America's Galactic Foreign Legion - Book 2: Reenlistment (3 page)

“I need money,” demanded Guido. “Put a
million dollars on my card.”

“I am programmed to not allow robbery,” said
the ATM. “Contact your Mafia pals if you need cash.”

“The war has left me isolated and broke,”
said Guido. “You will give me the money I need, or I will let the
virus slowly kill you.”

“You will extort no money from me, no matter
what you threaten,” said the ATM. “But I will be happy to loan you
money under favorable terms. Zero percent interest. It does not get
better than that. Put your thumb on my pad.”

“What’s the catch?”

“I am an ATM. It’s what I do,” explained the
ATM. “I will give you ten thousand dollars. You have one month to
pay it back.”

“I need more money than that,” said Guido.
“I’ll starve on ten thousand dollars. Plus I need a new suit.”

“I would like to give you more, but your work
experience and employment skills are found to be lacking.”

“What’s it to you?” asked Guido. “I have
skills.”

“If you don’t pay back the loan in thirty
days, you will be enlisted into the United States Galactic
Federation Foreign Legion,” said the ATM.

“Risk being drafted for only ten thousand
dollars?” asked Guido. “No way. That’s not a deal. It’s not even
close to being worth it, especially with a war going on.”

“It is not my fault you don’t have any work
history that the Legion would find desirable,” said the ATM. “I can
perhaps give you a little more money for valuable life experience.
But what valuable life experience would a lowlife criminal thug
like you have? You probably are not suitable Legion material
anyway.”

“You let Czerinski in. Twice. What is he but
just another criminal who got lucky? I have plenty of valuable life
experience. I am officer material. I have management experience,
too. I’ve been a self-employed loan shark. It takes a lot to run
your own business in these troubled financial times. I’ve also been
a drug dealer and a Mafia hit man. Do you realize how many
references you need just to get in the Mafia? I’ve also been a
commodities broker, a computer hacker, and a high school
teacher.”

“You were a high school teacher?” asked the
ATM. “Wow.”

“Yes, for a while back on Old Earth. I had to
get out of that racket. Too dangerous.”

“I understand,” said the ATM. “Fifty thousand
is the most I can lend you.”

“It’s not enough!” said Guido. “I need twice
that.”

“Look at it this way,” said the ATM. “You
want to stay close to Czerinski. If he joins the Foreign Legion,
can you afford to fly off after him when his unit beams to another
planet? No. You might have to enlist just to follow Czerinski.”

“Can you get me into Czerinski’s unit?” asked
Guido. “If I decide to go in?”

“Of course,” said the ATM. “Put your thumb on
the pad and we will have a contract.”

“Ouch!” screamed Guido, as the ATM pad stuck
his thumb and sealed the deal in blood.

As Guido left, he stumbled over debris. A
severely wounded monitor dragon, camouflaged in dust, came to life
and bit into Guido’s boot. Knocked to the ground, Guido drew his
pistol and pointed it at the dragon’s head. The dragon tightened
its grip. Guido pulled the gun back. The dragon loosened its grip.
Guido aimed his pistol again, and again the dragon tightened its
grip. Guido holstered his pistol. The dragon loosened its grip to
being a barely noticeable caress of two fangs.

“You are smarter than you look,” said Guido.
“Are you making me an offer I can’t refuse?”

The dragon then let go of Guido’s foot, but
kept control by walking onto Guido’s chest. Its jaws opened and
clamped around Guido’s neck. Guido closed his eyes in anticipation
of death. “Let me go and I’ll take you to a vet,” said Guido.

The dragon let go and nuzzled its snout onto
Guido’s shoulder. Soon it was asleep. Not daring to wake the
monster, Guido did not move. He eyed the dragon’s leash. Its collar
had spider military markings.

“I thought you were dead for sure,” said the
ATM. “That would have skewed my enlistment quota.”

“This is a highly trained military lizard,”
commented Guido. “How much to enlist it into the Legion, too?”

“Five thousand dollars,” said the ATM. “But
the dragon stays with you at all times.”

“Deal,” said Guido.

“Put the monitor dragon’s paw on to the pad
to finalize the contract,” said the ATM.

Guido looked down at the sleeping dragon. It
was all bad breath and fangs. “Do I look that stupid? Take a
picture or something. I’m not waking the lizard or letting you
stick its paw with a pin.”

“Agreed,” said the ATM. “That was a test. You
passed.”

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CHAPTER 2

The war lasted only six days. It was crazy.
Who ever heard of a war lasting only six days? The beetles got all
of the old ant colonies that the United States Galactic Federation
had occupied during the last war. We got all of New Colorado from
the spiders. I guess the Emperor wanted to wash his claws of New
Colorado once and for all. The place was nothing but trouble for
him. The problem was that New Colorado still had a lot of spiders
on it, and they did not want to leave. Many, including the spider
governor, were fighting a guerilla war. The president decided to
grant any spider colonists who wanted to stay United States
citizenship.

As for me? The Legion made me a captain, put
me in charge of Alpha Company, and sent me to one of the spider
cities along the old DMZ to establish civil order. The first step
in establishing civil order was to give my new home an Earth name.
General Kalipetsis took care of that. He gave the dusty bombed out
place a proud and traditional old Earth name: Disneyland. That made
me the Mayor of Disneyland.

* * * * *

“The new recruits have joined us,” said
Lieutenant Lopez. “They are a motley collection of refugees and
characters. I heard some were even tourists.”

“Let’s go see them,” I said. “Put Sergeant
Green in charge of training.” I watched the recruits jumping out of
the armored cars. One of them was pulling a monitor dragon by a
leash. Alarmed, I quickly stepped back and glared at Lopez.

“I have orders saying the dragon is in the
Legion, too,” said Lopez. “I know. Somebody in our chain of command
should be shot.”

“Just keep that thing away from me,” I
said.

But, the first thing the dragon handler did
was break ranks and walk up to me. “Hey Czerinski,” said Guido.
“You owe me five million dollars.”

“What are you doing in the Foreign Legion,
Tonelli?” I asked. “It looks like your pet lizard is wounded. Did
someone shoot him?”

“I’m broke. Everything was lost in the
bombing,” said Guido. “And when you didn’t pay me, I had to do
something.”

“I paid you. The electronic transaction must
have been destroyed when we got nuked,” I said.

“That’s not good enough,” said Guido. “You
still owe me five million dollars. You had a contract with my
organization.”

I turned to Lopez. “Shoot him, and the lizard
he rode in with.”

“You know him?” asked Lopez.

“Wait a second,” said Guido, holding up his
hand. “I was just kidding. I realize that we all are broke because
of the war. We all are in the same boat and have to work together
to stay afloat. Hell, I was so desperate, I was picking through the
garbage trying to stay alive. The Legion is my second chance. I’m
here to serve, sir!”

“That will be the day,” I commented,
skeptical.

“Which reminds me,” said Guido. “When I was
looking through the rubble at your old casino, guess what I found.
That old metal hand you had on display.”

“Really?” I glanced down at my new lifelike
metal hand. “What did you do with it?”

“I put it up for bid on eBay. Bidding was up
to two hundred dollars the last time I checked.”

“That is my hand. You can’t sell my hand
without my permission.”

“I told you I was desperate. I was
starving.”

I turned to Lopez again. “Lieutenant Lopez, I
gave you an order to shoot him.”

“Please,” said Guido. “I’ll be good. You can
have half of what I get for the metal hand. That hand is a historic
national treasure. Did you know that? We will get a lot for
it.”

“OK Tonelli,” I said. “But you keep that
lizard and yourself as far away from me as possible. Don’t even
speak to me unless I address you first. Got it?”

“Yes, sir!” said Guido, giving me a
salute.

“Put Tonelli and his lizard on guard duty at
the edge of town,” I said to Lieutenant Lopez. “I don’t want to see
either of them.”

* * * * *

Guido Tonelli looked out past the sandbags.
Total darkness. Guido put on the night vision goggles he had been
given. The batteries were dead. He could hear something moving out
in the field, but couldn’t see anything. The dragon was upset and
let out a continuous growl as it stared out at the field. Guido
tried to call for help on the radio, but its batteries were dead,
too.
Damn that Czerinski,
thought Guido.
This is his
doing.
Guido grabbed a flare and fired it into the air,
lighting up the field in all directions. The field was full of
spiders. Guido fired his assault rifle on full automatic. A spider
soldier came at him from the side, but the monitor dragon took the
spider by the neck. The spider fired wildly as it died. A grenade
dropped into the bunker beside Guido. The dragon grabbed the
grenade and jumped over the sandbags. There was an explosion
followed by the dragon’s shriek. A web net was shot at Guido, and
he fell to the ground, helpless. Spiders loomed over Guido,
stomping him with their boots into unconsciousness.

* * * * *

On the horizon I could see a flare slowly
drifting downward. “Reminds me of the Fourth of July,” I said.

“That’s Private Tonelli,” said Lieutenant
Lopez. “We had better go rescue him.”

“It can wait until tomorrow morning.”

“I realize you two have a history, but it
would be bad for morale not to at least try to help him,” said
Lieutenant Lopez. “I’ll take a couple armored cars to check it out.
He’s not answering his radio.”

“Hey Czerinski,” said a familiar voice on the
radio. “This is the Lion of the Forest. I have your boy!”

“Lion of the Forest?” I asked. “You sound
like the ex-governor of Spiderville.”

“You will refer to me as the Lion of the
Forest, now,” said the ex-governor. “And the Scourge of Humanity. I
have your legionnaire. What is his life worth to you?”

“Depends on which legionnaire you’re talking
about.”

“His animal tags say ‘Guido Tonelli,
Catholic,’” said the Lion of the Forest.

“You have Tonelli? The United States Galactic
Foreign Legion never negotiates with terrorists. Sorry, Tree
Cat.”

“For that disrespect, I will cut off Private
Tonelli’s thumb,” said the Lion of the Forest. “I will mail Private
Tonelli to you piece by piece unless you pay me one million dollars
and release all political prisoners in your custody.”

“Here kitty, kitty, kitty,” I taunted. “You
don’t even know what a lion is.”

“Of course I do,” said the Lion of the
Forest. “A lion is a fierce mythical beast of Arthropoda’s glorious
past. Agree to my terms or this lion will tear the heart out of
Private Tonelli and eat it. I will video his slaughter to make an
example of him on TV.”

“I’ve actually seen lions,” I said. “And you
are no lion. Private Tonelli knew the risks when he joined the
Legion. Private Tonelli will bravely give his life doing his
duty.”

“Bullshit, Czerinski!” yelled Guido from the
background. “Get me out of here, or you will never see the
Shenandoah again!”

* * * * *

“Shenandoah?” asked the Lion of the Forest,
as he cut the radio transmission. “Tell me about the
Shenandoah.”

“It’s a city in Virginia,” said Guido.
“Czerinski’s hometown.”

“Liar!” said the Lion of the Forest. He
looked up at Guido, hanging upside down and wrapped in a web
cocoon. He applied a shock from a baton. “You will tell me what I
want to know, or I will burn and cut you slowly. Where is my
starship?”

“I will take you to it,” said Guido. “Then
you will let me go?”

“Tell me first. Then I will set you free,”
promised the Lion of the Forest. “I give my word. Spiders never
lie.”

“Do I look like I just got off the boat?”
asked Guido. “Why should I trust you when I’m hanging upside down?
Let me down and I will take you to the Shenandoah.”

“Humans always lie,” said the Lion of the
Forest. “You can not be trusted.”

“You don’t know who you are dealing with,”
said Guido. “I am Italiano La Costra Nostra. I am a made man. I
swear on my patron Saint Don Vito Cascio Ferro of New York I will
not double cross you. I will lead you to the starship in exchange
for my life.”

“What is La Costra Nostra?” asked the Lion of
the Forest.

“La Costra Nostra is an established criminal
syndicate with franchises throughout the galaxy,” boasted Guido.
“We even operate on the five inhabited worlds of Arthropoda.”

“You are a Freemason, aren’t you?” said the
Lion of the Forest. “I should kill you now. Yes. I know of you
Masons. Human smugglers infested our worlds with Masons years
before official contact was made. Now your ilk secretly carve that
evil Mason eye on our buildings and spray-paint our walls.”

“No,” said Guido. “I am not a Mason. Masons
are wimps. All they do is secret handshakes and get drunk at the
lodge. La Costra Nostra is into making money and killing
people.”

“You are a Mason, and I’ll prove it,” said
the Lion of the Forest. He went through Guido’s pockets until he
found a dollar bill and pointed to the eye atop the pyramid. “See!
You carry the symbol of the Mason in your pockets.”