Against the Odds: A Love Story (12 page)

While everything inside me wanted to revisit the places Hayden and I spent so much time, I decided to do other things. There really wasn't much to do that we hadn't done already, so I decided to see a movie. In fact, I ended up watching two, back to back. The first was a comedy, the second, a bittersweet love story, which I promptly kicked myself afterward for choosing.

After the second movie–I figured I had better stop at two–I decided to grab something to eat at a fast food place, purposely avoiding the vicinity of
Red Lobster
.

It was a completely relaxing day. I was in no hurry to get anywhere because there was no one for me to go back to. That fact only served to renew the lonely ache I carried inside.

Later that afternoon, I spent an hour wandering around a department store. I didn't buy anything. I found no joy in shopping alone anymore.

I spent the last part of the day sitting on a bench at a community park, watching laughing children playing on the swings and monkey bars. This activity was a huge mistake, because as soon as I sat down, my thoughts immediately drifted to the talks Hayden and I had about children. We had spent many moments daydreaming together about the children we wanted to have and what they would look like.

I closed my eyes and thought about the first time we discussed children. Well, it really wasn't a discussion. Hayden had pressed one of his large, gentle hands against my stomach and said, “I can't wait until my babies are growing inside you.” Just thinking about the way he'd said it and the warmth in his eyes brought a warm longing even now.

“Oh, Hayden,” I whispered. “I miss you so much. And I need you so badly it hurts.” I looked up at the blue clear sky, wrapped my arms around my middle, and groaned painfully.
I'm going out of my mind, Hayden!

I brushed away the sudden tears that came and took my keys from my pocket, my eyes   catching the faint sunlit shimmer of Hayden's extra house key hanging from the ring with my car keys. He had given me the key the day he revealed his feelings for me in the stable.

I separated the key from the others and held it up. I sat for a moment staring at it and pondered all it represented. Suddenly feeling the need to feel as close to Hayden as I could, I quickly went to my vehicle and headed for the ranch.

By the time I reached the ranch, the sun had gone down. I found Caroline and David relaxing in the living room. She was knitting and he was reading the paper.

“Sorry I was gone so long.”

“That's all right,” Caroline said, putting her knitting down. “You probably needed the time away.”

“I did,” I said with a sigh.

David flipped the top of his paper down. “So, how are you doing, darlin'? You all right?”

I pushed my hair back. “Truthfully, I don't know. I don't know when or if I'll ever be all right.”

Caroline sighed. “You will.” She paused. “Hayden called again.”

I leaned my head against the door frame. “What did he say?” I asked in a monotone voice, expecting her answer to be the same as the last time.

“Well,” she drawled, causing my heart to thump. “He asked  me if you were still here . . . and I told him I didn't know where you were.” When my eyes widened, she added, “Well, I
didn't
know where you were. Besides, he sounded pretty upset when I told him.” She grinned. “I think you've got him scared, honey.”

I couldn't help the joy I felt knowing Hayden was upset over my absence. “Did he say when . . . when he would be back?”

Caroline's smile faded slightly. “I'm sorry, honey, but he didn't.”

The hope that I had just felt was dashed a little. “Well, I'm glad he's all right.” I again pushed a hand back through my hair. “I think I'll go for a walk, maybe walk up to Hayden's.” I smiled tearfully. “I kind of miss the porch swing.”

“We understand,” Caroline said. “We'll leave the door unlocked for you.”

I nodded emotionally and left.

I stood on the back porch for a moment looking out over the ranch. With thoughts of Hayden ever present in my mind, I started my walk up to his place. I kept telling myself that going there would most likely only cause me more pain, but my heart wasn't listening. It didn't care. Besides, I didn't think the pain could get any worse than it already was.

Hearing the squeak of a door opening, I glanced back and saw Chris exiting the bunkhouse. I cursed inwardly when he looked in my direction and ran to catch up with me. I really wasn't in the mood to talk to him or anyone else, but especially
him
. Still, I managed to force a smile when he reached me.

“How are you doing?” he asked, reaching out and touching my arm.

“I'm all right,” I lied. I smiled brightly. “I'm good.”

When he moved closer, my smile faded slightly. Chris was nice, but a little too forward, and he was the last person I wanted to discuss my problems with. I turned to start walking when he abruptly took my arm in his hand, tightening his grip slightly. The action completely startled me.

“You're lying, Raine. I've got eyes. I see what's going on. Hayden deserted you and you're still determined to wait for him to come back.”

I looked at him, my brow automatically creasing in anger and my defenses instantly rising. “So, what's it to you?”

“I'll tell you what it is to me,” he said, moving even closer and causing me to back up a little. “I've been watching you. You didn't know it, but I have. You see, the way I figure it, you need a real man, and from what I can tell, Hayden definitely ain't man enough for the job. He can't handle a woman like you.”

I snorted incredulously, my eyes  roaming over his face, taking in his slicked back black hair and dark eyes. He was of average build and maybe six feet in height at the most. He was a couple of years younger than me, but at that moment, he acted even younger. “I don't know who you . . .” I paused and thought about what he had just said. “A woman like me? What is that supposed to mean?”

He smiled widely. “You know, a woman of color, or whatever you all call yourselves these days.”

I shook my head slightly.
This is unreal.
“A woman of color, huh? Are you saying black women are different from white women?”

“I'm saying,” he answered, his voice growing more seductive, “Hayden ain't man enough to give you what you really need.”

“And what is that?” I asked with a smirk, sarcasm lacing my voice.

“Real loving. The kind you women like.”

I'm not going to even touch that one.
“Well, I hate to burst your bubble of raw masculinity,” I finally said, way past bored with the conversation, “but Hayden is more of a man than you could ever hope to be.”

“You think so, huh?” When I smiled, his expression changed. His hand shot out and grabbed my other arm, pinning them both behind me.

“Let go of me!” I yelled, more angry than scared. I struggled to free my arms but I couldn't get loose. His grip was solid.

“You know what I think?” he said, pressing me against him. “I think you need me to show you what a real cowboy can do for you.”

Then before I could turn my head his repulsive mouth was on mine. I continued to struggle, but I couldn't break free of his grip. I finally bit down hard on his bottom lip, instantly drawing blood. The action caught him off guard and his grip loosened just enough for me to send a knee to his groin. He instantly doubled over. I hit him on the head once for good measure.

“Don't ever touch me again!” I yelled, quickly taking off toward Hayden's house. I looked back only once and sighed with relief when he staggered back down to the bunkhouse. I couldn't believe he'd acted that way. I wiped the blood from my mouth and shook my head.

Arrogant little jerk!

When I reached the front porch, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, still stunned by what had just happened. No one had ever treated me that way before. I had known some bold men in Atlanta, but none were bold enough to attempt what Chris just did. I shuddered to think what Hayden would have done had he still been at the ranch. He would have beaten him senseless. At least Chris had had the sense to not push it further. Of course the good kneeing he received probably had something to do with that.

Pressing a palm against my forehead, I sighed and did my best to shake it off, then I faced the front door. Now that I had arrived, I was nervous about going in. I wasn't sure if my heart could handle it. Taking another deep breath, I pulled the key from my pocket and stuck it in the lock.

The worth of happiness isn't truly appreciated until it disappears, then reappears.

Eighteen

S
tanding in the living room of Hayden's home, I breathed in deeply the fresh scent of wood, pine, and leather. His scent, which normally mingled with the others, was absent. I missed his scent. I craved it.

I slowly walked down the hallway past a guest room and paused at the door of Hayden's bedroom before entering. Heaving an emotional sigh, I let my gaze travel around the room. This room was definitely Hayden. There were signs of him everywhere. From the faded brown western hat on the tall wooden bedpost, to the framed print of  a cowboy on a bucking bronco, to the western decorative throw draped across the bottom of the beige down comforter set on the high king-size bed. He was everywhere.

I walked over to the dresser and picked up the bottle of
Stetson
cologne. He always wore it when we were together in the evenings. I smiled as I remembered him telling me that when he wasn't with me, there was no point in wearing it. It made me feel so special. I opened the bottle and lightly inhaled the scent, unprepared for the rush of emotion it brought. I quickly closed it and placed it back on the dresser. Then I remembered my main reason for coming in his room in the first place.

I walked over to the bed and picked up his pillow. Hugging it against me, I pressed my face into it and breathed in the scent that was his. It seeped into my senses and made me crave his gentle touch and loving caresses even more. I looked around the room a final time before taking the pillow and returning to the living room.

I knew that I should head back to David and Caroline's, but I couldn't bring myself to leave. Instead, I placed the pillow on the leather couch, took off my boots, and curled up, placing the pillow snugly beneath my head. I was so tired. Not just physically tired, but emotionally exhausted as well. I was tired of missing Hayden, tired of being alone, and tired of trying not to lose hope in the face of the uncertainty I felt each day.

“I'm so tired, Hayden,” I whispered into the pillow. “I'm so tired.”

Slowly waking from a deep sleep, I unconsciously leaned into the warmth I felt against my face, relishing the comfort it gave. Sighing, I slowly opened my eyes.

“Hayden,” I breathed. Except for the moonlight shining through the curtains it was dark, but I would know his outline anywhere. He knelt before me, and I was immediately overwhelmed by his presence. Suddenly remembering where I was, I sat up and brushed the hair back from my face. “I'm sorry . . .” I cleared my throat, trying to get rid of the raspy tone in my voice. “I know I shouldn't be here. I'll go.” When I tried to get up, he placed a gentle hand on my arm to stop me. At his touch, I heard the beat of my heart hammering in my ears.

“Don't leave.” His voice quivered with emotion. “Please, baby, don't ever leave me.”

I swallowed hard against the tears of joy in my throat, but I couldn't stop the sob that escaped. I couldn't believe he was there, that he wanted me to stay. It was too good to be true.

I pressed my hand to his cheek and caressed it as his tears wet my palm. Feeling his hands move to my waist, I took his face between my hands and our mouths instantly fused together. He pressed me tightly to him. His kisses were hot and fevered, and the sensation sent my mind and heart into emotional overload. We drank of each other, desperately trying to quench our thirst but unable to. The same words tumbled through my head over and over.

I love you. I love you. I love you. Please don't ever leave me again. Please don't. I need you, I need you . . .

He heaved a raspy sigh as his moist kisses traveled down my neck, just above the opening of my shirt and I suddenly felt as if I was on fire. He could have asked me for anything at the moment and I would have freely given it. I wouldn't have been strong enough to resist.

“Promise me you won't leave me,” he whispered against my lips. “Promise me, baby. I won't lose you. I can't.”

“You won't,” I whispered back. “I promise. I won't ever leave you.”

His arms immediately tightened around me and I felt my very soul being drawn into his. My entire being was trapped in the blissful, intoxicating world of his love, a world I never wished to escape.

After another moment of mutual feeding upon fevered kisses, he released my lips, pressed his face against my shoulder and cried. I leaned back against the couch and held him as he wrapped his arms around my waist and sobbed. My heart ached for him, yet I was filled with joy at the same time. I still couldn't believe he was really there, that I was really wrapped in his arms.