Alayziah II: When Loving Him is Complicated (3 page)

Alayziah

When we made it to IHOP, I just knew I saw Carmen through the glass window. I went outside and looked around for her while Rell was in the bathroom, but I couldn’t find her. Maybe I was seeing things. I shrugged it off and went back to the table, trying to mentally prepare myself to eat and talk to this nigga. The entire ride here I kept telling myself that this was strictly business, that nothing personal would come between us, and that what I felt for him at my set was strictly lust. Now, if he wanted to be on some fuck shit, we could do that, but there was just something about him that was telling me that I would be setting myself up for failure if I thought I could have sex with him and let that be the end of it. So, seeing as I’d sworn off love for the time being I had to be careful. Being with him was like an alcoholic being inside a liquor store.

I watched as he walked back to our table and I couldn’t help but blush. His spirit was so commanding. As he walked everyone in the restaurant watched him, but the entire time his eyes were on me. Instead of sitting in front of me, he sat next to me. I scooted towards the window and he chuckled.

“Why would you sit next to me?” I asked.

“I figured it would be too intimate for me to be sitting across from you… you know… staring in your eyes and shit, so I figured this would be better.”

I licked my lips unintentionally. “That was very thoughtful of you, Terrell, but I think this is worse.”

“How is this worse, Ziah?”

My heart immediately dropped. No one called me that but my papa.

“Out of all the variations for my name why that?” I asked as the server made her way to our table.

He shrugged. “Who else call you that?”

“Just my dad.”

He smiled.

“You guys ready to order?” she asked.

Rell looked at me as he ordered, “She’ll have… an order of strawberries and cream crepes, a stack of pancakes, and… do you eat pork?” he asked me. I smiled and nodded. “And, an order of bacon. I’ll have the breakfast sampler.”

“I’ll have it right out. Anything else for you guys?”

I looked at him and he smiled. “Did I forget something?” he asked. “I know, give her a cup of hot apple cider as well.”

When she walked away, he took a sip of water and I chuckled. “What makes you think you know me well enough to be ordering my food, Terrell?” I asked.

“How did I do?”

As much as I didn’t want to admit it, he did very well.

“You did good, Terrell,” I said lightly before taking a sip of my water.

“So, what’s up with you, ma? Tell me about this project you want to link up to do.” I watched as he licked his lips and turned to the side slightly – giving me his full attention.

“Well, I want to do a poetry CD and DVD. I want you to produce my CD. I need someone who can vibe with me, and get a feel for my sound and vision for my project. I wanted guitars and piano originally for this project…” Thoughts of Alex immediately filled my mind and I stopped talking as tears filled my eyes.

“What’s wrong, Ziah?”

Concern dripped from his voice and I don’t know why but it pissed me off.

“Don’t call me that,” I snapped, palming my face and resting my elbow on my thigh. I’d turned to the side as well and had one of my legs folded Indian style on the seat.

“Yo, what the hell is your problem? Talk to me…” His hand covered my wrist and he pulled my hand down.

Tears were staining my face and I was so embarrassed. “I’m sorry. Let me out so I can go and wipe my face,” I said, avoiding eye contact.

He didn’t move or speak. He just sat there and stared at me.

“Rell…” I whined trying to push him out of the booth but his strong ass wasn’t going.

“Look at me, Alayziah.”

“Ion want to,” I mumbled, reaching for napkins before his hand stopped me. “Rell,” I said in irritation.

“Look at me.” His voice lowered and I couldn’t help but oblige him.

I looked into his eyes as he took the napkin from my hand and patted my face dry, which only led to more tears, and he wiped those too.

“I can’t fix the shit if you don’t let me know what’s going on, Ziah. Let me in.”

“You can’t fix it.”

“Try me.” He pulled my hand into his as I exhaled deeply.

“It’s nothing, I just… thought about this guy that I was messing off with. He was supposed to help me with this but… things got personal and complicated and he… got into a really bad car accident and died. Talking about it just made me think about him and that messed me up.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” he said as he squeezed my hand tighter. “Loyalty is for the living, though, Ziah. Ain’t shit that nigga can do for you from the grave. I’m here now and I can take care of whatever he left unfinished – professionally and personally.”

My nipples hardened and his eyes fell on them immediately. He blushed before pinching my left nipple lightly through my dress.

“Rell…” I moaned, pulling myself away from him.

“I’m sorry. You bring out the man in me, woman. All I want to do is bury myself deep inside you. I’m trying to behave.”

His voice was so husky. My pussy was so wet it felt like it was going to leave a stain on my dress when I got up. I thought Jabari and Alex knew how to awaken the beast within me, but Rell was taking it to a whole other level.

“You wanna sex me?” I asked him boldly.

“No,” he replied sincerely.

Shock covered my face as he smirked. His hand gripped my jaw and he pulled my face close to his. He looked at my lips and licked his before finding my eyes.

“I want to make love to you and I’m going to, but not right now.”             

“Why not?” I asked, surprising the hell out of myself.

“Because if I do, you won’t respect me or take me seriously and I’ll never have a chance to make you mine. We’re going to do this right. Until you want to commit, we’re going to focus on business, but, trust me… when you’re ready… this dick will be waiting for you.”

I looked up at our waitress as she smiled at us.

“Sorry…” she said, putting our plates down.

Rell released me but he kept his eyes on me. I blushed and ran my fingers through my hair.

What have I gotten myself into?

Rell

Once she finally started to loosen up, our late night breakfast went by smoothly. She told me about her plans for her CD and DVD, and she even told me about what she had going on personally as far as school and work were concerned. We talked about her desire to build a creative arts center. What she didn’t know was I was already thinking of ways to help her make that dream a reality.

I, too, opened up to her. I told her about how my label was doing, how I eventually wanted to venture into opening a community center with different types of studios in the hoods of Memphis. I wanted to create a space for kids to come and record music, draw, write and dance. Whatever they wanted to do, they could. Actually, we both held the same type of vision. The only difference was she wanted to do one and she wanted it to be a nonprofit and I wanted to open multiple centers with my own money so I wouldn’t have to worry about depending on anybody else. She also wanted her main area of interest to be poetry and writing. She wanted to have plays and shit there. Mine was strictly for the kids.

For now, my main focus was the music, though. The music was my passion and it was going to fund my centers so that came first. I can’t lie… Alayziah had me. She might not have wanted me, but she had me, and when she did that poem, it was like she made it for me as if she was waiting for me. We finished eating and we were sitting there talking for I don’t know how long, but it had to be hours because we ended up getting a new waitress and I saw the sun peeping up. When I did, I pulled out my phone.

“Damn,” I said more to myself than her.

“What?” she asked.

Her back had pretty much been to the window the whole time. I watched as the sun rose and shined down on her face and I swear I fell in love with her beautifully damaged and complicated ass. The sunlight finally caught her eye and she turned to look out the window.

“Oh, my God. Have we been sitting here talking… all night?” she asked, pulling her phone out of her purse. “I have to go. I have to be at work in two hours.” She continued going into her purse and pulling out her wallet.

“Girl, if you don’t put that wallet back in your purse…” I said, slapping her hand and the wallet down.

“Terrell, I can pay for my own food. This was not a date.”

I shook my head and chuckled at her stubborn ass. “Whatever, Ziah, you’ll never need money as long as you with me. Don’t do that shit again. That’s an insult.”

“Fine.” She stood and waited for me to stand up and let her out.

I couldn’t help but let my eyes rest on her center and think about how good she was going to taste.

“Terrell…” She nudged my shoulder and brought me out of my trance.

“My bad, Ziah.” I stood and stepped out of the booth.

After dropping the money on the table, I watched her walk out of the restaurant. She was mine, whether she wanted to accept it or not.

Alayziah

“So, when you coming to the studio, baby?” Rell asked me as he unlocked my car door.

I shrugged as I resisted the urge to wrap my arms around his waist.

“When can I?” I asked when he turned to face me.

“Whenever you want to. I’ll clear my shit for you.”

I blushed. “You don’t have to go through all of that trouble. Just… let me know when you’re free.”

“Fuck all that. You’re my woman. You’re my priority. You come first. So, when you wanna vibe?”

“Terrell, you are not my man.”

“Well, you’re my woman. You’re my girlfriend, Alayziah. You might not be in a relationship with me, but I’m damn sho in a relationship with you.”

I smiled as he pulled me into him. Resting my hands on his chest, I looked into his eyes.

“You’re a mess,” I said as he ran his fingers through my hair.

“The sooner you let me in the sooner I can make you happy and keep you feeling loved and at peace.”

“So, can I come by tonight after work and school?”

“You don’t even have to ask.”

“Okay, I’ll call you and see if you’ve eaten yet.”

Rell stopped running his fingers through my hair and looked at me skeptically.

“What?” I asked as he removed his hands from my hair.

“Nothing, just… I ain’t used to a woman seeing about me.”

After standing on my tiptoes, I kissed his forehead lightly. His hands wrapped around my hips as he steadied me.

“Well get used to it. You put me first, I put you first. That’s how it works, right?”

Smiling, he placed his arms around my neck and kissed both of my temples, then my forehead.

“Right, Ziah, right…”

When he released me, he opened my door and I got inside. Once I was well on my way home, I called Kailani.

“Spill it,” Kailani said as soon as she accepted the call.

I smiled hard as I gripped my steering wheel. “Kailani, I just wanna say I love you, girl.”

She laughed and I laughed too, but I was dead serious.

“So, you guys had a good time?” she asked.

“Girl… yes. We talked all night, Kai – all night.”

“Word?”

“Word. We’re just now leaving the restaurant.”

“Are you serious?” she screamed so loud I had to pull the phone from my ear.

“Yeap. We just… vibed. He’s cool. I can’t lie.”

“So, when are you guys going out again?”             

“Well, I’m going to the studio tonight. I don’t know about us going out, though.”

“What you mean you don’t know? I know you not still on that
keep it business
shit, Al.”

“Kailani…”

“Unh unh. Alayziah, Rell is a good ass nigga. Give him a chance.”

“Why? Why should I? Yes, he might be a good nigga but y’all don’t know me, Kai. I…” I stopped talking when I felt the tears forming in my eyes.

“What is it, babe? What’s wrong?”

“I just don’t want to fuck it up because of what has happened to me in the past. I don’t want to take my issues out on him, and I don’t want to be hurt again either.”

I drove in silence as she took her time to respond.

“Al, girl, I’m gone tell you like this… I was single for years before I met Bishop and I didn’t want to give him a chance but look at us now. He wouldn’t let me go. Rell, on the other hand, isn’t that type of nigga. I get that you’ve been hurt before and you’ve gone through some shit but don’t let that be the reason you lose him before you even get him. Rell doesn't play that shit. I know we don’t know you but I can tell you’d be a good match for him. Just give him a chance. Give yourself a chance.” I nodded but didn’t say anything so she continued, “Where you at?”

“On my way home. Guess I’m going to try and get a nap in before I have to get ready for work.”

“Text me the address to where you work. I’m going to bring you some lunch later.”

“Girl, you don’t have to do that. If anything, I should be bringing your pregnant ass some lunch.”

“I need an excuse to get out the house. Let me use you.”

I chuckled as I gave in. “Fine, Kai, I’ll text you when I get to the house.”