Anna's Courage (Rose Island Book 1) (11 page)

Her teasing transported me back to being a teenager, and I buried my face in my hands and shook my head. “Can we
please
talk about something else? He’s here for Hailey’s appointment.” Standing, I tossed the ice pack into the sink.

Bianca opened the door, and Travis and Hailey stepped inside, followed by Nick, who wore jeans and a black T-shirt. He carried Gabby in a baby backpack, and her sweet face peaked over his shoulder, taking in everything.

My emotions exploded at the tender sight. Heat rose to my face, but I dismissed it by focusing on Travis. “How was school today? Everything go okay with your math test?”

“It was fine,” he answered.

Upon spotting Bianca, Gabby let out a squeal of delight and tried to climb out of the backpack. Fortunately, she was well secured and didn’t get far.

“Sorry, baby,” Bianca said, gathering her purse. “I know you want me to put more bows in your hair and take you to the bank, but I can’t stay. I need to run errands before my next client.”

I smiled at Hailey. “Are you ready for your haircut?”

“Yes, Miss Anna.” Hailey kept her head down as she took a seat in the salon chair. A horrible sadness clung to her, and while I knew a new hairstyle couldn’t erase her pain, I hoped I could at least make her feel better.

“Want to play a video game?” Travis asked Nick. “It’s in the kid room.”

Nick looked at me for permission.

“Go ahead. We’ll be okay without you. Travis, find the bucket of baby toys for Gabby, okay?”

“Right-O, Mommy-O,” he merrily answered, leading the way.

Nick glanced at Hailey before following Travis through the salon. From my station, I could see into the kid room, which contained a couch, TV, table, and several buckets of toys.

Travis had outgrown most of the toys, but whenever he came to work with me on a Saturday, he’d pull out the blocks and Lincoln Logs to build an enormous city. There was something innocent and sweet about toys that didn’t need charging or syncing.

Nick put Gabby on the floor with the laundry basket of brightly colored baby toys, then he took a seat on the couch and listened as Travis explained the game in minute detail. It was amazing how much my son could remember when it came to video games. If only he could be that passionate about his schoolwork.

Turning my attention to Hailey, I fingered the child’s tangled hair. Ivana never would have allowed her daughter to look like this. Nick cared about his nieces, but he probably didn’t realize he needed to remind Hailey to wash and brush her hair every day.

I smiled at Hailey’s reflection in the mirror. “What are you looking for today? A trim like last time, or would you like something different?”

Hailey avoided my gaze in the mirror. “Will you give me a bob, so it’s shorter in the back and comes to about here?” She placed her hands just below her chin.

I swallowed. “Like your mom wore it?”

She looked at me, her eyes hesitant. “Yes.”

Patting her shoulder, I nodded. “We can definitely do that.”

We headed back to the sinks, and as I shampooed Hailey’s hair, I listened to Nick and Travis laughing about blowing up some building. I’d never understood the attraction to video games, and I had no idea why Travis and Jillian’s boys found so much joy in destroying things.

Even before Marcus died, I’d been opposed to anything that glorified violence, including video games and toy guns. My father had taught me how to shoot, and I often went with Marcus to the rifle range, so I wasn’t opposed to guns. I just didn’t believe they should be used as toys.

Then I’d had Travis, a boy through and through, who could turn a paper plate or church hymnal into a gun. I’d struggled with his attraction to weapons but Marcus had finally won me over.

“It’s instinct,” he’d insisted. “You have to let the boy be a boy. Just because he enjoys destroying things doesn’t mean he’s a psychopath.”

Judging by how Nick and Travis were shooting it up in the game room, it was obvious Nick felt the same way. Travis must’ve made an impressive move because Nick gave him a high five and said, “Way to go, buddy!”

My pulse thudded. What would it be like to have a man in my life? A man like Nick? A man who could be not just a husband to me, but a good father to Travis? And what would I be willing to sacrifice in order to have that?

I’d loved Marcus so much, but I’d been young, naïve, and fearless. Could I ever love another man with the reckless abandon of youth?

Nick’s kindness and confidence spoke to my heart. Last night, I’d dreamt about him again and had awoken eager to see him. Maybe I should follow Bianca’s advice and open my heart to a little romance. I wouldn’t mind a candlelit dinner or a walk on the beach at sunset with Nick.

In the end, however, the result would be another broken heart. And this time, I feared I might never recover.

“Miss Anna?” Hailey asked. “Are you all right?”

I turned off the water. “Sure, sweetheart. I’m fine. I was just lost in my own thoughts.”

“Oh.” She lifted her head so I could wrap a towel around her wet hair. “For a moment, you looked really sad.”

I gave her shoulder a motherly pat, and we walked back to the station in silence. I spent a long time painstakingly combing out her hair, careful not to pull on the tangles. “I’ll send home some conditioner with you. If you use it after you shampoo your hair, it will be easier to brush.”

“Okay,” she said.

I separated her hair into layers and began cutting it. “I think it’s going to look so pretty.”

She stared at the floor. “I hope so.”

Nick

When the baby
grew fussy, I excused myself from the video game. I made a bottle and carried Gabby through the salon to check on Hailey.

“You can have a seat here,” Anna said, motioning to the empty chair beside her.

I sat and stared down at Gabby as she drank the bottle. I loved how her eyes closed and her body grew heavy as she drifted off to sleep. Often, she rewarded me with a sleepy smile, which I found encouraging. Maybe I was doing okay when it came to caring for her.

In contrast, Hailey never smiled in her sleep. I knew that because I always checked on her before going to bed. Last night, I’d found all three puppies snuggled under the covers with her. Even then, her hands were balled into fists and her brow was deeply furrowed.

Should I be doing more to help her cope with the death of her parents? I’d mistakenly told my father Hailey was seeing a grief counselor. Jack had disapproved, insisting most quacks were quacks themselves. I didn’t dare admit I’d not only seen a shrink last year, but I’d found the session worthwhile.

Admitting you needed help wasn’t a sign of weakness. At least, that’s what I’d told my men after we’d lost one of our own to suicide.

The first time I’d seen the psychologist, I’d felt foolish talking about my personal problems.

Yes, I obviously had issues with commitment stemming from being abandoned by my mother and ignored by my father. Yes, losing buddies in battle continued to haunt me. Yes, I felt personally responsible for the suicide in my unit even though the soldier had been under medical care.

Regardless of how difficult I’d found the session, however, I’d left with some coping skills and had been motivated to return. Lately, I’d been thinking about making an appointment for myself on Rose Island. I thought it might be helpful to talk to someone about losing my brother.

Living in Ethan and Ivana’s home, surrounded by all their personal belongings, wasn’t easy. Part of me wanted to box up everything and forget they’d ever existed. Yet, how could I do that when Hailey seemed comforted by her parents’ things? Whenever she was feeling particularly sad, I’d often find her curled up in her mother’s bathrobe or wearing one of her father’s baseball caps.

Yesterday’s trip to the adoption agency had been tough. Reading about all the couples who desperately wanted a child of their own had disturbed me, making me question my decision to put the girls up for adoption. Was it wrong for me to think about keeping them myself?

Last night, Hailey made dinner for us. She’d set the table with Ivana’s fine china and a vase containing wilted flowers from the funeral. As we enjoyed our meal of cereal, carrot sticks, and chocolate chip cookies, we’d talked about how best to train the puppies and what we should name them. I thought since Travis had Yoda, our puppies should have
Star Wars
names as well, but Hailey insisted on Liesl, Friedrich, and Louisa. Names from the
Sound of Music,
a movie I’d secretly come to love almost as much as
Star Wars
.

How was I supposed to turn my back on all this? How was I supposed to sign the papers giving custody to someone else?

Yet, how could I assume responsibility when I didn’t have the skills required to be a parent?

I’d often wondered if my mother had been mentally ill. How else had she been able to so easily abandon her children?

And my father? Since the funeral, Jack had called only once, and that was because
Gina
wanted me to bring the girls to Dallas for Thanksgiving. What kind of normal grandfather ignored his granddaughters after their world had been turned upside down?

Then again, maybe I was the one with the mental illness. Maybe I was too soft and needed to accept the fact the girls were better off living with someone else. Besides, even if I wanted to keep them, I couldn’t abdicate my military obligation.

To drive that point home, my commanding officer had called this morning, asking if I had any interest in being an aide to General Sanchez. Any interest? Of course! I’d met Sanchez during Officer Basic Course when the superior officer, then Colonel Sanchez, had taken an interest in me. We’d run into each other again at graduation and several other times over the years. If I could serve as the general’s aide, that would put me in a prime position for further advancement.

And that’s what I needed to focus on. Any thoughts of domestic bliss needed to be forgotten because the girls required more than I could give right now. They
deserved
more than I could give. Tonight, I’d force myself to look through the list of possible families and find a home for Hailey and Gabby.

The sound of Anna turning off the blow dryer broke my musings. She spun the chair around and gave Hailey a handheld mirror to see the back of her hair.

“Well, what do you think?” Anna asked, obviously pleased with the results.

Hailey’s lip began to tremble, a sure sign she was about to cry. Just as I predicted, her hand shot to her face, and she burst into tears.

Anna turned ashen. “Oh, Hailey. I’m sorry. I can change it. Tell me what you want, and I’ll change it.”

I stood, careful not to wake Gabby. “It’s okay,” I told Anna, squeezing her arm. Then I squatted so I was eye level with my niece. “Don’t cry, honey. Anna said she’d change it for you. Tell her what you want, okay?”

Hailey shook her head and wiped her eyes. She lifted the mirror and turned her head from side to side. Her previously tangled blond hair was now cut in a way that looked healthier. Anna had applied some sort of gel to make it smooth and shiny.

“I like it,” Hailey said, giving a brave smile. “It’s just—”

The bell above the door jingled as Bianca entered the salon. “Oh my goodness,” she squealed, catching sight of Hailey’s new hairstyle. “Don’t you look just like your mother. That bob is fabulous on you. Fabulous!”

I worried Bianca’s observation would set off a round of fresh tears, but Hailey smiled, swooshing her head from side to side. “I asked Anna to cut it like my mom’s.”

“Well, she did an amazing job,” Bianca said. “You look just like your beautiful mother.”

I lifted Gabby to my shoulder and patted her back. “You really do look pretty, Hailey.”

Hailey beamed with pride. She looked at me, hesitating just a moment before flinging herself at me. Wrapping her arms around me tightly, she said, “Thanks, Uncle Nick. Thanks for bringing me to get my hair cut.”

My heart swelled so big, I thought it might burst. And that’s when I realized I’d do pretty much anything for this little girl’s happiness.

*

On Tuesday evening,
I could barely keep my eyes open. Gabby hadn’t slept well the night before, and she’d missed her afternoon nap. When she finally went down before dinner, I allowed myself a quick siesta on the couch.

“I’ll make us something to eat in about half an hour,” I called to Hailey who was working on her homework in the office.

“Can I play on your computer when I finish my math assignment?”

“Sure,” I said, grateful Anna had showed me how the parental controls worked on my laptop. “Just wake me up in thirty minutes, okay?”

I collapsed on the couch only intending to sleep a few minutes. When I awoke, however, it was dark outside, and the house was silent. I called Hailey’s name, but she didn’t answer.

Upstairs, I searched the bedrooms, slightly concerned I couldn’t find her. In the past, she’d always responded right away, but maybe she was in Gabby’s room. Quietly, I pushed open the door to the nursery.

When I didn’t see Hailey, a sickening feeling took hold of me. My heart began to beat faster, and as my eyes adjusted to the dark room, fear shot through me. Not only was Hailey not there, but I couldn’t see Gabby.