All He Ever Dreamed (8 page)

Damned if he knew. He’d never stressed about gifts for Katie before. Rosie, yes, until he’d figured out a gift certificate to the fancy yarn store a few towns over was her idea of the greatest gift ever. He thought gift certificates were boring, so he usually got her some little thing to go with them, but at least she was happy.

Mitch was right on the money about Katie. He always went into the sports shop and bought the first thing that caught his eye.

“Maybe she wants girly stuff,” he said, frowning at his coffee cup.

“Josh, Katie didn’t suddenly start being a girly-girl because you noticed her ass, okay? She’s not the problem here.
You
are.”

Maybe he was, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. Now that his view of Katie had changed, he didn’t know how to act anymore. It was exhausting, and he couldn’t keep it up much longer. But how was he supposed to have that conversation with her?
Hey
,
Katie
,
I
know
you’ve
been
my
best
friend
forever
,
but
you
either
have
to
have
sex
with
me
or
move
back
to
your
own
place
,
okay
?

“What’s holding you back?” Mitch asked, and Josh was both relieved and a little scared of his transition into serious big brother mode. Mitch was a damn fine big brother to have when the chips were down, but sometimes he threw stuff out there that Josh didn’t want to see.

“She’s Katie. I mean, what if I make a move and she’s not into me? Or she is into me, but then it goes south. I don’t want to never have Katie in my life again because I saw her half-naked in the kitchen and came unglued.”

“That’s a reasonable fear.”

“And she’s Rosie’s daughter. That makes it weird, too. And harder because, not only could I lose Katie, but would my relationship with Rosie suffer?”

“Maybe.”

Josh sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “So you agree that it’s best I keep my hands to myself.”

“No. Not really.”

“But you just said—”

“I said they’re reasonable fears. I didn’t say you should let them stop you. I mean, you’re driving yourself insane. You’re probably annoying her, too, and she either hasn’t said anything because she doesn’t want to jeopardize the friendship, or she hasn’t quite put her finger on what the problem is yet. How long do you think your friendship’s going to survive your current state?”

“I don’t know, but…” He didn’t know how to articulate the deep, underlying thing that had a grip on him.

“But what?”

He shook his head. “I love Katie, you know? Like I love Rosie and you and…family. What if I take this step and really
fall
in love with her?”

“Maybe you’re meant to.”

“And what if I do and I never leave and eventually I feel the same way about her as I do about the lodge?”

Mitch was quiet for a few seconds, as if he wasn’t sure what to say. Josh could understand that. His was a problem with no easy answer, so even his big brother wasn’t going to be able to solve it that easily.

“Stop overthinking it,” he said finally. “Stop worrying about years down the road. You know, coming back here was the last thing I ever expected to do, but when it came to Paige, I just went with it and eventually ended up where I was meant to be.”

Josh drank some of his coffee to give himself an excuse not to answer right away. Buried in Mitch’s response was the assumption that if Josh fell in love with Katie, he’d be happy staying in Whitford. The difference was Mitch had chosen to stay and he’d made that choice after he’d gone out into the world, gotten a degree and traveled all over the country building a successful business. Then, when he fell in love with Paige, he’d chosen to stay.

“Maybe I’ll just let the chips fall where they will,” Josh said when the silence had dragged on too long.

Mitch seemed satisfied with the totally bullshit answer, which was good because he didn’t want to talk about Katie anymore.

“Now, because it’s really important, I know Rosie’s not supposed to be taking part in the party planning and prep,” Mitch said in a welcome change of subject, even if it was about the damn party, “but she’s going to make that chocolate truffle thing, right? With the cake and pudding and whipped cream and those toffee bits?”

Chapter Eight

Katie could hear people arriving, but she was terrified to leave her room. Which was stupid, she knew, because it was Christmas Eve and everybody in the house was a friend or family. But every time she thought she might be ready, she’d catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror and panic all over again.

She either looked like a glamorous movie star or a cheap hooker. It depended on how deeply she was panicking when she looked at her reflection.

The black dress was soft and snug. It was V-necked and long-sleeved, so perfectly respectable. But Hailey had gotten her to wear one of her high-dollar bras and the boobs were not respectable at all. Even decently covered up, they demanded attention.

They never did that in her cotton bras and comfy sweatshirts.

Her hair was down and floated around her shoulders. And, thanks again to Hailey, she’d managed to do her makeup so her lips were subtle, but her eyes were all smoky and sexy.

The shoes had been a problem. Even after an hour of practice at Hailey’s, Katie couldn’t walk in high heels. When she’d fallen on the coffee table and snapped two of its legs off, they’d admitted defeat. There was little chance she’d make it down the stairs alive. Instead she was wearing low black wedges with thin ankle straps to make them cute. They weren’t as sexy as the stilettos but, according to Hailey, walking like a linebacker in them had killed the sexy anyway.

Her cell phone chimed and her hands shook as she read the text from Josh.
Get
your
ass
down
here
now
. Clearly somebody was feeling overwhelmed.

Taking one last deep breath, Katie avoided the mirror and made her way down the hall. She could tell by the noise that everybody was in the living room, which meant she’d be making something of a grand entrance down the stairs. She pressed her hand to her stomach for a second and then stepped into the fray.

Josh saw her first—probably because he was annoyed and looking for her—and he froze. The butterflies in her stomach danced as his expression changed. She could see the hunger in his smoldering blue eyes and realized she’d just thrown down the gauntlet.

He was a man and she was a woman, dammit, and the chemistry sizzling between them wasn’t going to be ignored much longer.

The moment was broken when the rest of them noticed her and a few seconds of what felt like stunned silence were followed by everybody talking at once. Hopefully more about how she looked like a glamorous movie star than a cheap hooker, but she couldn’t really make out individual words.

As she greeted each of them, though, exchanging hugs and happy holidays, they all told her how beautiful she looked. And Paige and Lauren really made a fuss over her, which made her feel even more self-conscious. Still, none of them were as bad as her mother, who actually had tears in her eyes.

“You look so beautiful tonight,” she whispered, looking Katie up and down.

“If you cry, I swear I’m going upstairs and putting on my Bruins jersey and my favorite black sweatpants. I mean it.”

Rose sniffed and blinked a few times really fast, making the unshed tears disappear. “I’m so glad you listened when I said to dress up. You’re going to look amazing in the pictures.”

She was a little more dressed-up than everybody else, but eventually she relaxed, moving around the living room and kitchen, making sure she talked to everybody. But she was constantly aware of the way Josh watched her, and it kept those butterflies from settling down too much.

It wasn’t until it was time to serve dinner that they ended up alone in the kitchen. Josh had carved the meats just before everybody had arrived, so all they had to do was carry the dishes out to the table. Seeing the steam rolling off the gravy made her extra glad she’d opted out of the heels.

“You clean up nice, Davis,” Josh said, balancing a bowl of vegetables in each hand.

She smiled and gave him a little shrug. “You don’t look too bad yourself, Kowalski.”

Actually, in his jeans and a white button-down shirt with the sleeves folded back, he looked more than not too bad. Their eyes met and, for a few long seconds, she wondered if he might set down the vegetables and take a few steps closer to her.

Then Paige hurried in from the other room and the moment was over. “I’m sorry, but I can’t just sit there and not help serve. It goes against my nature.”

Because Josh and Katie were obviously the last to be seated, the family had left two chairs empty and, naturally, they were right next to each other. Somehow she guessed Lauren or Paige had a hand in the arrangements. And, even with both leaves in the table, the seating was tight, which meant she’d be extra cozy with her sexy neighbor.

Fortunately, there was enough conversation around the table to keep her distracted. She didn’t notice
too
much when his arm brushed hers, or when his thigh pressed against hers for a few heartbeats before shifting away.

The meal seemed to go on forever, and she didn’t think she drew a full breath until everybody had risen and she was able to put some distance between her and Josh. They’d made an executive decision to use disposable “china,”, which hadn’t gone over well with her mom, but made cleanup a little easier. Neither Katie nor Josh wanted to spend the next three days washing dishes.

“He can’t take his eyes off you,” Lauren whispered when they were at the sink, rinsing the serving dishes and stacking them for real washing later.

Katie blushed, hoping nobody else was close enough to overhear. While many people suspected, Lauren was one of the few people who knew Katie had been in love with Josh for a very long time. “This bra is very uncomfortable.”

“You have to suffer to be beautiful, my mother always told me. And, trust me, your girls are beautiful tonight.”

“He seems to think so.”

“So…tonight?”

Katie didn’t bother pretending she didn’t know what Lauren was talking about. “I don’t know. Depends on him, I guess.”

“I think you should wait until Rosie goes to bed and then drag him over to the Christmas tree and unwrap him.”

Now that made for one hell of a mental image. “Guess I’ll be on the naughty list this year.”

* * *

Was there anything worse than spending an evening in a state of semiconstant erection in a room with the woman who was like a mother to you and two of your older brothers? Josh couldn’t think of a single damn thing.

Except maybe if he’d almost had a heart attack when Katie had walked down the stairs in that dress and had to get mouth-to-mouth from Andy Miller. That would have been worse, probably, but it was too close to call.

He couldn’t look at Katie in that dress and not think about sex. He just couldn’t do it. There wasn’t a math equation or box score or any other damn thing he could concentrate on enough to draw his focus away from how she looked. And, as if that wasn’t bad enough, he’d somehow ended up sitting next to her at dinner and she smelled as sexy as she looked. It was torture. Christmas Eve torture in front of his family, which was even worse.

At least everybody else seemed to be having a good time. The food was good, the music was playing softly and Rosie hadn’t complained about a single thing. Unless something drastic happened with dessert or the gift opening, he and Katie had pulled it off.

He was talking to Ryan and Lauren when Mitch bumped into him and then handed him a cookie. “Oh, hey, I need to find Paige. Can you bring this to Katie? She asked me to grab her one.”

“She can’t get her own cookie?”

“I don’t know. She was doing something and they’re almost gone, so she asked me to bring her one. Just give her the damn cookie.”

Rather than argue, since Mitch wasn’t really making any sense, Josh decided to deliver the damn cookie. It took him a few seconds to spot Katie, and then another minute to make his way to her side.

He held up the cookie. “Mitch asked me to bring you this cookie.”

“He did?” She looked as confused as he felt.

“Hey, look, Josh and Katie are under the mistletoe!” Nick yelled. “Kiss!”

They both looked up at the same time and Josh saw that they were, in fact, standing under a sprig of mistletoe. The red ribbon tied around the end of it had been taped to the ceiling.

And he was standing under it with Katie. “Mistletoe? It’s a family Christmas party. What kind of sick, twisted nut job hangs mistletoe at a family party?”

“Mistletoe’s a traditional decoration,” Rosie told him.

“I did the decorating and there was no mistletoe. And there’s no way you hung that up there.” He caught her quick glance at Mitch—who just happened to be grinning at him like an idiot—and silently called his brother a few choice words. The interfering, asshole traitor just kept grinning.

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” Nick chanted, and everybody else joined in.

“I thought we were having dessert,” he yelled, hoping to distract them with food.

“After you kiss her,” the boy said. “I’ve been waiting all night for two people who aren’t related to be under the mistletoe at the same time.”

“I used to like you, kid.”

“Hey, I didn’t hang it. I’m just enforcing it. Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”

Great. A mistletoe enforcer was just what he needed. The chant got louder and faster until he turned and kissed Katie just to shut them up.

Her mouth was soft and he felt the quick breath of surprise against his lips. She tasted like hot chocolate and peppermint and…Christmas, and only a raucous cheer going up around them kept him from sliding his tongue between her lips and pressing for more. He wanted so much more.

Everybody was clapping like idiots, and he didn’t dare look at Katie when he broke off the kiss. Instead he looked at Lauren’s son. “You happy now, kid?”

“Yup. Dessert time!”

Josh realized he still had the cookie in his hand and ate it himself. Even if she
had
asked for one, it was all clearly a setup by his brother, so he deserved the damn thing.

By the time they got the desserts laid out on the table—with some on the counter because they’d seriously overdone it—everybody seemed to have calmed down. Josh wished he felt the same. Now that he’d kissed Katie, he wasn’t sure things would calm down in his mind anytime soon.

While everybody grabbed plates and gathered around the table for the good stuff, Josh stayed at the counter and grabbed a brownie. Drew, who also seemed to be avoiding the crowd, took a beer out of the fridge and joined him.

“Hell of a party,” he said, popping the can open.

“It came together pretty well. Rosie hasn’t found anything to complain about yet.”

“Kinda surprised Sean and his wife aren’t here.”

“Emma’s pregnant and Sean got all superstitious about making the drive during a holiday.”

Drew nodded. “I can understand that. Nothing sucks more than responding to an accident scene during Christmas.”

“I’m sure Aunt Mary’s making sure he gets his fair share of figgy pudding.”

Drew took a swig off his beer, then scowled. “What the hell
is
figgy pudding, anyway?”

“Damned if I know.”

“Chocolate pudding I might stand on a doorstep and sing for. Maybe even tapioca, if it’s homemade. But figgy?”

“I’d ask Rose, but I’m afraid she’d make it and then we’d have to eat it.”

“I’m all set with that.” Drew set his beer down on the counter and picked up a sugar cookie. “Have you heard from Liz lately?”

“I talked to her for a few minutes earlier today, but she was in the middle of something. Rose talked to her a few days ago, though. She’s doing good.”

“She get back together with that artist guy?”

Josh shook his head. “No, that’s over for good. Rose said she hasn’t really figured out what she’s doing next yet, but that she sounds happier.”

“That’s good. She deserves it.”

Something about the way Drew said it sounded like more than polite conversation, but before he could dig any deeper, he heard Katie’s laugher and he couldn’t stop himself from turning to see her.

Her smile. Her hair. The eyes. That dress. It almost hurt to breathe when he looked at her, and he imagined he could still taste her on his lips. He wanted to kiss her again, preferably when the family wasn’t gathered around, chanting like spectators at a blood sport.

She was standing at the table and he wanted to step up behind her. Run his hands over that shiny fabric, then under it. Bend her over the…

Damn
it
! He took a deep breath, forcing himself to look back at Drew. “I’ve gotta check something. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

He escaped out the back door without bothering to grab his coat. It was cold as hell on the porch. Not as effective as a cold shower, but at least the air chilled his skin a little.

He was so screwed.

How was he supposed to keep on going as though nothing had changed between them? Maybe she hadn’t noticed, but he was having a serious problem staying in bounds as far as their relationship went. And the last thing he wanted to do was screw things up with her.

He had his brothers. And there were a lot of guys he counted as friends, with a few he’d call good ones. But Katie was his pal. His buddy. His best damn friend. He needed her to keep being that in his life.

There wasn’t an official rule book that he knew of, but he was pretty sure a guy didn’t bend his best damn friend over the kitchen table. And who would he ask about it? His best friend?
Hey
,
Katie
,
is
it
bad
form
for
me
to
want
to
make
you
my
own
personal
brunch
buffet
?

Maybe it was just some weird phase brought on by watching his brothers fall in love. First Mitch and Paige, then Ryan and Lauren. Maybe it was catching, like the flu, and all he had to do was ride it out and the symptoms would pass.

He hoped it was a fast-moving bug, though, because he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold out without doing something really stupid he could never take back.