Authors: Brenda Kennedy
“
Do you want to lose your
fight with Kennedy?” I ask. I don’t wait for him to answer, I don’t
need to. “Well, there’s your answer. Beat Kennedy and I’ll buy you
a dozen, but until then, eat a carrot stick,” I
tease.
“
That doesn’t even
compare.”
We hug Bethany and Dove and chat with them
about the shop and business. They ask about the baby, and they also
ask about the upcoming fight with Kennedy. I guess since I am no
longer pregnant that means I am not as fragile. They’re right. The
black cloud has moved further away from me. I can still see it, but
it no longer hovers, as it did not so long ago. I’m not thrilled
about Robert fighting, but I have come to accept
it.
Bethany tells me what’s been going on in the
shop while I was away.
“
Yesterday a woman came up
to the counter with several diet books. I joked, ‘Would you like a
cinnamon bun with that?’
“
The woman replied, ‘No,
thank you. Yesterday I had four of those, and today my belly is
swelled up. I think I’m allergic to cinnamon. Give me four
chocolate-chip cookies instead.’
"Another woman — who was fat, came up to the
counter and said, 'I'll take four chocolate-chip cookies and no
diet books. Obesity is its own reward.'
“
Right after that, another
woman came into the store and said, ‘I’ll have one of your
extra-extra-extra large chocolate-chip cookies. I like those
because they are diet cookies.’
“
I said, ‘Diet cookies?
Uh, these have lots of sugar and butter.’
“
She said, ‘Yeah, but I
can write in my diet diary that I ate only one
cookie.’
“
Another woman — who was
thin — was watching us. After the customer left, she walked over to
me and said, ‘I heard that sugar will kill you.’"
“
I told her, ‘That is
absolutely correct. Sugar is slow poison. If you eat sugar for 70
or 80 years, you will die.’”
“
I don’t believe these
things really happened. You’re lying, aren’t you?”
“
Yep. Through my
teeth.”
The dark cloud is gone, at least for a
while.
I say over my shoulder as I walk away in the
direction of my office, “There may be an order that needs to be put
away, Ace.”
“
I’m on it,
Sweets.”
When my book order and the deposit is
finished, I call Mom to see how the baby is doing. Gracie spends
very little time at the hospital alone. Between our parents and us,
she has visitors often. I’m grateful so many people love and care
for her. It’s also reassuring to know that if something were to
happen someone would be there. I would live there if Robert let me.
He feels I need the rest and the time away to keep my thoughts
clear. He’s right. The time away lets me take care of myself, so
that I can take better care of Gracie.
Drake Sinclair
As soon as I found out the other parents’
names that were involved in the baby swap, I started researching
them. Their employment, residents, family, children, friends —
everything I could. If there was any possible chance that Madison
would spend any amount of time with them, I had to learn all I
could about them. When I felt that I didn’t know enough, I hired a
private investigator.
The P.I. has proven to be very competent and
worth every penny. I walked into his office yesterday for a
follow-up meeting and was shocked. Can you imagine my surprise when
he told me that Madison’s biological father, Bobby Grether, was a
drug addict?
It seems that he had an
impeccable record up until the death of his daughter —
my daughter —
Jamie.
Sadly, the loss of his daughter sent him into a drug and drinking
binge that lasted almost a year. I plan to use this information to
keep Madison. He will never take Madison from
me.
Chelsea has been sad ever since we learned
that our biological daughter has passed away. Although we didn’t
know her, it doesn’t matter, she’s still gone and she was a part of
us. It would have made it easier to learn this before our meeting.
The day we showed up bearing gifts for the little sweetheart.
Learning that she was dead almost sent me into a rage that would
have landed me with a life sentence.
Chelsea and I talked to Madison and Caden
about what’s been going on. Of course Madison knows, but she really
doesn’t understand, and Caden — he’s just too young. I think I
prefer it that way. While Chelsea is heartbroken over the loss of
our biological daughter, Madison and Caden are sad because a child
has passed away. They know about death all too well from when their
grandmother died from bone cancer a few years ago. They know death
is permanent and irreversible.
Chelsea and I decided to go to the cemetery
to visit Jamie. As soon as we learned that she was our daughter, we
didn’t need to know her to love her. The Sinclairs have a very
strong family bond. We support and love our family,
unconditionally.
After church, we took the children to the
store so they could buy something for Jamie’s grave. When we all
left the shop, we each found something special for her. One the
drive to the cemetery, Chelsea is quiet. I don’t know if she is
worried the Grethers will be there, or if she is just saddened
about that fact that we will never get to know our daughter. It
pisses me off some drunk couldn’t stay sober enough to drive. My
daughter would still be her today if it weren’t for
him.
It takes me several minutes to find the exact
spot where Jamie is buried. I have been here before, scoping it
out. When I see the large black, teardrop-shaped tombstone, I know
it’s hers. It is stunning and it is the exact same one I would have
chosen for my daughter. The teardrop shape of the stone speaks
volumes. It lets me know that Jamie was loved and that they mourn
her loss every day. I feel good knowing my daughter was loved, even
if it wasn’t from me.
I park the car and open the children car door
first. They each have their gift in hand and wait patiently for me
to open Chelsea’s door. She has her monogrammed tissue in her hand.
The monogrammed tissues were a wedding gift to her from my mother.
Chelsea always carries one with her.
We walk in a single file
up to the grave. I stop when I see
Jamie
Sue Grether
written is gold letters.
Chelsea cries and Madison holds her hand to offer her comfort.
Caden stands still; he doesn’t realize this is his sister’s grave.
I hold Chelsea close and let her mourn. One by one, we walk up and
leave the gifts we bought for Jamie. I go first. I kneel down on
her grave and try to explain who I am and that I’m sorry I never
had a chance to know her. I tell her I love her before I place a
dozen red roses on the base of the tombstone. I chose red roses
because red means love. I don’t have to know her to love
her.
Madison goes next. She walks up slowly and
also kneels down. She bows her head and says a silent prayer. I
wish I knew what she was saying, but I don’t. I watch as she kisses
the porcelain doll and lays it beside my flowers.
Caden goes next with Chelsea. She helps him
tie his helium balloons onto the arm of the doll Madison left. The
balloons don’t say anything, but they are in a rainbow of colors.
All he says is, “Rest in heaven, Jamie,” before he stands to join
Madison and me.
Chelsea stays and sits on
the grass. She is wearing a very expensive dress, but at this time,
she could care less about the money or the clothing. She cries. I
watch as
she moves over a porcelain
angel and sets her angel wreath beside it.
Chelsea speaks open and honestly and it pulls at my heart strings.
“I love you, Sweetheart, and I miss you. I hope you had a good life
and that you were loved.” She cries and says between sobs, “If I
had one wish, it would be that you were still here today. I pray
that you are happy and are flying high with the angels. Kiss
Grandma and ask her to watch over you until I get there. I love
you, Jamie.”
She wipes away the tears,
pulls at a few weeds, and gently touches the gold lettering that
says
Jamie Sue Grether
. Madison and Caden cry. I’m not sure they are crying because
of Jamie, or if it’s because they are seeing their mother so sad.
When Chelsea is sad, we are all sad. She stands and walks towards
us. Caden and Madison release their hold on my hand and run to be
with their mother. At this moment, I realize that we cannot lose
Madison. We
are
a
family and we
will
stay as one.
Robert
Since Gracie’s birth, I have been worried
about Leah. I overheard Mom and Sue talking about post-partum
depression and I realize it could affect Leah. Right now she
doesn’t show any signs of depression, but I am still concerned. I
guess I shouldn’t go looking for something until it happens. It may
be that Leah’s depression was an isolated event, I just want to be
ready for it, if it does return.
Leah isn’t back to work yet, but I am back to
my regular workout routine. Actually it was Leah’s persistence that
got me started back on it full time. It feels good to be doing what
I love to do. I also think I would be just as happy sitting at the
hospital watching my daughter. I could stare at her all day. I am
just waiting for the nurses to tell me that my little girl is
weighing 4 lbs. Then we will be able to bring her
home.
While I spend my mornings training, Leah
spends her mornings at the hospital with Gracie. In the evenings
when we go home for the night, we stop by the shop so Leah can
check in. She feels sorry for Dove and Bethany, although they don’t
complain. We also stop by often and visit with Jamie.
I heard from Bruce the other day and we have
a court date for custody of Madison. I haven’t told Leah yet, I’m
not sure how. He advised me that we won’t be issued permanent
custody right away. He explained that the courts will want to go
through steps so it doesn’t traumatize the child. I understand
that. Madison has no idea who we are. I am excited to at least get
a few hours of visitation started so she can get to know us. I pray
that Drake hasn’t filled her mind with lies.
I wait patiently for Leah
as she tries on another pair of pre-pregnant jeans. She is so eager
to get into her regular clothing. Finally, she decides on a dress.
Before we go to the hospital, Leah and I have plans to have
breakfast with Jamie. The anniversary of Jamie’s birthday and her
death are fast approaching. This is always a difficult month for
everyone. Jamie sadly died the same month she was born. She was
born October 8
th
and died October 27
th
, three years
later.
Once Leah is ready and breakfast is packed,
we head to the cemetery. First, we stop by the florist and get
Jamie some fresh flowers. I have to blink a few times to make sure
I’m looking at Jamie’s grave. We put balloons on her grave only for
her birthday.
“
Robert, is that
Jamie’s…,” she begins to say.
“
It sure looks like it,” I
say putting the car in park. I grab the sack that contains our
breakfast, a blanket, the two cups of coffee, and the two bouquets
of flowers and I have to run to catch up with her. She is already
standing at the foot of Jamie’s grave with her fingers pressed
against her lips. I stop and look at what she is staring at.
Balloons, red roses, an angel, a wreath, and a porcelain doll
decorate the base of Jamie’s tombstone.
“
Who did this?” she
cries.
I already know.
“It looks like the Sinclairs have found
Jamie.”
She looks up at me with tears running down
her pale cheeks. “You think they did this?”
“
I do. Who else could it
be?” I spread the blanket down and Leah starts to pick everything
up as she carefully inspects each item. When Leah is done, I hand
her a coffee and her breakfast sandwich.
“
It looks like they love
her,” she says softly.
I have to agree. I’m glad to know the angered
man has a soft spot. “It does.”
“
I wonder how they knew
where she was. We didn’t say anything to Chelsea when she came to
the hospital.”
“
No, we didn’t. I’m sure
Drake has searched our family extensively. I know I did
him.”
“
You did? Why would you do
that and why didn’t I know that?”
I look at her and say, “I didn’t want to
worry you. I guess I had to make sure she’s safe. I have no idea
who these people are. I had to make sure our daughter is being
taken care of.”
“
And I should assume she
is?”
I confirm, “She is.”
“
Good, I’m glad you did
that. I didn’t think to check up on them.”
“
Why would you. You live
in a safe world with rainbows and unicorns,” I
tease.
“
I don’t know about that,
but I do prefer to think that the world is filled with more good
and love than hate.”
“
Well, in this case, it
is,” I say looking up at the rainbow of colors on the
balloons.
After breakfast, Leah and I go to the
hospital to see Gracie. The incubator is gone and has been replaced
with a regular hospital baby bed. “Oh, Robert, look. Our baby has
graduated,” she giggles.
I knew Gracie was getting stronger and
gaining weight, but I had no idea she was well enough to be moved
to the step-down unit. She is one step closer to coming home. Nurse
Amy is getting things situated to bathe Grace. It will be her first
bath in a bathtub of water. “Look, Grace, Mommy and Daddy, are just
in time for your bath.” Grace is wrapped up in a hospital baby
blanket watching the bright ceiling lights. I like that Nurse Amy
talks to Gracie.