“Again,” Nate said, “you’re letting your heart overrule your head. David and Janet knew all you and I had to offer this child was choosing the best possible parents to raise her. Don’t intrude on Ahn’s life to ease your conscience. An occasional call or a card now and then, and birthday and Christmas presents aren’t worth it.”
Hallie felt like slapping him.
He’d lectured her once, but those days were over. What she did was none of Nate’s damn business!
Hallie turned to Greg. “If Nate doesn’t want to maintain contact with Ahn after the readoption, that’s his prerogative. But I intend to remain a part of Ahn’s life, regardless of how small that part is.”
“Then you need to be prepared that finding parents who agree to that condition might add another stumbling block to the process,” Greg said. “Most adoptive parents prefer no major ties with the child’s past.”
“I’m prepared to take that chance.”
“How much of a stumbling block?” Nate asked.
Greg shrugged. “There’s no way of knowing until we start interviewing parents and see if Hallie maintaining contact is a deal breaker.”
“And if it’s a deal breaker,” Hallie said with confidence, “that’s my proof they aren’t the right parents.”
She looked back at Nate for his comeback.
A muscle in his jaw twitched, but Nate dropped the subject.
Greg pushed another document toward them. “This is a form from the private adoption agency we’ll be working with that specifies the requirements a couple must meet before you’ll consider them as parents. That’s why I asked you to meet with Deb Langston this morning. She’ll help you fill out the questionnaire and you can drop it off with my assistant after your appointment. The agency can’t begin screening parents until they have the information.”
Hallie reached out, picked up the questionnaire and placed it in her purse. But she was dreading their next appointment even more than she’d dreaded this one.
Dr. Deborah Langston was the child psychologist Janet and David had been working with since the adoption to help Ahn acclimate to her new surroundings. What worried Hallie was Dr. Langston picking up on the underlying tension between her and Nate.
Hallie was in no mood to do any explaining. And she knew that went double for Nate.
Nate wasn’t the talk-it-all-out type. His guard was always up like some badge of honor—never letting anyone too close, hanging back and keeping his distance. He’d even been that way with David to a certain extent, although David had never let Nate get away with it.
Hallie couldn’t count the number of times she’d seen David grab Nate in a bear hug and tell his brother he loved him. Nate had always grimaced and never hugged back. But Hallie knew Nate loved his brother.
He obviously had issues but they were his.
Hallie had her own emotional issues to worry about. The next few months were going to be horrific, and the last thing Hallie needed was some psychologist probing into the complex nature of their relationship. She was one second away from asking Greg if he could have the psychologist fill out the questionnaire without a meeting being necessary when Greg glanced at his watch.
“It’s only nine-thirty,” he said. “You’ll have a few minutes to grab a cup of coffee in the lobby if you want.” He pushed a business card forward. “I made your appointment for ten o’clock. Dr. Langston’s office is on the sixth floor. That’s her suite number.”
Greg stood, picked up his folder and circled the table. He shook hands with Nate who stood as well. “Just remember,” he said, “Ahn is the real victim here. Her best interest has to come first.”
Those words made Hallie wince.
What a selfish, hypocritical bitch she was. She’d just debated with Nate, spouting her concern for Ahn, when she hadn’t been thinking about Ahn at all. She’d only been thinking about herself. And yes, as Nate accused, trying to soothe her guilty conscience.
It killed Hallie knowing she hadn’t spent more time with Janet and Ahn while Janet was alive. She’d been too busy. Too busy to spend time with the sister she loved and the niece she didn’t even know. If only she could turn back the clock.
If only.
Greg’s hand rested on Hallie’s shoulder again. “Don’t worry, we’ll find the right parents. Call me if you need anything. Otherwise, I’ll be in touch when I have potential couples for you to interview.”
We’ll find the right parents.
How Hallie prayed that was true.
She was Ahn’s aunt. She was never meant to be her mother. But she’d be a better aunt than mere calls and cards and presents as Nate accused. She’d be there for Ahn, just as Janet had always been there for Hallie. And her heart overruling her head had nothing to do with it.
It was the right thing to do.
He’d been trying to keep the peace. And he’d been trying to avoid as much confrontation with Hallie as possible from the moment he’d arrived in Boston.
It hadn’t been easy.
One minute Nate was amazed at Hallie’s resolve, the next minute he wanted to shake her. She’d blindsided him when she’d told Greg she wanted to stay in touch with Ahn.
That was the first he’d heard of it.
And she’d certainly had plenty of time to tell him.
Hallie had been in his face for the past week trying to dictate what they were going to do about Ahn until they could find new parents. As far as Nate was concerned, that issue was still unresolved. He wasn’t sure what part of
joint
guardian Hallie didn’t understand, but he was real close to patiently explaining it to her.
Still, Nate feared he was going to lose the battle.
For years Hallie had pretended to tolerate him for David and Janet’s sake. He knew it. She knew it. But there was no reason to tolerate him now. And Hallie had made it exceedingly clear all she wanted from him was him to be
gone
.
She’d told him flat out to go back to Afghanistan.
There was no reason for him to stay, she’d said.
She
would hire a full-time nanny for Ahn, and
she
would stay at David and Janet’s until they could find new parents. And since both of them had to agree, when she did find a couple she liked,
then
he could fly home, interview them and see if they met his approval.
There was only one problem with Hallie’s plan.
Nate wasn’t going back to Afghanistan.
Had Hallie given him the chance—instead of barking out orders at him—he would have told her that he’d arranged for his replacement even before he left for the States. But then, Nate had run out of chances with Hallie a long time ago.
He glanced over his shoulder at her standing behind him in the elevator. Her arms were folded, her head resting back against the elevator wall, her eyes closed.
She was tired, just as he was. Tired of the mind-numbing pain. Tired of the difficult task before them. Tired of knowing their lives had changed forever.
She’d always been on the thin side, but since the funeral Hallie seemed to be melting away before Nate’s eyes. If she weighed much more than one hundred pounds, Nate would be shocked.
He was worried about her.
Nate knew how grief had the power to ravish the human soul. He’d seen it happen to his mother after his father was killed rescuing a fellow firefighter. Nate couldn’t remember a time growing up when his mother hadn’t been depressed. She was in a nursing home now way before her time, her chronic depression finally leading to Alzheimer’s disease, which had put her there.
At least she’d been spared David’s death because now his mother didn’t remember her sons at all.
It worried Nate that he could see the same thing happening to Hallie—letting her grief consume her, falling into a deep depression. And it didn’t matter that she had a satisfying career or that she enjoyed her life as a single woman. All that faded with these horrific circumstances they faced.
Nate knew Janet had been Hallie’s touchstone—the glue that held Hallie’s life together. Hallie had said those exact words five years ago. Not to him, of course. She’d been talking to David while the three of them sat in the hospital waiting room after Janet had been rushed into emergency surgery for the ectopic pregnancy that sadly ended her ability to have children.
Nate had never forgotten the lost look on Hallie’s face as she sat there for hours worrying about her sister. And how could he? He’d been seeing that same lost look on Hallie’s face from the moment he got home.
That was why he was positive no good could come from Hallie living in Wedge Pond where she was constantly reminded that the one person she’d always depended on was gone.
He
should be the one to stay at David and Janet’s and hire a full-time nanny to take care of Ahn. Hallie needed to come back to her apartment here in Boston and go back to work as soon as possible.
She needed to be in her own element. Keeping busy. Being productive. Handling her daily executive producer problems that were constantly coming at her from all directions.
Busy was good.
Busy helped keep the pain at bay.
Besides, did it really matter who stayed to supervise the nanny? The nanny would be taking care of Ahn, just as Roberta had been caring for the child since the accident. In fact, Nate couldn’t think of one time Hallie had even held Ahn over the past few weeks, much less taken any responsibility for her care. But he wasn’t being fair—he’d made no attempt to interact with Ahn, either.
Since the accident, it had taken everything he and Hallie had to put one foot in front of the other and make it through another day. Allowing Roberta to ease the burden by caring for the baby had been what anyone would have done under the circumstances.
Thinking about Hallie’s stepmother, however, sent Nate’s thoughts in a different direction. As soon as he had an opportunity to talk to her alone, he needed to win Roberta over to his way of thinking.
Roberta had a lot of influence over Hallie even if they did butt heads on a regular basis. If Roberta sided with him, eventually maybe Hallie would, too.
The bell dinged and the elevator doors opened.
Nate stepped aside and politely motioned for Hallie to go ahead of him. She stared at him for a second before she shifted her purse strap to her shoulder and stepped forward. Nate was
not
prepared when Hallie suddenly grabbed his arm and marched him into the hallway.
“We need to talk before this meeting.”
She pointed to the unisex restroom directly across from the elevator. The next thing Nate knew, they were in the tiny bathroom together with the door locked. Hallie had her back against the door as if to prevent his escape.
So much for flying under the radar.
There was no getting along with this woman.
“Talk about what?” Nate demanded.
“You know exactly about what,” she said. “What we should have talked about ten years ago. We should have had it out back then and gotten it over with.”
Nate frowned. “And that’s what you want to do now? Stand here in a public bathroom and finally have it out?” He hoped she would see how ridiculous that sounded.
The determined look on her face said she didn’t.
“That’s exactly what I want to do,” she said. “We’re minutes away from meeting with a psychologist. If we don’t put our differences to rest before this meeting, we’re both going to end up in therapy.”
“Fine,” Nate said, throwing his hands up in the air. “You want to have it out, Hallie? Go for it. Blast away.”
She crossed her arms. “That Friday night after my first week at the station when we all went out for drinks after work at the club. Tell me the truth. If you weren’t interested in me, Nate, why did you insist on taking me home?”
Nate’s laugh was cynical. “You mean
after
you took your blouse off on the dance floor?”
Her chin came up. “I was hot and I had a camisole on
underneath
my blouse and you know it. In fact, even without it, I was wearing more than most women in that club.”
“Then maybe it was the way you twirled your blouse around over your head like a stripper before you threw it into the crowd. Yeah. I’m pretty sure that’s when I realized you’d had a little too much to drink and it might be wise if I made sure you got home safe.”
“Safe?” She snorted. “I sure wouldn’t call what we were doing in the back of that taxi any kind of
safe
. If I remember right, we were all over each other.”
“I’d had my share of alcohol that night, too,” Nate said in his own defense.
One eyebrow came up when she said, “But you were sober on Saturday when you went to see the station manager to have me transferred, Nate. And that’s what I’ve never understood. Why didn’t you just call me and tell me you weren’t interested in me? Why did you let me walk into the station on Monday morning when everyone knew we’d left the bar together Friday night and embarrass me like that?”
Nate let out a long sigh and ran a hand through his hair as he tried to sort out what he wanted to say. And yes, he was stalling. And who wouldn’t? He was trapped in a bathroom with a woman who had been seething for ten long years over what he’d done to her.
Nate could tell the truth.
Or he could lie about it.
Either way, he doubted Hallie would ever be satisfied.
Nate opted for the truth. “You were a kid, Hallie. You were too young for me. But I knew if we continued working together, we would end up in bed. That left me with two choices, and both of them sucked. I could be a jerk and sleep with you. Or I could be a jerk and have you transferred. I did what I thought was best for you under the circumstances. And that’s the honest truth.”