Against the Odds: A Love Story (11 page)

I didn't wander out on the ranch that day as I normally did. I stayed inside and tried to keep busy by helping Caroline with the usual housework. Then I faced the hard task of putting my wedding things away without ruining my dress with my endless tears, and calling Mama. I didn't tell her the wedding was off, just postponed. I hadn't yet made up my mind what I would do.

Again, Mama didn't throw out a bunch of questions at me. She knew me well enough to know I was thinking things through. However, she did give me one piece of advice, which I took as heaven sent. It's the only explanation I could come up with, because she had no clue what was going on with us, yet she knew exactly what to say.

Her advice? “If you really love him, then do what you can to work it out. You two have been, and still are, in the process of merging two different worlds. The odds are stacked against you as it is. They always were. Don't let fear keep you apart. Just do what you can to work it out.” And that was it.

On Saturday, the day Hayden and I were supposed to be married, I worked myself ragged, doing any and everything I could possibly do to keep him off my mind. By noon, I was so tired, I skipped lunch and took a long nap.

It was while I was napping that Hayden made a quick stop to say he would be gone for a few days.

“He's going down to Houston for a few days,” Caroline told me when I came down that afternoon. “He said he's going to take care of some business.” She sounded angry. ”Funny, he couldn't tell me what that
business
was. When I asked him he just shrugged his shoulders and turned to leave.”

“What did you say” I asked, wishing I had been down when he stopped by. Just to see him again would have been enough for me right now.

“What did I say? I told him he was being a stubborn jackass.” When I gasped, she added, “Then I told him to hurry back and get this settled.”

I smiled tearfully, grateful for Caroline's friendship. And if it wasn't for David coming in at that moment, I probably would have burst into tears all over again.

“Oh, there you are, sleeping beauty,” he said, giving me a hug and kissing Caroline's cheek. “Tom said to ask you if you wanted to take Ol' Red out for a ride. He's getting lazy and needs some exercise.”

“I'd love to,” I said, feeling a little brighter. I loved riding Ol' Red. He was my favorite of all the horses, and I figured going for a ride and thinking about Hayden would be a lot better than sitting around the house thinking about him.

I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, excused myself, and headed down to the stable. By the time I got there, Tom had Ol' Red saddled outside and ready to go.

“How are you today, boy?” I said softly as I caressed the horse's silky mane.

“He's been missing you,” Tom said, giving me a sympathetic smile.

“Well, I'm glad someone misses me,” I mumbled as Tom helped me up in the saddle.

“Oh, I'm sure somebody else is missing you now, too.” He grinned. “Only he's too stubborn and pig headed to see it right now. But don't you worry none. A body can only go without food and water for so long before it gives out.”

I suddenly found myself grinning back at the older man. “Are you saying I'm food and water?”

“Shoot, sugar, you're that boy's all you can eat and drink buffet.”

I laughed, genuinely laughed for the first time in days. “Thanks, Tom. I really needed that.”

“Anytime,” he replied before going back into the stable.

From the corner of my eye I saw Chris enter. He approached me with his hands in his pockets. “Want some company?” he asked, rubbing the horse's nose.

“No, thanks. I'm just going to ride a bit and clear my head.”

He smiled. “You sure you really want to be alone?” He playfully brushed off his shoulder. “I got a good one to lean on if you need to.”

Yeah, right, buddy.
“Thanks, but I'll be fine.”

“Hey, Chris,” Tom called as Chris started to move closer. “Ken needs your help with the shoeing.”

Giving a smile of gratitude to Tom, I quickly took Ol' Red's reins and headed out.

Distraction is a mercy.

Sixteen

I
relished the breeze blowing through my hair as I rode Ol' Red across the fields. The freedom I felt was like therapy, because as I rode, I was able to slowly dust the cobwebs of clutter and confusion from my heart and mind.

In the end I knew what I wanted, what I needed, and what I couldn't bear to live without. And as I approached the spot where Hayden had spent hours repairing the fence line, that knowledge came through with absolute clarity.

“Hayden.” I breathed his name into the breeze, wishing the wind could somehow carry my voice across the distance to him.

I closed my eyes as memories of the love we shared the last morning I was with him penetrated my heart, causing a tangible ache in me that brought immediate tears to my eyes. I again saw the love in his gray eyes as he looked at me. I felt the strength of his arms as he held me, could taste the warmth of his kisses when he pressed his mouth to mine. Even now I could almost feel the warmth of his lips against mine, the memory was so strong.

“He loves me, God,” I whispered emotionally to the heavens. “I know he does.” Heaving a deep sigh, I gazed toward the fence once more, knowing with absolute certainty that the desperate love I felt for him would never fade. I would love him forever.

“And I will wait for him,” I whispered fervently, my thoughts resolute. “There's still a chance, and I will wait.” It was all I could do. In my heart, I knew there was no other choice.

I spent the next afternoon riding Ol' Red as well. I got back just in time to help Caroline prepare dinner. She was already sitting at the table peeling potatoes to go with the pot roast that was cooking in the oven. I washed my hands, took another peeler from the drawer, and sat down to help her. She looked over and smiled.

“How was your ride?”

“It was good. I think I've really needed these rides.”

Caroline nodded. “A good swift ride works wonders when it comes to clearing your thoughts.”

“You're right about that,” I agreed with a smile.

We peeled potatoes for a while in silence, both of us seeming to be lost in our own thoughts. In the distance, I could hear calves bawling. Looking out the window, I saw one of the hands hauling in a load of alfalfa for the horses.

I sighed. Life was still going on, despite the changes going on in our lives. In my life. In Hayden's. Life was still going on without him.
I
was going on without him. I had no choice.

I'd always considered myself a pretty strong person and was usually up to any challenge. I had always faced life head on and tried to put blinders aside. But as I sat at Caroline's table peeling potatoes, I felt completely vulnerable. Despite a failed marriage in the past, I had come through it all relatively okay. I had struggled against the voices that whispered daily at that time, telling me that I wasn't worthy of having happiness with anyone. Whispers that I wasn't good enough.

And now here I sat, peeling potatoes and waiting for the return of a man who held my happiness in the palm of his hand. Yes, I was more vulnerable than I had ever been in my life. But I was also filled with perseverance, drive, and enough love in my heart to see this through. Come what may, I
would
see it through.

Caroline's voice softly interrupted my pondering.

“Hayden called today.”

I looked up abruptly, my heart leaping at the sound of his name. “How is he?” I managed to ask, wishing I had been there.

“He's all right,” was all she said.

I kept looking at her expectantly, every part of me yearning to ask if he said when he was coming home.

“He didn't really say much else,” she added, evidently reading my thoughts in my expression.

I lowered my eyes and continued peeling, my heart beginning to ache all over again. You would think that missing him would now be a part of me, fitting me like a comfortable pair of worn shoes. But each new day, each little thing, freshened the pain.

I was struggling to blink back the tears when Caroline softly said, “He did ask me one thing though,” and my head again shot up.

She smiled. “He asked if you were still here.” When I put the peeler down and failed miserably to choke back the sob that escaped, she said, “I think he expected you to be gone by now.” She reached across the table and squeezed my hand.

“He still loves you, Raine. In fact, I think he probably loves you more now than he did before he left, and I know he's probably hurting just like you are. You just hold on a little longer. It won't be too much longer now. He'll come around.”

I smiled as tears streamed down my face and my heart was again infused with renewed hope. “I pretty much live off your faith, you know.”

She chuckled and smiled. “I know, honey. I know.”

Heartache is a detriment to the soul.

Seventeen

I
t was Caroline's faith that got me through the next couple of days. Whenever I began to feel down, I would just think of Hayden's phone call and Caroline's positive words, and I was instantly lifted. When I did that, I was able to make it from one hour to the next, one minute to the next.

But three days after Hayden's call, I was again restless and no memories or thoughts could console me. I now missed him so much, the pain threatened to completely overwhelm me.

That afternoon I decided I needed to go for a drive and get out for a while. I didn't really know where I would go, but I needed to go somewhere. Anywhere. I just needed a break, a break from missing Hayden, if that was possible.

Caroline had gone out earlier that morning and wasn't back yet. Not wanting her to worry, I left a note on the kitchen table. It only said I was going out for a while.