Always Us (We Were Us Series Book 2) (12 page)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Decorating wasn’t going so well. We each wanted to do something different. Michelle was thinking the traditional route with red and green everywhere, a tree in the corner with white lights and an angel on top. Lauren’s decorations were hot pink and turquoise. She’d gotten a white, pre-lit tree with hot pink lights and a hot pink star for the top. Stef and I didn’t really care and were up for cramming two trees in the tiny living room if it would make everyone happy.

So off to the store we all went. We squeezed into my tiny Honda civic. I wasn’t entirely sure how we were going to fit a Christmas tree and more decorations in the car with all of us.

I wandered through the store with Stef while Michelle and Lauren roamed the aisles looking for the perfect traditional Christmas ornaments. They’d decided on a mini, green tree. Michelle had pointed out the issue with space in the car so she relinquished her earlier need for a second full sized tree.

“So, how have you been, since your mom, you know, passing?” Stefanie asked while Lauren and Michelle were discussing whether a star or an angel would be more traditional.

“I’m good,” I said, shrugging.

“Really? Even though my parents have been horrid lately, I’d still be sad if either of them died.”

There was a difference between parents being horrid for a time or for a reason, and the way my mother treated me. I was an inconvenience to her. An accident. She was stuck with me and made it known that I wasn’t wanted. I’d learned at a young age to take care of myself. Her being in jail had been freeing. I wasn’t tied to her anymore. I didn’t have to answer to her when she’d decided she did want to attempt being a mom.

And now that she was gone for good, it was more of a relief than anything. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself.

“Yeah. Maybe I’m a little sad, but at least she’s not sucking up taxpayer dollars sitting in that jail cell.”

Stef scoffed uncomfortably. I would have too if I’d heard that from a friend about her mother. It was an insensitive statement, but a true one.

“Jenna, what is more traditional, a star, or an angel?” Michelle asked, breaking me from my thoughts.

“Let’s get the angel since the pink and white tree has a star.”

“Perfect,” Laruen and Michelle said in unison.

Our basket was full of hunter green and deep red bows, ribbons, bulbs, and other random Christmasy things Michelle and Lauren found.

At the checkout, as the total for our haul climbed higher, Stefanie shifted and eyed me. I knew what she was thinking. She didn’t have the money to cover any part of the purchase if we decided to split it. I still hadn’t talked to Michelle about Stef’s money issues because of her parents.

“Your total is one hundred and thirty dollars and seventy six cents,” the cashier said after she bagged the last item.

“I got it,” I announced before anyone else could start digging in their wallets. Stefanie gave me a thankful smile.

We grabbed the bags and stuffed them into the trunk of the car. It barely closed.

When we got home, Lauren pulled out three bottles of wine she’d had her boyfriend buy her.

“Lauren!” I exclaimed.

“What? We deserve some fun. We’re practically saints.” She pops the cork and pours the wine into plastic cups, one for each of us.

“Okay, let’s get to it girls!”

Lauren and Michelle ripped into the bags, giggling while they set up the two Christmas trees. Stefanie and I grabbed the garland and twisted Lauren’s hot pink strand with Michelle’s dark red strand to make one big one and hung it above the window. We laughed as the traditionally colored decorations mixed with the funky ones that made a truly unique combinations. Despite the fact that Lauren and Michelle had planned to decorate each tree separately, the miss matched trees seemed to work somehow.

Hours and many glasses of wine later, we were all squished together on the ugly couch. The brown cover had been failing miserably and hiding the hideousness of it.

“This couch is awful,” Stef slurred. She for sure had had more wine than any of us. Maybe even more than Lauren had.

“It was free, get over it,” I retorted.

“Josh gave it to her,” Michelle said in a sing song voice, then burst out laughing.

“A boy just
gave
you a couch? That’s like asking him to marry you,” Stef said.

“It is not. He was just being nice.”

“Did you have sex with him on the couch?” Lauren asked.

“No!”

“You totally did,” Michelle stated.

“We didn’t. I promise,” I added when I saw her leering at the couch.

“Why not? It’s a good couch for it,” Lauren said as she bounced on the cushion.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “It just never happened.”

“Did you have sex with Andrew on it?” Stef asked. She’d walked in as Andrew had left one day so I knew she had to be suspicious.

“I have not had sex with anyone on this couch. Geez, you guys.” I stood up and dumped my cup in the sink and returned to the living room. “It’s like three in the morning, so I’m going to bed.” I left without waiting for a response. Their questions about my sex life were annoying and hit a nerve. I’d been asking myself why it had been so easy for me to sleep with Josh, but I’d balked when Andrew and I had had the opportunities. I didn’t have the answers. And I wasn’t going to find them tonight. Especially with wine buzzing through my brain.

                                                                                    ***

“Miss Mitchell?”

I knew I shouldn’t have answered my phone. Nothing good comes after ‘Miss Mitchell.

“This is she,” I replied sleepily. I rolled over and sat up for good measure. My head spun a little, but I definitely wasn’t hung over.

“This is Stacy from Meade and Sons,” She was way too chipper for eight in the morning.

“Who?” Or maybe I was hung over. Her words were muddled like she was speaking underwater.

“Meade and Sons. We’re representing you and Mayor Banks,” she repeated louder, like was half deaf.

That got my attention.

“Oh, hi, yes. Hello,” I stumbled over my words and out of bed.

“Miss Mitchell, we need you to come to our office and speak with the lawyers about your experience with Mayor Banks.”

I fumbled around in the semi-darkness for my pants. I felt weird talking to a lawyer’s office in my underwear.

“Oh. Okay, when?” I tripped into my desk and opened my calendar. Not that I was super busy or anything. I basically just had school. Man, my life was kind of lame.

“As soon as possible. We’d like to move forward with this case as quickly as possible.”

“Oh, is he going to jail?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.

“I’m not at liberty to discuss this case with you.”

“Even though I’m part of it?”

“Yes ma’am,” she was very official sounding. I didn’t press the matter further.

“I see. Well I’m done with school next week, I can drive down like, on Wednesday?”

“That’s Christmas Eve.”

“Oh yeah, I guess it is. The Monday before Christmas then?”

“We’ll see you at ten.”

“Okay then.”

I hung up and wrote it down. I didn’t think I’d forget, seeing as I had no other engagements.

I guess in the back of my mind I knew this was coming. I couldn’t escape him forever. I knew I’d have to face the mayor at some point whether it was in a court room or something settled outside of court. I wanted him to be locked away for life for what he did, but maybe that was unrealistic.

I finished getting dressed and walked out into the living room. Michelle was still passed out on the couch, clutching a string of gold garland. I should let her sleep, but she has class and I wouldn’t want her to miss it.

“Michelle,” I whispered and shook her shoulders.

“What?” she whined back.

“You have class in an hour.”

“No,”

“Yes, sweetie.”

She groaned and threw the garland on the floor.

“Never let me drink that much again.”

“But it was so much fun! Drunk Michelle is awesome.”

“Hung-over Michelle is not quite as awesome.”

“Go shower and I’ll make some coffee.”

“Fine.”

I made the coffee then left for class myself. It was Friday, thank God. I just had my History class and I was going to get my project back.

It was unseasonably warm for December so I decided to walk to class. If it got cold later, I’d just call Andrew for a ride. Not that I expected it to

                                                                                    ***

Despite never paying attention in World History, my project about Hitler scored me an A. I skipped out of class with a smile on my face. Andrew followed me out onto the quad where I told him that I needed to go to Riverview to meet with lawyers

“Should I go with you?” Andrew asked. He seemed mildly concerned.

“No, it should be a fast trip. They just want to ask me a few questions about the mayor. Maybe my mom. I don’t know.”

We sat on a picnic table across from each other. I plopped my shoulder bag down on the table and rested my chin on it with my arms folded under it.

“Are you ready to talk about her?” he asked.

“What is there to talk about?”

“Well, she was your mom, and she died, and you don’t seem to even care.”

Why was everyone so determined to get me to talk about my mom? First Stef, now Andrew. Even Michelle had told me that if I needed to talk about it, that she was available. I didn’t need to talk about my mom.

“Andrew, I didn’t have any kind of relationship with my mom. Not like you did with yours. She’d all be abandoned me by the time I was ten. We were more like roommates than mother and daughter.”

“But she was still your mom,” his eyes were sad. He didn’t understand. Maybe it was because he didn’t get to have a relationship with his mom, but there wasn’t a relationship with my mom. There was just nothing.

“Yeah, my mom who didn’t care about me or what happened to me.”

“Jenna.”

“I don’t have anything else to say about this.” I held up my hands at him. I really didn’t want to talk about her. I was dealing with it on my own. I didn’t need to discuss the merits or lack thereof that she possessed. 

“Fine.” He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. His expression was pained. I knew he was thinking about his mom. I couldn’t feel guilty about that. I can’t understand his need for a mother he never got a chance to know, and can’t understand why I feel the way I do about mine.

“I’ll see you later,” I said and stood up. I didn’t want to sit and wallow in this negative energy. The conversation had stalled and I just wanted to go.

“When will you be back?” he asked, standing too.

“Probably this evening. I have no reason to stay in Riverview.”

“I’ll wait up for you.”

“I’ll be late.”

“That’s fine.”

He came around the table and wrapped his arms around me. I wasn’t in the mood for a hug or any kind of affection today and Andrew was getting on my nerves. This wasn’t the first time he’d pestered me about my mom. He just didn’t get it, no matter how much I tried to explain. He’d lost his mom at a young age, I dealt with mine my whole life. That’s right. I dealt with her. I endured her. I lived through her mess.

“Okay, bye.” I removed myself from his arms and left him sitting there without any further discussion or even a kiss. I just wanted to get this over with.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

“Miss Mitchell, what was your relationship with Mayor Banks?”

I was seated at a long table with too many seats placed around it. One wall of the room was windows, while the rest were lined with cabinets and black and white Ansell Adams motivational posters.

“He was my friend Michelle’s dad. I saw him every so often when I went to their house. I didn’t talk to him much.”

“What about when he came to see your mom?”

“I don’t think I ever saw him at my house.”

“Then how did you know he had a relationship with her?”

“Because Mrs. Banks, his wife, found them in bed together, surrounded by drugs.”

“That matches up with what the wife said,” he whispered to his colleague.

                                                                      ***

The questions droned on and on. I probably just answered the same questions over and over again, they were just worded differently. Two hours later, I was allowed to leave. I sat in my car in the parking lot, thinking about everything they’d asked me. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen to him. I’d googled what happens to public officials when they get caught with drugs and it’s basically nothing. One guy went to jail for six weeks and was released and he was the mayor of Toronto. I’m sure this small town will let him off with just a slap on the wrist.

It was two o’clock. If I left now, I’d make it back to Brookhaven by seven, leaving plenty of time to spend time with Andrew. And I needed to. I needed to explain things to him. I wanted to tell him about my past and my mom. Not that is was a huge deal, but he’d been open with me about his mom’s condition, so I needed to do the same. It was how relationships worked.

I pulled out of the parking lot and took the dusty, dirt road out of town, but I was on auto pilot. I made a sharp left and knew exactly where I needed to go, and home to Brookhaven wasn’t it. I flew down the familiar dirt roads until the smell of damp earth filled my car.

Seeing as it was December, it was too cold to get in the water, which sucked because washing away all my problems would be great right about now.

I made the last bend before the river and slammed on the brakes. I wasn’t alone out here. A midnight blue, extended cab, Ford truck sat at the edge of the bank. Josh was here. Of course he’d be here. The universe hated me.

I pressed the gas again and parked my tiny car next to Josh’s massive one. I couldn’t see him anywhere, but this part of the river was long, with winding paths the lead through the corn and other fields. I doubted he was in the water, but I wouldn’t past him. I just hoped he wasn’t thinking about me while he was swimming.

The earth was dry under my feet until just a few feet before the water line. It had been a dry winter so far, but after a good winter rain storm or even snow, the river would rise and dampen the ground again. I was grateful for the dryness though since I only had this pair of shoes with me. Explaining muddy shoes to Andrew and my roommates when I got home would be difficult.

I walked to the edge of the water, my toes just far enough away from the tiny, lapping waves that I didn’t get wet. I scanned the area, no Josh. But the willow tree he’d pressed me up against was directly across from me. I closed my eyes, I could still feel the smoothness of the truck against my back. And his hands squeezing my hips, his lips on mine.

“Jenna?”

“Holy, jeez.” I swear I jumped ten feet in the air. “You scared the crap out of me, Josh.”

He was behind me so I turned to face him as I caught my breath.

“Sorry. What are you doing here?” He was wearing jeans and an old, red hoodie from high school that read
Indians
.

“Um, I had to give a deposition with Mayor Banks’ lawyers today.” I hitched my thumb behind me in the general direction of the town.

“What are you doing here? At the river?”

“I don’t know, I just needed to clear my head I guess. The deposition was really intense.”

I took a few steps towards him before I noticed the sadness in his face. His eyes were red, making the blue stand out even more than usual. He was hunched over, his arms crossed in front him as he leaned against the back end of his truck.

“I see,” he said and looked down at his crossed ankles. He sniffed and ruffled his blond hair.

“Is everything okay?” I step towards him again. Tears. Josh was crying. “Oh my gosh, Josh.”

He opened his arms and pulled me into a fierce embrace. I wrapped my arms around him and hung my hands on his shoulders. His body shook with sobs as confusion muddled through my head.

My heart was aching for him. I’d never seen Josh cry. And now I didn’t know why he was crying, but the intense way he held onto me, like he was trying to hold himself together, had tears welling up in my eyes as well.

“Josh,” I whispered after a minute. But he didn’t answer so I just let him cry.

After a few minutes he pulled out of my grip but still held onto my waist, his head was still hung low so I couldn’t see his face. I let my arms fall from his shoulders and cupped his face in my hands. I wiped his tears with my thumbs and lifted his face so our eyes met.

“What happened?” I asked. My heart was breaking just by the look on his face.

He blinked a few tears away before responding, “My mom is sick. She’s not getting better. I don’t think she’s going to make it through Christmas,” he stuttered through his words.

My heart slid out of my chest to the pit of my stomach, my head spun out of control with memories of Mrs. Riley. Her pies, her yellow kitchen, her kindness, her perfectly round pancakes, and the time she lied for me, the time she apologized to me for the way she treated me after she found out about my mom. Mrs. Riley had been more of a mother to me last summer than my own mother had been throughout my enter life. She talked to me and listened to me. She cared about me and my future. She worried about me and called after I’d left Riverview, but I’d blown her off. I’d pushed her away along with Josh. I was a terrible person.

“I-I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”

Josh wrapped his fingers around my wrists and pulled my hands away from his face, lacing his fingers through mine, holding them tight.

“You would have known if you’d picked up the phone,” he said, his voice cold.

“Josh, I am really, so sorry. Really. I-,” I didn’t have any excuse for my behavior except for selfishness. “What’s wrong with her?” there was no real way to ask that without sounding insensitive.

“Cancer,” the vile word choked in his throat.

“Wow.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“It came on quickly,” he sniffed. “She was sick this summer. That cooking conference she went to, she was really at a clinic participating in clinical studies for ways to beat it.”

“Oh wow.” I had no other words except
wow.
This was so much information. “I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“So much happened this past summer. So much.” He was on the verge of tears again. “I had so much on my plate and then you showed up. I was trying to just deal with everything myself. I lied about so much. I’m sorry.” Tears spilled down his cheeks. I was surprised he had anymore to cry out.

“Josh. Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry,” I couldn’t stop apologizing. I was actually the worst person in the world. I’d dumped all my problems on him without any regard for his own problems. I’d never asked him about himself, I’d never showed that I’d cared about him or what he was going through. I’d just sucked everything out of him for my own gain, then spat him back out and left him.

“She wants to see you,” he said, pulling me from my selfishness.

“Me?”

“Yeah, she’s been asking about you.”

This made me feel so much worse.

“I’d like to see her too, if that’s okay.”

“Of course it is.”

“Okay.”

We stood there, at the edge of the river, still holding hands, just staring into each other’s eyes. My heart was pounding. No matter how hard I’d tried to forget him and block him from my life, his touch still ignited a desire in me. A desire to be near him. I couldn’t deny it anymore. I was still in love with Joshua Riley.

I didn’t know what else to say, I was just waiting for him to move first, for him to let go of me so we could go to his house. I figured I’d just follow him to his house. I’d have to call Andrew along the way to let him know I’d be later than I planned. I wondered if he had even called to see how the deposition went.

I was lost in thought before I realized that Josh had let go of my hands and slid one arm around my back, the other held the back of my head. It all happened so fast, that I didn’t have a chance to react to his lips on mine. His soft lips, pressing against mine. Familiar tingles raced through me with each pass of his tongue. His arms tightened around me as he captured my mouth over and over again. My arms were pinned between us, so all I could do was bend my elbows and hug around his hips.

But I let him kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me. I missed his kiss and I didn’t even know it. Everything that happened this summer didn’t even matter anymore because Josh was kissing me.

“I’m sorry,” he said breathless. Both of his hands were on my face, holding me in place while he caught his breath. And honestly, I was glad he had a hold of me, I could barely stand after that.

“I’m not,” I swallowed hard and focused on his lips. He licked them and all I could do was lean forward and kiss him softly. Just once.

“Jenna,” God, I missed the way he said my name. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” I patted his chest and he stepped away from me. “Let’s go see your mom.”