Annabella's Oblivion (Hard World Tour #1) (4 page)

“
I’m afraid,” I tried to whisper, but failed miserably. I could never keep my voice down.

“
Don’t. Hun, it’s just a school. I’ve been doing it for three years now and see, I’m not afraid.”

Nicky was older and had way more life experience than me, but I wasn’t impressed with the whole school thing. He had homework and did it at night after he made sure Daddy and Mommy were asleep.

There was good stuff, too. Sometimes he brought home food in his backpack, and that made me happy.

“
I have no friends.”

“
You’ll find one there.” This didn’t make me feel better either, because no matter how much I tried, other kids just didn’t like me. They called me names, and school was probably worse.

“
Hey, look at me.” He raised my chin with his finger, and I looked in his eyes, which were exactly like mine. “You’re a good kid, munchkin. What’s not to like about you?” He took something from his pocket and gave it to me. “Look, I got it for you. Saved up something from the grocery shopping money.” It was a trinket with a small, pink teddy bear that was so beautiful I couldn’t stop staring at it. “He’ll bring you luck. He’ll be there with you when I can’t be, okay?” I nodded, and he took my hand and we entered the school bus together. He sat me down with him and joked with his friends for a moment before giving a friendly push to a kid with glasses, who was deep into his book. “Hey, Ryan, what’s up, man?”

The boy looked at him and smiled. “Nothing much, just reading.” His gaze then moved to me and I saw the prettiest blue eyes. He smiled shyly and I felt myself blush. “Hey there.” Before I could reply, I was interrupted.

“
Hey, Ryan, you nerd! Give me your notebook. I didn’t do my homework.” This voice was mean, just like its owner. I didn’t like that. Mean people made me afraid. I moved closer to Nick, my protector.

The boy tensed and blushed red, but said nothing and his hand went inside his backpack to take out what they asked for.

Oh no! It was like he couldn’t stand up himself if needed.

“
Stop,” Nicky said, and then turned his head to the mean boy. “Do your own homework, Ben. Stop picking on the new kid.” I didn’t know exactly what was happening, because it was the first time I was there, but the mean boy backed off right away and didn’t bother the nerdy guy.

It seemed like Nicky had authority.

“
Thank you,” the boy whispered.

“
No problem.”

That was my Nicky---protector of the weak.

I hugged the trinket closer to me and closed my eyes, because no matter where I was, he would always be with me.

That was my lucky trinket.

Annabella

Present, five days after Nick died

The weather was beautiful with a perfect sun and no rain in sight. There was a slow wind making the heat bearable. The grass, trees, and flowers were blooming, and it was almost a perfect picture for the beautiful artistic paintings Ariel loved so much. Birds were twittering and nature was having a good day.

Such a beautiful day for such a horrible occasion.

I stared at the body in the coffin while one of his coworkers gave a speech about how great he was; at least, that’s what I thought he was saying. I wasn’t listening to anything anyone said. The church was small, but lots of people came. I didn’t invite anyone. I had no idea who took that matter into their own hands and thought about all the details, but I didn’t care. I had no desire to plan such stuff anyway. So whoever did it, had my blessing to do whatever the fuck he or she wanted.

It was almost a week since he was gone, but I still couldn’t believe it and didn’t want to accept it. Even now, I was waiting for him to wake up and come to me.

Megan, his girlfriend, was sitting numbly with her parents, who comforted her. She tried reaching out to me, but I refused to talk.

The girls and Jeremy sat next to me looking worried, as though they expected for me to burst into tiny pieces at any moment.

Whatever.

I just wanted for the whole thing to be over with, so I could go to my room and fall asleep. It was all I did lately, sleep. At least it gave me some time to forget and let the oblivion take over. I could dream he was still alive. I went through his accident all the time, looked at the reports, and there was even a video from a road camera. My brother’s car was crushed by another. The other driver had lost control of the steering wheel, which led to the accident. They said it was no one’s fault, it was mechanical failure, and everyone was sorry.

I heard the other guy made it out and was alive.

His car was at fault, yet he was the one left to live.

I guess he was lucky.

His car killed my brother. What was fair about that?

How was I supposed to live with it? There simply was no escape from any of it or the pain. Was there anything to numb it?

I hated my dress, too, which was fucking itchy and black. Nick hated the color black, but had to deal with it as I was into rock and well, there was a lot of black in that lifestyle.

I would never wear anything black again and would burn this fucking dress, too.

Sam gently touched my arm, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“
Babe, you’re next,” she said softly, and I looked at her with confusion. What exactly did she mean by that?

“
At the podium. To say good-bye.” By the look of her, she hated to say this to me, but she probably had no other choice. I didn’t want to give a stupid speech. I hadn’t even prepared one to begin with. Everyone looked at me expectantly, and I rose from my seat and trudged up the stage. There was complete silence. I came closer to the body, but didn’t feel like touching it. He was cold, and the Nick I remembered was always warm.

I went to the microphone and took a deep breath. I saw all those people in front of me, waiting for me to make a speech, and there were even some reporters. Of course this would make a great news story for them.

My eyes focused on my feet while my mouth tried to say something, to break out with the right words, but couldn’t. None of them would ever understand what he was to me, so what was the point of explaining it?

I shook my head and escaped the podium, seeing several shocked expressions as I passed. Although I didn’t pay attention to anyone, I heard several loud calls for me. I ran from the ceremony with all my might and caught a cab. How it came to be here was a fucking surprise, but I was glad it was. Before anyone could get to me, I hopped inside.

“
I’m sorry, Nicky,” I whispered. As much as he was always there for me, I just couldn’t sit through the whole ceremony.

“
Where to?” Wasn’t that the perfect question? I wanted to go somewhere where I would be able to see him again, to a world where he was alive. Where everything was all right.

Suddenly, a thought slammed inside my head and I took out my cell, which thank God was with me, and scrolled down through the names. I dialed the number and waited for him to pick up.

“
Come on.” I glanced at the cab driver, who probably thought I was crazy. “Just a second.”

“
I have no problem as long as you pay.”

“
Don’t worry, I will.” If there was one thing I didn’t have to worry about, it was money. I was pretty much set for life.

Finally, the other line picked up and I heard a raspy and slightly high voice, which I usually couldn’t stand, but right now sounded like my perfect salvation.

“
Yeah?” the voice was groggy and indifferent.

“
Logan?”

“
Yeah?”

“
I need a dose.” He was silent for several seconds, probably surprised. After all, he was the one famous for loving drugs, but my band and I stayed the fuck away from it.

Not anymore.

“
Which one do you need?” Now he sounded business-like. Figures, the guy probably had no money left and would do anything for a bit of cash.

“
The one that makes me see things.” Whatever the fuck it was.

“
You got it, girl. Come see me at my place.” I finished the call and dictated the address to the cabbie before losing myself to the sights and sounds of New York. I had no idea what I was doing, but it would bring me my Nicky back.

Even if it was for a couple of moments.

Even if it cost me everything else in my life.

Two months later

“
Try the tune again, Sam,” Jane said as she made some notes on the paper while Sam and Ariel tried the beat on their instruments. I was sitting nearby on the couch trying to practice the song, but it wasn’t going well. My voice was slightly hoarse but still good. Well, at least for practice. And they didn’t push me because I hadn’t talked much since the accident.

The album was going well, not to mention we had the majority of the songs done anyway. We needed to have the album released before the big tour.

“
I don’t think it works. We need to change some of the lyrics.” Ariel took the pencil, pointed at some notes, and scribbled down comments before trying again on the keyboard. I had to admit, it sounded more pleasant than the one before.

“
Yep, this one is better.” She raised her arms and stretched. “I’m starving. You guys want to grab a bite?” She looked at the girls because all I did was stare at something behind her. I never cared much for food, and since the accident, I barely ate. Waste of time, really. I’d probably lost some weight, but I didn’t care.

“
How about you and Jane go grab something for us all?” There was some kind of message behind Sam’s suggestion, but I had no way to determine what. Before I knew it, we were left alone and she was sitting next to me.

“
How’re you holding up?” Gentle and soft, it wasn’t something I was used to seeing from her. She was usually the badass. I hated the way she was treating me, like I was made of glass.

“
I’m fine.” My constant reply these days. I figured out it was easier for people to hear.

“
You don’t talk much and don’t sing as well. You’ve lost weight. Maybe you can move in with me or I could—” Her words sent a jolt of panic through me and I grabbed her hand.

“
Please don’t. There is no need. I lost my brother. I’m allowed to be alone to deal with it.” Technically, I didn’t lose him, but no one could know what I was doing. I couldn’t have them in my house; they would stop me, and I didn’t need anyone anyway.

The only person I needed couldn’t be with me all the time. I asked them to leave me alone after the funeral and let me deal. Since I was showing up for every practice, they didn’t pressure me to live with someone who could keep an eye on me.

“
Bella—”

“
Sam, please.” My voice was pleading, but I didn’t give a shit. I wanted her to drop the idea. She gave me a hard stare and bit her lower lip as she took a deep breath.

“
If there was something bothering you, something you were struggling with, you would tell me, right?” She searched my eyes, but I gave nothing away. She wanted the truth, but lying was my only escape. The truth would hurt her, and I didn’t want that. She was my best friend and unfortunately, what I’d been doing for the last two months would destroy her like nothing else. I simply couldn’t disappoint her like that.

“
Of course, Sam. You would know.” She hesitated a second before giving in and hugging me. I closed my eyes. Her warmth made me want to cry and confess, but I couldn’t.

It was the only way for me to see him, and I wouldn’t give it up for anyone, not even for her and the girls.

It was the closest thing I had to Nick in my life.