He sets me down at the door to the garage. We head to the Audi SUV, and I lean my head back on the headrest and shut my eyes, feeling the world spin around me. The pain has gone from mild and annoying to vicious and intense. I feel as if I’m losing my grip on reality.
Cooper hops in. “Are you okay?” There’s a hint of fear in his voice.
“I am right now,” I whisper. “It passed.”
“Good, okay… that’s good.” He blows out a breath and starts the car, putting the gearshift in reverse.
I point at the rearview mirror. “You can’t get out without opening the garage door. Unless you plan on mowing it over.”
He lets out a flustered chuckle and clicks the button. “Damn, that might help.”
I start to smile with a witty retort on the edge of my tongue, but it’s quickly erased by another contraction. “Oh, Cooper.” I clutch his arm as a moan dribbles past my lips. The pain that pierces my lower back and hips is so strong, it literally steals the air from my lungs. I want to scream, but the only thing that comes out is groaning.
“Breathe, Kylie. You have to breathe through these, baby.”
“They’re coming really fast. Why are they coming like this?” I release Cooper’s arm. A second later, I feel the car move. The pain drifts off slowly, allowing me to open my eyes.
“I don’t know. On a scale of one to ten, what did that last one feel like?”
I look at him as he stares at the road. I notice his eyes are narrowed and his shoulders are tense. He looks as stressed as I feel, but he’s keeping himself in check. His voice is calm, giving off a sense that he has everything under control.
“A ten, definitely a ten,” I say. My intuition tells me this baby will make its appearance within the hour.
“You still want something for the pain when we get there, right?” He casts a quick glance my way.
“I don’t know. It depends.”
His hand tightens on the wheel. “What? I thought we decided you were getting the epidural.”
“I want to get there first and see how things go. These contractions are strong. I have a feeling the baby’s going to come before I can get pain meds.”
He’s silent for a moment. “Yeah, okay. I’m so glad the new house is close to the hospital.”
“Me too.” I breathe and feel a little kick in my stomach. My heart beats rapidly.
Jesus, I’m about to have a baby.
I push a terrified hand through my hair and try to redirect my thoughts. I feel Cooper’s eyes on me.
“You’re okay,” he whispers. “We’ll be okay, sweet girl. You’ve got this.”
“I know.” I swallow, not feeling as though I have it at all. “The baby moved.”
He smiles, his eyes lighting up. “I can’t wait to meet
our
child.”
I’m about to say “me too” when I feel it again. The pain radiates and pulses through my bones. It’s intense, almost crippling. I take heavy breaths as my world goes black from the pain. Cooper’s name rolls pleadingly from my lips, a desperate call to help dull the pain that won’t go away. I clutch my stomach.
“We’re almost there. Hang on, Ky.” His voice is tight.
“Oh… this is not good.”
“What?” he asks, his voice anxious.
“Oh God!” I feel burning somewhere I do not want to feel burning. I panic. Full out panic. “Cooper, get me there now.” I clutch the seat, digging holes into the leather with my nails.
“What?”
“I feel like pushing,” I grate out.
His posture turns rigid, and the car speeds up. “No, do not push. Hang on!”
“Cooper,” I cry, “it hurts.”
“Listen to me, Kylie. I know it hurts. Breathe. You have to breathe through that pain. Think of me, think of looking in my eyes. Draw strength from that till we get there. We have one more turn to go.”
I exhale as the pain recedes. “It’s passing, but there’s still pressure. I really need to push.” I’m so petrified that I feel the adrenaline spike through my blood stream, piercing my cells like a deadly drug. I hyperventilate as a panic attack enslaves me. My breathing becomes rough, labored as the world fades away.
“Kylie,” Cooper’s sharp voice pierces through the car, commanding my attention. “Look at me right now. There’s one more turn to go, baby. Open your eyes.”
With my head still turned toward his, I struggle to meet his demand. Sweat beads on my brow, and my pulse thrashes. I can’t breathe. Fear eats me alive, devouring every ounce of my flesh.
“No, baby,” he says, his voice tight. “Stay with me. Breathe. Please, Kylie, just breathe.”
I follow his orders, taking breaths every time he tells me to. I fight and fight to break through my panic. Tears drip onto my chest as I battle with everything in me.
“There you go, there you go,” he coos. “That’s right, you keep breathing like that. We’re here.”
The car stops, and he hops out. The next minute, my door is open, my seatbelt is unbuckled, and I’m moving through the hospital doors in his arms.
“She feels like she needs to push.” The words rush out of his mouth so fast I have trouble catching them.
A nurse brings a wheelchair, and he places me in it as another contraction surges.
“These are coming so fast.” I groan, the pain harsh. “I just feel…” My head drops back against the wheel chair as they rush me down the hall into a room.
“Let’s get her on the bed,” the gray-haired nurse says, looking at Cooper.
“I’m going to lay you on the bed,” he says. “I know you’re hurting. Put your arms around my neck and hang on.”
I do as I’m told. He lifts me easily and lays me across the hospital bed. My stomach is a compressed ball of muscle, mimicking the anxiety that strangles my chest.
“Hey, I see that look. Stay calm,” he orders, his tone gentle. “Everything’s fine.”
“Okay, I need to get you hooked to the monitors, and I need you to put this on.” A smile covers the nurse’s face as she hands me a hospital gown. “You’re in fantastic hands, little lady. I’ve paged the doctor already, and he’ll be here in five minutes. Let me wash my hands, get some gloves on, and we’ll see where you’re at.”
I swallow the knot in my throat. Cooper undresses me quickly, leaving me naked in a hospital gown.
“They’re coming so fast,” I whisper. “It feels like there’s no break between them.”
“How long have the contractions been going?” she asks.
“About an hour and a half now, but I’ve been having contractions all week. I went to the doctor yesterday, but I was only two centimeters.”
She slips on her gloves and gives me a kind smile. “Is this your first pregnancy?”
“No,” I breathe, the pain returning. “Oh God, it’s coming again.”
“Hang in there, Ky.” Cooper places a kiss on my head.
The nurse turns to Cooper. “I need to check her and see how far dilated she is. The doctor will be here any second. Did your wife fill out the pre-registration paperwork?”
“Yes.”
I grip his hand tightly, wincing through the pain.
He turns his eyes to mine and cups my face. “You’re doing so good. Just keep breathing and stay calm. I’m proud of you.”
“Jesus, this hurts like a motherfucker.”
He laughs, some of his stress momentarily disappearing. “I’m sure it does.”
“All right, let’s see what we have here. Lift your bottom and scoot down just a little.” I do as she says, my heart racing, my palms sweating. The nurse inserts her hand in me, her face creasing for a couple seconds. A huge smile pulls at her lips. “Well, you
are
dilated all the way, and that baby is low. Very, very low. I think he or she wants to make its grand entrance.” She winks.
My heart plummets to my feet. “Oh, I can’t do this.”
“Yes, you can, you’re doing it now,” Coop urges.
“Don’t be scared,” the nurse’s gentle tone cuts through. “You’re going to be fine. Let’s hook you up to the monitors. Once the doctor gets in, you can push, but that baby is so low, you won’t be pushing for long.” She walks over to the machines beside the bed and pulls out some belts.
My chest constricts. I’m afraid that the heart beat will somehow show the baby is in distress, or even worse—it won’t come up at all. I look at Cooper, and his green eyes lock on mine. I swallow hard, feeling my gut twist.
He cups my cheek, his eyes comforting me. “Everything is going to be okay. Have some faith, sweet girl. I know it’s hard, but have some faith that we’ll be okay no matter what.”
“I love you, Cooper,” I whisper, my heart a near mess.
“I love you, too.” He smiles, placing a soft kiss on my lips.
“All right, can you sit up for me, sweetie?” The nurse smiles. “My name is Jodie, by the way. I meant to mention that earlier.” She snaps the belts to my belly, and my heart stops, waiting for the sound I’m desperate to hear. She says, “Let’s adjust this and find this little beauty’s heartbeat.”
She moves the monitor around. After a moment, the
thump, thump, thump
filters through the air. It’s music to my ears. She settles me back in and moves over to the machines that keep track of the fetal heartbeat. I look over, trying to see the beats per minute on the screen. I’m desperate to know my child’s not in distress. One hundred fifty-five lights up the display. Everything in me heaves a relieved sigh. A choked sob escapes my throat before I can stop it.
“It looks nice and healthy,” Jodie murmurs. She jots something down on her chart.
I look at Cooper, who’s also staring at the monitor. His eyes hold tears.
“Faith,” he whispers so only I can hear.
My belly tightens again. I feel the mounting pressure urging me to bear down and push. “I really need to push.”
The nurse gives me a supportive smile. “Take a couple short panting breaths and breathe through it, sweetie. I know it’s hard, but just wait a minute, and we’ll have you set up to welcome your precious bundle. Tell me your name. Let’s get you checked in.”
“Kylie Bailey,” I grate out, trying to obey her.
At her computer, she types something. “Are you having a boy or girl?”
“I don’t know.”
Cooper smiles and kisses my forehead. He grabs my hand and rubs his thumb across my knuckles. “We wanted a surprise. We had a little girl before, but we wanted to be surprised with this one.”
“Oh, I love surprises,” Jodie murmurs, clicking away. “How old’s your daughter?”
“She would have been three this year,” Cooper says, his voice dropping low.
The nurse’s clicking stops. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”
“That’s okay,” I say as tears fill my eyes. This is a bittersweet moment for Cooper and me. It’s years of pain and anguish culminating into one full circle moment. Less than three years ago, we were at this same hospital giving birth to our Kayla. “We had a stillbirth,” I murmur, flicking my eyes to Jodie’s compassion-filled face.
“Well, your baby looks good,” she murmurs, her tone soothing. “He or she looks healthy, and we’re going to take good care of you both, Kylie.”
I nod and look at Cooper, who has a couple tears dripping down his cheeks. He smiles and leans forward to nuzzle my neck. My heart beats for him as I wrap my arms around him, and we soak in a moment together before our lives change.
The moment is broken when the door swings open, and the doctor’s happy voice blasts through the room. “Who’s ready to have a baby?” He closes the door and comes in smiling. “You guys ready?”
We nod, unable to find words.
“You’re going to be fine,” he says. “The baby looked so good yesterday. How’s our little champion doing now, Jodie?”
“Everything looks perfect,” she says, her voice soft.
“Well there you have it!” Dr. Hershberger soothes.
Cooper and I go mute as everything happens around us. A sonogram is administered while the room is prepped. I continue to breathe through the contractions that seem to plague me every minute. The need to bear down and get this baby out consumes me, but I pant through them till everything is ready to go.
Once suited up, the doctor plants himself in front of me. “Ready to push?”
“Yeah,” I whisper, my throat dry and my stomach feeling nauseas.
“All right, next contraction, I want you to count to ten and bear down. This baby is low and ready to come out. I don’t think it’s going to take much. You are one of those lucky few who don’t have to labor long. Cooper, you grab a leg, and Jodie will grab the other.”
Cooper’s eyes find mine. A smile pulls at his lips, but it’s troubled and bathed in stress. “You’ve got this.” He leans in to give me another soft kiss. “I’m so proud of you.”
“We’re having a baby,” I whisper.
“We are. You’re giving me a baby.”
“I’m afraid this is a dream,” I say, my heart in my throat.
“It is,” he whispers, his eyes loving and brilliantly green. “Our dream.”
I feel the tug at my belly as it coils in a tight knot of pain. “I need to push.”
“Okay, let’s do this, sweet girl.”
I nod and look at the doctor.
“Ready, Kylie?” he asks.