A Wealth of Unsaid Words (4 page)

A Wealth of Unsaid Words • R. Cooper

standing in dirty city snow outside Everett"s apartment and

trying to be a man and let Everett go.

“It"s okay. He can"t help being successful and busy.”

After a moment, Everett"s lips curved sideways, the smile

uncertain but forgiving. There was still tightness at the

corners of his eyes that spoke of hurt, and Alex leaned in

again automatically to keep the knitted pattern of Everett"s

sweater on his palms. He held on to it fiercely, feeling

Everett"s heartbeat and the heat radiating from him without

actually touching him.

“Everett.” He recovered his voice, if not the sarcastic

tone that amused his students and irritated interviewers. His

face felt hot, his movements clumsy. He realized he was still

holding on to Everett and pulled his hands back, then wasn"t

certain what to do with them. Racing thoughts had never

allowed this much doubt, and he had admitted years ago

while in therapy that that might have been one of the

reasons he had welcomed them so strongly at first. If it

wasn"t for the agony that came later, he might still have

called them friend.

“I"ve been….” He struggled to explain and then gave up

when Everett"s smile didn"t change. “
Fuck
,” he swore quietly,

but Rachel yelled again.

“Working hard, I know.” Everett pulled his scarf off and

stuffed it into his coat pocket. He offered another grin to his

mother to calm her down as though he wasn"t the one who

had riled her up. “It"s the only reason I know not to worry.

He"s been sending me bits of his new work.” Bits and pieces

sent without comment, because Alex had had a vow to keep,

16

A Wealth of Unsaid Words • R. Cooper

but wouldn"t worry Everett for the world. Everett turned

back to Alex. “Your writing has always been your salvation.”

“That"s not completely true.” Alex"s tongue came

unglued from the roof of his mouth at last and let him drawl

the words. “I also have a strict regimen of medications.” And

a family kind to him despite the trouble he"d brought them,

and Everett himself, there to beat down doors when he had

to and hold his hand when that wasn"t necessary.

The startled revelation on Ty"s face wasn"t something

Alex wanted to deal with at the moment, so he ignored it.

Everett chuckled.

“Anyway I thought you had too much going on to miss

me. Coaxing donations for the center from the rich and well-

meaning,” Alex explained to those others watching.

Everett helped run a non-profit center for homeless and

troubled teenage boys in the city that had become something

of a destination for troubled gay teens especially. He was, as

he had always been, determined and capable and smart and

trusted by children who hadn"t known how to trust until

they met him. He was all those things and more, but

charming rich adults out of their money was not his forte.

He had tricks up his knitted purple sleeves, but with

matters close to his heart Everett was far too direct for

politicking and ass-kissing. Alex could go mysterious and

choose to ignore certain questions. Everett would mouth off,

stupidly defiant even when outnumbered by homophobic

jocks or ignorant fundraisers, and with no one around to

17

A Wealth of Unsaid Words • R. Cooper

defend him tended to end up either bloody and beaten or

broke.

Everett immediately looked rueful and scratched the

back of his neck. His skin was still flushed, his cheeks and

ears red from the cold outside.

“They keep cutting our funding, and the money has to

come from somewhere,” he muttered miserably.

“Maybe you need a celebrity to do it for you?” George

suggested, and Everett shot his father a fierce look before

glancing at Alex, who stopped in mid-protest at the word

“celebrity” when Everett wet his lower lip with just the tip of

his tongue.

“Everett, you know you just need to ask me.” Alex didn"t

think anyone noticed that he wasn"t moving away. Everett

certainly didn"t seem to, and Everett had been watching him

closely for years. “I don"t know how much of a help I"d be,

but old-money society loves a charming rogue, doesn"t it?” It

was a surprise that Everett hadn"t already asked. There was

nothing he wouldn"t do for the center. Everett rubbed at his

neck again.

“I know you"ve been… focused on something else. I

wouldn"t want to bother you,” he announced slowly, as

though measuring his words, and even realizing that Everett

didn"t want Alex to play that role anymore if he didn"t want

to, it still stung.

“What kind of thing is that for you to say to me?” Alex

demanded softly, his chin coming up. “Of course I"d help

you. What wouldn"t I do for you, Everett?”

18

A Wealth of Unsaid Words • R. Cooper

He hadn"t realized Everett had been uncertain about

that until Everett"s shoulders dropped. There was silence,

too much of it, and then Everett"s hazel eyes met his again.

Alex let himself momentarily forget everything else.

“Then I"ll hold you to that,” Everett agreed, nodding

firmly, and immediately, foolishly, Alex took a step back as

old doubts reared up. He was, he reminded himself, too old

for childish fears, but knowing that did not make them any

less real.

He wasn"t backing out, but Everett might change his

mind. As Ty had needlessly reminded him, Alex had a

considerable reputation problem, and more than that,

Everett had little reason to want him. “That is, if you really

want me around your center again.”

“You know the boys loved your last visit.” Everett"s

expression was as warm as the hand still on his arm.

Alex shrugged, and whatever was in his face made

Everett"s smile grow so wide it nearly split his face. Alex gave

up the struggle he hadn"t wanted to win and smiled back at

him. There were shadows under Everett"s eyes, shadows that

Alex had not put there, but if he dared, he might banish

them.

“I thought you"d be angry about that.” He"d gone there

at Everett"s request, but on a day when Everett would be

gone, and done a reading from his first book, and then one

poem. He"d answered questions afterward. Everett had told

him to be honest, so he had been. The supervisor there at

the time had been none too pleased, but Alex had found

19

A Wealth of Unsaid Words • R. Cooper

their questions far more original than the stuff of gossipy

websites and literary journals.

“Are you kidding?” Everett gave a snort that was

positively gleeful, though he must have gotten an earful from

that offended supervisor too. “They loved you. You didn"t try

to bullshit them the way most people do.”

“I"m serious, Everett.” Rachel"s voice cut between them

and made Everett look away though his obvious good humor

stayed in place even through his apology. His gaze came

back to Alex almost immediately.

“It was exactly what I expected from you. You told them

that life will be difficult and even with hard work nothing is

promised, so you have to find what works for you and at

least be happy with that.”

“Did I?” Alex asked blankly, though he"d been focused

for a few years now, and he remembered very well what he"d

said. Everett made a “tut” sound.

“They told me all about it, and I was incredibly proud of

you. They were impressed to know I was close friends with a

published writer. So was I, but when haven"t we all been in

awe of you, just a little bit?”

Someone let out a startled noise. It was louder than

Everett"s quiet sincerity, and Alex twitched and looked

around, surprised to notice that conversations were again

flowing around them. No one else seemed to be paying any

attention to them and their whispered, intense words except

Ty, who was watching with unabashed curiosity.

20

A Wealth of Unsaid Words • R. Cooper

Alex narrowed his eyes, but couldn"t summon the kind