A Small Town Dream (4 page)

“You didn’t have to—?”

“Oh, God no. I got my period ten days later, right on schedule. Well, early, actually. I was never so happy to be bloated and bitchy in my life. Then, I did something...” Connie trailed off and started to cry. Annie pulled her close, held her until Connie could continue.

“I called Parker, told him to meet me at our spot in the woods, said I needed to tell him something. We met and... I told him the truth, Annie. What I was thinking, what I was planning.” She laughed even through her tears and shook her head, reliving the moment. Annie watched Connie’s face change from fear and sadness to amazement.

“I told him the truth, Annie, and do you know what he said?” Annie shook her head slowly. “He said, I didn’t need to trap him because he was already
mine
.” Then she burst into tears again. Annie pulled a tissue from her purse. Connie dabbed at her eyes, calming down, then smiled. “He said he loved me, Annie, and that he wanted a life with me.” Connie laughed with relief, and so did Annie.

“Connie, that’s amazing.” She meant it. She was surprised—and pleased—that she had been so right, and yet so wrong.

“But, you
were
right, Annie,” Connie said, the tears starting again. “You were right about me and... I’m sorry I was mad at you and…I love you so much, and... I was sick that you saw me that way. I was even sicker that
you
saw the truth. You saw through me, Annie, and I was so ashamed.” Annie felt ashamed as well.

“I didn’t think
that
was the truth about you, Connie. I knew... I
know
how much you need to get away. We don’t feel the same, but I understand. The school year was coming, and you were terrified to be stuck, going only to Davenport. That would have been horrible for you so, I thought... You were just being
yourself
, that’s all. You’d never hurt anybody, or try to ruin Parker’s life. You’re a good person, Connie. I just know how badly you want out of here.”

“Well,” Connie said, chuckling, “it was the truth.
Was
, not is. Parker and I are very careful now. I’m going to get out of here, but we’re in it together, and that’s perfect.”

They hugged tightly for a long moment. Then Connie ran off to class, and Annie sat alone, thinking. She had known Connie her entire life. They had grown up together, and been close friends, but Annie never used the term
best friends
because she didn’t like the idea of one person being better compared to others. They had been close ever since they met, holding their mother’s hands in the park one Sunday afternoon. Since that day, they, along with all the others in their little group, had been inseparable. Now, Annie realized, this moment was the closest she had really been with Connie. This confession, this sharing of truth, and shame, and asking for forgiveness, was the closest she was with
anyone
outside her immediate family.

This closeness filled Annie with such warmth, such ease and love that she, too, started to cry. She didn’t gloat, even to herself, about being right. She simply took joy in having a friend like Connie.

“She
is
my best friend,” Annie said, smiling. “I have a
best
friend.”

***

“Will you read it?” Parker still stood over her, pleading. “Would you read this and...I
need
you to read this and…I don’t know... tell me…how you feel
after
…what it does to your…heart and...your
soul
?”

Annie looked at the book, then back at Parker. He was rambling again, and this time sounded desperate. Why did he
need
her to read a book?

“Has Connie read it?” Parker flinched
. “Your
girlfriend
, Parker, Connie, has
she
read it?” His mouth opened, then closed. Had he forgotten, even for a second, who Connie was?

“Connie, um, no, I haven’t...she wouldn’t, um, be
interested
…in this.”

“And you think I
would
be?” Parker nodded.
Too enthusiastically
, Annie thought.

“I do, I mean...this will…it’ll
hit
you... right in the heart, right in the gut. Like it did me.” He raised his eyebrows, and out of the corner of her eye, Annie saw his foot begin to tap. It scared her a little. Parker had a reputation of being even-keeled, controlled, but now… He abruptly sat
down, reached across, and began fiddling with a paperclip.

“Connie has a heart and guts too, Parker, so why wouldn’t it…hit
her
?” He shook his head violently, looked furtively around the library, and then he leaned in to whisper.

“She’s not the same as you, Annie. She’s great, and I love her and all but...something...” He took a deep breath, seemingly to calm himself. “She
lacks
something. It’s not a bad thing. I just don’t think she’d...” He looked at her, his eyes questioning. “Will you read it? Please?
I need somebody to talk to about it. I need to know I’m not... all
alone
.”

The word hung between them, and Annie felt the weight of it. She looked at the dustcover. It was plain, simple, just the words, all capital block letters in a line below a small abstract graphic art piece.
ON…THE…ROAD
. Then the strange name,
Jack Kerouac,
at the top. She looked up at Parker, and he smiled, hopeful.

“How do you pronounce his name?”

Parker told her, explaining, “It’s French-Canadian.”

She played it over in her head. It sounded foreign, exotic. “Ok,” she said after a moment, “I’ll give it a read.”

“
Yes!
” Parker shouted, throwing his arms in the air. He got up and ran around the table, ignoring those who stared, got on his knees, and hugged Annie where she sat. “You’re going to just... I cannot
wait
to hear what you think!” Then he leapt to his feet, kissed the top of her head and ran out of the library.

Annie laughed at his joy and his energy. She turned the book over.

“
The voice of a new generation
,” she read and shrugged. “How bad could it be?”

She glanced at the clock, saw it was time to head to class, so she slipped the book into her backpack. She was still thinking about Parker as she walked to class, his strange behavior, and how oddly he spoke about Connie. She cautioned herself not to get too worked up, not to read anything into it. She had been wrong about them before. She was determined not to make that mistake again.

As she turned the last corner toward her class, she saw Parker leaning against a locker, looking down at the floor. He suddenly looked up, caught her eye, and smiled, warm, full, and somehow special. Annie’s heart skipped a beat. He held up his copy of the book, all bent and dog-eared. He pointed to it, smiled again, and nodded. Then he mouthed some words. Annie swore they were,
I love you
. She frowned and moved close enough so he could hear her.

“
What
did you just say?” She was almost afraid to ask.

“I said, you’ll love it.” She stood for a moment, then moved on.

In her classroom, she took her seat, waiting for the class to begin. “
Is
that what he said?” she asked herself. She pulled the book from her backpack and stared at the cover.

“Well, Ms. Stewart,” said Mr. Gleason, her English teacher, as he walked by her desk. “I never figured you for someone who would like the beats.”

She flinched. “Excuse me?”

“The beat writers,” he said. “We’ll be getting to them toward the end of the year. I couldn’t possibly release your young minds into the world without at least introducing you to the voices of the beat generation.”

“Is it good?”

“Good?” He shrugged and kept moving. “I think so. But it’s not about good or bad,” he continued, now having a personal conversation with her in front of the rest of the class. “It’s about how it hits you, how it makes you think and feel. Dangerous stuff, Ms. Stewart, so be careful. It may change your mind about your entire life.” He gave her a wicked little smile. She laughed.

He turned his attention to the rest of the class. “But for now, we’ll stay in the safe, comfortable world of Jane Austin.
Pride and Prejudice
, page—where did we leave off?”

The rest of the class opened their copies of Austin. Annie looked at
On the
Road
once more, then slid it into her backpack. She was happy to get back to Jane Austin because she loved her work. But for the rest of the day, Mr. Gleason’s words echoed in her head.

Dangerous stuff, Ms. Stewart, so be careful.

Annie slipped into bed, clicked on the reading lamp, and then opened the—according to her English teacher—
dangerous
book Parker was so eager for her to read. She loved to read, and had a small but impressive collection of her own. Most were required reading for English classes, but her aunts had given her a few and others she had bought for herself, including the
find yourself and spread your wings
summer
novel she hadn’t bothered to finish.

But what was so magical about
this
book? Apparently it had changed Parker’s life, and Mr. Gleason had warned her it could change her life. It was also in a category all its own:

It had been thrust upon her by a boy.

“Well, this will either be boring or very interesting,” she said. She opened the cover, skipped the dedication and the author’s notes, and began to read the first page.

I first met Dean not long after…

She froze, not even halfway into the first sentence. Something in her world ground to a halt, a bit like déjà vu, but not. She’d never experienced anything like that before.
Maybe I’m just tired
, she thought. But she’d promised, so she tried to shake off the feeling and continue reading.

I had recovered from…

There it was again. That
feeling
. More words began to jump off the page.

…serious…won’t…talk about…miserably weary breakup…feeling that everything was…

“Dead.”
S
he said the word aloud, needing to hear it to make it real.

There was something there. Something in that opening that both frightened her
and
spoke of possibilities, of things to come. Of meeting this
Dean
person, and though knowing nothing about him, going with him on an adventure like none she had ever experienced.

“All right, then,” she whispered to the book. “Lead on.”

She closed her locker door, then gasped when she saw Parker standing there.

“You scared the—
wits
out of me, Parker! What is
wrong
with you?”

He ignored her. “Did you start it?”

“What—?”

“The
book
, did you start it?”

She collected herself and started walking down the hall, doing her best to control herself. She had indeed started reading it. She had, in fact, finished it in one sitting.

Parker followed close behind her, waiting for an answer. She stepped back between a row of lockers.

“Yes, I finished it.” He burst out laughing, then lifted her off her feet into a hug. She didn’t stop to think, just hugged him back and held on. He set her back down, and they stayed in a loose embrace. “I couldn’t stop! I read all night long. I haven’t slept a wink!”