Against the Wall (20 page)

The waitress comes around to take our orders and I order a classic ham and cheese omelet with a side of home fries and biscuits and gravy. Okay, so my mother’s comment did not have her desired effect. I’m still eating like usual. Maybe I will try to squeeze in a run later.

“
So you guys are a bunch of geniuses, huh? If you went to CM,” Mel tries to make small talk.

The guys grin at each other, shrugging off the compliment.

Matty answers for them. “I wouldn’t say geniuses. We all just studied a lot in high school and had high test scores. No different from you.”

“
Haha, you must have heard some lies about these two,” Tyler weighs in. “They did anything but study. Unless you call keg parties and making out in the back row of movie theaters, studying.”

“
That’s so not true,” I say. “We didn’t have kegs at the parties, just lots of bottles, and it wasn’t always the last row.”

“
And don’t forget drunken football games,” Tyler adds.

“
Hey, we were pretty tame though. Mel’s dad’s a cop so we couldn’t have too much fun,” I say, laughing.

Everyone begins to share their crazy high school and college moments. Matty woke up in his own vomit after his first frat party. Mel lost her underwear at a park her senior year. Jason almost made out with a dude who he thought was a girl in Hollywood. He says there’s not a day that goes by he doesn’t thank Matty for getting him out of that mess. He didn’t exactly share how he got into the situation in the first place but I’d love to hear the full story sometime. Jackson reminded them of when they went to a nudie bar and one of the girls had toilet paper stuck to her crotch. Wow! That has to turn a fella on. Tyler says his worst memory is walking in on Chase and me having sex in my bedroom. Why he chose to tell that story is beyond me. I have to remind myself to kick his ass later.

“
Want me to sock him, Shel?” Mel asks me from across the table.

“
Yes, preferably in the balls,” I reply.

Our food comes and we make small talk through bites of a mouth-watering breakfast. Matty’s friends mesh well with us and they’re not too hard on the eyes either. Jason is short and stocky, but lean at the same time. With very blonde curly hair, green eyes, and super tanned skin, he looks like he belongs on a surfboard. I suppose his board shorts and Hurley shirt lend itself to that theory. He has very soft features and dimples when he smiles. I seriously can’t picture this guy in an office all day.

When we’re finished with our food, we all have disgusted looks on our faces. My stomach is so stuffed, there’s no way I can run today. Or maybe even tomorrow. What I need is a nap.

“
Son of a shithole, I don’t think I need to eat for another week,” I tell the group.

“
I second that,” Matty says, patting his belly.

“
Thankfully, I haven’t found a place as good as this at home or I’d be a hundred pounds heavier,” Tyler says.

We all sit and chat, letting our food settle, telling more horror stories from the past.

Then Jackson asks, “So how long have you been dating Fuller?”

“
Oh, we’re not dating,” Matty says. I wasn’t even going to go there, but whatever.

“
Really?” Jackson says.

Matty and I both say, “Really.”

“
So you wouldn’t mind if I asked Shel out then?” he questions Matty.

Matty gestures to me, “Be my guest.”

“
Well, thanks for your permission, Dad,” I say, sarcastically.

“
So what do you say, Shel? How about we go out for dinner?” Jackson asks me.

The entire table silently awaits my answer. I glance at Mel, who has a raised brow. My brother puts his head down. Matty looks straight ahead.

“
Yeah, why not,” I answer. Jackson is just the type of hot guy who might finally have Matty worried. I just wish the hot guy wasn’t one of his friends.

“
Cool,” Jackson says, “I’ll get your number from Fuller.”

“
Well, I’ll look forward to hearing from you,” I manage to say. What the heck did I just do? I take a long sip of my water.

“
Shall we go then?” Tyler asks, thankfully breaking the awkward silence.

Mel and I both say, “Sounds good.”

We make our way out of the booth, Tyler and Matty take care of the bill, we say our farewells, and we’re out.

Mel texts me on our way home to tell me they’re going back to her place. Great. Just what I need right now. Some alone time with the friend slash unofficial boyfriend. Well, that
was
what I wanted but now I’m not so sure. I’m such an idiot.

“
Are you going to say anything?” he asks me, after we buckle up in the car. “Stop worrying, Shel. I’m not angry.” He puts his hand on mine and squeezes.

“
How can you not be? I’m even angry with me.” He was right. I really had no intention of looking for someone else to date. And Jacob just happened to be a little blip. But now, I’m going out with one of Matty’s friends. That’s an all time low for me.

He looks straight ahead as he drives, every so often glancing over at me, and still holding my hand. “Don’t be. I’m cool with this, really.”

“
Why?” I don’t get how this doesn’t bother him. I’d be having a fit if he was going out with another girl.

“
You need to do this. Jacob wasn’t really a date. And you’re still afraid what we have is just a rebound. I know it’s not, but you don’t. Go out with other guys, and see what happens. If you feel something for someone else, then I was wrong. You were right. I just don’t want you to play the ‘what if’ game. Figure it out. We can’t move forward till you do.”

I mull this over in my head. Matty is right again. I’m fairly certain I already know what I’m going to find out, but I’m happy he’s given me the chance to work it through on my own. Jackson is just the kind of guy to help too. He’s really good looking and he doesn’t work with me.

“
I do have one stipulation though,” he says. “I don’t mind if you go out with Jackson or whoever else a few times, but if it gets to the point where you get physical, you have to tell me. You can’t expect me to sleep with you every night when you’re having sex with someone else.”

I turn to him, putting my hand on top of his. “I can’t imagine even kissing someone other than you, and you think I’m going to go off screwing someone.” Tears start to fill my eyes. I know I’m being silly, but it almost feels like we’re breaking up, even though I know we’re not
together
. This whole situation is just odd, and I feel miles away from Matty when he’s sitting right next to me.

We pull up to the front of my house, he gets out, and comes to my door. I get out and he scoops me up in a tight hold. He whispers in my ear, “I don’t think you want to screw anyone. I just want to be clear of my feelings. I love you, Shelly, and I’m willing to let you go so you can love me back.”

“
But what if I already do?” I mutter into his neck.

“
Again, I don’t ‘want ifs’, Shel. I need you to be as confident as I am. And when you are, all this bullshit will be worth it.”

As we walk up the pathway to my condo, I tell him, “You’re going to feel like a dumb ass when your friend sweeps me off my feet and we end up in Vegas.”

He chuckles a bit before saying, “I’ll risk it.”

Jackson called. Two days after we all went out to breakfast. I think this is a bad idea, but I’m going anyway.

When Matty and I started our little fling, I knew I had strong feelings for him. He was my close friend and we got along so well. I was unsure though. Unsure if the strength of those feelings was based on my attraction to him as a friend or as a boyfriend. Or maybe I was attracted to him because he was attracted to me and Chase had just dumped me after ten years. It’s always a boost to the ego for someone to show interest in you after such a nightmare.

Alright, my feelings for Matt Fuller are about more than him just boosting my ego. He’s a great guy and I’ve never had such a good time with anyone in my life, including Chase. Matty knows more about me than I know about myself half the time, and understands all the little things that make me tick. I feel so alive when I’m with him. I don’t know. This whole thing is just too effing crazy to even believe. What kind of guy sends his girl on a date with someone else?

I consider what he told me. He loves me enough to let me go. Very sweet. Do I deserve a guy who loves me in such a way? He deserves a girl who will tell him she loves him so much she doesn’t need to be let go.

“
So where are you going?” Mel yells to me.

From the closet, I shout back, “Yard House. I’m meeting him there.”

“
Meeting him. You’re already dooming this date before it starts.”

I come out in fitted jeans and a black dolmon top with a silver tank underneath. “Is this too much? Does it make me look like I want him?”

“
Why don’t you just cancel?” she asks. “Don’t you think it’s rude you’re totally using this guy? You know it’s not gonna work and you’re gonna run back to Matt.”

“
I’m not using him,” I squeal. “I’m totally gonna give this a shot and if it doesn’t work, then I get to prove to Matty I really like him and want to be with him.”

Mel picks out a string of beads and hands them to me. “Are you trying to prove it to Matty or yourself?”

“
STFU, Mel.” I flip her the bird. She knows me too effing well.

“
Well, you look great. So you better hurry up and get going. The man
not
of your dreams awaits.”

“
Oh he’s the man of my dreams alright. I’ve been thinking about Jackson for the last two nights.”

Mel pushes my bag into my hands and starts walking me down the hall. “Those were your nightmares, Shel, not your dreams.”

We both laugh at her joke. “Bitch!”

“
Have fun. But not too much fun because I don’t care if you decide to marry this guy. He’s not going with us to the New Year’s Eve party tomorrow.”

“
If I have too much fun, I may not want to go to the fucking party. So take that,” I snap at her.

“
Bye, Shel.”

I flip her off again as I walk to my car.

I walk into heaven, take a deep breath and head to the bar. I always eat in the bar area at the Yard House. I figure the closer you are to the bar, the quicker you get your drinks. It’s not necessary tonight though. I’m driving so I will stick to my one beer limit.

My eyes take in the crowd and I spot a hand going up. Jackson. He has a booth. Perfect. We can sit across a large table from each other.

My stomach tightens as I get closer to him, and my smile is so fake I hope I don’t look like I put Vaseline on my teeth.

Jackson stands to greet me and I get a good look at his outfit. This man has some style. He has on perfectly fitted jeans slung low across his waist, but not so low he needs to wear a pair of basketball shorts to cover his ass. A dress shirt is barely visible under a soft, maybe cashmere, v-neck sweater. His sleeves are pushed up revealing a dragon tat on his very muscular forearm. He’s even better looking than I remembered.

“
Hi, Shelly, great to see you again.” He comes toward me for a hug, and kisses me on the cheek. Oh, okay. He’s just a hair taller than me and I notice his blue eyes. They’re not as striking as Matty’s. A little dull, but pretty all the same.

“
Nice to see you too,” I say, sliding into the booth.

I smile like a circus clown because I don’t know what else to do or say. Instead, I steal glances at his short dark hair. He’s working one of those messy but styled looks.

Jackson finally breaks the silence. “I ordered us a few beers and the spinach dip to start off with. I hope you don’t mind.”

“
Oh, sounds great. I’ve had the dip before. Good stuff.” I nod in agreement.

The server stops by with our drinks. “Two Honey Blondes,” she says, putting the pints on the table.

Are you effing kidding me? HONEY BLONDES! Son of a bitch on a stick.