All Access (Brothers of Rock #1) (rockstar contemporary romance) (16 page)

“He’s the best manager out there.”

“Why?  Because he waves money in front of your face?”

“No...”

Rick shook his head.  “I gotta go, okay?  I just gotta get out of here.”

“Rick, I’m not signing a damn thing.”

“Why?  Because your girlfriend wouldn’t?”

Johnnie tensed and curled his lip.

“That’s what I thought,” Rick said.  “I bet if she agreed to it, you wouldn’t have come back today.  You would have faded away from us.”

“You don’t know a damn thing about me then,” Johnnie said.

“Maybe I don’t.  But what does it matter?  I’m just the drummer, right?”

Rick walked to the door and Johnnie wanted to just let him go.  However, he fought his own ego and called for Rick.

“Don’t do this,” Johnnie said.  “Let me explain...”

Rick didn’t look back.  “You can explain it to the entire band.  I’m not playing this game.”

“Where are you going, Rick?”

“To have a fucking drink, is that okay?”

Rick left the room and Johnnie’s heart sank.  He stumbled his way to the couch and sat down.  He never felt so alone and empty in his life.  For ten years he had his band, his brothers, his music, his life.  And now this.  Because of a mistake...

Johnnie wanted to be mad at Jess but it wasn’t her fault.

He reached for the contract and the papers shook in his hand. 

What the hell had he been thinking?

Johnnie tore the contract.  It didn’t make him feel better, but he ripped it some more, turning the shreds into smaller pieces.  Over the course of the next minute, Johnnie turned the contracts into nothing, throwing the pieces to the floor, to the table and anywhere else they could land.  He grabbed his jacket and shoved his hand into the inside pocket and found what he was looking for.

He took it out and held the small diamond ring in the center of his hand.  He stared at it and felt his emotions attack him. 

A day ago he had it all.

And now Johnnie felt like hell. 

Was it possible to have his band and his love for Jess?

(22)

Jess called Marie to let her know she was safe, sound, and back home.  Marie wanted the dirty details and Jess wouldn’t give them.  She let Marie ask and answer her own questions, basically coming up with the general idea of what happened in the cabin.

After hanging up with Marie, the first thing Jess did was hum Johnnie’s song.  She refused to think of it as their song though.  Recording a song with Johnnie?  That was wrong.  He had a band for that.  The band should be involved.

Jess wasn’t a part of Chasing Cross.  She was a fan, nothing more.  She wanted to be a part of Johnnie, his heart and his life, but that didn’t meant stepping into the middle of a band.  If there were problems there, it wasn’t her job to fix them or even see them. 

The day moved on slowly, which usually would be appreciated by Jess.  She had a lot of work to do on her next book.  She wanted to get at least a quarter through a first draft plus have a full outline for the rest of the book.  Her agent emailed her the plane ticket to New York and after printing it, Jess held it in her hands.  It should have made her smile ear to ear.  But it didn’t.  All she could think about was the miles it would be... the miles upon miles that would take her away from Johnnie. 

How long could it last?

It was an honest question that Jess had to ask herself.  If Jess was in New York and Johnnie was on tour, it would become too much.  Johnnie would be on stage, every night.  Singing.  Playing.  Connecting with thousands of people.  And then what?  What if another woman just so happened to be in a café at the  right time?  What happened if he saw someone in the crowd that caught his eye?  He was a rockstar.  Jess knew that women would do anything to get close to him.  To talk to him.  To touch him.  To have him.

She began to picture scenarios she wished she could chase away.  She saw women in the backstage dressing room.  But they weren’t like Jess.  They weren’t shy or confused.  They were confident, aggressive, putting Johnnie in a position where he couldn’t resist them... or himself.

By the time Jess put the plane ticket down, she had tears in her eyes again.  Staring at the blurry laptop screen, she wouldn’t be able to write.  She considered skipping to an emotional part of the book, maybe to capture the pureness of it, but face it, she really had nothing to run with.  The book was more of an idea than something to actually work on. 

It seemed like a couple days ago, life was simple and easy.  Jess needed to write.  Her agent needed to sell.  And readers needed to read.  A small cycle, one that was mostly satisfying, but something Jess could handle. 

Now... it was a mess.

Everything was a giant mess.

All because of a cup of coffee.

No.

Because of Johnnie.

The song continued to plague Jess’s mind and she fought the urge to sing.  That would just be something else Johnnie had taken from her then.  She never thought of herself as a good singer.  She never sang around anyone, so she had no other opinions.  And she didn’t even mean to sing in front of Johnnie... he cheated her for that.  He recorded her without her knowing...

The anger started to build and Jess found some small inspiration.  Maybe she’d start her next book with a good murder.  That’s a hell of a way to release some fury.

Her fingers touched the keys just as her cell phone rang.

Johnnie.

Jess closed her eyes.  She could do this.  She could ignore it.

When her hand reached for the phone, she shook her head.  When her finger touched the screen, she bit her lip. 

And when she put the phone to her ear, she said, “Hello?”

And just like that, Jess was sucked back in. 

“Jess?”  Johnnie sounded upset.  “Jess... I need to see you...”

“Johnnie, I’m working right now.”

“You put the contract in my pocket.”

“Yeah.  I did.  I’m sorry.  I should have talked to you...”

“Rick found it.  Our drummer.  Rick.  He found it, Jess.”

The color left Jess’s face.  Her mouth opened but she couldn’t find words or air.

“It’s not your fault,” Johnnie said.  “Don’t even think it.  But I need to see you.”

“Johnnie... I’m so sorry.”

“No.  Don’t do that.”

“I didn’t know how to say anything,” Jess said.  “I tried in the cabin, but you were so sure.  I wanted to talk to you later.  Or have you find it.  I messed up.”

“No, Jess, I messed up.  I shouldn’t have taken the contract.  I shouldn’t have put it on your shoulders either.  I shouldn’t have said a word about you singing... please, I need to see you.”

“I can’t come to the hotel,” Jess said.  “Not with the band.  Are they mad at me?”

“Only Rick saw it.  I have to talk to everyone, but I need to talk to you first.”

“We are talking.”

“I’m coming to your place then,” Johnnie insisted.

“Please...”

“Jess.  I love you.  Okay?  I love you.  I’m not going to give up right now.  On anything.”

I love you.

Jess closed her eyes.  Her heart squeezed and felt satisfied.  Finally.  That’s what she had been waiting to hear.  With love, anything could happen.  The world could be a mess.  It could crumble, fall apart, it could even end... but with love, it didn’t seem so bad.

“Johnnie, I can’t do this over the phone.”

“That’s why I’m coming over.  So we can do it then.  I need you right now.”

Guilt stung Jess’s heart.  She couldn’t help but blame herself for whatever was happening with Chasing Cross.  She didn’t need to put the contract in Johnnie’s jacket.  That was done out of anger and spite.  She hoped he would have found it and taken the hint.

“Did I break up your band?” she asked.  She knew how childish it sounded but didn’t care.

“Like I told you before, it’s not my band,” Johnnie said.  “And no, the band is not broken up.  Rick is pissed, but he always gets pissed.  I’ll talk to the rest of the guys later.  But I need to talk to you first.”

“You shouldn’t have recorded me,” Jess said.

“That’s something I plan on apologizing for when I come over.”

Jess fought the urge to smile, loving the way Johnnie never gave up.

“Come over,” Jess whispered. “Just swear to me you won’t bring a tape recorder.”

“I swear on it.”

Jess promised herself that she could write while she waited for Johnnie.

Not a chance.

She managed half a sentence before standing up.  After a trip to the kitchen for a drink she didn’t really want, she walked back into her bedroom, minus the drink.  She touched the top of the chair and looked at the laptop screen.

Nothing came to her, so she retreated back into the kitchen.

The cabinets full of food weren’t going to solve the problem in her stomach right then.  It wasn’t a hunger problem, it was a romance problem.  Johnnie confessed his love and Jess needed to tell him she felt the same.

That was the easy part of it all.

The hard parts...

Jess blocked the hard parts, until she heard Johnnie knocking at her door.

She opened it and moved towards him, needing him.  Her hands barely made it around his body before he started talking.

“I’m sorry I recorded you singing,” he said.  “I violated your privacy.  I just promise you that your voice is beautiful and it’s the exact thing that song needs to make it final.  When I heard you, my mind didn’t think about your feelings.  It thought of my own.  What I wanted.  What I needed.  And I’m sorry about that.”

“Johnnie...”

“I’m not finished.”  Johnnie walked with Jess attached to him.  He closed the apartment door and stood wrapping his arms around her.  “I wanted you to hear it and understand just how talented you are.  You’ve yet to sound excited and confident about your writing.  Maybe because when you read what you’ve written, you just don’t get it.  So I thought if I could catch you off guard with a hidden talent, you’d see.”

Jess closed her eyes and squeezed Johnnie.  She smelled him.  She picked up hints of the cabin, if it were possible, and it took her back there.  Drinking wine.  Counting stars.  Making love.

“And I messed everything up,” he continued.  “Not you.  I told Rick to check my jacket and he found the contract.  I tried to explain but he was too mad.  Rightfully so.  And I think he was drunk.”

“Does he do that a lot?” Jess asked.

“Drink?  Yeah.  More than the rest of the guys.  I’ll be honest... it’s worrying me.  And I don’t know what to do.”

“Talk to him.”

“It comes with the territory,” Johnnie said.  “And he has yet to mess up or miss a show.  What can I do?”

Jess looked up at Johnnie.  “You know, you refuse to call it your band, right?”

“It’s not my band.”

“What are they then?”

“The guys?”

Jess nodded.

“They’re... my brothers.”

“You’re brothers of rock then.  If your little brother was in trouble, would you help him?”

“Of course.”

“If one of the guys were in trouble...?”

“I’d give my life for any one of them.”

“Well, you don’t have to give your life to help Rick,” Jess said.  “You might actually be saving one if you did.”

“Right now, I’m more worried about us.”

Jess knew it was her chance.  Her moment.  She looked up into Johnnie’s eyes; the eyes of a man, a lover, a rockstar.  Of all people to fall in love with...

“I love you,” she said.  “I... love you.”

“Oh, Jess.”

They kissed at the same time, meeting halfway between a dream and reality.  Jess led the way this time, flicking the tip of her tongue along Johnnie’s lips, savoring them.  He smiled and pulled away from the kiss with intention burning in his eyes.

“What are you thinking?” Jess asked.

“I want to play guitar for you,” Johnnie said.  “Right now.”

“I don’t have a guitar.”

“I do.”

Johnnie backed away and opened the apartment door.  A second later a guitar appeared, one that he had leaned against the wall. 

Jess started walking towards her bedroom and felt her face turning eight shades of red.  Considering the circumstances, this was the hottest moment of her life.  She had a gorgeous rockstar carrying a guitar, following her to her bedroom, to play.  When she looked over her shoulder, she missed a step and stumbled, almost falling into a wall. 

Once in her bedroom, she sat on her bed.  She felt like she was in high school, sneaking the star quarterback into her bedroom for a make out session.  Only now had much worse intentions that just a little harmless making out.  She wanted to fu...