Amazon Challenge (35 page)

"Fine. Sending me away when I don't want to go."

"What else?"

"Training. You make me train when you know I hate it."

"Anything else?"

I looked down. "No."

"Can we agree it's the first one that has you most angry?"

"I hate training!"

"Would you be leaving over training?"

"No."

"Are you angry because you serve my meals and do my laundry?"

"No," I said in a smaller voice.

"So you're angry because I take away your right to choose to accompany me into a fight? Is that the crux of this?"

"Yes. My place is by your side!"

"You argued earlier that the times you have defied me in the past, you were right and I was wrong. Correct?"

"Yes."

"What if you were wrong? Would you still be angry? Or
would you be willing to believe that maybe, just maybe, I am better qualified to judge who should be in a battle than you are?"

I stared at her.

"It's not about who is better qualified," I said.

"It certainly is," she said. "You are mad because I exercise my rights and responsibilities as the queen of all the Amazons and your warrior."

"What you did to me was wrong!"

"What I did to you made you angry, and I understand that, but if you would obey me, I wouldn't have done it that way either time, and we both know it."

"You shouldn't send me away!"

We were both glaring at each other
, our voices raised loudly. We panted for a moment before she said more calmly, "I haven't been fully honest with you."

"Yeah," I said, "you made me believe you were tying me up for a little bit of fun, not so you could trick me into getting sent away."

"I haven't wanted to hurt your feelings, but I think you need the big picture. You are going to listen, and then I'll step away from the door."

"Fine. What?"

"You have disobeyed me three times and I suspect would have a fourth if I hadn't prevented it."

"Yes, and I was right each time!"

"Actually, Maya, you were not."

"Oh?" I began ticking on my fingers. "Saved Ping's life and possibly Omie's. Save Balorie's life. Beria got whipped. And you needed me
before the challenge, and the results were better because I was here."

"That's one way of looking at it. Let's start with your demon. The day we engaged, it was a typical demon fight, although Ping got hurt. That's rare. She got hurt stopping the demon, which we don't normally need to worry about. Do you know why we had to worry that time?"

I stared at her.

"Come on, Maya," she said. "Why did Ping need to stop the demon?"

"To keep it from Varda and me."

"To keep it from you. Varda would otherwise have been in the fight."

"There are other times companions go who don't fight."

"Yes, but I know they'll run if the demon gets past us. And horses are faster than demons. Sometimes the demon chases a horse for a while, but then turns back."

"My horse wouldn't run. That wasn't my fault."

"You're on a gentle horse because you can't handle one that is more spirited, one that wouldn't freeze in a situation like that."

I stared at her. "Ping got hurt protecting me. It's my fault!"

"She got hurt protecting you, but it's not your fault. It's mine for letting you be there when I knew you weren't ready and never would be."

"Malora..." I said. It was a whine.

"I'm not done. What happened next? You screamed and the demon saw you."

"But you got its attention back."

"And then it ran. They never run. Never. We can make guesses why it ran. And the next day, it was sneaky. Demons are never, ever sneaky. Why was it sneaky, Maya?"

I looked down. "She wanted me."

"If you hadn't been there, the demon would have died the first day in an encounter like we have all the time, hardly noteworthy. And even if it had run, it wouldn't have had a reason to return. And even if it had returned, Ping wouldn't have been hurt, and she and Omie could easily have handled it.
"

"It's my fault."

"No. It's not your fault. Let's talk about the next demon, the day we found three."

"I helped."

"That's one way of looking at it," she agreed. "You helped me kill mine by distracting it. You made it easier for me. But Maya, I didn't need your help. Balorie told you to stay with me because that was the safest place for you, not because I needed your help."

"Fine, but I saved Balorie."

"Balorie was distracted worrying about you. She's never made such a simple mistake as getting swiped by a tail before. She heard you drawing the demon's attention from me, and she got distracted. Furthermore, if you hadn't been there, we probably would have had Clara and Bea on one demon and Ping helping Balorie and me. I think even you will agree that Ping would be better than you, and Clara and Bea can handle one demon. Clara can handle one alone, but with Bea to help, it wouldn't have been a problem. If we'd trusted you to not get hurt, we would have had you helping Clara and Bea with Ping helping Balorie and me, but of course, we needed to make sure I could keep you safe."

By the time she was done, I was staring at the floor.

"Now, let's talk about Green Arrow," she said. "I shouldn't have made you stay there, but I didn't know what else to do. I absolutely could not take you into such a chaotic situation, and Beria isn't ready, either. You both needed to stay behind. You were not the only companions who stayed behind."

"Gweneth was there-"

"Gweneth never got within two hours of a demon. Would you have stayed at the base camp with her?"

I didn't answer that. "You should have let me go home!"

"Yes. I agree. Would you, or would you have disobeyed and come after me? If I could have trusted you to go home, I would have sent you home, or at least to Broken Knife."

"So it's my fault Beria got whipped."

"No, it's Parlomith's. Now, let's talk about why I sent you away before the challenge. I needed you safe, Maya. I needed you safe more than I needed your comfort."

"You needed me!"

"Not as much as I needed you safe. Do you have any idea how much harder it was to think straight with you there? I spent more of the fight worrying about you than I did paying attention to my opponent. And when she whipped you, it almost sent me over the edge, which was her plan all along. Furthermore, Ping had to protect you, and if I had lost, you and Ping would have been dead five minutes later."

"But-" I paused. "You wouldn't have been ready if I hadn't come back! The voices would have had you ragged, and I didn't see anyone else suggest you practice against a staff."

"You're right," she said. "And I will be eternally grateful for that, Maya. But once you had done all you could, I needed you safe. And I did it the way I did because I knew you would defy me if you saw it coming."

"I-"

"Maya, I am the Amazon Queen. That is a fact. I am your warrior, and unless you walk away, that is a fact. For both those reasons, it is my responsibility to see to your safety, and I can't begin to tell you how much more qualified I am to do so than you are. That is not meant to be condescending or belittling. I am the queen, Maya, for a reason."

"I-"

"I am going to tell you a few more things, then I am going to step away, and it is going to be your choice what you do next. I love you. I love you with every fiber of my being. I need you almost as badly. And -- and you better listen to me, because I know you don't believe me -- I deeply respect you."

"You do not! No one here does!"

"Poppycock!"

"I'm a laughingstock!"

"As a warrior, yes," she agreed. "But you're not a warrior, so why does that bother you? I can't play a fiddle-"

"But you aren't measured by everyone within three days' ride based on your ability to play a fiddle."

"You and a small number of misguided women are the only people who measure you by your shortcomings as a warrior. I guarantee you no one else living in Queen's Town does. The rest of us measure you by everything else you are, and We. All. Love. You."

"You listen to her!" I heard yelled from outside, and I knew we had an audience.

"Damn it," I said.

"We weren't exactly being quiet," she said. "I'm not done. I can't stand the idea of you leaving, Maya. It's tearing me into pieces. But knowing I'm hurting you so badly you want to leave is even worse. But on this one issue, you must obey me! You must. But if you aren't going to, then it's best if you leave."

And at that, she stepped aside.

I was hurt and I was angry, and all I had left was my pride.

I stepped past her and reached for the door. She let out a sob, quickly stifled, as I opened the door. I stepped out.

Arrayed in front of me, watching the door, was the entire village. I stopped and stared. Beria was in the middle of all of them, her arms crossed, one hip thrown out in an arrogant stance.

"No," she said. "You aren't leaving like this. Malora, get out. You're spending the night at Nori's. The companions are having a sleepover here."

Malora stepped forth, setting her hands on my shoulders. I shrugged them off, stepping down from the door of the hut, but my path was blocked.

"I'm leaving," I said quietly. "I wish you all the best."

"No," Beria said. "You are not."

"So now I answer to you?" I asked.

"You do when you're being an idiot. You don't want to go. She doesn't want you to go. Absolutely no one here wants you to go. What you want is to be understood and respected, and you are under the mistaken belief that you are not. So, you are getting back in that hut, and the companions are coming in there with you. Malora is going somewhere else. Then we are having a slumber party. We'll probably get drunk, and if anyone tells me I am too young, she can get stuffed."

I glared at my little sister. She looked me up and down.

"You're not thinking clearly," she said. "I bet you're planning on walking. Were you even going to take supplies? Were you going to walk across all of Morehama on two feet without so much as a jug of water?"

"I don't answer to you, Beria."

"You do tonight," she said. "It's late, and once you get under the trees, you won't even be able to see the stars. How are you going to keep a straight line? You'll get lost thirty minutes into the forest. Then what?"

"Get out of my way."

"Nori and Ralla, get Malora out of here. We'll take care of Maya tonight."

Behind me, Nori and Ralla stepped forward. I looked over my shoulder as they began pulling her away, but she shrugged them off and stepped over to me. I turned to face her.

"Please, Maya. I don't want to lose you. We're both angry right now. Maybe we can talk calmly tomorrow. But you need to know this. If you can't obey me on this, I will be forced to banish you from the Amazons. It is almost the last thing I want to do, but it beats watching you get killed."

Then Nori and Ralla were pulling her away, and I felt hands on my arms.

"Bring her inside," Beria said, and then Bea and Aura were tugging on my arms.

I let them, telling myself I couldn't fight all of them, but the truth
was simple: I didn't really want to leave; I just didn't know what else to do.

They pulled me into the hut. Beria moved around, turning the lamps up further. Bea and Aura didn't release my arms, and Beria stepped in front of me.

"You are going to promise to behave tonight," she said. "If you do not promise, then we're tying you up." She shrugged. "I don't think that would be good for your pride, but it might amuse the rest of us."

"What does 'behave' mean?"

"From now until noon tomorrow, you're going to do whatever any of us tell you to do, and you will remain in the village."

"Dawn."

"Noon. You're going to have a hangover in the morning, cause we're all about to get drunk, and you're not going to want to leave, anyway."

"We just hosted a hundred guests," I pointed out. "We're out of alcohol in any form."

"Not true," Serra said. "I stashed a keg of beer and two cases of wine. Do you want wine or beer?"

"Wine," Beria said. "Let the warriors have the beer."

"Yes, Queen's Companion's Sister," Serra said, and when I glanced at her, she was smirking at Beria.

"So, Sister," Beria said. "Promise to behave?"

"Fine," I said. "I'll behave."

"I want to hear you spell it out," she said.

"B-e-h-a-v-e," I said, and the corners of her lips curled up.

"You know what I mean, smart ass."

"Fine. I promise to behave. I will remain in the village."

"And?" Beria said.

"I am not promising to do whatever you order."

"Tie her up," Beria said.
Bea and Aura immediately grabbed my arms again.

"No!" I screamed. "Fine.
I promise to do whatever any of you order. There. Satisfied?"

"Getting there," she said with a smile. "You two can let her go. She has never in her life broken a promise to me, and she's not going to start now."

Bea and Aura released my arms, but they stayed close. They weren't as confident of me as my sister was.

"Now what?" I asked.

"Now, we party. We need alcohol. Food." She looked around. "And lots more blankets and pillows. Bea, you stay here."

The rest of the companions ran from the hut, already dividing up chores. Beria stepped past me and grabbed the bedding from Malora's bed, pulling all of it off and tossing it onto the floor. She made a nest of the bedding and pillows, then sat down, her back against the bed. She patted the space next to her. "Come sit with me, Sister."

I stomped over and began to sit down, but then Beria stopped me. "Actually, can you please put on proper clothing first?"

I looked down at what I was wearing, sighed, and stepped over to my chest. It still hung open, my clothes hanging out of it. I pulled off my boots and changed back into Amazon attire. When I turned around, Beria was smiling.

"What?"

"I like the purple."

"Damn it, Beria!"

"I'm not making a joke. I think it's cool."

"I didn't see you volunteering to take a dip in the barrel," I muttered. "She did this to humiliate me."

"No," Beria said, "she did it
get your attention. It seems to have worked. Come sit now." She patted the blankets next to her, so I sullenly stomped over and sat down. Bea immediately took my other side.

"You don't have the right to keep me here," I whined.

"You've been ordering me around my entire life," Beria said. "You'll live letting me do it for one night." She reached up and pulled my chin towards her. "I love you, Maya. I know you're angry, but you love her. You don't want to leave. You want this fixed."

"And somehow this is going to fix it?" I gestured at the nest she'd made of my bedding.

"This is just distance," she said. "A chance to cool down and recover your pride before it goes so far you can't."

When I didn't respond, Beria and Bea
talked past me for a while. The other companions tromped in and out bringing more bedding and pillows, wine, and food. Jasmine arrived first with a basket.

"Glasses and two of the bottles of wine," she announced. She set the basket down on the floor and pulled out one of the bottles and a corkscrew. She looked at both of them. "Who knows how to use this?"

I had never opened a bottle of wine in my life, and neither had the other two.

"No worries," she said. She grabbed the second bottle. "I'll be right back."

She disappeared and was gone for several minutes. When she returned, both bottles were open.

"I had to wrest them away from Ralla," she said with a grin. "She wanted to keep them, but then Aura arrived with a small keg of beer, and they were happier." She poured wine and handed a glass to each of us. I drank my glass half down in one gulp. Beria took the bottle from Jasmine and had my glass refilled before I could even set it down.

I looked over at her. She smiled and drank some of her own wine.

"Getting drunk doesn't solve any problems," I told her. "I don't really enjoy it."

"We're not trying to solve any problems tonight," she replied. "We're here to calm you down and remind you how many friends you have. And keep you in one place until you get your head screwed back on properly."

"We might have to let you finish popping it off first," Bea said. She picked up my glass and handed it to me. "Drink up."

"I'm pacing myself."

"That was an order," Bea added.

I glared at her but took a sip of the wine. She reached over and lifted the bottom of the glass, forcing me to drink more. I finished half the glass before she let me stop. She smiled sweetly at me.

It took several more minutes before all the companions rejoined us in the hut. We had tons of bedding and pillows, and they made one big nest out of them, everyone getting comfortable. Serra brought food and several more bottles of wine as well as a cask of cider, taking several trips to haul everything.

"I'd like some cider," I said quietly.

"Finish your wine first," Beria said, and when I looked down, my glass was full again.
I was getting tired of glaring at people, so I picked up the glass and drank the wine. A few seconds later, Serra handed me a mug of cider and a plate of meats and cheeses.

After that, I let the conversation flow around me.
I was still angry, but even more, I was embarrassed. Malora had told me flat out that in a fight, I was worse than useless. I felt like a complete fool.

They managed to get two more glasses of wine into me.

"You're quiet," Beria said, nudging me. "Got a good pity party going on over there?"

"Shut up," I told her rudely.

"Poor Maya," Beria said mockingly. "Queen's Companion, the woman half the village go to when they have a problem to talk about. Manages, well, pretty much everything, and does a darned good job at it. Part of the Amazon ruling council. And it's all not enough."

"The most respected companion amongst the Amazons," Bea added. "Perhaps the most controversial, but the most respected."

"No one respects me," I said hotly.

"I do," Serra said immediately. She was oldest of all of us, the only companion here older than I was.

"So do I," Bea said. "You're my best friend, Maya." She hugged me, a one-armed hug.

"I have spent my entire life looking up to you, Maya," Beria said. "And while this little pity party you're having isn't a better moment for you, you are the example I use when making my own decisions. I was pretty young when you became the teacher, and I don't really remember before that, but I remember how hard you worked. Did you ever hear me actually complain about my homework?"

I thought about it. "No."

"I looked at homework the way you look at the training grounds, but I never complained because no matter how hard I had to work at it, I knew you were working three times as hard. And none of that has changed since we arrived here."

I looked down at my lap, at my purple hands. I stared at them, not saying anything.

"You took over the tithe distribution," Serra said, "and we never have shortages anymore."

"Then this is the only village that can say that," I muttered. "Everyone else hates how I handle it."

"That's not true," Serra replied. "There are a few vocal voices, and you're letting them speak for all the villages? Why?"

"That's not like you," Beria said. "You've never let a few dissenting voices eat at you like this."

"It's not just a few-"

"It certainly is," Jasmine said. "I've been on the tours you and Malora take, and I hear the chiefs there thanking you. Sure, some of them mutter, but people mutter. People complain. It wouldn't matter what you did, some people are going to mutter. But even the ones who mutter thank you because they know it's all being done better than if someone else was doing it."

"Like me," said Serra. "I can manage our kitchen, but that's it."

"What about the recruiting? I'm keeping the Amazons from recruiting the way they want."

"Thank god!" said Beria. "You're the only thing standing between the way things are being done now and the way you were recruited. Is that what you want? Do you want us riding into some helpless village and saying, 'you, you, and you, come with us' without even saying goodbye to
their parents? Like almost happened to me?"

"But-"

"But what?" Bea asked. "Is she wrong?"

"No, but-"

"But what?"

"Too many don't have companions, and unless I spend more time recruiting, it's not going to get better as fast as it should."

"Well, what are you going to do about that?" Beria asked.

"I-"

"It's not like anyone else is going to solve it," Jasmine said. "Ralla thinks you should enforce a quota at each village, at least one girl, and she thinks more, but at least one."

"Then why haven't they?"

"They?" Serra asked. "Who is this 'they'. Why haven't you? You're the one deciding the recruitment policies."

I stared at her. "No I'm not."

"Of course you are," Jasmine said. "Ralla told me Malora put you in charge of it, and she was backing your decisions."

"Malora must not respect you very much if she put you in charge of something so important," Beria said with a sarcastic grin.

"But-" I paused. "Everyone bitches about how I run it."

"Well, so you admit you're the one running it," Beria said. "And how many complained this
past year?"