Karla nodded. It sounded like a great adventure. She only wished she could tell Aunt Anna about it. She was sure that Anna had a pure heart and wouldn’t spoil it. It was so difficult to keep a secret. But she didn’t want to disappoint Maja.
Chapter 5
“Karla is intelligent, but very unfocused,” the young man told Anna.
Anna was having a meeting with Karla’s main teacher about her progress in school. Mr. Winter was sitting across from her behind his desk, which was stacked with neatly arranged piles of papers and books. The late-afternoon sun shone through the window, bathing the sparse office and the serious face of the handsome young man in a pale light.
“What do you mean?” Anna peered at him.
The teacher sat up straight. “For one thing, her mind wanders and she’s often unable to concentrate. She doesn’t pay attention. She sits in her chair, either looks at me with a blank expression on her face—you can tell she’s not listening—or she gazes out the window. When I call on her with a question, she looks startled, as if she’d just woken up from a dream.
“I tried all kinds of things. I moved her away from the window. I called on her more frequently, so she wouldn’t have a chance to fall back into her daydreaming. She tries to listen, but after a while I catch her again staring into space.
“I thought that perhaps the subject I teach doesn’t interest her, but the other teachers have the same experience. Karla is very absentminded. Interestingly enough, her written work is better and she excels in her art class. She draws and paints far beyond her age, as the art teacher told me.”
Anna nodded. “I know; she loves to draw and paint. It’s something that makes her happy. I found a professional art teacher for her.”
“Yes, it may encourage and perhaps help her. However, she needs to snap out of her daydreaming during the oral lessons, or she won’t be able to graduate to the next class.”
“Why wasn’t I told of this earlier?” Anna asked in a sharp voice. “I didn’t know she was doing poorly. At first, she wasn’t happy in school. As you know, her whole life was turned upside down when her mother and grandmother died. She's had so many changes, so I'm not surprised that she’s still suffering. But she made a few friends, she did her homework, and she never complained about school.”
“I'm sorry. Perhaps I should’ve let you know earlier, but I also knew about her background and thought that things would improve with time. Lately, however, I realized that she needs help—perhaps counseling—and I was going to call you about it.”
Anna sighed. “I took her to a therapist in the beginning, right after she moved in with me. He felt, however, that Karla was dealing with her pain in a normal way and that with lots of love and attention she'd slowly get over it. I think that was an overly optimistic assessment. Perhaps she needs professional help after all.”
“I do know of someone I can recommend,” Mr. Winter said. “She takes care of some the children here who have been traumatized. I’m sure we can do something to help Karla.”
The teacher shook hands with Anna. It was only now that Anna realized why he looked so familiar to her. His shiny black hair and piercing blue eyes reminded her of Nicolas, her husband.
After meeting with the teacher, Anna went back to her bookstore. It was still quiet there, no customers yet. She watered the few plants, then walked around rearranging some books and putting a few toys, which were lying on the floor in the kids’ corner, back into the crates.
Her bookstore was fairly small and it was a constant struggle to find enough room for all the books and videos she kept. Gazing out the window, she squinted her eyes against the glare from the sun. She turned around, and gave the tall birch-wood shelves a last look-over, then turned to a package of new books that had just come in. She unpacked the box, took out each book, opened it, and held it to her nose. She loved the crisp smell of new books, fresh off the press. The ink had a slight synthetic aroma, not unpleasant, but rather exciting. Each book contained a secret, a new insight perhaps, an exciting adventure.
She began to label them and entered their data into the computer. She had a difficult time concentrating on her task, though. After a while, she stopped and sighed. The talk with the teacher worried her. She had had the impression that Karla had been doing okay in school. At least, she didn’t seem to have had any major problems.
How could I have missed the signs?
she wondered.
One of the books she unpacked was a travel book about the United States. The picture on the cover was of the Statue of Liberty in New York. “America,” she murmured as she turned the pages. She scrunched her forehead and took a deep breath.
Why am I surprised? I’ve missed the signs before.
The resemblance between the teacher and Nicolas, her husband, and the picture on the book reminded her of her life in New York City, where she had lived as a young woman. It had been an intensely happy as well as sad time.
I sure fell for him. I was so much in love. And then—
The doorbell rang and a friend of hers walked in. Anna surreptitiously dabbed her eyes and forced a smile. “Hi there.”
Petra peered at her. “Something wrong?”
Anna shook her head, then pointed at the picture of New York. “Just thinking of old times.”
Petra came over and looked at the photo. “New York, huh?” She put her hand on Anna’s shoulder. “Why does it make you sad? Want to talk about it?”
Petra was a good friend. They lived in the same village and both loved books. After a slight hesitation, Anna felt she could confide in her. “Why not? Let’s have some coffee.” She pressed the button on the espresso machine.
“You know that I was married?” Anna said as she put the cups on the small table in the corner.
“Yes, but you never gave me any details. It seems to be a taboo subject.”
“Well, yeah, I don’t like to dwell on it. But anyway, I met Nicolas, my husband, at a party in New York City. I was studying library science. He was a Mexican citizen and was finishing his degree in architecture.”
“I knew you lived in New York for a while. I didn’t realize you studied there,” Petra said.
“One of the reasons was my father. He was an American citizen. After my parents got divorced, he moved back to the United States. I spent most of my vacations with him in New York City. I loved New York. It was such an exciting place. I applied for the library science program at the Pratt Institute. I got in and decided to stay.
“Anyway, Nico and I started going out and we fell in love. He was very handsome. He had jet-black glossy hair and intense blue eyes.” Anna gave a wistful smile. “He was part Gypsy. His mother was a descendent a tribe of Spanish Gypsies. His father was English.”
“Sounds exotic,” Petra said.
“Yes, well, he was everything a young stupid woman like me would fall for. Attractive, charming, mysterious, intelligent . . . and an excellent liar.”
“A liar? That doesn’t sound so good,” Petra said.
“You can say that.” Anna sighed.
“So what went wrong? Was he unfaithful?”
“Well, there was more to it.”
The door opened and another woman entered. She looked around the bookstore, then came up to the counter and asked Anna about a book she was looking for. Anna went over to the bookshelves. She couldn’t find the book, so she did a search on her computer. She turned to Petra. “Sorry, I’ll tell you the rest later.”
“No problem,” Petra said. “I’ll have to leave anyway. I have a dental appointment. But I sure want to know more.” Petra gave Anna a quick hug and left.
Anna lifted her hand in a good-bye gesture, then continued to search for the book. “It’s a children’s book,” she said to the woman. “I don’t have it in stock but I can order it for you.”
“That would be great, thanks,” the woman said. “It’s for my daughter’s birthday.”
Anna smiled and typed the information into the computer. It was a book of poems for children with cute illustrations. She ordered several copies and decided to give one to Karla.
Chapter 6
The sirens shrieked from far away. Someone banged on the car door. Red paint splashed all over. “Karla, Karla,” a muffled voice called.
Karla shot up in bed; her breath came in spurts. Slowly the nightmare dissipated, but the voice and the thudding sounds against the shutter continued. Karla kicked back her comforter, got out of bed, and opened the window. Maja’s pale face lit up briefly in the moonlight.
“Let’s go,” she whispered. “Where have you been? I’ve been knocking forever.”
“Psst. Be quiet. Don’t wake Anna. I fell asleep. I’ll be right out.” Karla was already dressed. She grabbed her jacket and climbed on top of the window sill. Her bedroom was on the first floor and faced the back of the house. There was a light thump as she jumped onto the gravel path in the backyard.
Maja leaned her bicycle against the fence and the two girls disappeared behind the shed. A narrow path led to the main road. They crossed the highway, which was without traffic at this time of the night. Before entering the forest which led to the hill they were going to climb, Karla turned and looked back. In spite of the moonlight, the house was barely visible underneath the tall birches and pines which shaded it. All of a sudden, the windows in Anna’s bedroom lit up. Karla held her breath and stared.
“Come on,” Maja whispered.
“Wait,” Karla said and continued to watch the window. “I think Anna heard something.” She exhaled with relief when the light went out again.
“You’re such a chicken,” Maja grumbled and began to walk up the hill.
Karla followed her. As long as they were in the open, they easily found their way in the familiar landscape lit by the moon. Once they entered the forest, however, it was too dark to see anything. Maja had brought a small flashlight which gave just enough light so they didn’t stumble too often over exposed roots or bump into trees. Every once in a while, they stopped and listened to the noises of the forest: the rustling of some small animal in the leaves on the ground, the crackling of twigs or branches nearby.
At one point, they both let out a muffled scream as a dark shadow leapt up next to them and dashed through the undergrowth.
“A wolf,” Maja called and dropped her flashlight.
Karla grabbed her arm. “There’re no wolves here, are there?” Her voice quivered.
“Must have been a deer. We probably woke it up,” Maja whispered.
“This is spooky. Let’s get out of here. We should’ve asked Anna to come along after all.” Karla was still trembling from the shock.
“It’s too late for that now. Let’s go.” Maja sounded less confident than before but she picked up the flashlight and walked on.
After a while, Karla saw a weak band of light ahead of them. They had reached the end of the forest. She sighed with relief as they stepped into a meadow. The moon had risen and bathed the landscape in its milky light. The grass was dewy and soon Karla’s sneakers were soaked. She shivered in the cool night.
They found the narrow path which led up to the Egg, a hill behind the village. It was quiet outside the forest; the only sounds were their steps on the gravel path, the occasional crunching of stones, and the increased breathing as the girls climbed the steep hill. Karla felt warm again and she was beginning to enjoy their nightly adventure.
After about half an hour, the girls reached the top of the hill. They sat down on the wooden bench from which hikers had a view of the valley during the day. Now, Karla and Maja were able to see the few lights of the village in the distance. They sat quietly for a while, relaxing from the hike, and waiting for something to happen.
Around them the soft silvery light of the moon spread across the fields. Karla took a deep breath. The air smelled of damp freshly cut grass and sage. She heard the melancholic tune of a night bird nearby.
Would they be able to look into heaven? “What now?” she asked Maja.
“We’ll have to watch the moon and wait.” Maja’s normally confident voice sounded timid.
After a while, Karla’s neck began to hurt from the strain of tilting her head back. “Let’s lie down; it’s easier that way.”
Maja stretched out on the bench, supporting her head with her jacket. Karla lay down next to her, wedging her body between her friend’s and the backrest of the bench, and put her head on Maja’s chest.
The enormous disk of the full moon and the expanse of the sky with its thousands of stars were enchanting, yet Heaven remained as closed as ever. Karla was only six years old and she longed for her mother with all her heart. She didn’t make a clear separation yet between fantasy and reality, but she was old enough to sense that there was an insurmountable barrier between the living and the dead. Doubts about the success of their mission lodged in her mind.
“We’ll never see our mamas again. They’re gone forever.” Karla’s insight sent a stabbing pain through her chest. A deep sadness overwhelmed her.
“My grandma is crazy. I don’t know why I believed her.” Maja’s voice broke.
Karla felt her friend’s heaving chest. She sat up and let a sob escape. “At least, the moon is beautiful. And perhaps our mamas can see us, even if we can’t see them,” she said, trying unsuccessfully to soften her own, as well as Maja’s, pain.
“I doubt it,” Maja said matter-of-factly.
“We should get back,” Karla said, wiping the tears from her face with the back of her hand.
They got up and began to walk back without talking. In the forest, Maja turned on her flashlight. The girls made it through the forest, holding hands, without waking any more animals. After they crossed the highway, Karla’s throat tightened. The windows of her house were lit and when they came closer, they saw a car parked in the driveway.
“Oh no. My aunt and uncle,” Maja said. “We’re going to get such a spanking.”
Karla’s heart was beating fast. “Anna never spanks me.”
“I bet she will this time.” Maja’s voice quivered.