Two months later…
The lights are dimmed in the nursery. I stand with both hands braced on the crib. For the past forty minutes, I’ve been having contractions in consistent ten-minute intervals. I’m not sure why, but once I felt the first one, I knew it was time. I slipped out of bed and called the doctor. He told me to wait until the contractions were stronger and closer together, so I found myself in here. I guess I needed time before I woke Cooper. I needed a moment to digest what’s happening.
I’m about to meet my second child.
My baby…
I stare at the crib lined in white cotton bedding. I’m scared. No, not just scared. I’m terrified. I’m trying to fight through that fear, but I keep seeing myself coming home without a baby. The thought plays on a loop in my head. I’ve made peace with Kayla’s death, but that doesn’t take away the fear that something can go wrong. I touch the soft cotton blanket and force out the insidious thoughts. They’re nothing but destructive.
I swallow hard and turn around, trying to distract myself by looking at the nursery I’ve put my heart and soul into. Everything’s ready. Diapers are stacked neatly under the changing table, the walls are painted, pictures are hung, and soft toys stick out of wicker baskets. Clothes have been arranged in straight rows inside the armoire, and stuffed animals are scattered in precise places. It’s a baby’s paradise. Now all we need is a baby.
Our baby.
I’ve had months to prepare, to plan, and suddenly I feel unsure, almost unready. I don’t know why. Maybe its fear, the apprehension about what’s going to happen… Panic sets in as a thought floats tauntingly through my head.
Are we both going to make it out of this okay?
I close my eyes and push it away as a surge of pain hits my stomach. The way the muscles bunch and clench makes me want to hold my breath. With the pain intensifying, I count, trying to redirect my thoughts from the searing discomfort in my hips and abdomen. By the time I get to thirty, I feel the contraction ebb. I release the breath I unknowingly held.
I take a couple cleansing breaths and move to the chenille rocker in the corner by a white bookshelf. I sit down and lean my head back, closing my eyes. I feel as though I should be in a rush to wake Cooper, to get things going, but I’m not. I want a minute with this baby in case something goes wrong. I want to talk to my child before all the crazy begins.
“Hey, precious,” I croon, looking at my stomach. “You hanging in there? It’s almost time for your grand entrance.” I smile, but it’s weak. “You better cry for me. I need that, okay?” A little arm or foot nudges my hand. “Good, that’s what momma wants. I want you to let me have it all. Don’t hold back.” I swallow roughly and let my head fall back against the rocker.
Everything’s okay.
It’s your time.
You’re going to be a mother, and nothing’s going to happen.
Everything’s been healthy up to this point.
Your doctors have assured you that the chances of anything happening are slim.
You’ve had plenty of sonograms. Everything’s been checked and triple checked.
The baby’s perfectly healthy.
My head is racing. I keep chanting positive affirmations, telling myself that things will work out. I need to feel some semblance of control in a situation that’s uncontrollable. Giving birth is always scary. Fear is normal, but I’m having a hard time controlling it. “You’ll be okay. The baby is fine. Everything is fine.”
I open my eyes and see Cooper in the doorway. His green eyes are wide as he stares at me in the dim room. He’s in nothing but low-slung pajama pants, and even through I’m scared shitless and big as a house, my body heats for him. My eyes move up his tight, muscled chest and land on the slight stubble on his jaw. His blonde hair’s all over the place.
“Is it time?” His voice is thick and raspy from sleep.
I nod and look at my belly. “I think so. The baby wants to come out and say hi.” I smile, trying to make light of what’s happening.
He squats in front of me, placing his hands on my thighs. “When did you start having contractions?”
I blow out a breath and peer at the starfish clock on the wall. “Over an hour ago.”
He narrows his eyes and purses his lips. “Why didn’t you wake me?”
“I don’t know. I just… I needed a minute by myself,” I admit, my gaze dropping to my lap.
He taps my chin gently to get me to look up. “We’re going to be okay, Kylie” he says, softly. “Is your bag ready to go?”
I nod and point at the door.
He flicks his eyes to the tote then back to mine. “Are you scared?”
“To death,” I admit, momentarily giving into my fear that’s bubbling inside me.
“I know it’s scary,” he says, his tone soft and comforting. “But we’re going to be o…”
His words taper off when my face breaks into a grimace as another contraction hits me hard. I brace my hands on the side of the rocker and close my eyes, trying not to hold my breath. I know that when I do it makes the pain worse. I breathe in small puffs and count in my head. It passes in less than a minute, and when I open my eyes, I can’t help the small laugh that escapes. Cooper looks as if he’s about to panic.
“It’s just a contraction. You can relax,” I say.
“How many of these have you had?”
“Several.”
He shakes his head and stands. “I think we need to get going. Did you call the doctor?”
I nod while he helps me stand. “Can you grab the bag while I go to the bathroom?”
“Yeah, I got it. Anything we need other than the bag?” He’s all business.
It earns another laugh from me. I can’t help it. His nerves are helping to settle mine.
“What’s so funny?” His eyes twinkle in the faint light.
“You stressing out is making me feel better.”
“Glad I can help.” He chuckles. “But the thought of you sitting here having contractions for an hour freaks me out. This is your second baby, and it could come quick. We need to get going.”
I smile. “Okay, are you ready for this?”
“I was born ready.” He smirks.
“So you’re going looking like that?” I look at his hips, at that tapered V on display, and raise my eyes to his.
“I’m a man, baby. It takes me less than a minute to throw on shorts and a T-shirt. By the time you’re out of the bathroom, I’ll be ready and patiently waiting.”
“Well, smart ass”—I grin, feeling my mood lighten—“go, so I can have this baby already.”
He laughs and pats my butt, leaning in for a kiss. “You are going to do great, Momma. I can’t wait to meet
our
baby.”
I smile when his lips touch mine and his fingers slide along my jaw. “I can’t wait either.”
“You know what else I can’t wait for?” he whispers, his eyes turning wicked.
I blush because I know exactly what he’s thinking. “Six weeks. Six long weeks. I don’t know how you’re going to make it.”
“It’s gonna be hell, but I’ll take care of you while we wait.” He licks his lips and rubs his nose on mine. “Let’s have a baby.”
I bark out a laugh. “Holy subject change.”
He chuckles. “You liked that, didn’t ya?” His eyes twinkle with mirth. “I had to do something to distract you from freaking out.”
I shake my head and waddle out the room with Cooper trailing me.
“You know,” he says, “I’m going to miss your pregnancy body.”
I twist my head around and roll my eyes. “Right, because feeling like a whale and barely being able to move is so sexy.”
He grins. “Baby, you’re all ass and tits right now. Trust me when I tell you there’s nothing sexier. That body you’ve got going on is all because of me. My baby’s done that to you. It’s made you fuller, softer.” He groans, appraising me. “I’ve had plenty to grab the last couple of months, and I’ve loved it.” He pulls me against him.
“What are you doing, Cooper?” I ask, breathless.
“I want to relax you,” he whispers, “and tell you something.” He wraps his hands around my shoulders and massages them. “I know you’re tense, scared, and worried. So am I, but I want you to be relaxed when you have our baby. Does that feel good?” His voice is calm and sweet.
“Mmmhmm,” I hum, my body settling into his.
I love the way he touches me. Cooper calms me, grounds me, and he makes me feel beautiful. He rains kisses on me as his hands move along my shoulders. They trail to my collar bone, down my arms and lower back, and journey up, landing on my shoulders again. My whole body sighs as his hands relax me.
“At the hospital, I want you to think positive. I get that it feels impossible,” he says, “but you need to. If you need anything, you tell me, and I’ll take care of it. I’m there for you and the baby. We’re both scared, but let’s try to stay calm. Just remember that if you’re calm, then baby’s calm.”
I nod against him and feel him smile.
“I sound like Dr. Phil or something.” He chuckles. His lips slide across my ear. “Okay, we need to get going, but I want you to keep this in mind when you’re in pain. When you feel like you want to kill me or castrate me, just remember that today’s going to be the happiest day of our lives. We’re going to meet our child, and it’s all thanks to
you
.”
I smile, getting ready to respond, but instead, I groan as a contraction hits me, causing me to squat. “Shit, shit, shit.” I try to breathe through it, but I feel my teeth clench and my blood pressure rise. “Go get dressed and get the bags. I need to get to the hospital. These contractions are strong, and they feel different.” My tone is slightly sharp, but anxiety swells in me hard and fast. My water hasn’t broken, but it could happen at any moment.
“Yeah, okay, let’s get you sitting down while I get everything. I’ll come back for you in less than a minute.”
“No, I need to go to the bathroom. Help me up,” I snap.
He holds back a laugh, but I see the corners of his lips twitch as he helps me stand. Once up, he sweeps me into his arms and carries me to the bathroom.
He sets me down and gives me a quick kiss. “Hurry up. You have one minute, Kylie, then I’m coming for you.”
I watch him shut the door. I turn the lock and let out a breath. I stare at my reflection, trying to instill some confidence and strength in myself. “You can do this. You
can
do this.”
I grip the white marble countertop and close my eyes. My body trembles, and my head drops forward. It’s almost as if, as soon as Cooper leaves, I’m weak. I feel the weight of what’s going to happen and what the baby is going to go through.
Calm down…
The baby kicks, giving me a moment of reassurance that everything’s okay. I take two deep breaths and look up again.
“Stay positive… Positive, positive, positive,” I whisper over and over. I shake my head and use the bathroom. I’m washing my hands when I hear a knock on the door.
“Kylie, why’s this locked?” Coop mumbles.
“Just hold on.” I dry my hands and waddle to the door. “Limits, Cooper! You don’t need to watch your pregnant wife pee. I think giving birth’s enough for one day.” I lift my brows and cross my arms.
He studies me and tucks some hair behind my ear. “I love you,” he whispers. “No matter what happens today, we’re in this together.”
I nod, and again I’m punched with a strong blast of pain. This time, it’s accompanied by a trickle of fluid running down my leg. “Oh God. My water just broke.” I grate the words out while I try to get through the sharp bite of pain.
“What?” He looks down. “Shit! When you called the doctor, what did he tell you?” He must notice my terrified expression because his turns from panicked to calm instantly.
“I… I called and told him I wanted to go into the hospital right away. He told me to wait till the contractions where closer together or my water broke. He said it’d be easier on me and assured me again that the baby was fine. He just saw us yesterday.” I feel myself spiral into the grips of panic. “Cooper,” I breathe, terrified. “I can’t do this. I really can’t.”
“Yes, you can.” He gazes at me his features bathed in understanding. He grabs a towel and cleans the fluid off my legs. “Let’s get you changed.” He drops the towel on the floor, picks me up, and moves into the bedroom, setting me on the bed. He goes to the closet and grabs a dress. “Come on, sweet girl, arms up,” he murmurs, helping me stand.
He grips my dress and sweeps it off my body, tossing it on the bed. He puts the new one on me. I’m entranced by the way he instinctively takes care of me. He kneels and takes off my wet underwear, replacing them with dry ones. His face is calm, cool, and collected. He goes back to the bathroom, grabs another towel, and tosses it over his shoulder.
When he’s finally done, he smiles. “Let’s go.”
I can’t move. I’m emotional, overwhelmed, and hormonal. With Cooper taking over, I’m… I don’t know. I start to cry, and then I’m asking for an ambulance because the pain is back. My body shakes uncontrollably. The contraction is fierce, and the baby moves during it, causing even more discomfort. I moan as he picks me up again and moves down the hall.
“Hold on,” he murmurs, his voice strained. “We’ll be at the hospital in five minutes.”