Closing the door to our bedroom, I expel a deep breath. I drop my forehead against the wood and close my eyes, trying to relax for a minute. I just got Kylie settled after bringing her home from the hospital.
We’re having a baby… Holy shit, we’re having a baby.
I push myself off the door and head to the kitchen for a beer. I need something to take off the edge. Between her being sick, and the big news, I need to relax. As I make it into the kitchen, I hear a pounding on the front door.
I know who that is. I roll my neck, not looking forward to seeing him. I head over, each step feeling my muscles tighten. I grip the doorknob, take one last breath, and open it.
Grayson looks just as uncomfortable as I feel. We were brothers, but now we’re basically strangers. There’s so much tension and uncertainty between us, and I sure as fuck don’t want him near Kylie. I don’t like the way he approached her at the hospital, I don’t like the way he touched her, and I certainly don’t want him in my house.
His forehead creases with tension. “Hey.”
“Where’d you go?”
“I thought you guys needed a minute after the doctor came in,” he murmurs, running a hand through his black hair.
I nod and step aside. We can’t exactly have a conversation with him standing on my front porch. He steps in and his eyes widen when he sees the boxes.
“Sorry for the mess,” I say, walking toward the kitchen. “We’re in the process of packing up the lake house until our new home’s built.” I flick my gaze to his and notice his confused expression. “We’re building a new house on Mr. Patty’s old property. I sold the lake house, and we’re listing this one in a couple weeks.”
“Wow,” he mumbles, his voice low and hurt.
I feel my chest tighten at his response, and I go straight to the fridge. “You want a beer?” I ask, grabbing the stem of two green bottles.
“Yeah, sure.”
“Kylie’s sleeping,” I inform him in a hushed tone. “I just got her settled.”
He nods but doesn’t say anything, his eyes dancing around our home uncomfortably.
“So what’s up?” I ask. “It’s been a while.”
“Ahh, not much. Same old, same old. I wanted to talk to you guys about a couple things. I called Tim and took care of the paperwork,” he says as I place a beer in front of him.
“Thanks, bro, I really appreciate you doing that.”
He nods. “Yeah, of course. I, um… was hoping I could talk to both of you about this other thing.”
I tilt my head, studying him. He seems edgy. Very, very edgy. “What’s going on, Grayson?”
He swallows. “I’m moving to Colorado.”
My lips press into a straight line as I digest the news. I watch him closely and take a draw of my beer as he does the same. I’m not sure how to take that statement.
“Why?” I ask as my mind flips through possible reasons.
He swallows another sip of his beer. “I have business up there.”
“So is this temporary?”
“No, probably not,” he answers, sadness behind his words. “I sold the condo and shipped all my stuff up there. I’m leaving in a couple days.”
My face falls, and my shoulders turn tight. I clench my fist around the Heineken bottle. Is he running from us? I don’t want him around Kylie, but I don’t want him gone either. I’ve hoped this animosity between us wouldn’t last forever.
“Tell me the real reason you’re moving.”
He sets his beer on the counter and takes a seat on the barstool in front of him. He scrubs a hand over his face. “I need to get out of here for a while, take care of some things.”
“Is this because of Kylie? Or because you need to ‘take care of things’?”
“A little of both.”
He’s lying. I know him too well. This is about Kylie, and he’s trying to bullshit me. I feel the burn of anger stir inside me, wanting to know the truth. I’m so sick of all the miscommunication. I just want everything laid on the table. No more bullshit.
“I know you better than that,” I murmur.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Tell me the truth,” I demand. “You don’t have to candycoat shit for me.”
His eyes flare, and I see his walls crumble. “You want the truth?”
I nod.
“I need to get away from here. From her and from you. I need a fresh start. You’re moving, starting new. I need the same damn thing. I need to figure out what I’m doing with my life. I need to settle down and recharge, and I can’t do it here. Not with you and her flaunting your happy lives. It’s—” He holds up a hand to silence me as I try to cut in.
We’re not flaunting shit in his face. I don’t know where he gets that. I frown, hating this conversation.
“It’s fucked up, Cooper. I know she’s yours. I know she’s always been yours. I get it, and I’m not arguing it. But you asked for the truth, right? The flat truth, Cooper.” His voice drops to a haunted level. “I want her. Every moment of the day, I think about her. For some demented reason, I feel like I need her. She’s all around me, and every day, my feelings get stronger. Seeing her at the ER today was more than I can take. I need out. I need space. Trust me, I’m getting out of here for the sake of all of us.”
My shoulders tense as I set down my beer. This is worse than I expected. “Jesus Christ, Grayson.”
“I know. I know it’s fucked up. This isn’t me,” he admits, his eyes closing.
The way he’s holding himself up hurts me. We’re all suffering. All of us. Kylie and I are doing well, but it’s hasn’t been easy. We’re taking it day by day, and Gray is dealing with the aftermath of all the shit we put him through. He didn’t cause this; I did.
“I don’t know what to say to you,” I say, my voice quiet but intense. “Part of me wants to beat your ass, but the other gets it and wants to beat my own ass for causing this.”
He laughs. He knows it’s screwed up. “What’s happened to all of us?”
I pick up my beer, finish it off, and turn to the fridge for another for each of us. I run a hand through my hair, feeling guilt for involving him like I did. “You got pulled into something bigger than Kylie and I could deal with. You were the closest person to us, and I put you in the middle. I don’t know what else to say to you. Sorry will never be good enough, but I hope over time we can move on. Right now though… I hate to say this, but I don’t want you around her.”
“Why?” Hurt laces his voice. “You don’t trust me?”
“How can I?” I ask, anger flaring that he’s questioning me. “You want her. You love her. Ask yourself what kind of a dumbass I would be if let you keep up a friendship with her when you’re in love with her.” I wince at the thought of him around her. “It can’t happen.”
“I’ve had a friendship with her, and I didn’t touch her. I still have a friendship with her. The fact that Kylie and I aren’t communicating right now doesn’t change anything.”
“Come on, Gray. I can’t take any more chances with my wife. You have to understand that,” I say, looking at him for understanding. He gives me no response, his eyes blank and I feel my protective streak flare. “I’m not trying to be an asshole. I know you’ve done a lot for her, but you’re forgetting something. She’s
mine,
and she’s having
my
kid. I’m not letting you near her.”
His face peaks in a painful wince, his chest taking two labored breathes. He drags a palm across his jaw, averting his eyes from mine. He’s battling with himself. I know him well, and this is killing him.
“Do you see why I need space right now?” he asks. “Do you even realize how fucked up this conversation is, Cooper?”
“Yeah,” I mutter, picking at the label of my beer bottle. “Trust me, I get it. As hard as it is to accept that you’re going, and as much as I miss my best friend, I’m good with it. I need to protect my marriage.”
I ache when I think of him leaving. We’ve been together since we were kids. The last two years I’ve alienated myself from him, and it’s created a huge crevice in our friendship.
“I hate that things are so messed up between us. Maybe one day we can get over this and move on,” he says.
“Maybe, but do me a favor.” My lips turn up in a grin as I try to lighten the situation. “Bring your own girl with you when you come back.” I take a swig of my drink.
His mouth dances in amusement, and he snickers. “Fuck you.”
“Yeah, you too, bud.” I laugh, knowing I’m going to miss him. No matter what, he was there for Kylie when I wasn’t. Without him, who knows where we’d be.
“I’m gonna miss you guys,” he whispers, his eyes dropping to his hands. “The last four months have been brutal.”
The moment sobers us both. Our friendship might be over. A lifetime of friendship destroyed over two intense, destructive years.
“I don’t want this to last forever, Grayson. Despite all this shit, I’m thankful she had someone there for her.”
He glances at me and nods. We’re at an impasse, and we both know it. We all need time apart. Our faces wear the same mask of pain. We’re all struggling with how things have turned out.
“I don’t regret being there for her,” he whispers. “I want to see her happy. I want to see her alive and living the way she deserves. She’s important to me, Cooper. I hope you’re fixing your shit and doing right by her.”
“Don’t you worry about us,” I say defensively. “I can take care of my girl without any advice from you. I know I fucked up. I’ve got my shit together.”
“Well, it’s about damn time,” he mumbles, bringing his drink to his mouth.
“I’m gonna ignore that,” I reply. “So when are you leaving?”
“I fly out in three days.”
“Three days?” My brows rise. I feel everything in me bristle. “If I hadn’t called today, would you have even bothered to tell us?”
His face is blank, telling me more than he wants me to know.
“Nice.” I grimace, feeling as if he’s struck me. I scrub a hand over my face. “That’s fucked up, Gray.”
“Give me a break. It’s not easy to talk to you guys. I didn’t know what to say.”
“Yeah, I get that, but to move out of state without a word?” I shake my head and walk over to the trash can to discard our empty bottles. Once I toss them, I grab another beer. “Jesus, we’re still family. You don’t owe us a thing, but shit, Grayson, I still care about you. You taking off without a word—”
“What?” I hear the faint whisper of a sinfully sweet voice rap through the air, making my heart pound. We both turn to see Kylie, her eyes filling with tears, her posture stiff, and her fists clenched. Everything in me burns at the look of distress on her face.
“Where are you going?” she asks.
“Hey, baby,” I coo, placing my beer down and heading toward her. “What are you doing up?”
She ignores me and walks to Gray. Her eyes flash with pain and betrayal. “Answer me,” she demands. “Where are you going?”
Gray twists to face her and takes a deep breath. “I’m heading out of town for a while.”
“Where to?”
I tense, my insides constricting as I take in their proximity.
“Colorado,” he answers, skipping his eyes to mine and back to her.
“Why?”
“Work.”
“Bullshit,” she breathes, calling him out.
I stand like a bystander watching a train wreck. My pulse thrums as I try to hold myself back. They haven’t had closure. I haven’t allowed it, and Kylie’s respected that. Maybe this is what they need to end this thing between them. I’m trying to stand in the shadows and let Gray say what he needs to. Kylie loves him, and as much as I hate, loathe, and despise that, I know it’s not the same love she has for me. But I haven’t accepted it.
“It’s time to move on,” he whispers, sorrow bleeding through his words.
“Because of me?” she asks quietly.
“Partly,” he admits, sending my senses barreling. I strain to keep myself back.
“I don’t want you to go. I’ve missed you,” she whispers.
I can’t contain the low rumble that spills from my throat. I feel my tolerance slipping. Gray’s eyes flick to mine, his forehead creasing in worry. I watch him swallow and redirect his attention to her.
He smiles softly at her. “I’ve missed you too, sweet cheeks.”
“Please don’t leave. We can work all this out.”
“Kylie,” I whisper, unable to stop myself. I know this is hard for her, but I don’t want this getting out of control.
She jerks her head to mine and looks at me for the first time since entering the room. “Cooper, please tell him.” Her tear-filled eyes widen. “Please tell him we can get past this. There’s no need for him to leave. He’s part of our family. It’s been months since we’ve seen him, and things are better between us. I love you, you know that. Please tell him he doesn’t need to leave.”
My heart breaks at the determination in her voice. She really doesn’t understand that Grayson is all-out in love with her. She knows he has feelings for her, but she doesn’t understand the intensity of them. She’s in denial and has been for a while.
“Kylie,” Gray says, pulling her attention back to him. “I need to do this.”
Her face falls as tears drip down her cheeks. “Why? I know it’s been hard. God, I hurt you, but I didn’t mean to. We need you. I need you. I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you. I’m sorry I never responded to your texts. I hated cutting you off, but I had to do it. I just needed to focus on Cooper and our marriage. I never wanted to push you away and make you feel like we didn’t love you. You’re important to us. To me.”