An Unfinished Life (21 page)

“No, Giovanni, fuck you. That is your name, right? But yet, you prefer good old Jack. You never let me forget how I disgraced our family by changing my name, but why give me grief when you are the biggest hypocrite walking. I bet no one from the streets even knows your real name. Tell me something, JACK…was Giovanni too Italian for you to use on the streets? I guess that’s why the wise guys keep it simple. Tony, Vic…you get what I’m saying?”

I inhaled a deep breath as if my life depended on it. From where we were standing, the hope of us finding middle ground looked grim at this point. He was fueled with animosity toward me, and I wasn’t going to have him use my relationship with Nicolette to get to me.

“We are going to table this conversation for now, but make no mistake, little brother, we are not finished discussing what has crawled up your ass. You give me tomorrow with our daughter, and then you can come at me with all that you’ve got.”

“I look forward to taking you down a few pegs.”

I knew Mason was trying to get a rise from me, but there was no way in hell I was going to lose it, especially in front of Nicolette.

“Good luck trying,” I replied with my best “go fuck yourself” face.

We plastered the fakest smiles on our faces and walked back into the main room. Nicolette was being helped into her coat by Simon. The Paulsons bid their farewells to us and took a separate car to their hotel. Massimo grabbed hold of Christina, and she just waved to me with a sad look to her face. She loved her husband, and me too for that matter, but hated to high heaven that we were at odds with one another. Christina and Sara…bless these women who put up with our crap.

Nicolette and Simon stayed behind and waited for everyone to file out. “Thank you, Uncle Jack. It’s okay to hug Simon. He knew I was telling you tonight.”

“Congratulations, son. I can’t even begin to express how happy I am for you both. You are a good man, Simon. I’m a little biased, but next to what I have with Sara, I’ve never seen a perfectly matched couple like you two. Your life is blessed.”

I took Simon into an embrace and kissed each side of his face, reciting an Italian blessing, “Un vero uomo si prende cura della sua famiglia. Sii buono con tua moglie e tuo figlio. Che Dio vi benedica.”

I laughed out loud on account of the bewildered look on his face. He turned back to Nicolette, who was laughing at her husband, knowing he didn’t speak Italian.

“Let me translate for you, baby.” Uncle Jack said, “A true man takes care of his family. Be good to your wife and your child. God Bless.”

“Thank you, Jack. That means a lot to us both.”

“No need to thank me, son. Just continue to take care of my princess, and we will never have a problem.”

“This has been the perfect day, Uncle Jack. Thank you for always being there for me. Io ti amo.”

“I love you too, my sweet Nickel. See you tomorrow.”

I locked up the bar and left the rest of the clean up for the staff. Sara walked into my arms and kissed me soundly.

“I’m exhausted. Thank goodness we have help for tomorrow. Uh oh...what is it?”

Leave it to my wife to pick up the slightest change in my demeanor.

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

She raised her eyebrows, not believing me for one minute.

“I saw you with Mason earlier. Care to talk about it?”

“No, I don’t. The only talking I care to do is to get into bed with you. I hope you have a little energy left for me.”

“Always,” she said with a wink.

Her answer calmed me, while the desire in her eyes aroused me. I carried my Sara into my arms and placed her gently down on our bed, forgetting about the bullshit that waited for me the next day with my brother.

W
e couldn’t have asked for a better day with Chicago’s weather cooperating with us. There was very little wind and a temperature of thirty degrees. Our Thanksgiving tradition: three hours of bliss watching the annual parade that marks the beginning of the holiday season.

This was the Paulson’s first time ever witnessing the time honored event that brought so many people together. They were familiar with Illinois and had visited the city of Chicago many times but never took the time to enjoy this spectacular parade. Simon was in conversation with his brother and father, while I stayed close to Nicolette and Sara. My brother and his wife had joined us too but kept their distance. In between enjoying the performers and enjoying the delicious eats of Chicago, Simon’s brother Andrew was signing autographs. He was smiling and even posed with fans for pictures.

Nickel’s cheeks were rosy red, and her eyes were sparkling with happiness. She was wearing a smile that could launch a thousand ships. This was my girl as I had always remembered before her life changing attack. I have only thanked God for a small number of miracles he has bestowed on me, and my daughter returning home to us was one of them. We feared we lost her when she left, but once again she surprised us with her strength and courage. I only had today with her before she returned to her home in California. I pulled her into a warm hug, feeling the glare of disgust from my brother, who hadn’t taken his eyes off of me.

What was his problem? She was normally thousands of miles away from me, and now that I had some time with her and was expressing my affection, he looked like he wanted to rip my head off! I’d maintained my control out of respect for Sara, Nicolette, and her family, but I’d had enough. I needed to set some things straight with my brother.

We went our separate ways after the parade. Nicolette and Simon went back to their hotel to rest and said they would join us in a few hours. The Paulsons decided to do a little sightseeing before dinner. Everything had been already prepped at the restaurant, so I encouraged Sara to join them and serve as their guide. She loved this city as much as I did, and she didn’t mind. It took some coaxing to get Christina to join them, but I gave my sister-in-law a hug and assured her that we would be okay in their absence. She gave me a distrustful look, but reluctantly agreed. I gave her a small hug, kissed her forehead, and whispered “Thank you,” which caused her to smile.

My brother looked as if he was about to spit fire, but I wasn’t going to allow him to erupt in the middle of my bar. I led him downstairs to my office, where we would not be interrupted and certainly not heard.

He bypassed me with a shove with his shoulder. I ignored his action and closed the door behind me. He didn’t take a seat and instead fixed himself a drink, not offering me the same courtesy.

“What the fuck is your problem, Massimo? What have I done that has you so enraged with me? You have done nothing but brood since your arrival. This is a happy time, for fuck sakes! And you’re walking around with a stick up your ass. What is it?”

“You, Jack, you are the problem! My problem for years now! It’s always about you. I’m exhausted, and I can’t do this with you anymore.”

I took a hard swallow, making my throat muscles tighten up.

“Me? I’m the one to blame for all of your problems? I think you need to explain yourself, my brother.”

“Why? You never listen to me. It always comes down to you, and I’m done with it. Think about it, Jack. When we were younger, you took care of me. You took care of our family and never yourself first. Mama and papa tried to reason with you. They tried to get you to attend church with us, be home more for dinner, and not be out there in the city on your own. You were my hero at one time. I loved you so much and idolized the ground you walked on. Here was my big brother who always protected me. No one even looked cross-eyed in my direction out of fear that you would rip their head off.”

He continued, “And as for my piano…I loved that piano, as you well know. I held onto that musical instrument for years until I could afford to buy myself a new one, one that I would create my music on with Christina. Do you want to know why I still have that piano? Why it has been restored and proudly sits in our home in California? Because I could never ever part with it, knowing what you sacrificed in order to give it to me.”

With every word my brother was saying, his anger softened and turned into sadness. The only times he ever spoke to me with such purpose in his tone was when we were at odds with each other, like now.

“I never knew that, Massimo. I’m sorry.”

“Because you never asked! This went on for years, Jack, because the more you gave us, the more you lost in the end. Pieces of you—and your sold-out soul—were laid all over the streets of our neighborhood, and you just went on being someone’s bitch to justify the means that you were providing for us.”

“That’s not true, Massimo, and you damn well know it. Are you trying to piss me off? Because you don’t want to go there with me.”

“Why, Jack? What are you going to do? Shoot me? Beat me up? I don’t give a fuck what you threaten me with. It’s never going to change how much I love you.”

What did he just say? He rested his head against the wall and looked defeated while I was in shock. He had been behaving as if he hated me. He reminded me of all my sins with his self-righteous attitude, and then went and said that he loves me?

He slowly turned around to look over at me and said, “You are my brother Giovanni, and I love you. I will always be thankful to you for what you gave to me and Christina, but over the years our relationship has been strained. And from where I’m standing, it doesn’t look like we will ever reach a reconciliation, not even for Nicolette. This is why we are here to spend the holiday with you. You forced her hand, because you are constantly making her choose between us, and that is not fair to Nicolette.”

“You have blamed me and Christina for taking Nicolette to California all those years ago, and then when that animal hurt her, that was the beginning of the end of our relationship as brothers. You were enraged and blamed me for our girl getting hurt. You nearly choked me to death on sight. If I could, I would do anything to turn back the clock to prevent what happened to Nicolette, but we know that’s not possible. He left her broken, and we nearly lost her, but she came back to all of us and faced her fears head-on that day in the courtroom. I begged you not to go after him, and I know what that cost you. It’s still costing you, Jack, still consuming you. I see it every time I look into your eyes, and I don’t know if I will ever be able to see anything else.”

“Jack, I never understood your life back then, the choices you made, and the consequences of what you had to live with. I can’t imagine the stories you have deep in your soul. We are two different men. I know that, and I’m okay with it. What I’m not okay with is your hungered desire for revenge. You never forgave me for forcing your hand, changing who you are. Tell me that I’m wrong. Just tell me the truth!”

I responded, “And then what? What happens to us after I share my feelings with you, brother? As usual, you will not like what I have to say and then use it against me, further driving a wedge between me and Nicolette. I will tell you this: that is not going to happen. Over my dead body will I allow you to come between us. I’m so tired of your superior attitude and you rubbing your nose down at me like I’m trash. Yeah, Massimo, I have a past, and it was fucked up from the very beginning, but I survived it, and Nicolette has survived hers. I will never forget for as long as I breathe what that animal did to her. He marked her and scarred her with his manipulations and then his touch. I wanted him dead, that’s no fucking secret. But is he? No! Because I kept my promise to you and to my wife. As long as he is not a threat to her, I told you I would honor that promise. So fuck you for ever doubting my word. Fuck you for reminding me of the worst memory my brain and heart will never allow me to forget. Fuck you for constantly reminding me of what I gave you, but yet never allowing me to cherish what I gave you freely. You, Massimo, are always pushing me out, and I have to force myself back in.”

“You want to judge me for my past, Massimo? You do that then. You want to sever ties with your only brother, because you are not willing to move past our differences? Go right ahead. I don’t give a fuck any more. My world turned right yesterday when she walked through the door. My heart nearly burst with knowing that my beautiful Nickel is going to be a mother, a dream we didn’t think would ever be possible for her after all she has gone through. But God has blessed her, and I am going to be there for her, whether you like it or not.”

“Jack, I never pushed you out. You did that on your own with your desire for revenge. I know what you promised, but that doesn’t make me rest easy knowing that on the flip of a dime, you could change your mind and move forward with your threats to that animal. Don’t you see, Jack? I have to protect my family, even from you, if necessary. There’s no question in my mind that you don’t love Nicolette and would do anything to protect her and safeguard her happiness. That’s what scares me, Jack. I walk into your bar, and it feels like something out of ‘Goodfellas.’ You say you left that life years ago for a new one with Sara, and I believed you. I was proud of you, respected you, and trusted you. For a long time before we found our loves, all you and I had was each other. I will never forget all that you did for me, but I have to put some distance between us. I can no longer live under the black cloud of fear when it comes to what you may or may not do. He won’t be in prison for much longer, and I don’t know how much time is left on that promise. I’m sorry, Giovanni, but after today, I’m walking away and taking Nicolette with me.”