Alive (17 page)

“You deserve it too, you know. You’re the best fucking friend a girl could ever ask for.” She truly is. She’s loyal and kind and compassionate.

“I abso-fucking-lutely am the best friend ever. I think I might find my happily ever after one day.”

As she says this she gets a lost look on her face.  I don’t find this lost look funny at all, it actually breaks my heart. She doesn’t know what to do with her feelings and I know getting her to open up and talk to me about it will be like pulling teeth. The few times I have seen her with Max, I can tell she is different around him. But I bet he scares her. She has never fallen for someone before. Her walls are up so high that you need a small airplane to see over the tops of them. I try to lighten the mood. I don’t want our night to turn serious. I need her and she needs me, so tonight will be about fun and laughter.

“Spill it, you brat. Tell me everything. I know you have fallen for someone, and I bet I can guess who that someone is.”

I raise one of my eyebrows and stare at her.

She darts her eyes quickly in my direction and gives me a pleading look. “Let’s go inside and get this movie started. I have a date with some Ben and Jerry’s and my best girl.” She quickly turns on her heels and heads inside.

“Oh no, you don’t. I want details, let me bother you and ask you a million questions until I get the answer that I want. How does it feel to be on the other end of the stick?” I jokingly say. I give her a little shove and slip my arm into the crook of her elbow. I rest my head on her shoulder as we make our way into the kitchen. “You can talk to me when you’re ready. I love you, Jessie, and you deserve to be happy too,” I softly say.

She stops walking and throws her arms around my neck. She hugs me tighter than I ever think she has before. She starts mumbling something into my shoulder and I can’t quite make out what she’s saying.

“You have to take your face out of my shoulder if you want me to understand anything you are saying.” She picks her head up and laughs.

“What I was trying to say is that I’m so scared, Abs. I’m scared to let my walls down and let someone other than you inside, and even half the time I shut you out. Max is a great guy. He’s funny, sweet, caring, and incredibly sexy. He’s patient and kind with me, but I don’t know if I will ever be able to be enough for him. I’ve never had a relationship before. I don’t know what to do.”

“If he wants to be with you, then nothing you can do will push him away. You are a great person, inside and out. If you just be yourself I have no doubt that he will fall so in love with you. You’re very easy to love. This is something you guys can learn how to do together.”

She gives me a doubtful look that breaks my heart in two for the second time tonight. She doesn’t think she is worthy of love. I understand all too well how she feels.

“I promise you that you are. You told me not too long ago that you think Adam is worth fighting for. I think Max is worth fighting for. I’ve seen you two together and I’ve never seen you look at someone like you look at Max. Give you guys a chance. Don’t shut it down before you even give it a chance to grow.” I kiss her cheek and pull us towards the kitchen. “Now let’s stop with the serious talk and eat our ice cream and watch our favorite movie. Just like old times.”

“Man I really love you.”

“I really
love you, too.”

After we eat a stupid amount of ice cream and watch Some Kind of Wonderful three times, we just sit on the couch in comfortable silence. Both of us lost in thought. My thoughts are on my mother tonight. I have not spoken to her or checked on her since the night of the accident. I can’t bring myself to go visit her. I harbor so much resentment and anger towards her right now, and I can’t seem to find any compassion for her actions. Not this time. 

“You’re thinking about your mom, aren’t you? What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” How does she do that? It’s scary how she knows me so well.

“How do you know I am thinking about my mom? I might be thinking about my plan to bring mass destruction to anyone who interrupts my train of thought.” She rolls her eyes at me and hits me with a pillow.

“Why do you insist on always hitting me with that pillow? It has huge beads on it that can take out my eye. I happen to like my eyesight.” I dramatically grab my eye and roll onto the ground. She hits me again with the pillow and continues to talk. Brat.

“I know because whenever you think about your mom you get this sad, yet angry look on your face. So, I’ll ask again, what are you thinking about?” I look up at her from on the floor and shrug my shoulders. I don’t really want to talk about my mom. This past week has actually been amazing without having to worry or think about her. I feel free.

“I don’t really want to talk about her,” I softly say. Jessie climbs off the couch and lies beside me on the floor.

“You need to talk about it, and we need to figure out what to do. Are you just going to leave her in the hospital and completely fend for herself?” I look over and glare at her. When she says it out loud it sounds like such a terrible thing to do to your own mother.

“Don’t glare at me. I’m not judging you for thinking about leaving. I have been telling you for years to let the woman fend for herself. You have this weird sense of fucked up loyalty towards her and I can never figure out for the life of me why it is that you do.”

“I don’t know what I am going to do. I want to move on with my life and from her, and start new. But I don’t know if I can leave her. She’s the only family I have left.”

“Family doesn’t have to be blood. You have me too you know, and let’s be honest, that’s all you really need. You also have Adam.” She’s such a dork, but she’s right again. I do have her, and I have Adam now too.

“Let’s go see her at the hospital tomorrow morning. I need to know that she’s at least OK.”

“What? You want to go visit her? That’s the opposite of moving on,” Jessie asks incredulously.

“I know. I just don’t know what to do. So let’s just go see how she’s doing.” She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly before speaking

“Fine. I’ll go with you tomorrow. But I’m not happy about it.”

“Thank you, Jessie,” I softly say

.

***

I awake the next morning with foreign limbs tangled between my legs, and a heavy weight settled across my back. I’m about to roll over and tell Jessie to get the hell off me, but then I notice a masculine hand gripped lightly around my wrist. A familiar scent engulfs me and I sink back into him. Adam. A smile spreads across my face, and I hold in my laugh. He couldn’t even stay away for twelve hours. I slowly roll over, careful not to wake him, and stare at his beautiful face. He looks so peaceful and vulnerable when he’s sleeping. I slowly lean forward and plant a soft kiss on his cheek, the tip of his nose, and I work my way down towards his neck. I hear a low groan from the back of his throat and I can tell he’s starting to wake up. His grip around my waist tightens and he digs his other hand into my hip.

“I missed you, Peaches.” His voice is thick and laced with sleep. Even his sleepy voice is sexy.

“Let me show you how much I missed you.” I softly nudge his shoulder, guiding him to roll over onto his back. Once he’s on his back, I crawl on top of him and place my knees on either side of his hips.

“Can you wake me up like this every morning?” I can see the desire on his face, and I slowly grind my hips into him. I bite my lip and slowly nod my head. He suddenly sits up so that we are nose to nose and roughly claims my mouth. Both his hands are fisted tightly in my hair, and I can’t help the moan that escapes from my lips.

“I want you, Adam.”

I can hear the need in my voice, and if I wasn’t so turned on I might be embarrassed by how much I need him. I push him onto his back, and lean over into Jessie’s night stand to grab a condom. I swear if she doesn’t have any I’ll be seriously pissed. She doesn’t disappoint and I grab a square packet from the drawer and quickly rip it open with my teeth. I stare down at Adam, and admire his beautiful body.

“Do you like what you see? Are you going to put that thing on me or what?” He is smirking at me, and I roll my eyes.

“Just shut up and don’t talk. Your talking tends to ruin things.” I slowly sink onto Adam and we lose ourselves in each other

***

“I need to wake up to you every morning, Peaches. You need to move in with me.” Move in with him? Surely he’s joking. We’ve only been together about a minute.

“Move in with you? What if I leave my makeup and hairbrushes all over the counter and my dirty clothes all over the floor? I never hang up my towel after a shower. I just throw in on the ground. You seem like a clean freak and I am the complete opposite. What if you get tired of me? What if I eat all the Poptarts in the morning and you are left with nothing to eat? Neither one of us can cook, so if all the Poptarts are gone, then you will go hungry. And what about your mom? She won’t let some random teenage girl move in with her only son.”

I look up to see Adam laughing at me. Bastard. I ramble when I’m nervous. And the thought of living with Adam makes me nervous.

“What’s so funny?” I sit up on top of him and put my hands on my hips.

“First of all, I could never grow tired of you. You are my favorite person in the whole world, and I want you near me always. Second, I think I’ll like all your makeup and shit lying around. It will remind me that you are coming home to me every night. I’ll pick up your dirty clothes and hang up your towel. Thirdly, I’ll make sure to stock up on Poptarts so that we never run out. Or I could just learn to cook and wake up every morning and make you breakfast. And lastly, my mom would be more than happy to let you stay with us. Trust me.”

He really is amazingly sweet.

“I’ll think about it.” Staying with Adam and his mom would be a huge step, a step that I don’t know if I’m ready for. I don’t know if I’m ready to leave my mom. How would my mom take the news of me moving out? Which reminds me that I am supposed to be going to see her soon.

“No. There is nothing to think about. Just say yes.”

“If I say yes, will you learn to cook and make me pancakes and bacon every morning?”

“I’d learn to do anything you want me to.” He leans over and sweetly kisses my cheek, then pulls me tighter into his arms.

“How about we learn together?”

“Deal.”

“I need to go see my mom today. I need to see how she is doing.” At the mention of my mom, his whole body tenses.

“Why do you need to go see her? I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t even know if you were there or not. I don’t particularly like your mother, Peaches.” That makes two of us.

“It’s just something I need to do.”

Adam is about to open his mouth to protest, but Jessie starts banging on the door. “Are you two done in there? I had to move to the couch when Mr. Sex-on-legs came over last night and I’ve had to keep a pillow over my head all morning. You two are loud, and you better wash my sheets, you little whores.” She bangs the door one last time before we hear her walking away. We both start laughing and snuggled farther into the covers.

“Am I really that loud?” My face heats up and I bury my head under the covers.

“You have no idea how much I love hearing you. Especially when you are screaming my name.”

Good thing Jessie's grandma is ninety two and can’t even hear you if you are screaming in her face.

We reluctantly get out of bed and get dressed. When we make it to the living room Jessie is sitting on the couch, all dressed and ready to go. She looks up at me and raises her perfectly manicured eyebrow. She’s trying to act annoyed at us keeping her up this morning, but behind her eyes I can see that she is genuinely happy for me. She winks at me before standing up and heading into the kitchen.

“Do you want your usual for breakfast, Abs?” Jessie yells out.

“Yep, strawberry Poptart toasted with butter on top.” I yell back.

“Gross, butter on your Poptarts? Who does that?” Adam looks grossed out by my choice of breakfast food.

“Hey, don’t knock it until you try it.” I walk into the kitchen and take a big bite of my breakfast. Adam walks over to me and leans down to kiss the corner of my mouth. He slowly wipes his tongue at my lips.

“You have a little bit on your face. You were right, taste amazing.” He winks at me before putting his own Poptart into the toaster.

“Damn Abigail, I’m slightly jealous. He’s seriously hot.” Adam looks over his shoulder and starts laughing at her comment. Jessie is too blunt for her own good sometimes.

We quickly eat our breakfast and get ready to go see my mom at the hospital. The drive over seem like it takes hours. All three of us are quiet and lost in thought. Adam pulls his car into the parking garage and we all get out and make our way to the entrance. A middle aged nurse is sitting behind the desk, reading a Jamie McGuire novel. She has good taste in books I’ll give her that. We stand there for a couple second, waiting for her to acknowledge us. She looks so engrossed in the story that I almost feel bad interrupting her. I give her a few more seconds before I clear my throat to get her attention.

“Excuse me. I’d like to find out which room a patient of yours is in.”