Alone (16 page)

Chapter Seventeen

Disappointed

My father is already furious that I left the town, and the fact that I was with Roman makes it a million times worse. But that kiss! That is the icing on the cake for him. It tips him over the edge and sends him into a fury that lasts into the night. I’ve never seen him so angry. It’s torture, but ultimately worth it. Just thinking about that goodbye kiss from Roman nearly singes every hair on my head.

Dad grounds me for a week, which means that even after Roman gets out, I won’t be able to see him except at school.

What an asshole.

I stay locked in my bedroom all day Sunday so my father and I don’t have to fight, but when Monday morning rolls around, I’m more than ready to escape. My father, wanting to make sure there’s no way to wiggle out of my punishment, takes me to school
and
picks me up when it’s over. Instead of going home, though, he makes me stay at the town hall with him—where I’m subjected to hours of evil looks from Roz—before we finally go home for dinner.

Tuesday is the same but better, because I can be comforted by the knowledge that Roman will be released sometime today and then I can see him.

Wednesday morning, I’m practically skipping when I come down the stairs. I can’t wait to get to school.

“I know Roman got out last night, but don’t get any big ideas,” my father says as he drives me to school. “I’m still picking you up after school, and you will still be sitting at the town hall with me. Do I make myself clear?” He narrows his eyes and puts on the same fatherly expression he’s worn all week.

When did he learn to be a parent? It’s a strange feeling, but for some reason it actually makes me respect him a little. Also a strange feeling.

Doesn’t mean I’m going to stop seeing Roman.

“I don’t want you seeing that boy anymore,” he says when I don’t respond.

I look away. Is his sudden change in attitude just a power trip, or is it possible that he actually cares about me after all this time?

Roman is standing just inside the door when I walk into school, leaning against the wall. Talking to Mac. He looks exactly the way he did the first time I saw him in the town hall. Laid-back, maybe even a little bored.

Until his eyes meet mine.

His mouth curls up into a smile, and it’s like a bolt of lightning shooting through my body.

Mac lets out an exaggerated sigh. “And now I’ve lost you. Whatever happened to bros before hos?”

“Like you’d ditch Carmen for me.” Roman doesn’t look away from me.

Mac opens his mouth to say something but closes it when Roman pushes himself off the wall and walks toward me.

“Hi,” I whisper, unable to find my voice.

He closes the distance between us in one step, but it feels like he’s moving in slow motion. My heart flutters and the world around us fades away, and then there’s nothing but Roman and me. His touch is light, his fingers running from my shoulder and down my arm to my hand. I can’t breathe, and my skin tingles as an electric current goes through my body.

He laces his fingers through mine and smiles. “I missed you.”

Those three simple words floor me. My mouth goes dry, and I can’t talk. All I can do is smile like a fool.

Mac clears his throat. “Umm… This is awkward.”

Roman looks as casual as ever, but I’m positive I look like a blubbering idiot. “I guess we should go up to class,” he says. “Maybe learn something.”

I laugh and finally find my voice, but it’s still shaky. Just like my legs are. “We started studying the Civil War yesterday.” It’s all I can think to say—like he cares.

Mac snorts as the three of us head toward the stairs. “A waste of time. If they really wanted to teach us something, they’d find an old copy of
Dawn of the Dead,
or better yet, we could watch
The Walking Dead.
That would teach us some survival skills at least.”

I laugh, but Mac has a point. If it weren’t for this country’s obsession with zombies, more people would have been wiped out. When all hell broke loose and the dead came back, it ended up saving a lot of lives.

When we get upstairs, Roman pulls me into a small room across the hall instead of our regular classroom. He shuts the door behind us, and his hand runs down the side of my face. It’s dark, but the intensity in his brown eyes is brighter than the sun.

“Your dad came to see me when I was locked up.”

“Did he?” My voice goes flat as all the joy is sucked from our reunion.

“He gave me the whole ‘stay away from my daughter’ speech, and Jules” —Roman pauses and takes my hand—. “I think you need to give him a break. I know things have been rough, but he cares about you.”

My stomach tightens. I don’t want to be annoyed with Roman, but I am. Even worse, I feel betrayed.

I pull my hand out of his, but he stops me when I try to leave.

“Hey, I’m on your side. I just don’t want you leaving here without working things out with your dad. I don’t want you to regret anything.” He places a hand on my cheek, and his touch is so gentle it takes my breath away. “We can never come back, you know.”

I relax under his tender touch. “I don’t know yet… If I’m going to leave, I mean.”

He pulls me close, and I rest my head on his chest, closing my eyes. Feeling like I’m home.

“I know. Take your time. I’ll wait until you’re ready.” He says it like he’s certain that I’ll decide to go.

He’s right, of course. As scary as it is out there, it’s so much more appealing than staying here where Rick and my dad call all the shots.

Roman’s fingers grip my chin, tilting my face up toward his, and before I’ve had a chance to open my eyes, his lips are on mine. Warmth spreads through my body, and my heart does a somersault.

How can I need someone so much after knowing them for such a short time?

His lips grow more insistent, and he pushes my back against the wall. I gasp as his teeth nip at my bottom lip.

“We should go to class,” he whispers against my mouth.

I nod but kiss him again. I don’t want to leave.

He groans and grips me tighter against him. I close my eyes and pray that the world will go away and leave us alone for just a little bit.

The door swings open, slamming into Roman’s back. He curses when he crushes me against the wall. Then the light flips on, and we both turn to find Ms. Lloyd frowning at us.

“I don’t think your father would be very happy to hear about this.” Her mouth turns down, but more than anything, she looks jealous.

“Sorry, Cate,” Roman says with a smile.

She doesn’t return it. “Go to class.”

Roman is still grinning when he grabs my hand and pulls me from the room.

“How do you know her?” I whisper when we’re safely in the hall and she’s out of earshot.

“She was my babysitter,” Roman says. “Her parents lived across the street from my grandparents, right here in Coastal Manor.”

I cringe. Gross. It sounds like a Lifetime movie.

“I think she has a thing for you.”

He lets out a loud laugh. “No, she’s just lonely. Her parents didn’t make it and she’s all by herself now. She just needs friends.”

I’m not convinced.

Mac raises an eyebrow when we walk in, and my cheeks burn with shame. I look away, but when my eyes meet Viki’s, my face gets even hotter.

She giggles. “You guys get caught making out?”

I force out a smile, but it doesn’t feel genuine. She doesn’t seem to mind, though.

Class is as pointless as usual. We read and do the work assigned to us. We talk when Ms. Lloyd isn’t in the room. It drags on and on, and the longer I sit in the room, the more useless life in this town seems. At least in the unsanctioned areas people have adapted. Here they’re still clinging to the past.

By the end of the day I’m dying to escape, but it’s only Wednesday. I’m grounded for the rest of the week, which means I still have a few days of imprisonment to get through. Roman and I hang back while the others file out. I don’t want to say goodbye, but I know my father will be downstairs waiting to escort me to town hall.

“Come over tonight,” I say, playing with the hem of his t-shirt.

Roman flicks his hair out of his face and frowns. “I don’t know, Jules. I don’t want to get you in more trouble.”

“It’ll be okay if you come over after he goes to sleep. He’s a deep sleeper.”

He kisses my forehead and whispers, “I’ll try.”

Roman stays upstairs while I go down, and just like I thought, my father is waiting for me. His arms are crossed, and he has a bored expression on his face. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

“I need to get back to work.”

Roman is wrong.

I look away, because my eyes sting with tears that threaten to spill over. Roman’s words had actually given me a little bit of hope that my father might actually care about me. How stupid.

Chapter Eighteen

Honorable

The lights in Jules room come on, and a second later, the balcony doors open. She drags a blanket out and wraps it around her shoulders before curling up in one of the wicker chairs with a book. Waiting for me.

I lean back and smoke, watching her while I wait for the lights that are on downstairs to go out. More content to be in the yard with her in front of me than I’ve ever been in my own house.

It’s probably close to an hour later when the lights finally go out downstairs. By then, Jules has fallen asleep, and even though I’m itching to climb up there and sweep her into my arms, I wait. I want to be sure her father is actually out for the night. He was pretty adamant that I stay away from his house, and I don’t want to get thrown back in lock-up. Not because it was all that bad—it was actually ridiculously similar to life in Coastal Manor—but because it kept me from seeing Jules.

Jon’s visit had been a surprise. He wasn’t as angry as I expected. More concerned than anything, like he genuinely thinks I’m going to corrupt his daughter. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I will corrupt her. It’s possible I’m fooling myself by thinking I’m more than what Rick says I am. A loser, pathetic—those are his favorite terms of endearment for me.

My stomach clenches, and I take a long drag from my cigarette. It’s hard not to let his words affect me. I’ve tried to ignore them. Built so many walls I’m surprised anyone can get in at this point. But no matter how fortified they are, Rick always manages to find a weak spot. He’s like some damn explosives expert. Always ready to blow my perfectly constructed walls to bits.

I’m too hyped up to sit still, so I toss my cigarette to the ground and head for the house. Climbing the trellis is a hell of a lot easier with no rain to knock me down, and when I get to the roof, I do my best to stay quiet. Jules is out cold, and I don’t want to scare her. Thankfully, I manage to make it over the railing without falling on my ass or waking her up.

I kneel at her side and brush the hair out of her face. My heart aches just looking at her, but I can’t even wrap my head around why. It’s like being close to her hurts as much as being away from her does, but we just met. After the misery of the last eight years, I don’t think I really believed I’d be able to find someone who could love me for who I am. The concept doesn’t feel real.

She makes a noise and starts to stretch, so I whisper, “Jules.”

Her eyes flicker open, and she blinks a couple times before a smile spreads across her face. “You came.”

I nod, but before I can say anything, she sits up and kisses me.

A surge of desire shoots through me, and I pull her closer, cupping the back of her neck as her chest presses against mine. Her mouth is so hot, her body so needy as she clings to me. I have to fight to maintain control. She pushes me right to the edge, and I know it wouldn’t take much to make it impossible to hold on. I grab the back of her shirt and tighten my fist around it, balling it up so I have something to cling to.

I want to explore every inch of her. To lay her down and worship her body with mine. But she isn’t like any of the other girls I’ve been with. I have to wait. To give her time.

Only she isn’t making it easy for me. Not with the way her hands move up under my shirt and over my skin. She rakes her nails across my back, and a groan breaks its way out of me. I almost let go of her shirt. Almost pull it over her head.

But I hold tight. I ignore the waves of heat moving through my body and the burst of need that almost sets me on fire as the tips of her fingers brush low on my abdomen. I want to be strong for her. To be a better person for her.

“Roman,” she whispers as I kiss my way down her neck. “Come inside with me.”

I lift her, moving my mouth back to hers as she wraps her legs around my waist. Then I stumble into her bedroom, and we fall onto the bed. She pulls my shirt off, and I kiss every inch of exposed flesh on her body before lifting her shirt just a little so I can kiss her stomach. I trace my tongue across her skin, and when she moans I almost die.

Jules moves her hands to the hem of her shirt and tries to lift it, but I stop her. It’s the hardest damn thing I’ve ever had to do.

“Jules.” I can’t let it happen. Can’t be that person. “Wait.”

She’s out of breath, out of control. “What?”

I love her. I know it, but it’s too fast. It’s all too fast. “We just met. This isn’t right.”

I stand up and run my hand through my hair. I need to put distance between us.

“What if I leave?” I say, not looking at her. “I can’t—” I have a hard time explaining how I feel. I want to be honorable. How crazy is that? “If you decide not to come with me, I don’t want to be this thing you regret. I want you to think this through.”

Jules sits up and lets out a deep sigh. “I won’t regret it.”

“You say that now, but I want to be sure. I can’t do that to you, Jules. I can’t have you look at me the way Roz does.”

It’s the wrong thing to say but the right thing to say. I hate that I have to say it.

She flinches and looks away, but it seems to have done the trick. “You’re right. If I don’t go with you…”

“I don’t want you to regret me.”

She gives me a weak smile, then pats the bed next to her. “I won’t regret you. Ever. But you’re right, I do need to think it through a little more.”

Those are the best and worst words she could ever say to me.