Authors: NM Facile
hadn’t used it al weekend. I must have left it at my place when I went over to Quinn’s. Beau was going to be so pissed if he tried to cal me. Just one
more thing to deal with. It seemed to just keep piling up. I sat on Jason’s steps to wait for someone to wake up.
As I sat on the steps, I replayed the weekend in my mind. Our friendship just fel right back in place. It was as if those four years had never
happened. Was it because of our past or in spite of it? Was it al out of past feelings or was it something new between us? I couldn’t tel . We could
never go back, even if we wanted to. We both knew that. Was the weekend our attempt at reliving the past, or was it more? So many questions
went through my mind, yet the answers didn’t come. I wondered if it would have been like that if we weren’t in our own little bubble for the weekend.
If the others had been around, I doubted we would have been like that.
It wasn’t long before the door opened and a girl I didn’t recognize came out. We exchanged quick hel os and she headed off down the street
towards campus, doing the typical morning-after walk of shame. I wondered which of the boys she had stayed with, and why they didn’t take her
home. I started to judge, then remembered I was in the exact same predicament. I was sure her reasons for leaving like that in the morning were
different from mine, yet we stil had something in common.
I walked into a quiet house. Everyone was stil asleep. I headed to Jason’s room, hoping it would be empty. We talked so infrequently lately. I
didn’t think he was seeing anyone, but I wasn’t sure. For al I knew, the girl that left had been with him. I opened his door to peek in. He was
stretched out on his bed. At least he was alone and had boxers on. He must have heard me because he sat up rubbing his eyes.
“Syl?” He questioned sleepily.
“Jase?” my voice quivered and I started crying. My emotions had gotten the best of me and everything was just so mixed up and confusing.
“Oh, Sylvia, come here.” He reached out for me and I fel into his arms. Jason was my comfort, my warmth. “What’s wrong Sylvia? Did Beau
break up with you?” He stil sounded groggy.
I shook my head and sniffed. “I, I, I, slept with Quinn,” I stuttered out between gasping breaths.
Jason rocked me back and forth and stroked my hair. “That was a long time ago Sylvia. I thought you were beyond al that now.”
I remembered that I stil hadn’t told Jason about him being back. I swal owed and tried to get a hold of myself. I had a lot of explaining to do. I sat
back up and wiped at my eyes. “Jason, I have a lot to tel you about, but I real y, real y need some caffeine right now. Do have any pop or coffee?”
He looked at me with confusion and concern. “Yeah, I think we have some Coke or something. Let me go check. Do you need anything else?
Kleenex or something?”
“Probably,” I nodded.
Jason left the room. While he was gone, I took the time to look over his room. Everything looked normal. I didn’t think the girl had been in his bed
last night at least. Not that I cared if Jase was getting some. I just didn’t want him to be bothering him if he was sleeping off a late night.
He came back with a couple Cokes and a rol of toilet paper. He tossed it to me and shrugged. “It was the only thing I could find. Seriously, in a
house ful of guys you’re lucky we even have that around.”
I couldn’t help but give a weak chuckle at that. Jason and his roommates didn’t strike me as being responsible enough to remember stuff like that
to put on a shopping list. They probably didn’t even make shopping lists.
Jason plopped down on the bed next to me and slid up so his back was against the wal . He didn’t have a head-board on his bed. He patted the
bed next to him and I moved up to sit alongside of him. We both took a couple drinks of our Cokes as we sat in silence. Jase was waiting for me to
talk, and I was trying to col ect my thoughts.
Final y I decided I just needed to start at the beginning and get it al over with. “Wel , you know I got a new neighbor right?” Jason nodded so I
continued, “It’s Quinn.”
His light blue eyes went wide and then narrowed into a glare. “Wait. Your new neighbor is Quinn and you’re just tel ing me this now? Like what...”
he counted off on his fingers, “...six weeks later?”
I blushed. I knew I looked guilty. “I know. I just wanted to tel you face to face, and we never seemed to find the time to do that.” I said it quietly and
looked down at the bed, playing with a loose string on the quilt.
“Jesus, Sylvia. I would have been there for you. Do Reed and Sloane know? Did they kick his ass? Wait, why didn’t they tel me?” Jason was
pissed. I didn’t blame him. He picked up al the pieces of the shattered Sylvia I had been and patiently glued them back together. I knew the guys
kept their promise and didn’t tel him because he would have been over to my place before they’d finished the sentence if they had.
“I was okay, after the initial shock. The others met him before I knew he was there. I guess Reed and Sloane found out who he was. They didn’t
tel me how. They al got to know him first, before I found out. They al get along with him.”
Jason reached over and grabbed my hand and held on to it tight. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were furious. “What the hel , Sylvia? How
could they do that to you?” He muttered something under his breath. I couldn’t tel what it was, but it sounded like beating Reed’s ass.
I needed to reassure him that the rest weren’t trying to hurt me. “Jason, it’s okay. In fact after the picnic...”
“He was at the picnic? The one before you came over here? And you stil didn’t tel me?”
“Yes, but I was fine. I had Beau with me, and having him along kept me from losing my shit.” He loosened his grip a little after that, which was
good because his grip could break my hand. “After that we’ve basical y gotten along whenever he’s around the rest of them.”
“Has he tried to talk to you? And what was that crap about sleeping with him?” He looked at me suspiciously and I blushed. “God, Sylvia, you
didn’t. Why the fuck would you do that?” He yel ed the last part at me, and I cringed back a little. I didn’t answer right away. “Sylvia?”
I took a deep breath and looked up at him. I knew this was not going to go wel . Why did I ever think I could talk about this with Jason? “I wil tel
you al of it, but you have to be quiet until I’m done. Got it?” Jason nodded, so I started in. I told him about the argument the morning after the party. I
didn’t mention the bruises. Jason
so
didn’t need to know about that or that Quinn had seen them. I talked about running into him in the mornings. I
explained about getting together with the others and Quinn being included. How it got easier and easier the more I was around him.
I final y got to the weekend. Jase tensed up when I told him about Quinn coming to the door and me going over to his place.
Jason interrupted me. “Sylvia, how could you even want to be around him?”
“It’s not like that. He was real y sick and needed someone with him. I just went to help him out. I would do the same for any of you.”
Jason snorted, “Sure you would.” His sarcasm was palpable.
“Not do…that, but that was...” I didn’t real y know how to explain it. “We were getting along so wel and things just happened. Feelings were there
and...God, Jason I can’t talk about this with you. You aren’t going to understand no matter what I say.” I was frustrated.
He let go of my hand and turned to face me. “You’re right, Sylvia. I don’t understand. I don’t get how you could just let al those years go. Man,
Sylvia, you were so fucked up after he left, it was like you weren’t even human. You were a ghost. I just can’t see you like that again.” He was clearly
agitated, talking fast and loud. “So what are you going to do now? He shows up, so you’re just going to run right back into his arms? What are you
going to do when he leaves you again? What if al he wanted from you was sex? He is a guy after al . Maybe he just wanted to see how easy it
would be to get in your pants again.”
The tears started up again. I was so confused about al of it. I thought back to Quinn having a condom in his drawer. Maybe I was just a fuck to
him. Maybe I didn’t mean anything. I hadn’t thought of that. It just seemed like there was more there between us, but what if I’d read him wrong?
What if Jason was right, and now that he’d had me again he wouldn’t want any more to do with me? What if it was al a game to him? I couldn’t
believe that. Quinn was never the kind to treat a person like an object.
Jason wrapped his arms around me and pul ed me to his chest. “Syl, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I just want you to real y think about
this. You have no guarantee that he won’t hurt you again.”
I pul ed away from Jason and reached for the toilet paper. I blew my nose and swiped at my eyes. I knew Jason was just looking out for me, but
the truth hurt. I couldn’t give into my feelings for Quinn. I couldn’t leave myself vulnerable to him again, no matter how much I wanted to.
“What about Beau? You are stil seeing him right? What are you going to tel him?” Jason looked in my eyes and I felt like he was judging me. I
couldn’t sit next to Jason right then. I got off the bed and started pacing. I felt so guilty about Beau. He real y didn’t deserve to be cheated on.
“Yes, I guess I’m stil seeing Beau.” Jason raised an eyebrow at that. “I mean he’s gone a lot, but when he’s in town we spend time together.”
“Have you slept with him too?” Jason’s tone was so damning. I blushed and felt the tears stinging my eyes again. My throat constricted and I
couldn’t answer so I just nodded. Jason let out a big breath. “You’ve made a mess of this, Syl.”
“I know,” I choked out quietly.
“So what are you going to tel Beau, then?”
“I can’t tel him. It was a mistake. It won’t happen again. He just doesn’t need to know about it. Besides, I don’t know if it’s real y cheating. We
haven’t exactly discussed what we are together.”
“Sylvia, you are just justifying now.” His voice was hard. He was right, I was. “Wel , you need to figure that out, too. You can’t have them both. As
far as I’m concerned, you shouldn’t even be considering Quinn.” He said it with such resentment that I wished I hadn’t said anything to him about it at
al .
“You’re right, Jason. For now I’m just going to figure things out with Beau and forget about anything with Quinn.” My heart tightened at the thought,
but I ignored it. Doing that had to be for the best.
Jason stood up and hugged me one more time. “I think that would be good, Sylvia. So now what do you want to do? Can you stay around longer?
I’ve missed you.”
I hung out at Jason’s the rest of the afternoon. I wasn’t in a hurry to get back to my place. I didn’t want to face anyone else yet. I ended up
showering at Jason’s. I could smel Quinn on me. As much as I liked it, I had to get rid of it. It kept reminding me of the night before and how good it
felt to wake up in Quinn’s arms. I caught myself a few times wondering how different my day would have been if I hadn’t left his bed. I couldn’t go
there, though. I’d done what I’d done and now there was no changing it.
I went over my paper one more time and used Jason’s roommate’s printer to print it out. After that, Jason and I just spent the day watching stupid
movies on cable. After our morning talk, neither of us said anything more about it. I enjoyed the rest of the day with him, yet I stil felt al mixed up
inside. Final y, it was getting late and Jason wanted to get some course work done. He drove me home and I promised to cal him soon and let him
know how things were going.
It was almost six, but Reed’s jeep stil wasn’t in the lot. I assumed that meant they weren’t back from Chicago yet. I quickly scanned for Quinn’s
Camry. That, too, was gone. I felt a twinge of disappointment at that, but it was probably for the best. Even after my talk with Jason, I stil wasn’t sure
what I was going to do.
Jason was right about so much, but I cared about Quinn. I was torn. I wanted Quinn -- I had always wanted him. If I were being honest with myself, I
never stopped loving him. I wasn’t ready to be honest with myself. I had to face the facts -- Quinn could real y hurt me again. I had to make sure that I
wouldn’t let him get to my heart. Stil , I didn’t know what Quinn wanted. I decided the best thing to do was to let Quinn approach me. It was just as
likely that Quinn regretted it and wouldn’t want anything to do with me as it was that he would want to see me again. I would leave the next move up
to him and proceed from there.
I trudged up the stairs. Everything was stil weighing on me. When I got to the top, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard Beau.
“So how was Chicago?” His voice was so quiet I almost didn’t hear him. He was standing in the shadow against my door, wearing his old ripped
jeans with his black leather motorcycle jacket. I wondered how long he had been there.
“I didn’t go to Chicago. What are you doing here?” I was quite shocked to see him standing there.
“I’ve been waiting for you. Where the hel have you been, then?” He was locked onto me with a very menacing glare.
“I was at Jason’s.” I knew he meant for the weekend, but I hoped playing dumb would help.
“For the whole weekend? Why didn’t you answer or text back when I cal ed?” He was stil so very quiet.
I pul ed my keys out of my bag and moved to open my door. Beau put his arm across the door, blocking me from unlocking it. I looked into his
sapphire eyes. Those normal y heavy-lidded eyes were now just little slits, barely open as they stared back at me so intently. I was instantly alarmed.