Alive (10 page)

“I came home from my date with Adam and found her lying in the bathroom covered in blood. She was stabbed multiple times and he beat her. Jessie, some guy beat her so bad I could barely recognize her. I knew she was in the bathroom because I could hear her whimpering and crying. You have no idea how much it broke my heart to see her like that. Why Jessie, why does she keep doing this to me and herself? Haven’t I been through enough? I don’t think I can take much more of this. Last night I realized that I can’t help her, she has to do it on her own. I can’t keep putting myself through this anymore.” I start to cry now as I’m revealing to Jessie how I really feel. She has hurt me over and over again. She’s brought home men who took advantage of me, and then called me a liar and accused me of stealing her boyfriend when I confronted her about what happened. She ignored me after my father’s death and left me to fend for myself. She left me all alone when I really needed her to help me deal with my grief.

“Oh Abs, I swear if she gets better I’m going to kick her ass. I hate that this happened to you. You deserve so much better than the hand you were dealt. Where are you by the way?” She adds as an afterthought.

“Oh, I um, I stayed the night at Adam's house last night. He is the one who took me to the hospital and he stayed with me while we waited to hear from the doctors,” I mutter out, hoping she doesn’t hear me. I wipe away my tears and try to compose myself. I don’t want Adam to see me crying.

‘What! You stayed at his house? Where did you sleep? Where did he sleep? Hell would freeze over before you let him sleep anywhere near you,” she says dryly.

“Well, actually I slept in his bed, and he kind of slept in his bed too,” I quietly say.

“What do you mean he kind of slept in his bed too? Abigail McCarthy, you slept in the same bed with a boy. I can’t believe it! This is a big step for you. I am happy you are opening yourself up to someone other than me. This is good, this is very good.” She is excited now, and it’s good to have her back on my side. Angry Jessie is not someone to take lightly.

“We also kissed last night while at the hospital.” I think I lost hearing in my left ear from the piercing scream she let out.

“You did not! I need to know every detail. Tell me now,” she demands.

“Hey, I don’t kiss and tell, so that’s all you’re getting from me. But I will say that I have never felt the feelings I am feeling now, and it scares me, Jessie. I’m scared to open my heart up to someone. Look at my parents. I don’t want what happened to my mom and dad to happen to me. I don’t want to deal with the hurt that she feels. I think I might actually be falling for him.”

It scares me to open my heart and possibly fall in love. When my mom lost my dad, she lost herself right along with him. I see the grief and pain she carries. The night he died and she was sobbing in grief is etched into my brain forever. If something were to happen to Adam, what if I couldn’t go on? What if I turned to drugs to numb my pain like my mom did?

“Oh Abs, you can’t let fear of losing someone keep you from ever loving them. We are not guaranteed our next breath, but living in fear of falling in love isn’t really living. You should choose to live and to love. You deserve it.”

I turn to sit on Adam’s bed and I see him standing in the doorway with a big grin on his face. Please tell me he did not hear what I said. How cliché that he walks in at the exact moment I say I am falling for him. I feel like my life is turning into a damn Lifetime movie.

“Jessie, I have to run now. I’ll call you later.”

“You better call me later, I think I grew a few gray hairs last night from all the worry you caused me. And Abigail, I’m sorry about your mom. I love you,” she sweetly says.

“I love you too.” I hang up the phone and turn to face Adam, who is still grinning, by the way.

“So you heard me on the phone, didn’t you?” My stomach is twisting in a million different knots, I am not sure I was ready for him to know that tidbit of information yet.

“Oh yeah, I heard you.” He saunters over towards me, and he’s wearing a sly smile. “So, you’re falling for me, Peaches? If I remember correctly, you told me you and I would never happen. Ever. Yet here we both are, falling for each other. I knew I could get you to like me.”

I can’t help the smile that’s creeping up on my lips.

“Whatever was I thinking, falling for someone as cocky as you? Your ego doesn’t need to get any larger.” My heart skipped a beat when he said he was falling for me too.

“Admit it, Peaches, you like me and my large ego.”

“I can’t admit something...”

My words are drowned out by his mouth pressing hard against my lips. This kiss is much different than the one we shared last night. His kiss before was tentative and sweet. Now his mouth is hard and demanding against mine, causing me to gasp for breath. He grabs my hips and pushes me hard up against the wall, digging his hips into me. I can’t help the low moan that escapes from my lips. Oh my, can he kiss.

He picks me up and I lock my legs around his waist. “This is where your legs belong, around my waist. Remember that,” he huskily says.

Abruptly he turns around and we slam down together on his bed. He lands on top of me, and all the muscles below my waistline clench in the most delicious way. He slowly pushes his hips into me and I can feel just how much he wants me. Tentatively I lift my hips up to meet him and a low growl comes deep from his throat. He moves his mouth down to my neck, sucking and kissing as he goes. I grip my hands in his hair, pulling him closer to me. I don’t want to ever break our connection; I want to stay in this perfect bubble with Adam. He starts to slowly rock his hips into me, and chills break out over my body. In this moment I realize how much I want him, all of him. The rocking of his hips feels so good and it’s causing the perfect amount of friction. My eyes involuntary roll back in my head and I can’t help the small noises that escape from my lips.

His hand plays with the little patch of skin showing between my stomach an
d the top of my jeans. He lightly runs his fingers over my stomach causing goosebumps to erupt all over my skin. He starts to undo the button of my jeans.

“Can I touch you, please?”

I stare up into his eyes, and the look he is giving me sets my blood on fire. It’s a look of pure desire. I’m sure my look mirrors his, but I just don’t know if I’m ready to take this step yet. I feel like there are things Adam needs to know about my past before we take things farther than we are right now. I’ve never willingly slept with anyone before and the thought terrifies me. But somehow Adam makes me feel at ease. He makes intimacy feel good, and not scary. My body craves his touch, but my mind is conflicted.

“We won’t take it any farther than this. I just need to feel you.” His breathing is heavy, and the look he is giving me makes me forget what I was thinking.

Deep down I know Adam won’t take advantage of me and I trust him completely with my body. I just don’t think I’m ready to go all the way with Adam, but the thought of his hands leaving me makes me feel a hollow ache in my chest. I answer his question by crushing my mouth to his. I reach my hands up and tug at his shirt trying to get it off. I want to feel his skin against me. He unzips my jeans and I lift my hips to help ease them off.

“You are so beautiful, Abigail.”

He grazes his index finger down my cheek and then to my neck. His lips then follow the trail of his finger. He’s slowly kissing down my cheek and down to my neck. He dips his tongue at the hollow spot at my throat, causing a chill to erupt from the tip of my fingers all the way to my toes. He slips his hand inside my panties and slowly sinks a finger inside me. The initial contact causes my back to arch off the bed, and my hips involuntarily start to move against his hand. He starts to pick up speed and before I know it a wave of pleasure washes over me and I’m left in a pure state of satisfactory bliss. So that’s what all the fuss is about. I’ve never felt anything like that in my life. A slow smile starts to spread across my face.

“I could watch you do that all day. I thought watching you tap that keg at the party last week was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. But this tops the list by far.”

He pulls me into his arms and I lay my head on his chest, listening to the erratic beat of his heart. His steady breathing almost lulls me to sleep when suddenly he leans over and kisses my forehead and playfully slaps my ass.

“Now get up, our breakfast is already probably cold. We need to eat, and I’m sure you’d like to go to the hospital and see your mom. Let’s eat, and then we’ll go see her.”

“I’m surprised you still want to stick around me after what you saw last night. If you stay in my life, fucked up things tend to happen all the time. My mom tends to be a lot of drama. I don’t really want to go see her today if that’s OK. Can’t we just stay in bed all day and pretend the real world doesn’t exist. Pretty please? Pretty please with a cherry on top?” I pout out my lip and try to give my best sad-face expression I can muster up. I see his eyes soften and I think I may have won him over.

“It would take a lot more than that to keep me away from you, Peaches.  As adorable and tempting as you look right now, we really do have to get up. We don’t have to go visit her if you don’t want to, but I have a surprise for you.” He gi
ves me a playful smile and tries to push me out of bed.

“What kind of surprise? Heck I’m curious, curious like a cat. I have a couple of friends that call me whiskers.” His expression looks amused and I can tell he’s trying to hold in his smile.

“Did you just quote Will Farrell? I think I found my dream girl. Seriously, marry me?” I know he’s joking, but I can’t help the butterflies that go off in my stomach.

“Now, get up before I have to drag your ass out of this bed.”

“Fine, all right. You win, you always do.” I say that line in my best Will Farrell voice. He throws his head back and starts to laugh loudly, which in turn makes me laugh.

We eventually get out of bed and start to head towards the kitchen. We walk back down the long hallway, and down a set of stairs. Once we reach the bottom, it opens up into a large living room. Off to the side I see a massive book shelf that takes up the entire wall. From floor to ceiling I see nothing but books. I find myself drifting towards the books, and I’m sure I have a look of awe on my face. I’ve never seen so many books in someone’s home before. I start running my fingers across the books, and reading their titles. I could stay stay in the room forever and read every single book.

“Have you read all these books?” I ask in wonder.

“No, I have read a few of them, but these were all of my dad’s books. He read them all. He had a slight obsession with reading. When I was a kid he used to read some of these books to me before bed. I remember coming in here, spinning in a circle with my eyes closed, and whatever book my finger landed on was the book we would read. Then we would curl up in that big chair over there and he would read to me until I fell asleep. He had the most animated voice, and I felt like I was actually in the story. I used to pretend I was sailing on a raft with Huck and Jim, hunting for the white whale aboard the Pequod, or casting spells at Hogwarts. I hope to do the same with my kids one day.”

He says this with a sad smile on his face. I can tell he and his dad had a good relationship, and that he misses him terribly. I want to erase the pain on his face, so I do the only thing I can think of. I walk over towards him, place my arms around his neck, and gently put my lips against his, kissing away the sadness. I kiss his cheeks, his nose, his eyes, his neck, until I work my way back to his lips.

“Your dad would be very proud of the man you have become. You are kind, caring, smart, funny, and a whole lot of other adjectives, but I wouldn’t want to name them all and enlarge your ego anymore that it already is.” I give him a playful wink, hoping to lighten his mood a little bit. 

He pulls me into a big hug and kissed my forehead. “How did I get so lucky to find you, Peaches? You are perfect.” I blush at his words. Normally hearing things like this makes me uncomfortable, but when it comes from Adam, it feels sincere and just…right. It seems unreal to have the connection Adam and I have.

We finally make our way to the kitchen and Adam has our breakfast laid out on the table.

“Our breakfast is most definitely cold by now, and my cooking sucks ass, but you will just have to suck it up and eat it anyway. I’ve never cooked before, so go easy on me when judging my cooking skills.”

I smile sweetly up at him. “Thank you for cooking for me. I can’t tell you the last time I ate a home cooked breakfast. Most of my meals are takeout.” The pancakes are burnt, and my scrambled eggs look a little runny. I drown the pancakes is syrup, and douse my eggs in ketchup. Hopefully that will block out the burnt taste of my pancakes. I take a bite, chew a few times, and force the pancakes down my throat. I think him getting up and making this meal for me was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done, but he wasn’t kidding when he said his cooking sucks ass. My cooking probably sucks just as bad, so who am I to judge?

“God, this is awful. How are you even eating it right now?” He has a look of disgust on his face, and he is spitting a bite of food into a napkin.

“Oh come on, it's not that bad.”

By the look on my face I know he can tell I’m lying. We both immediately start laughing. He gets up and scrapes our plates into the trash can, and puts the dishes in the sink.