Authors: Brenda Kennedy
I look at my phone and blink a few times. I
look up and Leah is smiling with tears in her eyes. “A girl?” I
ask.
She nods, “Yes.” I watch as the tears from
onto her rosy colored cheeks.
“
We’re having a girl?” I
ask, again. All of the sudden I can only see Leah sitting up in the
bed with her cell phone in her hands.
I
guess this is what’s called tunnel vision. I know our parents are
in the room, but I don’t see them.
I hold
my phone and slowly walk over to Leah. When I get to her, I softly
sit on the bed, cup her face in my hands and say, “A
girl?”
She smiles, cries, and nods her answer. I
kiss her softly and passionately. I break away slowly from or kiss
and wipe away her tears with the pads of my thumbs. “I knew it was
a girl all along,” I say and kiss her again. I can feel her smile
on my lips.
Leah
I swat at Robert’s arm and pull away from his
kiss. “You did not know it was a girl.”
He smiles his dimpled smile and says, “I did,
too.”
“
What about you saying,
‘It’s a boy — I can feel it.’”
“
Did I say that?” he
jokes.
I have to laugh at him. “Yes, you did. You
were so sure it was a boy we were going to bet on it.”
“
Oh about that, I was just
teasing.”
“
How did you find out the
gender of the baby?” Mom interrupts.
“
That would be my fault,”
Dr. Fouch says as he walks into the room. “With all of the
excitement I just let it slip. I’m sorry.”
“
Don’t be. I’m glad you
did,” I say honestly.
Dr. Fouch looks and nods at everyone in the
room. He asks, “How are you feeling? I see the medication worked
and your labor has stopped.”
“
I feel good — tired, but
no pain.”
“
Good, I want to examine
you again and make sure you haven’t dilated
anymore.”
“
That’s our cue. We’ll
make a coffee run while he does… whatever it is he needs to do,”
Walter jokes.
Dad, Walter, and Robert kiss me goodbye
before they walk out the room. Mom and Margie stay in the room with
me.
Once the exam is done, he
tells me that I haven’t dilated anymore. The guys knock before
walking into the room. Robert walks over to me, coffee in hand. The
doctor explains that he is going to schedule surgery for me in the
morning. He calls the procedure a cervical cerclage and explains to
Robert and me that is it a very minor surgery and that we should
expect another overnight hospital stay and strict bed rest and
pelvic rest until I deliver.
Pelvic rest
is a nice way to say no sex.
Later that night after everyone leaves,
Robert and I talk about what happened at the meeting after we left.
I have a feeling he doesn’t tell me everything, and to be honest,
I’m fine with that. I still battle my depression and I know that
some things won’t change, no matter how hard I wish they would.
Robert and I mostly talk about positive things and we avoid
everything that has to do with the baby swap.
Robert sleeps in the chair
next to the bed. I knew he wouldn’t go home. I did text his Mom to
see if she would bring him some clothes when they return tomorrow.
He is still wearing his suit and tie from earlier: a reminder that
we were meeting our biological daughter today. Robert sleeps and I
lie wide awake in bed. I can’t get over the fact that my biological
daughter has been in the shop.
Shouldn’t I
have felt a connection to her? Shouldn’t I have noticed how much
she looked like Robert and me?
I smile
when I remember her slight wave when she saw me at the
meeting.
She liked me and she remembered
me.
“
Happy thoughts?” Robert
asks from his deep sleep.
“
I thought you were
asleep.”
“
Are you awake?” he
asks.
“
Obviously.”
“
Then I’m not asleep.
Thinking happy thoughts?” he asks as he stretches his arms and
legs.
“
Are you saying that you
never sleep if I’m awake?”
“
I don’t know about never,
but mostly never is probably accurate. Happy thoughts?” he asks
again.
When I think back on Robert’s statement, I
think I believe him. Robert is always the last one to fall asleep
at night and is almost always the first one up in the morning. I
don’t think I can remember a time when he fell asleep before me.
“Why do you do that?” I ask.
“
Do
what?”
“
Stay awake like
that?”
“
I want to watch over you.
Now what about your happy thoughts?” he asks again. “You were
smiling for no reason a few minutes ago. Care to share
why?”
I smile again. “I was thinking about when
Madison walked into the meeting and how she smiled and waved when
she saw me.”
“
That was pretty
special.”
“
It was. It makes me happy
to think that she already likes me. Maybe it’ll make the
interaction between our family and hers a little smoother for
her.”
“
I hope so. Drake Sinclair
seems to be a little…”
“
Anxious?”
“
High-strung, I was
thinking.”
“
Maybe it’s just because
of all that has happened. I hope so,” I say.
“
Maybe.”
Robert tells me that Bruce ended up giving
the gifts and the envelope of pictures and newspaper articles to
their attorney, Mr. Reed. He also tells me that the Sinclairs left
the meeting shortly after we did.
During the next few days, Robert never leaves
the hospital. He showers in the hospital room and his Mom provides
him with a duffle bag of clean clothes and hygiene items. The
cervical cerclage is done and the doctor is happy with the results.
We have lots and lots of company and even Mason and Angel, and Alec
and Emma, come up to visit.
When the doctor ordered strict bedrest, that
is precisely what he meant. Up to go to the restroom and to shower.
That’s it. He told us he would like for me to remain pregnant at
least another eight weeks, although full term would be best. I try
to not focus on how difficult it will be to stay on bedrest for at
least eight weeks. It’s a minuscule price to pay for a healthy
baby.
Just before we are released to go home, I
hear a knock at the door. After it slowly opens I am surprised to
see Chelsea Sinclair standing in the doorway. She looks around the
room and doesn’t enter the room any further. “”I’m sorry, maybe I
shouldn’t have come,” she says as she takes a step
back.
I look at Robert and he is standing beside my
hospital bed in protector mode. “No, please, come in,” I say.
Robert and I are the only two people in the room. He stands there
with his arms crossed and feet apart.
She slowly walks into the room and closes the
door behind her. I notice her red puffy eyes and she is holding a
gift bag. I’m kind of glad that her husband isn’t with her, but
disappointed that Madison isn’t with her either.
“
Please, come
in.”
She says, “I hope I’m not
interrupting.”
“
No, you’re not. This is
actually a good time. Please, sit down,” I wave to the empty chair
beside my hospital bed. “Relax,” I whisper so only Robert can hear.
He uncrosses his arms.
Relax more. I think
to myself.
She slowly walks over to me and sits gingerly
on the green vinyl chair. She sits only on the edge of the chair
and crosses her feet. Her back is straight as a board and the gift
bag is resting on her lap. She takes a deep breath and says, “I’m
sorry. I’m not sure what to say.”
Robert finally sits down on the other side of
the bed in the matching green vinyl chair. “It’s okay. Please take
your time,” he says, calmly.
“
First of all, I want to
say that I’m sorry for your loss. After the meeting, our attorney,
Mr. Reed, brought the gifts and the envelope of pictures and
newspaper articles of Jamie.”
“
Thank you,” I say,
sadly.
Chelsea wipes away a tear and says, “She
looked like a lovely little girl.”
“
She was,” Robert says.
“She was our world. We love and miss her very
much.”
“
The children thank you
for their gifts. I’m not sure how you knew we also had a son, but
that doesn’t matter.” She looks around the room and focuses on the
flowers and balloons that are scattered everywhere. “I’m not sure
why I’m here,” she says looking back at me. “I think I just wanted
to see what kind of people you are. I wanted to make sure my
daughter… I mean… your daughter was loved and cared for.” She takes
another deep breath and says, “This is a bit of a mess, isn’t
it?”
“
It is and she was. We
loved Jamie more than life,” Robert reassures her. “She was
beautiful, fantastic, funny, and full of
personality.”
“
I wish I had had a chance
to know her… to love her. She is who your bookstore is named
after.” It’s not a question, but a statement. “Madison and I
frequent it often. She looks forward to having a cinnamon bun while
she reads in the sitting area.”
“
I recognized you both
from being in there.”
“
She remembers you, too. I
brought you something for… Jamie… well… for Jamie’s gravesite. The
first gift I bought wasn’t…appropriate. We didn’t know she was
deceased when my husband and I bought it.”
She hands me the gift bag that is resting on
her lap. I take it and remove the contents carefully. It is a
beautiful cream-color porcelain angel. “This is
beautiful.”
“
I wanted to get something
for her grave.” She thinks for a moment and says, “Assuming she has
a grave. I’m sorry, I guess I haven’t thought this through. Maybe
she was…”
I say, “No, this will look beautiful on her
grave. Please, don’t apologize.”
“
This is so new to me. We
never dreamed that one of our children would have ever been
switched at birth. And then to learn that she had passed away… it’s
all so much to take in.”
“
Yes, it is. After the
accident, Leah and I were both in a coma for several weeks. We
didn’t learn about Jamie’s passing until we woke up. Our parents
planned and made all of the funeral arrangements for Jamie,” Robert
informs her.
“
Oh, I’m
sorry.”
“
Thank you,” I
say.
The nurse comes in with my discharge
paperwork and Chelsea stands to leave. “I won’t keep you. Thank you
for taking the time to see me,” Chelsea says as she straightens her
dress.
“
You’re welcome.” I give
her a slight smile.
She smiles slightly and says, “I also want to
apologize for my husband. He’s still dealing with all of this.
After some time, I’m hoping that he’ll come around.”
She turns to leave before I can say anything
and Robert stands and walks her to the door. I listen to and sign
off on all of the instructions. Robert isn’t gone long and he also
listens intently to what the nurse has to say.
On the drive home, Robert and I talk about
the visit from Chelsea. I ask him can we visit Jamie so we can
place the angel on her grave and he tells me the doctor instructed
us to go straight home. He does assure me that he’ll take the angel
over to the gravesite in the next few days.
Once we are home, Robert gives me a choice of
where I want to lie. I decide on the couch. There is no way that
I’ll be able to stay in one room for eight weeks. I sit while he
gets the pillows and blankets for the couch. He returns, wearing a
pair of sleep pants and a tee shirt. I am already wearing a
nightgown and robe. I smile as he makes the sofa into a bed and
tosses pillows on each end. One for me and one for him. I should
have known that Robert wouldn’t stay dressed or that he wouldn’t
leave the house today. I also know that there is no way Robert
would be able to handle being in this house for eight weeks
straight. He’ll try, but he’ll fail miserably.
Robert
I lie on one end of the
couch and watch Leah sleep on the other end. I also read over the
instructions that were sent home with her from the hospital.
Pelvic rest? What the hell is that?
I browse over the pamphlet and now I understand.
Pelvic rest makes sense to prevent pre-term delivery. Especially
since she had that procedure done. I remember when Jamie was born
and sex was off limits for six weeks afterward. No sex in exchange
for a healthy baby is a small sacrifice. I would stand on my head
if it meant my baby would be born to term without
complications.
“
Reading something
interesting?” she asks.
“
I am,” I joke. “I’m
reading about pelvic rest and bed rest. Very interesting stuff,
right here.” I wave the instruction sheet in the air for her to
see.
“
You just can’t get a
break, can you?”
“
Why? What do you
mean?”
She says, “You need better reading material.
Jamie’s bedtime books and hospital pregnancy instructions. You need
something better to read. Something age and gender
appropriate.”
I look at her and smile. “I like reading
Jamie’s books to you.”
“
I know you do, and I love
hearing you read them. I did order some pregnancy books for men for
the shop. I can see if Mom will stop by and get a few of them for
you.”