Always Us (We Were Us Series Book 2) (14 page)

He unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and pulled them down. I watched as he ripped open the square, but I averted my eyes after he pulled down his pants, choosing instead to count the glow in the dark stars that he’d stuck to the ceiling above his bed.

He climbed on top of me and I let him remove my pants and underwear.

The last time we’d had sex was right before I’d left Riverview. The actual day I’d left. And the day I’d dumped him. I used him up and sent him on his way. In a way, he was using me now. I thought for a second that I should feel ashamed, but
using me
wasn’t the right term. We were distracting each other from the less than stellar hand that life and dealt us recently.

“Jenna, look at me.”

I did as he asked. I gazed into his blue eyes and lost myself in him.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

I couldn’t stop staring at him. And he apparently couldn’t stop staring at me either. He’d smile, I’d smile, and we’d giggle, then repeated the whole process over again.

I’d just slept with Josh. No holds barred, passionate sex. Well, as passionate as I’d ever experienced. I was numb all over, my lips buzzed with the afterthought of his kisses. Our sweaty bodies were tangled beneath the blue plaid sheets of his bed.

“So, how’s school,” he said to break the silence.

“Good. Hard. Time consuming.” I wasn’t able to form real sentences yet.

“Kind of like sex with me then?” he laughed.

“Josh!” I said and pushed him so he rolled onto his back and then rolled back over to face me. He grinned for the first time since I’d seen him at the river. I couldn’t help but smile too, even though I wanted to hit him. His comment was wildly inappropriate, but extremely funny at the same time.

“So good then. School?” It was funny that he felt the need to confirm that he meant that school and not sex with him was what was good.

“Yes. To both.” I winked. “How’s school for you.”

“Ah. I took a leave of absence,” he looked ashamed.

I paused before speaking, “I get that.” I couldn’t imagine what I would have done in his situation. If I had loved my mother like he loves his, I would have quit school too.

“Work was becoming more demanding, and then my mom just wasn’t getting better. She needed me. I talked with the dean and he let me take this year off.”

“No, that’s good. You don’t have to explain.”

“He said I can take summer school and catch up if I take extra classes in the fall. I could still graduate on time.”

“That’s very ambitious.”

“I know how important school is to you.”

“What do I have to do with your school decisions?”

“I don’t know. I just didn’t want to let you down.”

“Let me down?”

“I don’t know Jenna,” he sat up in bed. “This summer changed me. I realized a lot of things. I realized that I want to get out of this town, to make something of myself. I don’t want to work as a farmhand for the rest of my life. I don’t want to get caught up in all the drama of this town. I want you.” He looked right at me with that last part.

He wanted me.

“I need you Jenna. You make me whole. I’ve been lost without you these last few months. I don’t know what I’m doing or where I’m going.”

I hugged him close to me and buried my face in his chest. I didn’t have any words. He had just expressed exactly how I’d been feeling, but was too stubborn to admit.

“I think I need you too,” I said.

“Is this like last year when I told you I think I love you and then later I tell you that I really love you?”

“What?” I pulled away from him.

“You know, I said that to you last summer.”

“I don’t think I remember that. But, maybe? I know I need you right now.”

“That’s good enough for me.” He pulled me back in our embrace and we soon fell asleep.

I’m vaguely aware of him leaving the bed at some point in the night, but when I woke up the next morning, he was snoring softly next to me.

My bladder was about to explode, so I rolled out of bed and tiptoed out of the room. There was a downstairs half bath just down the hall from Josh’s bedroom. The door didn’t close all the way, but I didn’t care. I did my business quickly and rushed back down the hall. I didn’t want to risk waking Josh. Something told me that he hadn’t slept much in the last few months, so I made my way up the stairs and said a thank you to no one that the stairs were carpeted.

I went straight to the kitchen and helped myself to the fridge only to discover that it was all but empty. Only a half full gallon of milk that expired today and a bottle of orange juice. I searched the cabinets only to find cans of soup and shelf-stable microwaveable dinners. My heart sank at the thought of Josh zapping his meals and eating alone at the kitchen table.

I found a box of lucky charms and chanced the expired milk and sat at the table to eat. The silence was welcomed. My phone didn’t ring, there were no roommates to barge into my room, and no distractions. Just me and my own thoughts.

But all I seemed to be able to think about was Josh. Why was it so easy for me to be with him? I’d backed out on sex with Andrew twice. I just couldn’t bring myself to be intimate with him no matter how much I thought I wanted to.

I also had reservations about telling him about my past and he seemed to share the same thoughts. But maybe he was going to tell me over the holiday break. He’d told me that his mom was living upstairs with the Hamilton’s.

But everything came so easy with Josh. I just knew that I wanted to be with him. He already knew my past because he was part of it. He wasn’t the only one I’d ever slept with, but he was the only one I ever wanted to sleep with again. I balked at my own admission, then smiled to myself at the realization.

I wanted to be with Josh. I couldn’t deny it anymore. It had been a wasted effort to erase him from my world completely.

I felt guilty for essentially leading Andrew on. But in my heart, at the time, I wanted to be with Andrew. But things can change in an instant.

I stared at the sunny, yellow wall as all of this rolled around in my head. My cereal was soggy and the sun had risen above the horizon before I snapped out of my thoughts. I dumped the cereal in the sink and wandered back to the living room. I thought I’d see if Josh had woken up yet.

When I entered the living room, I noticed that Mrs. Riley was sitting up on the couch. It was still dark in the room because the curtains were drawn closed, but the sun peaked through a tiny opening in the center where the two panels met.

“Mrs. Riley?” I asked.

“Good morning dear,” she croaked out.

I rushed over to her. I didn’t think Josh had been up to see her yet.

“Can I get you something?” I was eager to help her, but I had no clue how.

“No, dear. I’m okay. I was just enjoying the early morning quiet. I’ve always been a morning person. I used to wake up early and just sit at the kitchen table and think. Half the time I probably just stared at the wall.” I chuckled at her admission.

“I was just in there, doing the same thing,” I laughed again and she pushed out her own and coughed some more. Why do dying people always cough?

“How have you been Jenna?” She asked when the coughing had subsided.

“Oh good. Good,” I didn’t know how to answer.

“How’s school?” she pressed on.

“Fine. I have more psychology classes this year. History as well.”

“That sounds lovely. How’s Michelle?”

“She’s fine. Fitting in nicely.”

“Well, it sounds like you have things in order.”

I wasn’t sure if she was complimenting me, or insulting me because I’d ignored her and Josh for so long.

“I guess you could say that.” I looked down and realized that I was wearing her son’s shirt and little else. I pulled the hem of the shirt down over my knees in an attempt to be more modest.

“I know what you did down there, Jenna, and I just want to say this. Please don’t play with his heart. It’s already broken and I’m about to break it even further.” She reached out her hand and ran her fingers over my cheek. She smiled warmly and let her hand drop to mine and she grasped it. It was cold and skin was stretched over her boney fingers.

“I won’t, Mrs. Riley,” I rubbed her hand between mine, then held it to my lips. “I promise.”

“Hey, you two,” Josh said. I hadn’t heard him come up the stairs.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Mrs. Riley said to her son. He leaned down and placed a simple kiss on her cheek.

“Hi,” I said when he turned his attention to me.

“What are you doing?” his tone was mildly accusatory, but I brushed it off as him being protective of his mother. And maybe he was wondering why I was half dressed in his clothing, talking to his mother.

“I, uh,” I stuttered. “I woke up to pee, then I was hungry so I made cereal but didn’t eat it. Then I saw that your mom was awake.” I gestured to her, “so I asked if she needed anything. I literally just sat down.”

“I see. So do you want some breakfast?” he asked.

“Yeah, that would be great, but you have, like, no food.”

Mrs. Riley laughed next to me.

I turned to find her grinning from ear to ear.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“Mom,” Josh whined.

“It’s nothing. We have no food because Josh can’t cook. He can microwave soup and that’s about it.” She giggled again. It was nice to see her laughing. I thought maybe she hadn’t for a while.

“Mom,” Josh whined again.

“We’ve been eating at the café for months now.”

“Every day?”

“Yes. You didn’t notice Josh’s waistline? All he eats are hamburgers.”

“Mom!” Josh huffed.

“Seriously?” I couldn’t help but laugh at this. “I will go down to the store and buy you some food. Something healthy with no dead cows,” I stopped at the word dead. Was it insensitive to say morbid words around someone who was dying?

“I think that sounds great,” Mrs. Riley said. She clasped her hands in her lap.

“You can’t cook,” Josh scoffed.

“I can cook better than you,” I retorted.

“I’d pay to see that,” Josh said.

“Fine. Better bring the cash.”

We left it at that. Josh left for the café with orders of pancakes, eggs, and bacon. I retreated back down to Josh’s room. I showered and changed back into the clothes I’d worn the day before. I hadn’t brought any clothes to change into since I hadn’t planned on staying the night. I’d made a mental note to stop at my old house to see if I’d left any clothes behind.

When Josh returned, we ate breakfast in the living room, then Josh helped Mrs. Riley with what I’d guess was her morning routine. I’d decided to make that trip to the grocery store, so I left the two of them and drove the short distance to the middle of town where Miller’s Market was located.

                                                                                    ***

I walked in and relished in the familiarity. I knew for sure that I never wanted to live in Riverview for the rest of my life, but right now, Riverview was home.

I walked past the checkout girl. Just like Lauren last summer, the girl was smacking her gum and reading Cosmopolitan. I smiled at her when she glanced up to greet me. I had a fleeting need to save her from this town, as I’d done with Lauren, but I was on a mission for food, and I had no clue who she was anyway.  

I’d filled my basket with some fresh fruit, sandwich fixings, chicken, pasta, and frozen vegetables. I’d seen some boxed mashed potatoes in the cabinet so I figured I could make a decent meal with what I’d picked up. I threw in some butter and more milk just for good measure. I mean, I could come back later if I needed anything else.

I rounded the corner of the aisle and stopped short. Mayor Banks stood at the end of the aisle, looking at the magazine rack. I should have known that I couldn’t get through a shopping trip here without running into him. He and I had some sort of psychic connection or there was a vortex somewhere in the grocery store that allowed us to always be here at the same time.

He looked the same though. Maybe fatter. His greasy hair was slicked back. His normal attire of a suit and tie was replaced with faded sweat pants and an old Riverview Indians t-shirt. The ankle bracelet he’d been forced to wear bulged out of the bottom of his pants.

“What are you doing here?” he stalked towards me, his finger shaking.

“I,” was all I managed before he interrupted me.

“You can’t be here. Leave.” He stopped at the end of my basket. I pulled back from him, but he gripped the cart and held me in place.

“Leave, Jenna. You aren’t welcome in this town,” His slimy words oozed from his lips. 

“No, you don't get to tell me to leave or go or anything. You ruined my life.” I couldn’t stop myself. The words flew from my lips.

“I think your mom ruined things long before me.” He interrupted 

“Do not interrupt me. You took my mother away from me. You turned her into this monster. I knew it was you behind her drug use for a lot longer than you'd like to admit. And now she's gone because of you and you get off with not even a slap on the wrist. But you know what's worse? You have to live with the fact that you took her life, you have no friends, and you have no family. Your wife left you and your daughters want nothing to do with you. I don't even feel sorry for you because you deserve it.” 

I wrenched the basket from his grip and shoved past him. I threw all the money I had at the girl at the register as I walked out. It was more than my purchase was worth, but I didn't want to spend another second in Mayor Banks' presence. I loaded the car and sped off. 

I was still fuming when I pulled into Josh's driveway. I wrenched open the trunk and sighed at the fact that I’d have to carry everything into the house two at a time since I hadn’t stopped to bag my items. I stalked to the front door and threw the door open. I tried not to slam it in case Mrs. Riley was asleep, but the door banged anyway. I searched the dark room for her frail frame and found her dozing on the couch. She was snoring softly so I didn't bother checking on her.