Drew thought he might faint when Ash’s lips touched his temple, his warm breath drifting past Drew’s ear. A surge of lust lurched through him as his nighttime fantasy unfolded into reality, there for him to experience if he wanted.
Ash’s voice whispered in his ear. “I want you so fucking much. I’m ready to explode. I don’t know why, and I don’t care. I’ve wanted you for what seems like forever, and tonight I’m not letting you go until I make you mine. And, baby, you will be mine, make no mistake about it.”
With that, Ash buried his face in the curve between Drew’s neck and shoulder, his lips and hot, wet tongue finding Drew’s skin and nipping, licking, and sucking at the flesh. If Ash hadn’t been holding him, for certain Drew would have fallen from the power of the hunger that exploded inside him. Never in all his years of dating women had his body responded like this. Helpless, as his hands were still held by Ash, Drew wanted to speak, but the electric rush through his blood and the tingling at the base of his cock told him that all too soon he would be ending before he began.
“Nooo, stop.” Drew’s head banged back against the wall, but he hardly registered the pain. “Ash, stop.” His cock strained so hard against his jeans he couldn’t move his legs for fear he’d come immediately.
Ash pulled away, his hair in wild disarray, his breath panting, unsteady and heavy. The man looked totally debauched and disreputable, not like the usual in-control, polished executive. Ash swallowed and pulled himself together, raking his hands through his hair, then yanked down the sleeves of his shirt. “What-what’s the matter? You don’t want this?”
Before Drew could answer, Ash’s fingers slid into the palms of Drew’s hands, then up farther to entwine with Drew’s, flat on the wall. They stood, cheek to cheek, hip to hip, their erections resting against one another. Unlike the harshness of only moments before, Ash’s touch now was gentle and soft. Almost caring.
“No, yes, I don’t know.” Drew leaned his head against the wall to gaze up at the ceiling and licked his lips. “All I know is that if you didn’t stop, I was gonna come in my pants.”
“How about you come in my mouth, instead?” Ash cupped Drew’s jaw and rubbed the pad of his thumb over Drew’s lips. “I want you. I want to undress you and touch you, lick you all over. I want you hot, naked, and sweating in my bed so I can know what you’ll smell like on my sheets.”
The words barely registered in the muddled soup of Drew’s brain. His gaze slid over Ash’s face, but instead of Ash’s usual, arrogant smirk, the man before Drew could have been a stranger. His silver eyes shone with hope but also uncertainty, an emotion Drew had never seen before on Ash’s usually confident face.
“I don’t know what to think anymore,” Drew admitted, then sucked in his breath as Ash flexed his hips, thrusting their erections against each other. The room spun, and then the last candle sputtered out, sending them into a veiled, shadowy darkness pierced only by thin streams of pale moonlight. “I never thought I was gay.”
“You think too much.” Ash let go of Drew’s other hand and with sure, strong fingers popped open the button tab of Drew’s jeans. “That can get you into trouble, you know.”
Drew didn’t know anything except that he wanted Ash’s hands on him. “I think I’m already in trouble.”
”Tell me to stop, then. I will if you say so, but I don’t think you can. You want this, don’t you, baby?”
Ash’s voice, with that tantalizing slight, Southern drawl, came as if from a distance. All Drew’s senses concentrated right there at the juncture between his legs where Ash’s fingers pressed, first hard with a firm, sure grasp, then so light his body ached for another touch. Is this what he wanted? Ever since the time he’d caught Ash in the restaurant having sex with the waiter, no woman had piqued his interest or been the subject of his nighttime fantasies.
It had only been Asher Davis.
If Drew allowed himself this night with Ash to experience everything he’d secretly imagined, he’d get it all out of his system and be ready to return to dating and his regular life. It would be a one-time thing, a curiosity they both wanted to experience. Drew was too plain and innocent, his tastes not flashy or sophisticated like Ash’s. He was beer and pizza; Ash was champagne and caviar.
Drew’s mind began to wander, and the reality of Ash returned as Ash’s heated breath and wet tongue slipped over Drew’s stomach, poked into his belly button, then lapped at the trail of hair leading into Drew’s yet unzipped jeans. Drew dug his hands into Ash’s hair and wound his fingers around the silky strands to tug him even closer to his body.
“I want it all.” He shocked himself, hardly recognizing his own strangled voice, distorted by fear, desire, and need.
Ash stared up at Drew, eyes wide and diamond bright.
“Let’s go to bed, baby.”
And when Ash smiled, Drew knew right then, his heart would be broken if this man left him in the end.
Chapter Eleven
Whatever alcohol fogged his mind was swept clean away, as if a sudden cool rain shower drenched him. Ash waited only a moment, stood, and grabbed Drew’s hand, feeling it tremble, then grasp Ash’s fingers tight. That small, subtle indication of Drew’s trust touched Ash in a way he’d never experienced before with a man he was about to have sex with. He didn’t understand it, but before Ash knew what he was doing, he stopped and pulled Drew close to hug him tight.
It would be a night of firsts. First time for Drew to have sex with a man. First time for Ash to have anyone in his bed. That it was a man he knew and cared about scared him, but Ash pushed his fears aside to concentrate on Drew. He rubbed Drew’s back. “Shh. It’ll be all right. I promise.” No use alarming the man by telling him how Ash ached for him night after night, not even understanding himself the yearning that brought him to make this move. “You’re not afraid of me, are you, baby?” His palm cradled Drew’s jaw, and Ash could feel the jumping pulse beneath Drew’s skin.
In a surprising move, Drew turned and burrowed into Ash’s arms, his lips spoke against Ash’s throat, where he’d buried his head in their embrace. “Maybe, a little, I don’t know.” Drew’s familiar scent enveloped Ash, mingled with an underlying scent of sweat and fear.
“Let’s go inside and lie down.” Ash broke their hug and took Drew’s hand again, entwining their fingers. They walked down the darkened hallway in silence, but Ash could feel Drew’s nerves in the lag of his body and the dampness of the palm of Drew’s hand.
With the sheets freshly laundered and the bed turned down by the maid earlier in the day, the room stood hushed and still as a tomb. The linens, his comforter, everything in his bedroom was of the purest white. He needed the cleanliness, that purity around him. Ash always left instructions that the window, no matter the time of year, should be cracked open. Perhaps for the reassurance that the outside world existed. Or perhaps, he thought, it could be one more escape route should he ever need to run again, no matter it was nineteen stories above Park Avenue. Old habits, especially ones born of fear and pain, die hard, or never at all.
“Come in and sit. Slip off your sneakers.” With a little tug, he pulled Drew nearer to his bed. “Don’t be afraid of me. I don’t bite.” He wrapped his arms around Drew to whisper in his ear. “Well, not unless you want me to, and in that case the pain is all part of the pleasure.”
A shudder ran through Drew, and Ash massaged his back while his lips found Drew’s ear. “What’s your pleasure, baby?” He blew a gentle stream of air into Drew’s ear, following it with his tongue. Drew’s body surged forward as he moaned against Ash’s shoulder. “Want you bad, Drew.” Ash nibbled and nipped his way down Drew’s neck, the pulse of Drew’s vein a thumping rhythm under Ash’s mouth. “Don’t be afraid. I’ll never hurt you.”
With one sure movement, he slipped his hands under Drew’s T-shirt. Finally, after months of teasing glimpses and erotic dreams, his hands roamed over the man’s smooth, soft skin. He slid the tips of his fingers down the waistband of Drew’s jeans, and with a gentle, yet deliberate touch, brushed the top of Drew’s ass. “Lie down with me, baby.” A whimper broke free from Drew’s throat as Ash unzipped him, slid the jeans off his body, and pushed him onto his bed.
In that white cocoon, those black silky curls spilling over Ash’s pillow were the only smudge of color. The sight of Drew curled up in his bed spurred Ash to join him. His usually sure fingers fumbled as he tore off his pants and boxers, leaving on his shirt, as he joined Drew on his bed. Normally he was neat and fanatical about his clothes being put away properly, but right now, with Drew, warm and mouthwatering, lying almost naked in his bed, he couldn’t care less, leaving them in a rumpled pile on the floor.
The pale skin of Drew’s chest shone where the strips of moonlight hit. Ash couldn’t help but reach out and run his hands up that tight stomach, loving the silken feel of the curls as they passed through his fingers. From underneath lowered lids, the glint of Drew’s eyes watched his every move.
The men Ash slept with, gleaming, waxed, and tanned within an inch of their life, had always been his preference. Yet all that silky curling hair and the sight of Drew’s creamy skin dotted with freckles caused an unfamiliar tenderness and need to swell within Ash’s chest. He reached Drew’s boxers and rested there, unmoving, on Drew’s thick cock. Ash smiled at the dampness underneath his hands. Drew might not understand what his body wanted, but Ash did, and the heat and musky smell emanating from Drew’s body told Ash all he needed to know.
Drew’s gaze rested on him, his eyes black hollows in the near darkness. “I know I’m stupid for telling you how I feel, because you’ll think I’m weak. I’m the desperate one here, the one who’s out of control. You’re in command, and I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Ash stretched out on the bed and pulled Drew into his arms. His chin rested on top of Drew’s curls as they lay side by side. “Is that what you think, that I’m the one in control and strong? Nothing could be further from the truth. It’s you. You alone have the power to bring me to my fucking knees with your body, your skin.” Almost choking on his emotion and passion, Ash swallowed and breathed deep to stop his voice from shaking.
“Do you know your heart shines in your eyes every time you get excited, and I can’t look away? And you say I have the power?”
He laughed, his mouth still buried in Drew’s hair. The smell of Drew’s citrusy shampoo filled his senses. “Baby, I haven’t even been inside you, yet there isn’t anything I wouldn’t fucking do for you.” The tightness in Ash’s chest loosened somewhat, and the smile fled from his face. This night was turning out to be nothing like what he’d expected. His cock hardened, and his hips moved as if they had a will of their own in a slow and steady rub against Drew’s. “Hold on to me, now.”
Drew placed his hands on Ash’s shoulders, and Ash rocked his hips, their shafts bumping and rubbing. The friction was tantalizing but not nearly enough for Ash. He pulled down Drew’s boxers, freeing his cock. Throwing one leg over Drew’s hip, Ash drove his hips forward, thrusting his cock alongside Drew’s until they found a rhythm. He grasped their two cocks, stroking, sliding, rubbing, as their bodies, slick and heated, heaved against one another. Drew stiffened, his chest, abs, and cock pitching up against Ash, frantic and out of control. With a hoarse, strangled cry, Drew came, pulsing spurts across Ash’s stomach and chest. Only a few strokes behind, Ash’s body tightened, his cock rigid and hot as he jerked and came. Stars sparkled behind his eyes, and he lost his breath for a moment; then he fell back against the pillows.
They lay side by side, panting in tandem. Ash glanced over at Drew, and though his eyes were closed, Ash knew Drew wasn’t asleep. As his own breathing slowed and his erratic heartbeat returned to its normal tempo, Ash reached over to take Drew’s hand, but froze before their fingers touched.
What the hell was he doing? Nervous and confused, he pulled his hand back and rolled over on his side, away from Drew.
“You know, I’m not waiting for you to tell me that you love me. I told you I wanted this. Nothing’s changed, and I’m not sorry.”
Somehow, Drew’s quiet voice made him feel even worse. “It’s not that.”
“Oh no?” The hint of a smile in Drew’s question relaxed him somewhat. “What is it then?”
Ash rolled back to his other side, still marveling that he had this man in his bed. Naked. Drew lay facing him, propped up on one arm, chin resting in his palm. The moonlight brightened the room with a pale glow, picking up the green glints in Drew’s eyes.
Funny, he could talk circles around his opponents in court and had no qualms about fucking men he barely knew, but now, the simplest of pillow talk with this gentle man, someone he thought of as a friend, made him nervous as hell. Probably because he’d never done it before.
“Uh, I’m not used to this.” He bit his lip. “I, um, usually don’t talk or entertain. Afterward.”
Even in the dimness of the moonlight, Ash could see the hurt enter Drew’s eyes.
“I see.”
To his shock, Drew rose from the bed, fumbled around on the floor, and slipped on his jeans. “I’ll be going then.”
Fucking hell. “No. You misunderstood me.” He’d never forgive himself if Drew walked out now, feeling as though he’d been screwed and dismissed. With long strides, Ash reached the bedroom door before Drew and grabbed his arm. “Stop. Where are you going?”
Drew yanked his arm away, then pulled his T-shirt over his head and kept walking. “I’m leaving. You made it clear you were done.”
Christ, were they ever going to be on the same wavelength? “Drew, wait.” Naked except for his shirt, he nevertheless sped after Drew, sensing that if he didn’t stop him now, something vital and precious would be lost forever. “Please.”
To his immense relief, Drew’s footsteps faltered, then stopped. He stood with his back to Ash, but Drew’s stiff posture and folded arms broadcast his obvious hurt. Ash knew he owed the man an explanation. Above anything else, they were friends first.
“I wasn’t talking about you and me.” He licked his suddenly dry lips, wishing like hell he had a drink. Something, anything to calm the sudden firing of every one of his nerve endings. Shit, even his hands shook. “I meant that I’d never done it before because I never wanted to. And now I do, but I don’t know how.”