A Tragic Heart (8 page)

“Babe, are you okay? We’re going to be late if you don’t hurry!” Mason shouts from the other side of the door.

“Y-yeah, I’m c-coming out now,” I say, trying to stop my voice from cracking as a result of the lump in my throat. I stop the shower and walk back into the bedroom to get ready for school.

“I spoke to Peyton,” Mason says, trying to get a reaction from me. He succeeds.

“What did he say?” I say anxiously.

“Not much. He didn’t even apologize. It’s like I don’t even know him anymore. Before I was through with saying what I needed
to say, he hung up the phone. I don’t understand him anymore,” Mason says with a stitch of resentment and sadness in his voice.

“Oh.” That’s all I can say. Now I’m really worried about him. He never treats Mason that way. I could understand me; I just came into his life.
But Mason?
That really puzzles me.

Once at school, Mason and I get out of the car and my heart is in my stomach. I see Peyton, and he doesn’t even speak. I think that maybe he’s in a rush and I’ll just speak to him later. What really shoots me in the heart is when I see him grab Keely and walk with her as if they are
together.
I know that’s not true, but even so, how did that friendship happen overnight, literally?

I go to first period math, a class I have with Peyton. We usually sit next to each other. Instead, he sits next to Keely in the back corner while I sit on the opposite end of the back row. I can’t help but stare.

“Looks like we have an audience,” I hear Keely say in a sarcastic way.

Peyton just turns to look at me and then goes back to talking with Keely. This can’t be happening. She can’t have taken my Peyton away. He’s my best friend. Class ends and I hear Keely and Alison talking about an after-Christmas party on Peyton’s birthday. He didn’t. He took my idea and told them.

Lunch is boring. I hope Peyton will speak to me, but no such luck. I begin to feel sick, so I ask Mason to take me home, since we drove to school together. He says he can’t leave now, so I have no other choice but to ask Jagger. We’re in the car when he decides to spark up conversation.

“So what’s wrong with you?” he asks.

“Nothing,” I say mildly.

“Then why am I taking you home?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you pregnant?”

“No! Jagger, please just drive,” I say, irritated.

There’s silence for about five minutes until he decides to speak again.

“Is it about Peyton and Keely?” he asks, as if he’s actually concerned.

I’m silent for a while, but proceed to tell him that isn’t it.

“It’s nothing serious. He just slept with her last night. They consider themselves a couple, but that won’t last long. She’s not Peyton’s type. I guess Peyton is just deciding to give her a try since she’s been after him for so long.”

My heart stops. My life has gone from fairy tale to tragedy overnight. I knew it was all too good to be true. I should have prepared myself for that free fall. He told Jagger before he told me.
I was his best friend
. I guess that’s it. I
was
his best friend. I always find a way to mess everything up. I’m just a mistake in everyone’s life.

“Are you going to the party for his birthday?” he asks.

“No. It’s stupid. An after-Christmas party? What a stupid idea,” I say.

Jagger finally reaches our apartment. I get out and thank him for the ride.

He says, “Anytime.” He also says that if I need anything, to call him. Do I look that badly off or is Jagger just practicing being human for a while?

I go into our place and as soon as I close the door I sob. I cry because of my life. But most of all, I cry because of Peyton. He’s the only one besides Mason and Jackson who get me. I was beginning to feel normal around him.
But he’s gone
. I don’t know for how long, but I know he’s gone for now, and it already seems like forever. I reach into my pocket for my box cutter, lift my sleeves, and then I cut. I do what I haven’t done in a long time. I used to have Peyton to talk to and make me feel better whenever I had a bad day, but now Keely has him. I want my Peyton. I
need
my Peyton. He’s
my
Peyton Giordano.

I fall asleep until Mason comes home. He couldn’t stay because he had to work, but what should I expect? We’re two married seventeen-year-olds who live on our own. He works for his parent’s architecture company, so he gets paid a little more than the average seventeen-year-old does. His parents always make sure we are okay financially. They refuse to see their son and daughter-in-law struggle through anything. I think it’s kind of nice. They’re the only family I have. Brian, Jean, and…well, it used to be Peyton. The thought of Peyton just upsets me all over again. He found a way to
consume my mind once again. I’m really worried and pissed off at him all at the same time.

I decide I can’t take it anymore. I’m going over to Peyton’s place to speak with him. We can’t go the rest of our lives without speaking to each other. Not if we are going to be a part of the same family. I rush to my car and drive full speed to Peyton’s apartment. When I park, I get out and slam the door. I’m angry. It’s as if my depression committed suicide and got reincarnated as anger. I quickly walk into the building, get into the elevator, and push the button that has the number eleven engraved on it. I never noticed before how nice Peyton’s apartment building is. He pays for it with the money his mom left him after she died. I don’t know exactly how much she left him, but I do know it’s enough for him to pay his rent, not have to work, and still have money left over. She was a surgeon—a renowned surgeon—so I guess that explains it. Plus, he gets money for his gigs with his band sometimes, but I know that couldn’t be enough to pay for this.

When I reach his door, I ring the doorbell, anxiously waiting for him to answer. I wait a while and ring it again. He finally answers with his pants unbuckled and no shirt on. He has muscles; I guess he has the body of a boxer, since that’s what he does during his free time. He can be a bit of a weight-training freak. I ignore his appearance and begin to speak.

“We need to talk.” The words come out very easily.

“Can’t.”

That’s all he gives me. A one-syllable answer.

“Why not?” I’m getting annoyed.

“Busy.”

Again, one word.

“Can you give me more than one-word answers?” I say, completely ticked off.

“Okay, how about this? Stay away from me! If I wanted to speak to you, I would’ve done so today,” he says with no expression on his face.

“What happened to you? What is wrong, Peyton? People just don’t up and change like this in one day. What’s going on with you?” I say, almost in tears.

“Stay out of my business, please. You should really leave. Call Mason or something. Or maybe go back to Jackson. I don’t care, as long as you stay away from me.”

“Why are you being like this?” I say, almost completely broken. “You’re my best friend. What happened? Peyton, talk to me, please! Is it your dad?”

“’Bye, Taylor.”

Then I hear a female voice say, “Peyton, will you hurry up and come back in already? Who is it anyway?” It’s Keely. She comes to the door, sees me, and decides to be a bitch, as usual.

“You know people don’t like stalkers,” she says, smirking.

“You did see Jizelle’s face, right? Would you like to look like her?” I threaten, now filled with great animosity.

“Try it, bitch!” she says and she pushes me.

These girls never learn. I push her back and go to swing at her head, but Peyton pulls me away; just like before. This time, he isn’t on my side.

“Taylor, you need to leave now!” Peyton says with anger in his eyes.

“Go to hell, Peyton!” I say in a low tone filled with pure hate.

He just lost his lifeline
.

Peyton

G
o to hell
. I can’t get those words out of my head. But I had to do it. Taylor and I could never be friends for obvious reasons. I will admit that I do miss her, but I’m good at moving on. I have to move on. I want to tell her so much. Like how I listened to her advice and called my father late last night. He wants me to come over for dinner with his family later, and I’m nervous. She gives good advice even if she doesn’t know it.

Keely distracts me from my thoughts by tugging on my belt buckle.

“Come on. Let’s finish,” she says. Then she kisses me.

I can’t. Not after seeing Taylor. “I can’t. It’s almost five, and I have to go somewhere soon,” I say, trying to avoid eye contact.

“Well, we’ll make it quick.”

“No. I can’t be late. I’ll just see you tomorrow,” I say, putting my shirt back on.

“Fine. Later then, I guess,” Keely says, opening my front door and walking out.

I lock the door behind her and sit on the couch for a while. I can’t get over the look on Taylor’s face. But I guess it hurts to do the right thing sometimes. Like the old saying goes, “Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.” Whoever came up with that line forgot to mention how much it might hurt.

Taylor

I
’m still angry when I get home—with Peyton, Keely, and most of all, myself. How could I be so stupid as to believe that everything was going to work out fine and that things have finally turned around for the better? I know better than that. I know how life is. That’s why I’m blaming myself. When I came home, I noticed that Mason left his cell phone on the dresser in our bedroom. I know he can’t live without his phone, so I decide to take it to him at his job.

The drive there is easy and it helps calm me down a lot. I go into the building and take the elevator up to the floor where he usually works. As the elevator doors slide open, I see Mason’s mom.

“Oh, hi Taylor. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” I say with a smile. “I’m just here to give Mason his phone. He left it at the apartment, and I know how he is about it.”

“Well, that’s very sweet of you, but did you forget? Mason’s not in today. In fact, I told him to take the entire week off. He just seemed so tired lately. Didn’t he tell you?”

I didn’t know how to feel. Mason told me he’s been working all week, and I believed him.

“Oh yeah, he did! I’m sorry—I just forgot. It’s just that he’s usually always here and he went out for a while. He’s most likely with Jagger or Peyton. He just didn’t tell me where he was going. Sorry,” I say, hoping she’ll believe the cover-up.

She laughs a little and tells me it’s okay and I just need some rest. We hug, and then I leave the building with a million thoughts
competing in my head. First Peyton and now Mason. This is all too much to deal with at one time.

I arrive home half angry, half heartbroken. I can’t cry and I don’t even have the strength to lift up a razor or a knife to cut; so I just sit still. I’m still for at least an hour before Mason comes home.

“Hey, babe,” he says as he walks into the living room.

“How was work?” I ask dryly.

“It was okay; same old, same old.”

“Oh, so nothing new happened?” I want him to choke.

“Nope.” He kisses me on the cheek before walking into the bedroom.

Does he really think I’m that stupid? Well, apparently I am. Who knows what else he’s been lying to me about?
And then it hits me
: Christmas is coming, and after the “unforgettable” surprise on my birthday, it’s clear that Mason is capable of planning huge surprises before special occasions. He lied to me on my birthday just so I couldn’t figure out that it would turn out to be our wedding night. I’m sure that’s what it is. I hope that’s what it is.

***

Christmas was two days ago and today is Peyton’s birthday. I was right; Mason did surprise me on Christmas. He was out making plans for our trip to Australia in February. He knew that is one of the things on my list to do before I die. I wake up a little sad today because I want more than anything to call Peyton and wish him a happy birthday. But I guess he has Keely for that one. At school, he pretends I don’t exist. It’s as if he never knew me. I can’t even read what is going on in his head anymore.

Today, I decide, things will change. I am going to do something that I should’ve done a long time ago.

“Hello?”

“H-hey…it’s me…” I say nervously into the phone.

“Taylor?”

“Y-yeah, it’s me. I’m sorry,” I say.

“Why now?”

“Because I’ve realized that I made a horrible mistake and I’ve wanted to say this for so long. I’ve missed you, Jackson.”

“Taylor, I have to go. I can’t talk now. Maybe later,” Jackson says.

“O—”

He hangs up before I can even say okay.

I messed up. I should have listened to Peyton when he told me to call. Now, even Jackson hates me. I’m ruining my life and everyone around me is leaving.
Someone always leaves
. He even called me Taylor. Jackson never calls me Taylor unless he’s upset with me or he’s being very serious. I’m now a stranger to my brother. The one who was always there for me, the one whom I considered to be my other half before Mason or Peyton even entered my life. My original savior was gone, and so was my angel.

Night falls. Mason has been gone for over two hours now. He seemed a little upset about something, but I didn’t want to ask because I had my own problems to deal with. I know it may sound selfish, but I can’t handle anyone else’s problems but mine for now. I used to have Jackson and Peyton to help me. I never had to do it all by myself. I never thought I would have to do it all by myself. I always thought I would at least have Jackson. I guess I have never truly been alone until now.

I realize I’m the only one who isn’t doing anything tonight. Peyton has his party that I thought up but wasn’t invited to, and Mason probably went to a movie or somewhere he can have “alone time.” I’m tired of doing nothing. I’m going to crash Peyton’s party. It was my idea anyway, so I have every right to go, right?

I pull up to the house and hear loud music. I watch people vomiting from too much alcohol consumption and other people making out. There are some eye-catching outfits, but mostly just girls looking for an excuse to be even more slutty than they already are. I was looking for Peyton when I heard some girl obviously speaking to a guy.