American Love Songs (14 page)

 

Parker Update

So as you guys know, in October I undertook the endeavor of getting Parker laid. To be fair to me, there is an element of difficulty in the task. Namely, that Parker knows about it and is trying to thwart me. He insists on being perfectly gentlemanly with all of the nice young ladies I introduce him to, and he wont open his door for hookers. I am just about at my wits end, here, people—I need your help! Click the button below to submit your idea for how I should help Parker get laid. All participants will be entered in a draw to win a brand-new Wayward Sons concert T-shirt designed by yours truly. You know you want one!

PRODIGAL: OFFICIAL BLOG OF THE WAYWARD SONS

 

Date: Monday, February 15, 2010 Author: Jake

Parker Update #2 Okay, so in our last conference meeting, I asked you guys for suggestions on how I might get Parker to remove his iron chastity belt.

I figured Id get a few of the old standards (get him drunk, slip him some Viagra, lock him in a room with one of you guys and a vibrating bed). Stuff like that. And I did get quite a few e-mails like that—thank you guys for your commitment to the cause, really. The rest of us Sons appreciate your efforts.

What I did not count on was you crazies implying (or, in the case of a few of you, stating outright) that if I want something done right, I ought to do it myself.

I thought that was what I was doing—you know, with the hookers—but apparently thats not enough for you. Oh, no. You think
I
ought to seduce him, you delightfully pervy little wenches.

However, there are a few issues with this new plan. For one thing, I am pretty sure Parker is onto me, and not in the “white on rice” way. I blame technology. He can read these little updates on his phone now. For another thing, this is totally against Band Rules, so if Chris finds out about this, I am in deep you-know-what. Lastly, I usually make it a point not to sleep with anyone who is better-looking than I am, which sadly eliminates Parker from my list of potential bedmates.

Still, never let it be said that I dont enjoy a challenge! Maybe Ill catch him on a bad hair day. I can do this! Right?

J
AKEwas almost done hanging out at the bar of the small venue theyd played tonight; they were fresh off the Red Star tour, and Mike had lined up a series of smaller concerts that they actually got to headline that were more or less on their way back to LA The band was recognizable now, and he found he sometimes missed the anonymity, but he knew he would miss it more when they were playing huge arenas instead of packed holes-in-the-wall. The only reason he was still at the bar and not at the afterparty was that he had promised the bartender an autograph for his daughter, and Jake liked to get that kind of thing out of the way before he could forget. He was a bit of a flake.

So when a pint-sized little girl in a tiny pair of shorts and a barely there tank top hopped up onto the barstool next to him as he signed his name, he kind of expected to be annoyed.

“So at the risk of being a total cliché, can I buy you a drink?” she asked, one hand around a glass of some amber-colored liquid.

“Its „may I,” Jake said absently, drawing a little happy face and passing over the autograph with a calculated grin. The bartender traded him for a healthy glass of rum with some coke mixed in for color, and he gave the girl a rueful grin. “And no offense, but I think if I have another drink on top of this Im not going to have a very good morning.”

The girl gave him a faux-pout. “I must have you mistaken for someone else. I thought you were a rock star.”

 

That got a laugh. Unfortunately,
that
caused rum to shoot up Jakes nose. “God, warn a guy,” he said, reaching for a napkin.

“Sorry.” She didnt sound particularly sorry; she sounded like she was hiding a grin behind her hand, and sure enough, when his eyes stopped watering, that was exactly what she was doing. “My names Mickey.”

“Jake,” he said wryly, looking around briefly for a trashcan before giving in and shoving the used napkin into his pocket. “You do know Im gay, right?”

“You do know Im only talking to you so youll take me to meet Chris, right?” she said back, a tiny smile playing in the corner of her mouth.

Jake snorted in answer and relaxed, sizing the girl up. She reminded him of someone, and though he wasnt sure whom, he was curious enough to keep talking for a few minutes. Especially because she was either very honest or very funny. Maybe both. “Let me tell you something for free, honey,” he said. “A girl like you doesnt wanna get mixed up with a boy like that.”

Her eyes danced in the low light. “Maybe I was just gonna slap him with a child-support suit. Serve a subpoena.”

 

“Oh, God,” Jake said, laughing. “Dont even joke about that shit, its not funny.”

 

“You laughed.”

“Some things are too terrifying to take seriously.” He took a sip of his very strong drink. “Did you come here alone? This isnt a very good neighborhood, you know.”

“I was supposed to meet someone here,” she admitted, hooking her tiny little shoes around the legs of the barstool. “They didnt show.” Jake wrinkled his nose. “That sucks. Did you enjoy the show, at least?”

“Fishing for compliments?” Mickey teased. “Shouldnt your ego already be inflated enough? I mean, here I am debasing myself by hitting on the only man in the bar who isnt interested, and you want more from me?”

“Oh my God,” Jake said. “I was just going to keep you to myself to keep all the other female attention at bay”—not that he actually had a problem with that, now that the whole world knew he was gay—“but you are too much fun for one person. And I think youll give Chris an apoplectic fit, which is not something to be missed. So, master manipulator, what do you say—you wanna hit up our afterparty?”

The way Chriss eyes bugged out of his head when he saw her was, in fact, extremely satisfying, though Jake had a bad moment where he worried that there actually
was
going to be a paternity suit.

Then Mickeys eyes lit on Parker, who was standing just behind Chris and to his left, and before Jake knew it, she had both her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms around his shoulders.

But that wasnt the really crazy part. The crazy part was that Parker was hugging her back so tightly he had his hands locked around his wrists, and Jake could hear him laughing.

He blinked as Parker put the girl down and they made their way to the private elevators without so much as a goodbye. Chris and Jimmy looked on with twin expressions of disbelief.
³¹

Finally, Jake shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. “Well, there goes the neighborhood.”

 

³¹
This turned into something of a theme whenever Mickey was around.

 

PRODIGAL: OFFICIAL BLOG OF THE WAYWARD SONS

 

Date: Saturday, February 20, 2010 Author: Jake

 

Parker Update #3

Well, ladies, its finally happened. After the show tonight, a smokin hot babe in a white tank top and the shortest little shorts I ever saw swept Parker off into the night. Seriously. Like, she launched herself at him and he caught her.
And
hes had his phone off all night. I guess wishes really do come true!

Still, I cant help feeling kind of sad now that this epic quest has finally come to an end. I was really starting to think it might have to be me who introduced Parker to the joys of sex. I was wearing him down too, I could tell.

Oh well! Here are the pictures from tonights show. Word to your mothers!

 

EDIT: Turns out the hot brunette is Parkers sister. So thats awkward, but in other news—the quest is back on!

I
N THE following weeks, Jake got to know a whole different Parker. He smiled more, he talked more, he laughed more, and he called his sister on his cell phone about fifty times a day. A few times she made him hand over the phone to Jake or Chris or Jimmy so that she could get to know Parkers new family better, but eventually Parker got tired of that, so Jake just texted her his cell number. She was pretty awesome, and every time she called, it reminded Jake to forget he was sort of almost famous for a few minutes and call his family to check in.

Becca, who wouldnt admit it over the phone but followed Jakes blog religiously, was immediately intrigued. “I want to meet her,” she insisted.

Jake imagined the two of them teaming up and immediately got goose bumps all down his spine. “Over my dead body.” The world was not ready for that.

It wasnt until they were in New York for a sort of almost major concert—a venue of a couple thousand at a university—that Parker started getting quiet again.

Quiet and kind of—paranoid. He kept looking over his shoulder, and he jumped about seventeen feet when some random guy on the street came up to him and asked if he had a lighter. Jake was debating whether to ask if he had a secret stalker he hadnt told anyone about or just slip him an Ativan when, an hour or two before the concert, he seemed to sort himself out.

Aside from a few inconvenient broken guitar strings, everything went according to plan (they finished with a cover of “Longview,” which wasnt quite classic rock but was still pretty awesome) until the afterparty, when it became apparent that Parker was just not okay.

“Ive never seen him like this,” Chris hissed to Jake as they watched Parker down a shot of tequila from across the room. “You got any idea whats got into him?”

Jake shook his head, flabbergasted. He vaguely recalled that Parker had been a bit off the last time they had played a venue in New York, so—“Maybe its just bad memories?” he suggested. Parker had gone to school here, after all.

“If he isnt careful, hes going to make a few more tonight,” Jimmy said. Both he and Chris looked at Jake.

Yeah, Jake understood that that was his cue, not that he minded Parker-sitting duty. Parker looked after him well enough. He finished his drink and set it down on the bar. “Ill talk to him.”

“Talk” turned out to be something of a misnomer. What Jake
did
was cajole Parker out of the party and into the street for a hint of fresh air, hoping it would sober them both up some, since Jake had consumed a fair amount of drink himself. Parker held his peace, staring silently up at the stars and leaning against the side of the building as his breath fogged up the air in front of him. He looked like a man with something to say, or at least with something on his mind, but he was locked down—there was no way Jake was going to get anything out of him tonight.

It was too far to walk to the hotel, and there was too much temptation waiting for them back inside the bar, so when Parker finally complained of thirst Jake ushered him around the back to the parking lot and managed, after several very frustrating attempts, to open the door to the bus.

Jakes sense of
something is very wrong here
only intensified when Parker went directly to Jimmys smoke box and started rolling a joint, but Jake wasnt about to jump in and stop him. He wasnt Parkers keeper, and who knew, maybe he would actually relax a little and Jake could stop wondering when he was going to snap.

Parker finished rolling and lit up, sliding down onto one of the couches in the back of the bus. Jake could see the change in his posture after just one drag; his shoulders relaxed, his head fell back, and his knees parted. “Arent you going to give me the third degree?”

If Jake had had any more to drink, he would have sworn it was a pod person sitting in front of him and not his sweet, somewhat naïve friend. He had just enough sense to remember that Parker had traveled the country before this, alone, and that he was almost certainly nowhere near as innocent as Jake thought he was. “Would you tell me?”

Parker took another drag and then pulled the joint away, regarding it thoughtfully. “Probably not.”

“Not much point then, is there?”
“I guess not.”

For a couple of heartbeats the silence stretched out into all corners of the bus, and then Jake sat down next to Parker on the couch. The only light besides the lit end of Parkers joint was the glow of the streetlights filtering through the tinted windows; it made the space between them seem too small.

Or maybe that was the contact high. Jake couldnt be sure. “Parker….” He hesitated. “Are you okay?”

Parker passed him the roach, and in the space of one breath that strange, alien Parker was gone and Jakes best friend was back, if a little more messed up than Jake had ever seen him. “Its just some bad memories,” he reassured him—or, well, he tried, anyway. Jake wasnt ready to be reassured just yet.

He pinched out the smoking end of the joint and ditched it in an ashtray. “I know you said you dont want to talk about it, but if you change your mind….”

There was something dry in the twist of Parkers lips, but then he rested his head against Jakes shoulder, and Jake forgot to be on his guard. “Thanks,” he said.

Jake just “hmm”ed in response.

Sitting there in the almost-dark time passed differently, and Jake didnt know how much later it was when Parker raised his head and looked at him, eyes mere glints of light in the night, and Jake couldnt help but feeling that this was someone new again. Hed already seen Parker-his-friend and Parker-not-his-friend and now this was— “Parker—”

Parker kissed him.

For a couple of heartbeats, Jake was too stunned to do anything other than sit there like an idiot and let Parker kiss him. His lips were soft and sure but a little chapped, and it took his tongue running over the seam of Jakes lips for his paralysis to snap, and even though a part of his brain was absolutely screaming about what a bad idea this was, Jake didnt hear it. He reached up to drag Parker on top of him, but Parker had anticipated the move and was already climbing into Jakes lap, pressing him back into the couch, his hot, slick tongue invading Jakes mouth. With a downward thrust that had to be deliberate, he settled himself down with his—well, everything, actually—pressed up against Jakes.

Jake bit Parkers lower lip in a show of appreciation, then stuck his hand down the back of his pants just to make sure he got the message.

Shuddering in a deep breath, Parker pulled his mouth away for a moment, leaning his head against Jakes until Jake couldnt handle the waiting anymore and kissed him again, softer and more controlled. The kisses melted together into one long, hazy impression of mouths and hands and lips and tongues and teeth and noses; for once Jake happily ignored his dick and focused on Parker. God, hed never expected—but it was Parker; Jake should have known.