All Falls Down (47 page)

My eyes flutter open slowly. I'm in a bright white room, in the most uncomfortable bed possible. The hospital, I think. An IV line runs down my arm. A steady, muted beep comes from the screen hanging beside the bed.

Jared sits beside me, his eyes glued to my face. A thousand emotions run through his expression. Relief, hope, fear, and regret tangled so tightly together, I can't really tell where one ends and the other begins.

I open my mouth to say something, but I don't know what.

"Savannah," he sighs, relief coloring my name.

I just stare at him. There are so many questions I want to ask him, but I don't know where to begin, so I don't. I just lay there, watching him.

"How do you feel?" he asks me.

I lick my lips. "Stewart?"

He flinches when the name pops from my mouth in a dry croak. "You don't have to worry about him anymore, beautiful girl."

So he really is dead.

Pure relief rushes through me, loosening knots I didn't even realize were there.

Jared reaches behind him and then holds a Styrofoam cup of water out to me. I lean up and sip from the straw. The water is ice cold, as if he's been waiting for me to wake up and had it ready for me. I drink half of it before I lay back against the pillows again.

"What happened?" I ask him then. My voice is stronger this time, less dry and awful.

He sighs and takes his time putting the cup back down. When he finally turns to look at me again, his expression is full of guilt. "Stewart kidnapped you in an attempt to get Lexi to cede control of T.I. to him."

I remember that part. "How long?"

"Five days," he whispers. "He had you for five days."

"Oh." I struggle to wrap my mind around that. It felt so much longer. I thought I'd been in that damn room for years. I never want to go back again. "His mom came."

Jared nods. "When we realized he'd taken you, we put out an APB. His mother found him in an old hunting cabin her family owns, and tried to convince him to let you go. He refused. She waited almost a full day before she came to us."

"He–" I stop and lick my lips again. "Matthew was his father."

"Yeah," Jared sighs. "She told us. We could have put a stop to this a long time ago had she or Matthew just told us the truth, but they never said a word."

"That's why Stewart did it," I say. "He was angry Matthew never told the girls about him. He wanted… he thought he deserved control of T.I. I think he really believed Lexi would just give him the company, and he'd get away with everything."

Jared offers me a grim smile. "She almost did it."

My eyes widen. "What? Why?"

"To save your life." He stares at me for a long moment, his expression broken and haunted again. "We were all terrified he was going to kill you."

I want to say… something to him, something to ease him, but I don't. I'm not ready to have that conversation yet. Maybe because I don't know where it's going to go, and if I have to say goodbye to Jared right now, I'm going to crack wide open again.

"She'd really do that for me?" I whisper instead.

"Yeah, she would." His smile is genuine this time. Maybe because he's talking about Lexi. That hurts. "Despite how it may seem, she really does care about you, you know."

"Then why–?"

He peers at me, waiting for me to finish that question, but I chicken out.

"He was taking me somewhere," I say instead, frowning when the memory pops up out of nowhere. "I remember him carrying me down the stairs."

"Lexi agreed to hold a press conference if he let you go first. She was planning to announce that he was Matthew's son."

"Oh." My head is spinning again. So much has happened, so much I didn't know.

"She convinced him to drop you off at a hospital, trying to get him out of the house. We were waiting for him to make his move. When we were sure he couldn't use you as a human shield, we stormed the place. He tried to shoot his way out." Jared shakes his head. "Chris shot him."

"Oh." Poor Chris.

We sit there for a long moment.

"He deserved it. When I saw what he did to you, I wanted to kill him myself," Jared whispers then. His head is down, his eyes hidden from me. "I've never wanted to kill anyone as badly as I wanted to kill him when I found you in that cabin."

I open my mouth and close it a few times. I have no clue what to say to that. None.

"I'll regret telling you to go with him for the rest of my life," he whispers. And then he meets my gaze again. The shame in his expression knocks the breath out of me. "I'm so sorry, Savannah."

I want to reach out for him, to crawl into his lap and wrap myself around him. But I'm scared – terrified – that this is all some joke. That I'm really still in that cabin, and that Jared and Lexi are together. A hundred different fears run through me, stealing away every word I want to say to him. I'm hurt and I'm angry, and I don't know what any of this means. Or what I want it to mean.

"W–what happened with Toby?" I ask instead of saying any of that.

Jared stares at me for a long moment before he answers. "I broke his jaw, and then gave him the option of going to prison or back to Italy. He chose Italy."

"Oh. He's the one who hurt Madeline."

"I know. Stewart had cameras up all over the place, watching the girls…." Jared shakes his head, and curses. "I never fucking saw them."

That's how Stewart knew about the pool.

I sit silently for a minute, absorbing the fact that he watched me and Jared, saw us together in such an intimate way. And so did Toby.

The thought makes me queasy, anxious.

"D-do you think Toby will stay in Italy?" I whisper. I'm not afraid of him anymore, but I don't ever want to see him again. I want him far, far away from me and the people I care about. I want an ocean between us. "I don't want him to hurt anyone else I love. I don't want him to come for me again."

Jared stares at me for a moment, an odd look on his face.

I think I've upset him, but I don't know how.

He doesn't say anything.

I yawn. I can't help it.

As soon as I do, Jared leaps to his feet. "I'll let you get some sleep."

I blink back tears at his tone – like he wants to be far away from me.

Is it over between us?
I want to ask him.
Did you choose Lexi?

But he's striding from the room before I get a chance. I watch him go, tears spilling down my cheeks.

I doze on and off for the rest of the day, eventually falling into a deep, dreamless sleep. When I wake up, I find Lexi standing at the foot of my bed, staring down at me. She's chewing on her bottom lip, and her blue eyes are narrowed like she's lost in thought. I haven't seen her in so long, but she's in worse shape than she was before.

Has she slept at all since the night Stewart kidnapped me?

"Hi," I whisper when she notices me watching her.

"Hi."

The steady beeping of the monitor is the only sound in the room.

Lexi shifts from foot to foot.

It's awkward as hell and I hate it.

"I'm sorry," she blurts out before I can say anything.

I blink.

Tears well in her eyes. "Will you ever be able to forgive me?"

"Forgive you?"

"For all of this." She waves her hand around as if to indicate the room. "Everything that's happened to you is my fault. I was so scared Mad was going to die, and I let you blame yourself for that. It wasn't your fault though. None of this was your fault. And I'm so sorry for everything."

I stare at her for a minute as tears slip down her cheeks. I don't know what to say. I think I'm actually speechless.

"Toby's the one who hurt her."

"I know. It's not your fault though. That's on him."

I nod slowly, accepting this. Toby hurt Madeline to make me pay, but it's not my fault. He did it because he's a monster. Maybe Jared could have stopped it had he not been with me, but wondering and doubting isn't going to change anything. Blaming myself isn't going to change it either. Toby can't hurt us anymore. Neither can Stewart. That's all that really matters.

"Please don't hate me," Lexi whispers.

"I don't hate you." I push myself up into a sitting position. My ribs protest, but not as badly as I thought they would. The ache is faint, dull. Tolerable.

"You don't?"

I want to lie to her, but I don't.

"I tried to hate you," I confess quietly. "When I found out about you and Jared, I was so angry. I
wanted
to hate you. But I couldn't."

"Me and Jared?" She frowns at me.

"Maddi told me about your date night. That she caught the two of you making out."

Lexi's eyes widen. "Savannah, we–"

"Is he in love with you?" I blurt out, gripping the sheets tightly in my hands.

Lexi shakes her head. "No. He's… No."

Relief washes through me in a warm flood.

"He's in love with you."

"Then why–?"

"Did I kiss him?" she whispers.

I nod.

"I don't know." She sinks down onto the side of my bed, staring into space. "I think – I think I wanted to know what it was like. Wanted him to know how I felt about him."

Jealousy courses through me. I hate the thought of her kissing him. Of her touching him. I don't know why because we aren't together, but I don't want him to be with her, either. I thought I'd be okay if he dated someone else, that I'd be fine so long as he was happy, but I'm not. I don't want him with anyone else. I don't want him touching or kissing or making love to anyone who isn't me.

Is that wrong?

I don't think so.

"But he doesn't think of me like that," Lexi says, peering down at me. "And that's exactly what he told me when he pulled away from me the night I kissed him. He's in love with
you
, Savannah. I think he always will be. And I'm okay with that. I think… well, I think he deserves someone as amazing as you."

She must notice the way I gape at her, because she smiles.

"You are amazing, Sav. You're the most selfless person I know. You didn't even hesitate to put everyone else first and let him go, despite how you feel about him. Jared deserves someone like you, not someone like me – someone who can do the things I did. I was jealous, and angry, and I hurt you." Her face falls again. "I never meant to make you feel like you don't belong with us."

"You didn't," I manage to mumble. And it's true, but it's not enough of an explanation. "I've always felt that way. You guys took me in because I didn't have anywhere else to go and your parents were too kind to kick me out."

"That’s not true! Mom and Daddy took you in because you belong with us, Savannah. You're part of our family. You always have been."

"I've never felt like it."

Lexi gives me a sad frown. "That's because people are assholes," she mutters. "The kids at school were jealous of you. They hated that you were so much better than they were. You didn't grow up spoiled, and you weren't a spiteful bitch. You were smart and funny and kind and beautiful. The girls wanted to be you, and the boys wanted to date you. They were all just too cowardly to ask you out." Her eyes flash, the blue darkening. "And then you started dating that asshole, and he made sure no one asked you. He made sure you believed you didn't fit in. He knew you'd never stay with him if you knew how vile he really was, so he rushed you off to Italy."

"Why didn't anyone come for me?" I whisper. And I don't blame her, I really don't, but I don't understand either. If I was family, why didn't they ever come to bring me home? Why did they let me stay there for two years, believing I had to stay with him because no one else wanted me? That I was a burden to them? Useless and worthless.

"Daddy thought you wanted to go. You worked so hard for your scholarship. He didn't want to take it away from you. And Kit and I – I don't know why I never told Daddy my suspicions about Toby. I just thought you would get to Italy and you'd realize for yourself that you could do so much better, and you'd leave him on your own. But you didn't, and I thought that maybe I was wrong about Toby, maybe things were going okay for you." She swipes at her face again.