All My Heart (Count On Me Book 4) (7 page)

I was diagnosed with Autism when I was five. I was low functioning at first but after about five years or so, my mom took me back and other than the speech issues I’m considered high functioning. I hate those words. They make me sound like a statistic instead of a human.

Not talking creeps people out. I never had a friend. Not one. I was okay with it at first because I didn’t really like people much anyway. They scared me. Sometimes they still scare me, but the last couple years I tried to have a friend. Just one friend. No one wanted to be one though.

Who wants to be friends with the mute kid?

Remember the other day when I said thank you for being my friend? I meant it, Isabelle. I thought coming here was gonna be hard and I would run back home and admit that I was too weak to do this, but you changed that.

You’re my first real friend. My best friend. I don’t feel so alone anymore.

I don’t know why I did it, but before he wrote me all of that, I got the feeling there were some things he was trying to tell me, so Thursday morning in class, I took out the worn paper I wrote in Ms. Taylor’s class and passed it along to him.

Being alone, I knew what it felt like because I spent a long time that exact way. Kayden and Eric changed that for me, and then after, as Dillon changed and Cadence came around, Amelia right after her, things changed. What started as me being alone b
ecame a group of five people. Five people I love more than anything.

I want that for Isaac the same way I do for every sin
gle person in the world and handing him that letter was supposed to show him that. I don’t want anyone else feeling alone again.

Slipping the paper back into my bag, zipping it up and throwing it back over my shoulders, I move forward, Kayden’s house coming into view the same way my Mom’s does only there’s one noticeable difference.

Across the street, there’s no one standing on the front step, where in front of Kayden’s there is. The only other person on the planet right now other than Kayden that I would even want to see.

Eric.

Chapter Seven

Kayden

Over the summer, I had to go to court.

Apparently after spending months behind bars, Dean changed his tune and was going to plead guilty. I thought at the time it meant I was cleared of standing before a judge or even a courtroom full of people and detailing everything that I lived through while he was my guardian.

I was wrong.

I still had to go and explain the events of the night last fall and how it’s impacted me since. The only good thing was that it wasn’t for a packed room of people I didn’t know.

It was just me and Belle, along with Dean and his lawyer, the prosecutor and
the judge. It was still nerve racking though because there was a still a part of me that didn’t believe he deserved to be in jail for what happened.

Maybe
for the stuff he did when I was younger, sure, but not that night. I was the one that came home drunk knowing what I was going to find the minute I walked through the door. I’m the one that laughed in his face, inciting him, causing everything that happened after the fact. I stood in front of everyone and took the blame for it because I should have known better.

The court didn’t see it that way. They saw what Dean did over a period of years instead of just one night. They just needed me to hammer the point home.

Periodically over the last couple of months, my brother reaches out to me through his lawyer and every single time it happens, I turn it down and blow it off.  I don’t want to see Dean. That part of my life is over. Going to see him would mean going back in time and I can’t do that, not when I’ve finally got my shit together.

After dropping Dillon off with a promise to pick him up in a couple days, my phone rings and of
course I grab and answer because in my head it’s Belle. It figures the one time it’s not, its Dean’s lawyer with the same request as always. Only this time, there’s something different about him asking. There’s desperation in his tone.

“I know how you feel about everything, Kayden. You want
nothing to do with Dean, but this isn’t like the other times.”

“What
makes this time any different Tom? He chose to plead guilty instead of letting it go to trial. He brought this on himself.”

God, I don’t want to be dealing with this right now. I’ve already got enough baggage weighing down my mind tonight. The last thing I need is more. I’m about to go home and unwind with my girlfriend. I want the chance to do that without Dean taking up space in my head.

When he was sentenced to ten years in prison it was supposed to be the end of it.

“Dean had a visitor recently and that’s why he’s requesting the sit down. Any other time and I wouldn’t make the call, but you need to do this Kayden. What your brother has to tell you is important.”

“If it’s so important, why don’t you just tell me?”

“I can’t. As my client, what Dean says in confidence has to remain t
hat way. Besides, this is his information to share, not mine.”

Confidentiality my ass. That’s a bullshit excuse. He could simplify the situation right now by just tellin
g me what Dean said to him. Instead he’s choosing to take the shitty way out, spouting off legal crap I don’t care about.

This is Dean trying to control shit
again. It’s not happening.

“Tom, I’m not doing it. I’m done. The next time he wants you to reach ou
t, go with your gut. Don’t.”

There was a time not
that long ago where I wanted something more from my brother. Still choosing to believe he could change and be a better person. I mean shit, if I could do it or at least start to, it had to be possible for Dean too, but those times are long gone. I don’t think change is possible for him.

As long as he continues seeing the world the way he does, continues to drink and use drugs in an effort to block out the bullshit he’s going through with Mom leaving and being stuck raising me, he’s never going to change. He needs to want it and he just doesn’t.

“I know how you feel about your brother. I was in the courtroom you know.”

“You don’t know shit.”

“So you didn’t take the blame for what happened that night?”

“I did, but if you knew half of what you claim to, you’d know I’ve been taking the blame for Dean and his fucking
shit for years. I’m sorry Tom. I know you’re just doing your job, but I’ve got somewhere to be and it’s not on the phone with you.”

Hitting end on the call before he can respond, I toss it down on the seat and slam my fist off the steering wheel. Fucking Dean. Even from behind bars he won’t leave me alone.

The way I wanted this night to go, it’s blown to shit now. Sitting here, I feel like I’m a kid all over again. I’m right back in that house of horrors when he beat the shit out me for the first time. I’m the same scared little kid I was then. The one that doesn’t understand why his brother hates him so much, why his mother hated him so much that she had to take off, and not having a place to put any of it.

I’m the defective Walker boy my mom warned me about.

Belle

The minute I unlock the door, following
Eric inside and kicking it shut behind me, I turn my attention to him and exactly what he’s doing here.

I’m pretty sure he knows K
ayden’s gonna be home soon. He’s also gotta be aware that when he’s home, we’re usually locked away in the house, wanting time alone together, so his visit right now makes no sense.

“What are you doing here?”

“I took Tristan and Summer to the movies and wanted to stop by and say hey before I head home.”

Well that makes sense and makes me feel bad for
asking the way I did. Eric and Tristan have been hanging out a lot more since I moved over here. It probably would have happened a lot sooner, but just like I was closed off from a lot of people, so was Eric. Until he started getting out more, visiting with Tristan was unheard of.

“I know Kayden’s gonna be home soon, but I was thinking that maybe we can get together before he goes back to the city.”

“Double date?”

He laughs and hearing it;
watching the way his face becomes animated make me feel good. After everything we’ve been through over the last year, getting to not only hear but see Eric laugh, is a dream come true.

“Something like that.”

“You and Amelia finally come up for air?”

“Very funny, Belle. I’m pretty sure with you and Kayden living together, you’re the one that needs to come up for air.”

He’s got a point.

“How’s school?” I ask before heading into the kitchen and pulling two cans of soda from the fridge, sliding one across the bar until it lands right under his hand.

“It’s school.” He answers flippantly, before popping the top open and taking a drawn out swallow.

“Enough said.”

“How’s everything with you? Is it getting any easier?”

“Yeah, I guess. Haven’t really had much time to focus on it.”

“You still trying to help that Isaac guy?”

“Mhmm.” I murmur before taking my ow
n sip of soda. “He told me that he’s never had a friend before.”

“Been there.”

“Yeah, me too, which is why I’m trying so hard. No one should ever feel like we did.”

“Rescue any puppies or babies from burning buildings lately?” he asks and it throws me off.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a joke, Belle. Are you sure you’re not the one that has trouble understanding social cues?” he laughs and I just shake my head. Of course he’s making a joke. This is Eric when he’s broken out of the shell. A side I’m not used to seeing.

“Can’t say I have but that’s probably because I haven’t seen many puppies lately.”

“Anyone ever tell you that you’re probably the nicest person on the planet?”

“Yeah, you’re the fifth one today.” I grin and I’m rewarded as he laughs again.

“Also the most modest too.”

“Yep. So, enough about me. How’s school really?”

“Easier. Not perfect, but easier.
I’ll be glad to get out of there in June.”

“I bet.”

With Dillon, Kayden, Amelia and the others all graduating with me this past spring, the hold they had over the school fell. I wasn’t naïve enough to think it was gone forever, but its good hearing that it’s not as bad as it was. It’s a step in the right direction.

“Eric, can I ask you something?”

“Is it something serious?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, because I ran out of jokes.” He says, his face deadpan. It’s only when I roll my eyes at him that he breaks and laughs again. “What’s on your mind?”

“Do you think I’m doing the right thing helping Isaac or do you think I’m just making everything worse?”

When we went to the movies a few days ago, I filled him in on everything that happened so far with Bryan and Randy and how Isaac seemed to react. Eric doesn’t know about Isaac being autistic, but with what I’m asking, it won’t be long until I tell him.

“Can’t see you doing anything that would make things worse for him. From what you told me, he already has it pretty bad. As bad as we did anyway.”

“Something happened Wednesday after class.”

“That doesn’t sound good.”

“Those guys tried something with me and Isaac got mad. One minute he was squeezing my hand super tight and the next he was hitting one of them. It was scary, Eric. I’m just not sure me trying to help him is actually helping.”

He goes quiet and where I expect him to say something, offer up some kind of advice or tell me again that I’m doing the right thing, he does the complete opposite.

“Does Kayden know?”

“No, but with his practice schedule and our classes, we haven’t really gotten a chance to talk the last few days. A few texts here and there and do you really think I should tell him this in
a text message?”

“Probably not. You need to tell him though.
What Isaac did, that’s pretty badass. He should know that you’re not completely alone and that you’re protected.”

“He’s gonna want to come home when I tell him.”

“Yeah he is.”

“That can’t happen.”

“Kayden’s like a hurricane when it comes to you, Belle. Maybe it can’t happen and he’s better off in Toronto playing football and working towards his future, but you’re a pretty big part of that future. If telling him this makes him want to come back, you won’t be able to stop him.”

I know this. It was hard enough getting Kayden to agree to go in the first place. Admitting to him that there’s a couple of guys causing trouble for me, it’s going to make him even worse than he was this summer. He will come home and I won’t be able to stop it, no matter how good of an argument I come up with.

“What do I do about Isaac?”

“What do you want to do?”

“Be his friend.”

“Then it looks like you’ve got your answer, but tell Kayden. We’ve spent too long keeping things inside thinking we could just ignore it and it would go away.  Don’t do it anymore, even if these guys are harmless.”

He’s right. When Kayden gets home tonight, I’m going to tell him everything, no matter what happens in the end. I just wish that doing it didn’t have to mean things had to change again.

Hasn’t there been enough of that already?