When he glanced around the small room, everyone he cared about was there. They all looked at him with varying degrees of surprise, dismay, and shock to some extent. He knew they loved him, but as a brother and a friend. Right now he needed more than that. He needed to find out if the man he’d shared his secrets with and let possess his body was merely a figment of his imagination.
“I gotta go find out where Ash went to. I’ll come back after lunch and check on Nana.” Drew kissed his sister good-bye after promising to talk to her about everything.
“And I mean everything, you know,” she called after him as the elevator doors closed on him, and he traveled downward to the first floor. That promised to be an interesting conversation, for sure.
Chapter Twenty-One
Ash was in a piss-poor mood by the time he got to work. He’d first gone home to shower and change before heading to his office. Now that he’d changed into a suit and tie, the outside of him reflected his normal hard veneer, a suit of armor ready to deflect whatever life planned to throw at him. His insides, however, now that was a different story altogether.
His stomach churned with anxiety, and his nerves were shot. Each time his phone rang or Laura knocked on his door with papers to sign or to escort in his next appointment, he foolishly hoped it was Drew.
What would he say to the man anyway? He buried his head in his hands, embarrassed at his emotional outburst of last night. How could he have been so foolish to tell Drew everything about himself? Now the man would pity him and see him as nothing more than another one of his projects. Someone who needed saving, when that wasn’t what he wanted and needed at all. He stood at the window, gazing down at the busy avenue below.
A knock at the door mercifully ended his pity party. “Come in.” He brushed back his hair, hoping it lay properly. The least he could do was look the part of the unruffled executive. He didn’t want anyone in the office to know the turmoil he was facing inside.
Laura’s slightly confused face filled the doorway. “Mr. Davis, there’s a Dr. Klein to see you. He doesn’t have an appointment, but he said he’d wait as long as it took.” She pursed her lips. “Do you want me to send him away?”
Ash had to smile at her protective behavior. Laura had been with Jacob Frank for almost twenty years, right out of high school. She was a tiny woman, always dressed to perfection with sky-high heels and color-coordinating purses to match her outfits. She ran the office with almost military-like precision and accepted Ash as her own.
“No, give me a moment, then send him in.” She turned to go. “Oh, and Laura? Hold all my calls, please. If anything important comes in, direct it to Mr. Walker.”
Her heavily made-up eyes widened enough to let him know her surprise, but all she said was, “Yes, Mr. Davis,” before she left, closing the door behind her.
Ash gulped the coffee sitting on his desk, wincing at its lukewarm taste. It had been sitting there for quite some time, and its sourness only added to the roiling in his stomach. He knew the best thing he could do would be to send Drew on his way, give him thanks for the fun night, but let’s keep it strictly professional. A kiss-off. After all, they worked together, and as such, they’d have to keep seeing each other at the clinic.
Ash had no illusions about Drew eventually returning to his straight lifestyle. The man wanted to experiment, and Ash was more than happy to be his guinea pig. But Drew was made for a home and family, and Ash had that all taken away from him when he was young. He had no expectations of permanency.
Still, it didn’t stop his pulse from ratcheting up 100 percent when Laura let Drew into the room. He was happy to see Drew’s furious face. Anger he could deal with.
“Hey, how are you? How’s Esther?”
Drew stared at him. “She’s much better, but what the hell happened to you? One minute we were there, together, and the next I looked for you and you’d disappeared. Why did you leave me?”
The confusion and disappointment in his face pricked Ash’s conscience, but he steeled himself against the emotions beating in his chest. What he really wanted to do was come around from behind his desk, grab the man, and hold him tight against him. After last night he found it impossible to forget the perfect way Drew’s slim body curved around his. The thought that it might have been both the first and last time hurt Ash more than he imagined possible.
Like a coward, he remained standing behind the fortress of his desk, where he was safe from his impossible attraction to Drew. “You were busy with your family, and I didn’t belong there, so I went home to shower, change, and come to work.” Ash grasped his coffee cup, and he could only hope Drew didn’t notice how white-knuckled his fingers were.
“What the hell does that mean, you didn’t belong there? I brought you there. I wanted you with me.” Drew swallowed, and Ash heard the hurt in his voice. “I thought after last night, you wanted to be there with me too.”
Tell him, now. This is the perfect time to tell him how you really feel about him, Ash could almost hear his inner conscience screaming. And God knows he wanted to. He’d kissed the guy. He’d never done that before. Spent the night holding him as they slept. Another first for him. But Ash bit down hard on his inner cheek to stifle his words. Drew was better off without him. What happened last night was something Ash would relive for years, but Drew could move on, like he had from his girlfriend.
Ash opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything, Drew advanced on him, coming behind his desk, crowding up against him. He could feel the moist heat of Drew’s breath moving across his face. The top of Drew’s silky head of curls brushed his chin, and Ash almost groaned with his frustration. He was trying to do the right thing and stay away, but the pull of his body toward Drew left Ash weak in the knees.
“What are you afraid of, Ash? I let go of my fear last night when we made love.”
Drew’s body heat encompassed him, and Ash’s knees began to shake. Made love? Shit. What was happening to him? Usually he was the dominant one, the one who made other people give in to his demands. Now his stomach was doing flip-flops as he responded to Drew.
“Uh, I’m not afraid. I don’t think—”
“Yeah, you’re right. Don’t think.” Drew slipped an arm around Ash’s waist. “I never thought I’d want to be with a man, but when I stopped thinking with my head and let go with my heart, there wasn’t any place I wanted to be more than there with you last night.”
Ash whispered, gasping for air. “I took advantage of you. It’s what I do. Jordan said—”
“Forget about Jordan. He doesn’t know what I want or what I’m feeling.” Drew’s gaze touched Ash briefly; he strode back to the office door, locked it, and returned to Ash’s side. “For years I’ve been alone, even when I was with my friends or after I was married. I never felt safe, thinking everything I had would one day be taken from me.”
“But you deserve someone better. And you want a family, a home. I can’t give you that.” Ash shuddered as Drew’s hand brushed over his straining erection to unbuckle his belt and pull it out of his pant loops. “I don’t know how.”
“I disagree.” Drew unbuttoned the top of Ash’s dress slacks and unzipped them. They fell straight down to his ankles, leaving him only in his boxers, his cock bulging out, already wet and aching. “You showed me last night how caring and gentle you are.” Drew pushed down the boxers, exposing Ash’s stiff erection to the cool air.
Ash had to grab hold of the chair to steady himself. His legs trembled, and his head spun. Drew was wrong. He wasn’t good or caring. Then Drew dropped to his knees, and the sight of the man kneeling at his feet blew his mind. “Drew.” He couldn’t help moaning as he reached out to touch that head of tousled curls he’d dreamed of too many nights to ever forget.
The warmth and wetness of Drew’s mouth engulfed Ash’s cock. He wanted to pull away and tell Drew he should leave, but his body had other ideas as his cock swelled and his hips began to thrust a slow, steady rhythm into Drew’s mouth.
The rough-smooth feel of Drew’s tongue was like a balm to Ash’s cock. Drew’s hands rested on Ash’s thighs, the tips of his fingers rubbing gentle circles on his hip bones. Ash encouraged him to lick along the whole length and suck the sensitive underneath part by the head. All the while, Drew’s hand kept a steady stroking motion on the part of Ash’s cock that wasn’t inside his sweet mouth. He wasn’t expert and lacked the finesse of a more practiced technique, but for Ash it was perfect. It came from the heart, and Drew’s need for Ash as the person he knew him to be. It was pure Drew.
The heat that always preceded Ash’s climax flooded through him as his heart began to race, his balls tingled, and with a hushed groan, he came, filling Drew’s mouth. Ash worried for a moment Drew wouldn’t be able to handle swallowing, but when he’d recovered enough to open his eyes and search Drew’s face, there was nothing but a smile on those glistening lips.
He pulled Drew up and kissed him, enjoying the softness of his lips and the heat of his mouth. Ash discovered he loved kissing Drew. “Baby, you were amazing. But why?” He held Drew close, listening to the pounding of his heart matching its beat with Ash’s own. Totally in sync. “Why me?”
“Because I’m tired of watching life happen around me. Everyone thinks they know what’s best for me: my sister, my friends. They treat me as if I have no backbone or I’m too emotionally immature to make my own decisions, especially after the disaster with Jackie.”
Ash kept silent, holding on to Drew and stroking his back. He’d seen it—the way Drew’s friends took over his life and made decisions for him. He’d never thought to say anything before, as he hadn’t known it bothered Drew. But with a sinking feeling, he understood what Drew had said to him.
“So I’m your rebellion? A way to show everyone that even though they don’t like me, you’ll do what you want?” Ash held his breath, waiting for the answer.
“Hell no.” Drew’s denial was emphatic. He tipped his head back to stare into Ash’s eyes, and it was as if Ash could look straight through him into Drew’s heart. “Don’t you get it yet? You’re so much more than that to me. I know we need to talk, but I have to get back to my grandmother, and you need to get dressed and go back to work.”
Drew’s lopsided grin as Ash reached down to pull up his boxers and pants caused a funny thump in Ash’s chest.
“It’s not my fault I was attacked at my desk. I was trying to do work.” Ash grinned as he slipped his hand under Drew’s collar, resting it on the nape of his neck. His thumb swept back and forth against the soft skin there. What was it about this man that made him helpless? He kissed Drew’s cheek, enjoying the barely there shiver that rippled under Drew’s skin as Ash held him tight. “You really want me with you at the hospital?”
Drew sighed and nodded against his chest. “I do. I want you with me. Do you want that?”
“But why? I know I want you. But you’ve never been with a man before, and from what I’ve seen, it was never on your horizon.” Ash still didn’t understand Drew’s ease with their sexual relationship.
Drew leaned his hip on the desk. “We had an unconventional upbringing. I’ve never been hung up on sexual labels. When my parents were alive, they told both Rachel and me that as long as we loved the person, it didn’t matter who we slept with, man or woman. After our parents died and I went a bit wild, like I told you before, Rachel also did some experimenting. It’s obvious she’s now very much in love with Mike, and I hope it stays that way forever.”
“Your parents were very special.” Ash wondered if his own parents knew he was gay even at his young age and that was one of the reasons they’d dumped him and ran. “But aren’t you concerned about what people might say now, if they found out?”
Drew’s voice came out uncharacteristically hard. “It’s nothing that I ever needed to discuss with anyone and still don’t. My sexuality is my own personal business, and like I said to Jordan, who I choose to sleep with is my decision.”
Ash contemplated Drew’s profile. Drew might not have an overpowering physical presence, but Ash could take a lesson from his emotional strength. “Baby, you’re amazing. I’d be proud to be with you anywhere.”
The sweet smile that broke across Drew’s face took his breath away.
“Don’t disappear on me again. Talk to me and tell me how you feel. Okay?”
Ash nodded. “I promise.” He leaned over and kissed Drew’s cheek again, his lips lingering on his freshly shaven skin. “Come home with me tonight?” He kissed Drew’s lips. “Stay with me?”
Drew’s hands crept up to hold on to his shoulders. “I want to, but the cat…” He moaned as Ash planted kisses along his lips, nipping and licking their softness.
“Please, baby. I want you so much. Bring the cat with you. Stay with me.” Before Drew, Ash had never needed to touch his lovers beyond the physical necessity to achieve release. He didn’t pay much attention to whether or not they received pleasure of their own. Being with Drew changed him from a selfish lover to one who cared about giving pleasure.
“Bring Domino to your apartment?” Drew sounded incredulous. “But what if he ruins something or has an accident?” His eyes danced with laughter. “He can be a little vindictive if he gets annoyed.”
Ash thought of his pristine apartment and winced. But he really wanted Drew in his bed tonight. “Maybe we could go over to your apartment and feed him, then go to mine?” His eyebrows waggled. “I’ll make it worth your while.” Ash bent Drew backward over his desk, prepared to convince him with his lips and his body, when his personal cell phone buzzed with the specific ringtone he’d assigned to Martinson.
“Shit, I have to take this. It’s the private investigator I hired to find Luke and Brandon.” When he saw Drew stand and make his way to the door, he asked Martinson to hold. “Where are you going?”
Drew stopped and turned around. “I figured you wanted me to leave, like you did the last time he called.”
“Don’t be an idiot. Please wait? Sit down on the sofa where you’ll be more comfortable.” He pulled Drew to him for a quick but fierce hug, then turned his attention back to the phone.