All Roads Lead Home (18 page)

“I don’t think I can take a separation like that again, nor can your mother. You will always have a home with us, and please, whatever you decide for you, I hope we are included in your decisions. We need our daughter in our lives, and it’s not okay to be without you anymore. You are all we have left, Tenley. I promise you with all that I am, and for the rest of my life, I will never take you for granted again.”

My father’s declaration had taken me by surprise. He was always an attentive father, but it was my mother who always did most of the talking. My father spoiled me, and pretty much favored what mama said, or just would give in. To listen to him speak with his heart on his sleeve broke my heart. It showed me how much I’d hurt them with my absence and refusal to come home when they repeatedly asked me to.

I wiped my tears away and held both of their hands. “I love you two so much. I’m sorry I hurt you when I should have been here with you. Can you please forgive me?”

“Oh, baby girl! There is nothing to forgive. We love you too,” mama said.

“I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring, but I promise to tell you first. I have so much to work out and I’m not sure what will happen with Jagger. I know I don’t ever want to disappoint you again, so please be patient with me?”

I don’t know who was crying more, but the waiter broke up our group hug and delivered us three heaping plates of moose track pie with extra vanilla ice cream on top. Daddy licked his lips and dug in to his portion.

It was nearing nine o’clock, and we said our goodbyes. I promised them I would be back sometime tomorrow. I had planned on staying in town tonight. Now back at Jagger’s room, I sat in my usual spot and began talking to Jagger.

“So today was pretty crazy. Shane and I butted heads, again. Then I met his bitchy fiancé, who turned out to be a sweetheart, so I take that back. Fantasized about you. Yes, really naughty thoughts. That’s another story. Anyway, I visited with Jamie. It was my first time since he died. Jagger, I felt he was with me the entire time, and he even threw snow at my face. You remember all of the snowball fights we used to have? He would nail me every time, and then you and Shane would team up and clobber him. By the time the battle was over, we were all soaked and shivering from being cold and wet. Well, I would like to think it was Jamie giving me a sign, but who knows? These past days spent here have been a revelation for me. A self-discovery of me and who I am.”

“You live in a dark bubble for so long, and that’s all you see. Sure I was functioning in my day to day, but not really living. I can say that now without question. Being home puts things in perspective for you. I’ve said more apologies this week to more people than I can count on one hand, and all I really want is your forgiveness.”

“Jagger, I know I was foolish back then and so reckless, but I’m trying to move past that and begin again. The past is the past and I can’t change anything about it, but learn from it and hopefully not repeat them. I’ve recently messed up with a friend of mine in New York. That’s another story, but my point is, I now know I was allowing my past to define me. I can’t do that anymore. I have to be able to let people in and embrace their love, as well as give love.”

“Please wake up, Jagger, and I promise I will do everything in my power to get you well again. I promise to do anything for you. You just have to ask, and I’ll do it. This time, I will put you first, I promise. Wake up, cowboy…please open your eyes? I’m exhausted and in need of some sleep. I will be back tomorrow, and we can pick up this conversation.”

My eyes roamed over his body from head to toe. He was so tall, he barely fit into this bed. I looked over at his cast. He had so many signatures on it in all colors. Shane drew a picture of She-devil and put in a bubble… “I’m sorry,” which reminded me to talk to Shane about the accident. I didn’t want to deal with that now. Jagger needed to wake up first. There would be plenty of time to talk about it at another time.

“Okay, I really have to go now. My eyes are going to close, and I don’t want to end up here beside you. I love you, Jagger.”

I kissed him on his forehead and wished for him to awaken.

As my hand went for the doorknob, I heard a familiar voice call out to me. It was scratchy sounding, but it was him. I was frozen, but managed to turn around. His brown eyes were focused solely on me.

“Tenley, come here baby.”

My heart was racing. He’s awake. He’s talking. I have to call a nurse, but he’s drawing me in with just four words. I grabbed his hand and kissed it with my tears flowing, and gazed into his eyes. He struggled to speak, but managed to clear his throat. I gave him a sip of water.

“I just have one thing to say to you,” he was able to get out of his dry, itchy throat.

I leaned in to hear what he would say. Now I was scared. What if he rejects me? I have to prepare myself for anything. I’ve been back home for days, and now it’s the moment of truth. I tried my best to keep my erratic heart under control while waiting to hear his words that would decide my fate. Jagger gripped my hand and with a lone tear falling down his cheek, he whispered…

“Stay with me.”

My tears matched his. I wanted to hold him, touch him, and scream, “Yes”, but I held back and just took in the beautiful man before me. Three words that held so much promise for a new start with the man I love.
Maybe it is possible after all for a second chance for Jagger and me. If you would have asked me two weeks ago if I would be pondering this question, I would have said no. So much as changed since receiving Jamie’s letter. What else did my brother have planned out in the stars for me?

On the day I crushed his heart all those years ago, I questioned if I fit into his world. He screamed that I was his world and he wanted me with him.

Now five years later, here I am. How did I ever think I could just come home and easily leave again? Where do we go from here?

Only time will tell.

MY SUBCONSCIOUS WASN’T playing tricks with my brain. She was here. Tenley was here and she was real and not just a figment of my imagination. I desperately wanted to open my eyes to see her, but I was afraid.

I was afraid on what she might do once I did. The last time we were this close to each other, she turned and left me on my knees at the bus station. She said no to staying behind with me in Wyoming. She said no to my marriage proposal, she just said…no.

Tenley Fairchild broke my heart more times than I could count on one hand. First with applying to school so far away from our home. Fighting with me and nearly killing herself on my daddy’s ATV. Bedding and fucking my best friend. Rejecting me when I chose to forgive her, and finally, just stopped fighting for us.

I stayed away because of Jamie, and what he asked of me. It was the least I could do for my dying brother, but she stayed away because she gave up. Tenley was no quitter in anything she did in her life, but after losing her brother, she lost a piece of herself too. I never stopped loving her. She was the sun, moon, and stars in my life, and I would not lose her again. The thought of watching her leave was just not possible for me to even entertain. No! This girl was not going anywhere this time, not while I still drew breath in my lungs and had these two arms to hold her.

She was even more beautiful since I last saw her. She still had an innocence about her, but she matured into a woman with adult features. Her hair was different. Long and pin straight, a bit darker, but still gorgeous. My fingers were itching to run through her thick tresses and wrap her hair around my wrist. I wanted to keep her as close as I can. She still had her lovely fair skin color, but I saw a hint of rosiness to her cheeks. A natural blush, I gather. She always blushed when she was happy. Her hazel eyes were glassy, but I saw a speck of sparkle to them.

Here she sat while gripping my hand and lovingly looking back at me. She was real and she was here with me. This had been my dream for the past five years: for Tenley, my girl, to come back to me.

Now all the fantasies that I had lost myself to for the years she’d been gone were now becoming a reality. She said she would do anything for me if I would awaken. Well now that I had, it was time for my girl to prove it. Yes,
my girl
. She never stopped being mine.

My darkest hour, finding her in bed with Shane, nearly destroyed me. After losing Jamie, I knew she was worth forgiving and fighting for. I would do everything in my power to keep her with me. If she needed a reminder to what we were and would be again, I would happily show her what it meant to be truly mine.

The road we were on back then was based on coming of age love. Sure, I thought I had all the answers and knew I wanted to share my life with Tenley, but I never realized how different we were until we parted ways.

She was a free spirit, where I was grounded. I wanted the ranch and all it had to offer, she wanted to go far away and experience a new way of life different from where she came from. I believed by loving Tenley, that love would be enough to change her mind to stay with me. But you can’t hold down a wild horse no more than you can expect the girl you love to bow down at your feet. Not, Tenley, she’s too strong for that.

Her tears had finally stopped and she was beckoning me to talk to her, but my eyes were weary. I was fighting to stay awake with her, but as my eyes closed, I heard her call out to me.

“No, Jagger, please stay with me. I need to hear your voice. Please, Jagger, don’t go to sleep again.”

Her words were lost on me, and I was out again. All my dreams were of Tenley. We were making love under the night sky on my daddy’s ranch. Our spot that belonged to just us. Her hair swept wildly over her naked breasts as I fucked her deeply and she screamed out my name. I was awakened this time not by the sound of Tenley’s voice, but to a shining light nearly blinding me.

“Hey there, son. Welcome back,” said a voice I did not recognize, but assumed he was my doctor.

“Now there he is, Mr. Brown Eyes. Hello there, handsome, I’m Shirley, and I’m happy to meet you.”

I tried to sit up, but the over accommodating nurse was adding more pillows to my back for support.

“There now, sugar, how do you feel?” she asked me through her smile. I think she was flirting with me. She’s got to be around my mother’s age if not older.

“Hi, Shirley.” Was all I could say as my eyes scanned the room, and realizing Tenley has left. I felt as if I was just punched in my chest.

“Mr. Parrish, I’m Doctor Sampson. I’ve been overseeing your care since you were brought in over a month ago. Your vitals are strong and physically you are on your way to making a complete recovery, but I would like to run a few tests. I’m going to send you down to Radiology for a CAT scan and then we can talk some more.”

“I’ve been unconscious for over a month? How is that even possible? Do I have a brain injury or something?” I nervously asked. The sound on the machine began to beep to a loud sound as my blood pressure began to rise.

“Mr. Parrish, please calm down. From our initial findings after your accident, you suffered a hematoma on your brain, which has now healed. With ordering another scan, I will confirm what I believe to be true. The cast on your leg can now be removed and you can begin physical therapy, as well as getting all of your muscles working again.”

“If I don’t have a brain injury, then why was I out for so long? Something is not right here, doc. I feel it.”

“Mr. Parrish, I can assure you that you have received the best medical care, and I have no real answer to why you were sleeping for so long, but the good news is that you are awake now and all your faculties seem to be in working order. Let’s thank the Lord for our blessings and not tempt fate, shall we?”

“Tenley…Where is Tenley?”

“I don’t know any Tenley, is she a relative?”

“No, not relative, just the very reason why I’m awake in the first place.”

“Mr. Parrish, let me bring Shirley back in for you and maybe she knows where your mystery woman is.”

I think the good doctor was mocking and laughing at my expense. No fucking way—did I imagine her? Tenley was holding my hand. I saw her tears and felt her pain while I was in my coma.

“Hey, Mr. Brown Eyes, let’s get you ready to go down for your test.”

“Nurse please, where is Tenley?”

“Oh, you mean that sweet gal who’s been camping out here in your room?”

“Yes, the very one.”

“She’ll be back handsome, don’t you go worrying. After you woke up and then drifted back to sleep, she came and got your doctor. She was clearly upset and needed some air. I told her it would do her some good.”

“How long ago was that?”

She looked at her watch and then checked my chart. She was flipping the pages while I wanted to just grab the chart away from her. How difficult could it be to figure out when I woke up?

“Ah, here it is. Dr. Sampson examined you around one in the morning, she left shortly after that.”

“What the hell time is it now?” I screamed out as my throat burned with a sand paper- like feeling to it. I was so thirsty, I could drink a gallon of water.