A Tragic Heart (3 page)

“Ewwwww, I’m not having sex with Mason Taylor…not tonight, at least,” I say jokingly.

“Suuurrree—if you say so, Tay. I have to go now because we’re about to do a quick sound check.”

“All right, cool. Have fun! Love ya!”

“Love you, too.”

He’s the only person I say that to. I don’t even tell my sister that I love her. I mean I do love her, but we’re just two totally different people. Jackson and I always had this connection. He’s like the Mason of the town, all the girls love him. He’s a star in some sort of way, but once you really speak to him, you see there’s so much more. Something you never thought you’d see. I’m not sure what it is, but I do know that it’s great.

Aside from his dark hair and comforting, brown eyes, there’s something much more attractive about Jackson Caldwell. I think it’s his spirit, or maybe his soul. I think if we were to strip away Jackson’s celebrity good looks and complicated-yet-simple persona, we’d find something surprising. I think we’d find an angel that’s hidden in the very depths of his soul. And even if we don’t, he’ll always be my angel on earth. Not to mention, the best big brother anyone could ever wish for.

I begin to feel empty, so I decide to listen to one of Jackson’s favorite modern bands. The song blasts from my speakers, and I begin to notice just how much I miss Jackson. I would give anything just to be with him right now.

Words can’t express how much I love this song. I think about the times Jackson and I spent together watching one of our favorite children’s movies,
The Nightmare Before Christmas.
Whenever Jackson isn’t around, it’s like a part of me is missing. I know he feels the same way about me. He’s always that voice in my head telling me what to or what not to do. I may not listen all the time, but I’m glad his voice is there anyway.

Right now it seems as if Jackson is the only person who can stop the pain that I’m feeling. Just that quickly, I forget about Mason and his party. I can only think of my brother and how much he really means to me. It’s like everything is standing still. I miss him, and nothing else matters.

It’s already after nine, and I’m not even ready for Mason’s party. I’m not really feeling up to going. I’m thinking about calling
Mason and telling him that I don’t feel too great, but then I come to my senses and realize that this is Mason I’m talking about. He’s the only boy who is drawn to me; possibly, the only boy of my dreams.

So I rush and put on the cleavage-revealing, thigh-showing, too-tight
shirt
Jackson bought me…or at least I feel like I’m only wearing a shirt—
a “barely there” shirt
. The tight black dress that Jack bought me is revealing a bit more than any parent would approve of. Jackson didn’t stop at the extremely revealing dress; he just had to buy me black heels to go with it. There are times that I hate him, but I guess I can’t hate him for too long, since he did give me something to wear to Mason’s party.

By the time I finish my hair, it’s already after ten. I’m going to be fashionably late. In girl world, this is a perfect way to make an entrance; or at least that’s what they say on TV. I sneak out of my front door after making sure my parents weren’t in the living room and get into my car, hoping that I’m making the right decision.

Mason’s house is loud and crowded. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he knows the entire town and the next two towns over. Everyone’s head turns when I walk in—boys and girls. I guess they didn’t know the invisible sister of a rock star could look so hot.

“New look?”

I turn around. Peyton is standing next to me.

“Oh, hey! I’m sorry about the last time we saw each other; I was totally out of character.”

“It’s okay. She had it coming. Nothing you should apologize for.”

“Is she here now?”

“No, she’s home tending to both of her black eyes and her broken nose. You gave it to her pretty good, if you ask me,” he says, laughing. He takes a sip from the beer bottle he’s holding.

His smile is beautiful. It’s the kind of smile that can take away all nervousness and tension in a room, no matter how big. I have no choice but to smile back.

“So I heard you’re in a band. How’s that going for you?”

“It’s pretty good. We’re getting a lot of gigs, so that’s cool.”

“Well, let me know if you need any help. Maybe I can ask my brother sometime.”

“That would be great. Jackson’s really made a name for himself. He’s smart; he got out of this place and became something more than just your typical small-town student who goes to college to be a lawyer. I admire him for that.”

Peyton Giordano admires Jackson Caldwell. Maybe we are more alike than I thought. I’m just about to say something when I hear: “Wow, emo girl gone sexy! I like!”

It’s Jagger.

“Hey, leave her be.”

Mason
. I’d know that voice anywhere.

“Taking up for your new girlfriend, I see,” Jagger replies sarcastically, as he mockingly salutes Mason while sloshing his mixture of rum and coke on the floor.

“So what if I am?” Mason looks at me with a smile.

Girlfriend? He didn’t deny it. Maybe he didn’t realize Jagger said “girlfriend.”

“Hey, why don’t you come hang with me for a while?” Mason asks, looking at me with hopeful eyes.

I turn to look at Peyton, with whom I was in the middle of a conversation, only to see that he’s already begun talking to someone else. There’s nothing else to do but follow Mason.

He takes me into a big room with a flat-screen television, a mini living room area on one side, and a bedroom on the other side. Everything is red and white except the hardwood floor.

“Your room?” I ask.

“Yup. I just wanted some time alone with you.”

“Girlfriend?” I say without thinking.

“What?” he asks.

I almost panic. Maybe he’s already forgotten the comment Jagger made downstairs. “Jagger said you were taking up for your girlfriend, and you didn’t deny it,” I say swiftly.

Once again, the words spill out fast and hard. Where is all this confidence coming from? Maybe it’s the dress.

“Oh, yeah, that. I didn’t think you caught that one,” he says with a sexy smirk.

“Of course I did.”

“Am I moving too fast for you? Do you want to get to know me better before we make it official? Because I already know you. I’ve known you for some time now…not to sound weird or anything.”

This has to be a dream. Things like this don’t happen in real life. I of all people should know this. Some things are too good to be true, and this is one of them.

“What makes you so sure you know me?” I ask, almost in a whisper.

“Because I know every girl in this town, and you’re the total opposite of them all. You’re beautiful, smart, complicated, misunderstood, and every other element that makes a person amazing and worth it.”

I am speechless. It seems like Mason is a pro at more than just basketball. He can capture a girl’s heart within a matter of seconds. I just hope these aren’t just empty words.

“Well, if that’s the case, I don’t think it’s too fast,” I say, unsure if I actually mean that.

Then he kisses me. Mason Taylor kisses me, and I kiss him back. I’m nervous and excited all at the same time. He is drawn to me, and I am one step closer to being his color-filled canvas. I must remember to thank Jackson for the “shirt.”

***

I was lonely. That’s the only reason I have for doing what I did. The party is over, and now I’m home in my bed. I don’t know if my parents found out I was gone or not, but right now I don’t even care.
I was lonely
. And that’s all I know. You may think I’d be happier being Mason Taylor’s new girlfriend, and I am happy, but I’m lonely and that’s all I can say. I want to call Jackson, but it’s too late. It happened and I don’t even know if Jackson can make me feel better. I was lonely and I did what I did. I lost my virginity to Mason Taylor and I can’t do anything about it. I cried and cut already, but nothing made me feel any better. I committed a sin worth waiting for and I’m afraid I gave Mason the only thing he truly wanted from me.
I’m easy
.

I decide to call Jackson anyway. I have to confess the terrible thing I did. I can’t feel more like a martyr than I do now.

“Hello?”

“I’m sorry I woke you up. Do you want me to hang up?” I ask, my voice cracking from crying.

“No. Tay, are you crying? Are you okay?”

Jackson has always been so caring. That’s another thing people don’t know about him. He’s one of the most kind-hearted people you’ll ever meet.

“I’m easy,” I say blandly.

There’s nothing else to say. It’s the only way I think of myself now.

“What are you—oh. Mason? Tay, I was kidding when I say make sure he straps. I didn’t mean to actually have sex. Tay, you were a virgin and you don’t know this guy well enough. What if he just used you?” he says, worried and annoyed at the same time.

That’s another thing I love about Jackson. He doesn’t tell you things to make you feel better; he just tells the truth. At the moment, his truth wasn’t making me feel any better.

“I know and I’m sorry. I just wish you were here. You make everything simple.”

“Well, I can’t make this one simple for you. This is something you have to deal with on your own. But even so, I’ll be there if you need me.”

“Thanks,” I whisper while wiping away my tears. “But on the plus side, he made me his official girlfriend tonight,” I say with a small laugh.

“Yeah, well, I bet he did,” Jackson says, trying to calm himself down.

There’s an uncomfortable silence.

“Jackson?”

“Huh?” he says, sounding as if his mind is in a different place.

“I love you and I really miss you”

“Me too, Tay.”

After hanging up with Jack, I feel a little better; but then I start to remember what happened tonight. All I can think is that I was lonely, and Mason Taylor was there.

***

I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing. I look at the clock. It’s 12:20 p.m.

“What?” I ask, irritated.

“Ewww, is that how you always answer your phone?”

“Oh hey, Mason. Sorry. I didn’t see it was you.”

“Uh-huh, get up. I want to spend the day with you.”

I never thought I’d hear those words come out of Mason Taylor’s mouth. But I like the way they sound.

“Okay. Where are we going?” I ask, still half asleep.

“Anywhere you want.”

“Well, there’s not much to do here.”

“We can always catch a movie and dinner. It’ll be a classic first date.”

“Sounds great,” I say, forcing myself to wake up.

“Be ready. I’m picking you up at three.”

As I make up my bed and start to get ready for our date, I wonder if last night is on his mind. Is he thinking about it like I am? Was it even a big deal to him? Because it was for me. That’s the scary part: not knowing how Mason feels. It’s just that he knows so much about me and I don’t really know him at all. I know that he makes me happy and makes me feel a way no one else has ever made me feel. I know he likes to write, he’s a great point guard, and he took my virginity. But I don’t know anything else. Is that bad? I’m still trying to figure it out.

***

Mason looks amazing. That’s all I know. Something about him shines brighter than ever, and I can’t figure it out but I don’t care. The movie and dinner are great, but for some reason Mason outshines them both. Again, I don’t know why; all I know is that I’m lying next to the guy I adore.

“Mason?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“How come I don’t know much about you, but you know everything about me?”

“Because you never try to get to know me.”

“What do you mean? You’re supposed to tell me about yourself,” I say, slightly annoyed.

He smiles a little. “Relax, babe. I’ll tell you all you want to know.”

“What’s your favorite color?”

“I have two: red and white.”

That explains the room
.

“Who’s your best friend?”

“Peyton.”

“Really? Your cousin is your best friend?”

“Yeah, he’s more like my brother. He’s been through a lot, and I kind of went through it all with him. I couldn’t imagine my life without him.”

There’s a strange silence for a few seconds.

“A few years ago, his mom died,” Mason continues. “He was devastated. He was only thirteen years old and he and his stepdad don’t get along. His heart is still a bit…tragic from it all. The only person he had was me. We were always close, but ever since that day, we’ve been inseparable. I support everything he does and vice versa. “

“Poor Peyton. I had no idea.” At that moment, I realize that Peyton could be my best friend.
We both lost someone who meant the world to us
. He’s the owner of a tragic heart and so am I.

Mason moves closer to me. “Yeah, well, for the most part he’s okay now. I’d say he turned out pretty great.”

“Well, I don’t know him too well, but from what I’ve seen he’s a pretty good guy.”

I feel that Mason is keeping something from me. Like he wants to say more about Peyton but doesn’t. Or maybe he can’t. Then I start thinking about last night and wondering if he thinks it meant anything.

“Hey Mason?”

“Uh-huh?”

“Was last night weird for you? Like, did it mean anything to you at all? Or was it impulsive?”

“Babe, last night was amazing for me. I know it must’ve been scary for you since it was your first time, but I tried to make it as comfortable as possible. I won’t hurt you, if that’s what you’re trying to ask. You’re still as amazing to me as when I first saw you, and nothing about last night was impulsive for me.”

He tells me exactly what I want to hear. I just hope it’s true.

Mason gets up and goes over to his desk. He opens the drawer, takes some papers out, and walks back over to me.

“What is this?” I ask as he hands the papers to me.

“My writings. I never share them with anyone. If you really want to know me, just read these. All my feelings lie in your hands. I’m just going to warn you that it’s raw, defiant, and heartbreaking at times. So if you truly want to know me, who I am, it’s all here.”