Authors: Brenda Kennedy
I watch as Robert removes the gallon cans of
paint from the back of the truck. My eyes get teary and my lip
begins to quiver as I say, “Thank you.”
After a group hug, we all walk into the bare
nursery.
“
What color paint did you
guys get?” I ask.
Sara holds up a paint sample and it’s the
same sage green color that Robert and I talked
about.
“
If this isn’t right,
blame Bobby,” she laughs.
“
You did this?” I ask,
hugging him.
“
I wish I thought of this.
I can’t take the credit. This was their idea; I just told them what
we were thinking of.”
“
Thank you, I just hope
you got it right.” I joke. I look around the room at our friends,
who are all dressed in work clothes, and say, “Thank you all for
everything. This is so thoughtful and generous of all of
you.”
“
I wish that were true,
but the truth is, we needed a break from the
kids.”
Everyone laughs and Angel says, “It really is
kind of selfish on our part.”
I don’t believe them for one
minute.
“
Let me change and we can
start painting.”
“
Oh no you don’t,” Angel
says. “If you help, it’ll speed up my day away from the twins. You
and Bobby are leaving and we are staying.”
“
Come on, Sweets. We have
plans for today.”
Robert
Leah and I leave the house and let the girls
do their thing. I moved the ladder and supplies they said they
would need near the basement door. I also got Jamie’s baby bed put
together so it’ll be ready for them. When Emma called me and she
said they wanted to do this, I was reluctant at first. Leah and I
don’t really have friends and this is such a selfless gift. To give
up their entire Saturday to paint and decorate. Emma told me to
call Angel with the exact paint color and style of baby bedding we
wanted. Since we didn’t know if it is a boy or a girl, the style
was difficult. I saw some of Angel’s work and she has excellent
taste. I told her kind of what Leah was thinking, but we didn’t
decide on anything for certain.
I rented a room at the
Marriot Grand Resort for the night. We have never been there and we
plan on going back soon. We went to the marketplace and bought
stuff to make breakfast. We had dinner at the restaurant called the
Grill. It was nice and relaxing. We walked around, holding hands
and watching the various activities the resort had planned for the
kids. They had open fire pits where the children and adults made
s’mores
—
so
called because after you eat one, you want some more
—
and then they
watched
The Little Mermaid
on a big outside movie
screen.
“
Jamie would have loved
this,” Leah says.
“
Yes, she would
have.”
“
Maybe we can
bring…”
Leah stops in the middle of her sentence. I
know she is talking about our other daughter. It sounds so odd to
say that. We have another daughter, our daughter. I don’t know if
she stopped because she didn’t want to finish the sentence, or
because she doesn’t know what to call her. We have a daughter and
we don’t even know her name.
“
I think that is an
excellent idea.”
“
Who doesn’t love
The Little Mermaid?
”
she smiles
.
Later that night we sit on the balcony that
overlooks the lake. The moon was full and the reflection glistened
off of the water.
“
This is nice,” she says,
sipping her hot tea.
“
It
is.”
“
Do you wanna go home?”
she asks.
I look over at her and ask, “You don’t want
to stay?”
“
I do, but I can’t wait to
see the nursery.”
I smile, stand and take her hand in mine.
“Come on, Sweets. If you want to go home, we’ll go
home.”
Leah practically runs into the house and up
the stairs to see the nursery. I’m further behind her down the
hallway when I hear her say, “Aww.” She stands outside in the hall
looking into the bedroom with her hand over her mouth. I walk
behind Leah and look inside the nursery. The walls are painted sage
green, a large, thick white area rug is in the center of the floor,
and Jamie’s white baby bed is set up under the large double window.
The room is decorated in sage green and white circles. These are
Leah’s favorite colors and they go well with a boy or a girl. In
the nursery are also a dressing table, a dresser, a white rocking
chair, and a bookshelf.
Leah and I slowly walk into the room and she
begins to cry. She lightly touches the items on the bookshelf and I
realize they are items from Jamie’s bedroom. Jamie’s books, a small
picture frame holding a photograph of Jamie and a large picture
frame holding a photograph of all three of us. Jamie’s ballerina
music box is on the top of the bookshelf. I wonder if Leah will be
upset about Jamie’s things being moved but then I realize they are
tears of joy. I am also happy they incorporated Jamie’s things into
the new nursery. She will always be our daughter and she will
always be a part of this family.
“
I can’t believe how
beautiful this looks,” she says.
“
They did a fantastic
job.” I walk over to the baby bed and see Jack strategically placed
in the center of the bed. He looks clean and new. I pick him up and
realize it is new.
“
Leah,” I say, showing her
the stuffed rabbit.
“
How did they get Jack so
clean?” she asks as she walks over to take him from me. She looks
at him and smells him. “He’s new. Where did they get this
from?”
I smile, “I have no idea, but this is a nice
surprise.”
Leah wraps her small arms around me. I rub
her back with my large hands. “We need to do something special for
them and call them all to thank them.”
Leah says, “They did so much more than just
paint and decorate — they brought life into this room.” I know what
Leah means. This was just an empty room before, but now, it has a
part of Jamie living in it. “This will make such a great nursery
for our baby,” she says excitedly.
“
It will.” I look around
the room at the lamp on the dresser and the curtains. They are all
sage green with white circles. I have to wonder how long they
planned on doing this. Everything matches and fits this room
perfectly. I walk over and crack open the window to let the room
air out. Although the paint fumes are faint, I don’t want Leah
breathing them in all night.
“
Come on, Sweets, let’s
get you and
my
baby to bed.”
Leah reaches for my hand and says, “I don’t
think I can sleep. I’m so excited about this room.”
“
Looks like I’ll have to
burn off some of that excitement.” I wink at her and lead her out
of the nursery.
Leah
The next morning when I get up Robert isn’t
in bed. I never hear Robert when he gets up. I, on the other hand,
moan, groan, and waddle out of bed. I think that I could possibly
even wake the neighbors. Before leaving the bedroom, I write out
thank you cards to our friends for everything they did yesterday. I
would like to do something special for them, but with the impending
news from the attorney, it’s just not a good time.
I walk out of the bedroom in search of stamps
and Robert. I stop at Jamie’s bedroom. The door is open and her
room is bright. The sunshine shines through her windows, bringing
life into the room. When Jamie died, we left the curtains and door
closed; it was just too sad to look in. Now, when I walk past and
see her bed and her personal things, I am reminded of how much I
love her, how much I loved having her here. Looking on the
nightstand, I see her pictures are missing. They have been moved
into the nursery for the new baby to enjoy. I smile. It’s probably
the first I had been near Jamie’s room in a long
time.
I say, “I love you, baby girl,” before
turning towards the nursery across the hall. I look into the sage
green and white nursery. I smile. It is so inviting, beautiful, and
sweet. I place my hand on my belly and walk into the room. Walking
around the room, I look at and touch everything. I open the dresser
drawers and they are empty. It saddens me. I open the closet and it
is also empty. I have less than two months, and this baby doesn’t
have anything to wear. I’ve been in mourning over Jamie and trying
to accept that we may — we do — have a five-year-old daughter, and
so I haven’t focused on this baby. I know what I need to do and I
decide that today I’ll do it.
I expect to find Robert working out, but I
find him at the kitchen table, instead. He is sitting there
shirtless, wearing his gray sleep pants. Sitting in front of him is
a box that holds Jamie’s things. A locket of her hair, her baptism
dress, and the records from the hospital, among other things. I get
a knot in my belly, almost like a feeling of doom. He looks up at
me with sadness spread across his face. I know my Robert tries to
hold it together, but I also know he struggles with it. I need to
be strong for him, although the black cloud is
hovering.
“
Good morning, Ace,” I say
as I walk over to sit next to him at the
table.
He tries to smile, but his smile is weak.
“Good morning, Sweets.” He clears his throat and says, “We got a
call today.”
He doesn’t have to say
anything else. I know it’s from the attorney. Before, when he said
that I would have thought it was a call from Gus about a fight. But
today, I know it’s from Bruce and it is about the baby swap.
Keep it together, Leah.
“
When do we meet with
them?” I try to make my voice stay monotone. I don’t want my voice
to reflect my inner hysteria.
“
Tomorrow morning. Bruce
said the parents and child are supposed to be there with
their
attorneys.”
Keep it together,
Leah.
“Good, I’m ready to meet our
daughter,” I say honestly.
That came out
unexpectedly, but it’s the truth.
“
You are?” Robert looks up
and I can see hope in his eyes.
I’m never the strong one
in the family and it feels good.
“I
am.”
Am I? Don’t wiggle out now, Leah.
Hold it together for Robert. I can do this.
“We have another daughter and I want to be involved in her
life. I’m ready for us to be her parents.”
This honesty thing is working out. To verbally say what you
really think, it feels good.
“I’m ready to
be her mom. But I have some things that need to get done
today.”
The sadness is leaving Robert’s face and he
asks, “Like what?”
“
Like mail these,” I say,
holding up the thank you cards. “I want to shop for our
five-year-old daughter.”
“
Some clothes and toys to
make her feel welcome when she comes. That sounds like a good
idea.”
“
And I want to shop online
for the baby. He has nothing to wear when he gets
here.”
“
He?” he
asks.
“
Or
she.”
“
Or she,” he repeats. “It
would be nice if we knew what to shop for. Pale pinks or baby
blues.”
I ponder his words. It would be nice. Will we
have another daughter or will it be a son?
“
I think we should find
out what we’re having,” I blurt out.
“
You do?”
I look at him and smile. “I think it would be
nice. I know the gender isn’t important, but wouldn’t it be nice to
know who will be sleeping in the nursery?”
“
It would. We already have
two daughters, and a son may be nice to add to our growing
family.”
I am relieved that Robert’s sadness is
vanishing. “Or another girl to add to our already increasing
estrogen level.”
Robert pulls on his hair and says, “Another
girl? That’ll make three girls and a wife. I’m recently hoping for
a boy,” he jokes.
“
You’ll be just as
thrilled with a girl.”
“
I will
be.”
“
So we can find out?” I
ask hopefully.
“
We can.”
I clap my hands and say, “Can we have a
gender reveal party, too?”
“
I have no idea what that
is, but if you want a party, we can have a party.”
I explain to him what a gender reveal party
is and then I call Mom and Margie. Robert and I get online and buy
some girls clothing in size five and some in size six. We also buy
a few age-appropriate toys and board games for a five-year-old.
Robert and I also shop for some baby things: towels, washcloths,
baby shampoos, and lotions. We have a good day at home
together.
Mom calls and said that
she called my doctor and got the sex of the baby. She said he was
at his office and she didn’t have any problem getting it from him.
Since he is also her doctor, he already knew
our hesitation about learning our baby’s
gender.
“
Do you want to have a
gender reveal party next weekend?” Mom asks.
“
Next weekend would be
good. We meet with the attorney tomorrow morning with the other
family.”