled voice:
ARTHUR
Out in a minute!
JUDITH
Look, I didn’t know any other way of breaking it to you. Except to tell you. And treat you like an adult. Is that so wrong?
Larry does not seem to be listening. His eyes roam the room as he
thinks
.
LARRY
Where do I sleep?
Judith narrows her eyes
.
JUDITH
What
?
LARRY
Arthur’s on the couch!
JUDITH
Look. Sy feels that we should –
LARRY
Esther is barely cold!
JUDITH
Esther died three years ago. And it was a loveless marriage. Sy wants a Gett.
This derails the conversation. Larry stares, trying to pick up the thread
.
LARRY
… A what?
JUDITH
A ritual divorce. He says it’s very important. Without a Gett I’m an Aguna.
LARRY
A what? What are you talking about?
She turns to go, peeved:
JUDITH
You always act so surprised.
As she leaves:
… I have begged you to see the rabbi.
Larry has fallen asleep at the kitchen table, face down in a pile of blue
books. Cold blue light sweeps across him and he looks up
.
A short, balding middle-aged man in flannel pyjamas and an old
flannel dressing gown is in front of the open refrigerator holding an
open jar of orange juice. He tips the jar back to drink, his free hand
holding a balled-up towel to the back of his neck
Larry stares at him
.
Fade out
.
Larry enters the departmental office. His eyes are red-rimmed and
dark-bagged. He has beard stubble
.
The department’s secretary wheels her castored chair away from her
typing
.
SECRETARY
Messages, Professor Gopnik.
He takes the two phone messages
.
Larry looks at the messages:
WHILE YOU WERE OUT
Dick Dutton of Columbia Record Club
CALLED REGARDING
: “
2nd attempt. Please call
.”
WHILE YOU WERE OUT
Sy Ableman
CALLED REGARDING:
“
Let’s have a good talk
.”
A knock brings his look up
.
LARRY
Yes – thanks for coming, Clive.
Clive Park enters the office.
… Have a seat.
Larry uses a key to open the top desk drawer. He takes out the envelope
holding cash.
… We had, I think, a good talk, the other day, but you left something that –
CLIVE
I didn’t leave it.
LARRY
Well – you don’t even know what I was going to say.
CLIVE
I didn’t leave anything. I’m not missing anything. I know where everything is.
Larry looks at him, trying to formulate a thought
.
LARRY
Well … then, Clive, where did this come from?
He waves the envelope.
… This is here, isn’t it?
Clive looks at it gravely
.
CLIVE
Yes, sir. That is there.
LARRY
This is not nothing, this is something.
CLIVE
Yes, sir. That is something.
A beat
.
… What is it?
LARRY
You know what it is! You know what it is! I believe. And you know I can’t keep it, Clive.
CLIVE
Of course, sir.
LARRY
I’ll have to pass it on to Professor Finkle, along with my suspicions about where it came from. Actions have consequences.
CLIVE
Yes. Often.
LARRY
Always! Actions always have consequences!
He pounds the desk for emphasis.
… In this office, actions have consequences!
CLIVE
Yes, sir.
LARRY
Not just physics. Morally.
CLIVE
Yes.
LARRY
And we both know about your actions.
CLIVE
No, sir. I know about my actions.
LARRY
I can interpret, Clive. I know what you meant me to understand.
CLIVE
Meer sir my sir.