“You don’t need to forget her. You’ll never forget her. But you can let her rest once in a while. And I need to do the same with Eva. Eva and your mama want us to be happy. They don’t want us to be sad and always grieve for them.”
Karla gave him a thoughtful look. Jonas smiled. “Not convinced, huh? Well, let’s try something else for a change.” He pointed at Karla’s picture. “I like this. I love the colors and I like the fact that the picture fills the whole paper. That’s a good composition. Now, put it aside and I’ll show you something.”
Jonas stepped onto the rooftop patio and waved at Karla to follow him. He pointed north to where the storm clouds were towering over the mountains. “Look at the clouds. Close your eyes halfway and scan them. Take your time; don’t focus on them too much. Relax your gaze and try to see the colors in the clouds. When we don’t pay attention, storm clouds are just black and gray. But in reality, there are many more colors. Can you see them?”
Karla squinted her eyes and looked toward the north. She nodded her head. “Yes. I can see purple.”
“Good,” Jonas said. “What else?”
“Yellow and blue and white and orange.”
“Excellent. See, there is much more to the world than it looks like on the surface. We just need to learn to see. Drawing and painting are all about learning to see. You understand?”
Karla nodded.
“Now, what about painting the clouds the way you see them?”
Karla’s face lit up. “Yeah, that would be cool.”
Jonas smiled. “Okay, let’s do it. You can use the pastels. But only the sky and the clouds, no people. And if you forget what the sky looks like, you can always come out here and check.”
Jonas put a new large piece of paper on Karla’s drawing table, then sat down at the other end of the room and observed her while she worked. He noticed the change in her right away. A new kind of energy seemed to fill her. Not having to worry about exact forms and figures, she let herself go. Her body and her mind opened up. Her facial color deepened, her arms and hands moved with great agility, and her strokes became bolder.
Karla was a beautiful child. She seemed to have inherited her Latin father’s facial features, the large dark eyes, the high cheekbones, and the light-bronze skin. The highlights in her shiny black hair must have come from her Swiss mother’s side.
Every once in a while, Karla stepped out on the balcony and looked toward the sky. Then she returned with a smile and continued.
Jonas nodded to himself. There was a lot of passion in the girl and Jonas wanted to find ways for her to express it. Drawing her mother was a basic need for Karla and Jonas didn’t want to interfere too much. They just had to find a balance between preserving that link and exploring the rest of the wide and exciting world.
Chapter 14
Fall vacation was almost over and school was about to start again. The October winds had blown many of the colored leaves from the trees. Karla had collected the most beautiful ones and pressed them in a notebook. Once they were dry, she wanted to use them for a collage.
Today, Anna had taken her shopping in the city for a few school supplies. Karla stuffed the notebooks and pens into her backpack but kept her new set of crayons and other painting utensils on the table. She gazed at the window, scrunching her eyes, as if trying to decide what to draw. The sun rays piercing through the windowpane lit up the reddish highlights in her black hair.
“Look, Anna,” she said and got up. Her eyes opened wide and she pointed at the window. An almost perfect spiderweb was stretched between the top of the window and the side frame, its fine threads shimmering in the golden evening light.
“Neat, huh?” Anna said. They both gazed at the perfect work of art.
“I could draw it,” Karla said, pointing at the spiderweb. “I’ll add the spider, too, and perhaps the colored leaves.” She got excited and hurried back to the table.
Anna sighed. She hated to spoil Karla’s enthusiasm, but they needed to talk. They hadn’t discussed Karla’s flawed report card yet. The grades hadn’t been bad: a high Six, or A-plus, in drawing; a Five, or B, in writing; and a Four, or C, in math. Under “Attitude and Behavior,” however, there was a remark about inattentiveness, daydreaming, forgetfulness, and handing in homework late or not at all.
“That sounds like a great idea, Karla, but first we have to talk about school.”
“Mmm,” Karla said and picked up a pastel pen.
“Put that down and pay attention,” Anna said a little more forcefully.
Karla gave her a probing look, then lowered the crayon but kept it in her hand.
“I talked to your teacher and he told me that you did well in your written work but that you don’t pay attention during oral lessons. What can we do to improve your performance?”
Karla turned her head and looked out the window. She didn’t answer.
“Karla?” Anna put her hand on Karla’s shoulder.
Karla turned back and stared at her, her eyes glowering, her full lips pressed into a thin line. There was a new energy about her. So far, Karla had been mostly obedient and quiet, even passive and often sad. Seeing defiance and anger in her face was almost a relief.
Anna kept a straight face, although she felt a smile tickle the corners of her mouth. Perhaps being a little more assertive was a good thing, even if it was for the wrong reason. Her optimism, however, took a dive when she heard Karla’s answer.
“Mama said school wasn’t important.” She angrily pushed the crayon aside.
“When did your mother say that?”
“When I talk to her at night.” Karla jutted out her chin.
“I thought she wasn’t talking back to you.”
“Sometimes, she does.”
“Karla, why would your mother say something like that? You know that’s not true. Think about it. Remember how your mom would work with you when you still went to kindergarten? You already knew how to read and write before you started school. Do you think your mom would have taught you these things, if she didn’t believe school and learning were important?”
Karla shook her head but her face remained hard and tight.
“What did you two do every Wednesday afternoon after kindergarten? Where did you go?”
Karla hesitated, then said, “We went to the library.”
“Okay, why did you go there?”
“To check out books for me, of course.”
“What kind of books?” Anna prodded.
“All kinds. Books about how to read and write and build things. We once built a whole farm with animals,” Karla said, her face brightening a little.
“See, Karla, your mama wanted to prepare you for school. She wanted you to learn things. That’s why she took you to the library. Do you really think a mother like this would tell you one day that school wasn’t important?”
Karla looked down at the floor and slowly shook her head.
“Do you agree then that it wasn’t your mama who told you school wasn’t important?”
Karla stared at her. “Then who was it?”
Anna hesitated a moment. “Did you really hear a voice?”
Karla shrugged her shoulder. “I thought I did.”
“Look, Karla, your mama can’t talk like a normal person. She’s dead, honey. That means her body and her voice are gone. Do you understand?”
Karla nodded hesitantly.
“Karla, next time you think you hear your mother’s voice, tell me. Perhaps the two of us can find out what’s going on. Promise?”
Karla nodded again, this time with more conviction. “Anna, are there ghosts?”
“I’m not sure, Karla. I’ve never seen or heard one, but some people claim they exist. If you ever hear or see one, you have to let me know. We have to be together in this, okay?”
“Can I still tell Mama what I’m doing? And tell her secrets?”
“Yes, of course, you can tell her everything. But I hope you tell me as well if something bothers you. Your mama would want that. She would want that I take good care of you. And for that I need to know what’s going on with you. I need to know when you have a problem or if you’re unhappy about something.”
Karla slid down from her chair and hugged Anna. Anna felt tears rise to her eyes. “I love you, Karla. I want you to be happy. But now we have to talk about school and homework and all that.”
Anna and Karla came to an agreement. Karla promised to pay more attention in school and to do her homework first thing after school before painting and drawing. Anna would talk to her teacher after a few weeks to find out if Karla needed more help.
“And I want you to take Spanish lessons, too. We’ll both take them. I know a little Spanish but I need to improve. And you need to learn,” Anna said.
“Why?” Karla looked at her surprised, squinting her eyes, as if Anna was a painting she scanned.
“Because I want you to be able to talk to your father. He wrote to me; he’s coming to visit you.”
A spark of fear lit up in Karla’s eyes. “But I don’t know him.”
“That’s why he’s coming to visit, so you can get to know him a little better.”
Karla shrugged her shoulder. “But I don’t want to go with him. I want to stay with you and Saint Nicholas.”
“Of course, you’re not going back with him. Not as long as you’re little. Don’t worry. Perhaps, once you are older, you will want to visit him.”
“Maybe.” Karla wrapped her arms around Anna again.
Anna gently patted her back. “It will be fun, you’ll see. He’s only going to stay with us for few weeks.”
“Okay,” Karla murmured.
“Now then, what about drawing that spiderweb?” Anna said.
“Yeah, and the spider and the leaves,” Karla said and rushed to the table. She picked up a pastel pen and started to draw.
Chapter 15
“Mama, I’ve big news. My papa came to visit. I’ve never met him before. He’s real nice and he brought me presents. I got a beautiful doll. She’s sitting on top of the dresser. Can you see her? She has long black hair, real hair, Papa said. And look at the beautiful colors in her dress. I also got some clothes for myself: a dress, a skirt, and blouses. They have similar colors: red, blue, green, yellow. They’re just like my doll’s clothes. Papa said that his wife picked them out. His wife is my stepmother, he said.
“I felt a little strange around Papa. He doesn’t speak Italian or German. But he said he understands a lot of Italian. I speak a little Spanish and Anna helps. She translates for us.
“Today was bad weather. April weather, Anna said. It’s been very windy and raining and once in a while the sun was shining through the holes in the clouds. I love to look at the sky when it’s stormy. There are so many colors and shapes and they change all the time. I love to paint the sky, but it is hard. The clouds move so fast, you have to draw very fast.
“The other day, Papa and me were painting. Papa isn’t very good at it, but I helped him. We painted a landscape with animals in it. Papa tried to draw a dog but it looked more like a donkey. I tried not to laugh but I couldn’t help it. He didn’t mind, though.
“I drew the people in the picture. Papa said that’s too difficult for him. So I drew you, Papa, me, and Anna. When I drew you, I got sad. I wanted you to be here and meet Papa. Papa was sad, too. I saw it. His eyes were all wet. The picture turned out pretty nice. Anna put it up on the wall. Can you see it over there?
“I have to think a lot these days. I’m thinking about you and Papa. How come you and Papa don’t live together? I mean when you were still here? Papa said I have a stepmother and a sister in Peru and that I’ll get to visit them when I’m a little older. But I don’t want another mother. I want you. I didn’t tell Papa that, but I told Anna. She said that you’ll always be my real mother. Rosa can be my second mother. Rosa is Papa’s wife. Anna said that a lot of children have a second mother, a stepmother. But I want Anna to be my second mother. So, perhaps, Rosa can be my third mother. It’s all so complicated and I get a headache when I think about it. Anna said not to worry about it. That for now she is my second mother, and when I’m older, I can go and visit my Peruvian family.
“I guess it would be fun. And I would get to meet my sister. Papa showed me a photo. She’s a little younger than I am and very pretty. Papa told me that in Peru they have llamas. But they’re not in the zoo like here in Zurich. They walk around the fields just like our cows.
“And Mama, I have a new kitty. It’s a girl. Its fur is black and it has white spots on its forehead and its chest. The paws and its calves are white, so it looks like it’s wearing white boots. It’s a little naughty. It scratches the sofa to sharpen its claws. Anna said that fortunately we don’t have any expensive furniture.
“We have to give it a name. I wanted to name it ‘Puss in Boots,’ because of its white legs. Anna thinks that’s too long of a name. Perhaps, I’ll call it ‘Dotty,’ because it has white dots. Right now, it’s lying on my bed, all curled up and purring. I wish it could sleep with me but Anna wants it so sleep in the kitchen for a while, so it gets used to the litter box.
“Yesterday, Papa flew back to Peru. I was sad for a while. But tomorrow we’re going to see Saint Nicholas again. I almost didn’t think about him when Papa was here. But I’m looking forward to my class. When Anna and Saint Nicholas and me are together, it almost feels like a family.
“I’m tired now, Mama. Bye-bye until tomorrow. Do people sleep in Heaven? I’ll have to ask Anna.”
PART TWO
Chapter 16
Anna glanced out the window as the train passed by a large dug-up field being prepared for a group of new homes. She wondered once again how the originally small farm villages had grown into towns and agglomerations. The rolling hills and woods in the distance, the occasional homesteads and small pastures were the last remnants of the predominantly agricultural area Anna had grown up in.